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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 3:36:37 PM | Rocket Scientist I am Not...lol Did have the double sonic boom rattle the windows yesterday when the Endevor Landed...
MeloFelo.. those younger women that you are talking about are usually the second marriage.. or the rebound marriage... and if the man finds his bearings soon enough he is not saddled with another family to support. The third marriage is usually a longterm marriage.. that eventually died a slow death of disinterest by one or both of the parties.. and I have found.. did not culminate in children.
As for my winnowing process... I go through the usual.. email, phone call and then it is the meeting... it is the meeting that my fellows drop the ball.. they have me charmed enough to accept the date... or take the bait only to find they are not who they were on the telephone... lol!!! And as I stated before... I may think it could be romantic, might fantasize a little about the men but it is keeping my head on straight that helps keep me away from loosers... I haven't said I haven't met some very nice men... not above "dating" either to see... but if the other shoe drops I am old enough to cut my losses quickly so that I can get back into the fray of dating.... I have gotten hurt I am not without feelings... and after being single almost 20 years I hope I have been able to define who and what I want from a relationship... And as you have mentioned before.. Great Sex is a factor...lol!!!! But it takes a lot of fishies to find my catch!!!!
I only wish the men who do email us, talk to us on the phone.. did not turn into bankers on the first meeting.... they are so wound up... I wonder where they left their minds....rotf!!! That is why I always plan an activity date.. a walk.. or something away from the across the table type of meeting... and that way .. I can see if there is a Physical Attraction.. or it was just a phone attraction.... no more or less.....haven't had any comments other than they wanted to meet again... so I guess my way is working..
And truthfully I'm a lot more fun to talk to than this..... Rotf!!!
Girlflower | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 4:14:52 PM | Melo Fellow what you wrote about getting center and feeling like you still matter to the opposite sex could have been written by any number of woman here. The older woman younger man thing is pretty much the same thing. She just wants to feel she still has it. she just wants to knew that she is still sexy and attractive.
Girl flower. has to be near sebastian inlet right? Asa much younger man I did some surfing down that way. Still have friends that live in that area south of Melbourne in floridana beach Now words of wisdom stop dating bean counters! Everyone knows that artist make the most creative lovers:laugh
I had a rocket scientist joke but I'll save that for another time. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 4:41:11 PM | girl flower never had checked out your profile until a moment ago. Just wanted to say hi from one floridian to another. at least one living there. please excuse the off topic but there was a limit on your profile and I could not reply to your email addy. sorry people.
Mound | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 5:36:29 PM |
I only wish the men who do email us, talk to us on the phone.. did not turn into bankers on the first meeting.... they are so wound up... I wonder where they left their minds....rotf!!! That is why I always plan an activity date.. a walk.. or something away from the across the table type of meeting... and that way .. I can see if there is a Physical Attraction..
I wasn't being critical. I was merely trying to provoke thought, based on what I thought you said, that "all" the men you meet are like that. If it's only "some", there's no way to escape the occasional "bad date", no matter how well you pre-screen, unless you give up, or find "the one" and are out of the "hunt". I've had my share too, along the way.
Judging from your observations about 2nd and 3rd marriages, I guess that I should count myself even luckier than I have, to have known, at a deep level, that I wasn't about to marry a woman less than half my age. It was fun at times to date inappropriately young women, and I had some experiences I wouldn't have otherwise. It was also a look into insanity, and in doing that, discovering some of my own s*h*i*t that I had spent a lifetime ignoring. Finding those things, was part of "preparing" for "getting serious", and returning to looking among women, who might possibly be a real life, long term match. I don't regret the "phase". It was part of discovery, and as I said, growth and preparation. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:03:54 AM | | Stargazer, Maybe this is what you find in dating, but it doesn't follow what I date. I don't date younger women. I prefer to converse with women my own age, and yes conversation is part of a relationship too! Aside from the obvious physical differences of age (and yes we both have them), I want someone I can relate with! | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:05:19 AM | I am healthy, fit, active and I want a the same in a woman. My age is fine but it's tough when people find out a work out like a 30 year old (with 30 year olds by the way). When using the "seek features" on POF, for example, I keep the filters set somewhere between 45 and 70.
I have a young son and often women of my own age aren't interested in a man my age with a teen ager in the home.
I occasionally look to see if there are younger women seeking older men but in fact that's more to do with the level of activity I maintain and the likelihood of finding someone my age who I can really do things with. I would be happiest, I am sure, with a woman of my age who isn't intimidated by the levels at which I am active. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 10:33:50 AM | There are a few up here.
A few I have looked at around my age range, although very attractive, are far more active then I am. They are into various sports etc. Not a good match.
It seems that the older you get, the harder it is to get a good match. But I'll bet if the results were looked at realistically, it was likely always so. As you get older and wiser(????), you know what you want, and tend not to settle for less. You have been there, and done that, and discovered that it did not work...most of the time. Odds are also better that when the right person comes along, you will not let them slip through your fingers. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:41:08 AM |
There are a few up here.
A few I have looked at around my age range, although very attractive, are far more active then I am. They are into various sports etc. Not a good match.
I can't agree with that part totally, because I'm normally more active than someone my age.
It seems that the older you get, the harder it is to get a good match. But I'll bet if the results were looked at realistically, it was likely always so. As you get older and wiser(????), you know what you want, and tend not to settle for less. You have been there, and done that, and discovered that it did not work...most of the time. Odds are also better that when the right person comes along, you will not let them slip through your fingers.
Now this part I can agree with because I find this being truefor the most part.
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 4:55:15 PM | | I think both men and women tend to look for those who haven't "fallen apart" --either physically or intellectually -- yet and have some grace to them. A "Audrey Hepburn" twice my age (well almost) would be more fun than a "Rosie O'Donnell" half my age. I think as women age elegance becomes more important than beauty and an elegant woman, no matter the age, will gain my attention. While I have often used the "excuse" of age to turn a woman down, more often than not, it was a matter of perceived elegance regardless of whether they were older or younger. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:14:08 PM | Older women have more grace than younger women. We have encountered more situations and either handled them with grace and dignity or have learned from the experiences . It is a matter of life experience. Something that younger women have not experienced.
As a very young woman and teenager I traveled and lived abroad.. so I guess I feel comfortable in almost any situation. I've read many posts by fantastic women who have other experiences.. and think any man would be lucky if they would consent to spend time with them. It's not a matter of the size of the panty hose... boys!
Personally I've always prided myself on being able to look like town and country even when I'm digging a hole for a rose bush. The grace comes from not paying any attention to the scratches and the blood it entails. lol!
I do believe not giving a woman of a certain age the opportunity to meet you because she may have a few pounds is a disservice to women. I personally live a simple life. now. and feel out of place with the fellows who are looking to go to some elegant restaurant to dine. I gave up that folly a while back and now prefer a more casual man over the suit and tie. Maybe I should post my photo in my overalls...lol!!
It's all a matter of where you are at.. in the moment of your life as to whom you will find as a graceful or dignified or elegant woman. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. especially after 40.. for most 40-60 years old men. A compatability of spirit.
It is a matter of different strokes for different folks... afterall I do look to see what type of shirt a man is wearing in his photo.. and can tell a trailer picture from a house... lol... maybe I'm more of a snob that I thought...
Girlflower | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:34:00 PM |
Older women have more grace than younger women. We have encountered more situations and either handled them with grace and dignity or have learned from the experiences .
Some older women do, and there is nothing as beautiful as a woman over 40, who feels and looks feminine. Women, who have survived the challenges in life, and grown in wisdom and strength from them, who retains her overall optimism about life, are wonderful partners, as a man enters into a new relationship.
On the other hand, women who internalize every bad experience, hang onto every grievance, and become angry, bitter, and suspicious are like voluntarily exposing oneself to a contagious disease. To be avoided at all costs.
Older women have more grace than younger women. We have encountered more situations and either handled them with grace and dignity or have learned from the experiences . It is a matter of life experience. Something that younger women have not experienced.
As a very young woman and teenager I traveled and lived abroad.. so I guess I feel comfortable in almost any situation. I've read many posts by fantastic women who have other experiences.. and think any man would be lucky if they would consent to spend time with them. It's not a matter of the size of the panty hose... boys!
Personally I've always prided myself on being able to look like town and country even when I'm digging a hole for a rose bush. The grace comes from not paying any attention to the scratches and the blood it entails. lol!
I do believe not giving a woman of a certain age the opportunity to meet you because she may have a few pounds is a disservice to women. [/qoute]
Wrong, wrong wrong!!!!! No one is "entitled" to anyone else's interest, in terms of pursuing a relationship, and everyone has a right to his/her preferences, when it comes to the underlying attraction of a man to a woman. It's not just, or always, weight. It can be height, hair color, religion, having children, whatever. You, girlflower, can prefer men to be certain things, and so long as you are capable of attracting men you are interested in, you aren't committing a "disservice" to the other men. Dating and relationships are not about "political correctness", or "fairness" in terms of attraction. They are what they are, and you ignore your own preferences, at your, and a date's, peril. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 6:30:03 PM |
I think as women age elegance becomes more important than beauty and an elegant woman, no matter the age, will gain my attention.
Well said, prof48. Elegance in both men and women is timeless, and covers a multitude of imperfections. A man in his 40's who portrays elegance is every bit as attractive and irresistably sexy as a man in his 60's. I think the perfect term is a "Renaissance Man". I've come to the conclusion, that there are very few of those around.
The benefits of elegance are sensuality, genuine kindness, and the banishment of any kind of temper tantrum, and a great respect for everyone's dignity, including your own. Think about people such as Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Ricardo Montalban, Pierce Brosnan and even the fictional James Bond.... elegant people all.
Crudity just doesn't cut it for me any more, and I find too much crudity in men - and women today. I think they've lost the art of subtlety, mystery, romance and putting themselves out to please the OTHER person, rather than just themselves.
I guess all that makes me sound like an old-fashioned prude... which couldn't be further from the mark, but I do believe in values. That's what I test out when I am getting to know someone. A lack of values shows up right off the bat, no matter the age of the person. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 6:37:25 PM | Point taken... but I do not discriminate against a man with a few extra pounds... I've already been through the overweight husband and know with a good woman showing an interest in his diet.. and his health a man can loose the weight... and be more healthy and sexy... so I may or may not be attracted to blue or brown eyes.. things that cannot be changed.. it does not eliminate a man in my book who has been alone for a while and eating ice cream in front of the television for a few years...lol!!! And the same should go for a woman who may have been experiencing a low in her life.... personally I enjoy sharing physical activity with my partner.. and it is one of my profile Wants...
I do ask about diet and other habits when I find a man appealing.. on a spiritual and emotional level.. because I do not eat fried foods and don't want a man who only consumes a diet I do not cook... As well I ask about illnesses .. I've been through the years of taking care of an elderly parent and would like to start out again with a healthy man...
Attraction for me is on a deeper level than just the superficial level of looks.
Girlflower | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 6:43:44 PM |
Attraction for me is on a deeper level than just the superficial level of looks.
Girlflower, you're my age, so I thought you'd know that "boys and girls are different", and in more ways than just "plumbing". That's not to say that physical attraction doesn't play a role for women too. I'm a father of two daughters, and I've heard them talking about guys. LOL
For a typical man, though, being physically attracted is foundational to being able to sexually function. If a man isn't turned on, his "pride and joy" can't be counted on to reliably "rise to the occasion", and by simple definition, romantic love includes sexual attraction.
I can be friends with anyone, and physical appearance doesn't matter. One of my daughters is heavy, and I love her with all my heart. When it comes to pursuing a romantic relationship, though, I can't get "into" it with a woman who weighs more than I do. No point in trying, and it's wrong for someone to "judge" that as "superficial". It is what it is, and I don't "owe" my interest to anyone, and who I am interested in is an "animal" response in part, not a "reasoned" choice. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 6:52:03 PM | Well that is too bad... but it is not necessarily true for all men.... some men are seeking more in a woman that just the physical attraction... afterall all cats are grey in the dark....lol!!!!
Once you've seen one you've seen them all..... I find a brain is a far more sexier object in the long run..... if it were just a matter of physical attraction there wouldn't so many ugly women making money on the streets..... hahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Touche'
We are loosing the subject here... Sorry... Girlflower
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:28:51 PM |
If a man isn't turned on, his "pride and joy" can't be counted on to reliably "rise to the occasion", and by simple definition, romantic love includes sexual attraction.
My god am I the only one who sees a huge problem here? Now a Male member is a mans Pride and Joy, thanks I have not laughed that much for a long time. Please someone tell me I am not the only one who sees the problem/humor here.  | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:51:27 PM | My god am I the only one who sees a huge problem here? Now a Male member is a mans Pride and Joy, thanks I have not laughed that much for a long time. Please someone tell me I am not the only one who sees the problem/humor here.
Well that is too bad... but it is not necessarily true for all men.... some men are seeking more in a woman that just the physical attraction
Sometimes I feel as if I've stepped through the looking glass, where things are very different from the way they are in the "real world".
If it's controversial to say that men care about how women look, and that it's visual, then I guess I'm wrong. Maybe I'm different from you, but I'm attracted to a woman's physical appearance. If other men are attracted to how well she thrifts or shops for shoes, that's cool. It's just not like men I know.
The dictionary definition that defines love, makes it clear that romantic love includes sexual attraction, but if others prefer to deny that, and pretend that being 'great friends" is enough for a "relationship", that's fine.
I am unabashedly upfront about things, though. I am attracted to physically attractive women, but I care, also, about personality, intelligence, and sensuality. Truth be told, I'm only interested, even marginally, in about 5% of women, but that still left a lot of women to find attractive, prior to finding "the one" who has captured all my interest.
So, tell yourselves, if you like, that it's about whatever you want it to be. Most men will still be men, and men are as they are, regardless of what some women, and some girly men, try to pretend we "should" be. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:42:24 PM | | Well, again, I'm a woman who cares about how a man looks. I have absolutely no desire to "do" someone I'm not physically attracted to. I might be very attracted to their brain, and sure...maybe in the dark their physical attractiveness might not matter as much..but damned if I'm going to say "Hey baby..turn out the lights so I don't notice that I'm NOT attracted to you." I'd like to do someone in the morning light in the breakfast nook...and not have to wait until the lights are out. So maybe I'm a man. I'll check later. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:04:02 AM | Not taken as I meant... There must be an attraction first.. in all areas I just do not turn away from a partner who needs three months of after dinner walks.. and I'm somebody who cares enough to say... Baby.. let's have a piece of cantalope instead of ice cream for tonights snack... I'm saying that women have a more forgiving nature and are more willing to put more effort into a man she finds loving and caring and wanting to be hers... we are inclined to overlook imperfections in the looks department knowing a good guy when we meet him.... sex can be very rewarding when you both share the goal of being in shape..... I didn't stop loving my Ex when he gained weight .. I helped him get back to where he was and better.... as an act of love.
I just am saying that many women over 40 are being overlooked because men are as One here keeps pointing out... attracted to Only the physical appearance of women to be sexually attracted.... not every woman on Earth is Gina Lolobridgida... and even if she started out that way... the years may have taken a toll... but her spirit is still the same sexy broad she was in her prime. A once sexy mind does not disappear with the years... maybe the prettiest face is not all that interested in sex... the outward appearances can be a lie too.. If a man only uses appearance as a guage for his being aroused... he is missing a great part of who a woman truly is. And can be fooled into "seeing" only what he wants to see...
I believe men are just as picky at 40-60 that they claim we woman are... and are using that old saw for an excuse not to seek women in their own age group... It has become a case of the Pot calling the Kettle Black... when in the dating world...
I personally find men very interesting and value the differences each man has to offer. It may be why the men I have befriended in my life are still my friends and still want to take me out without the physical involvement... even years after we departed the sexual arena.... sure they'd love to crawl back into the sack with me.. but accept that that is history.... and that I deserve more than just a roll in the hay...They just have fond memories of when I was that new divorcee out to have a blast and trying to regain some ground lost in all the years of stale marriage. Maybe I'm nieve but I do believe we all go through a post relationship stage... for me it got very old very quickly..!
As for the kitchen nook... I'd love to have someone to hang on the countertop tomorrow morning.. but Baby.. he's going to have more than a pretty face..hard body to get me there.....lol! Not the same for a Man it seems.. any pretty face and hard body will do according to one of the guys... and he's Involved Already.. not available.. and if he wasn't.. well since he's only into Sex Sex Sex he wouldn't be for me anyway (then again maybe not since he's posting here all the time!)
I could never pick a men by the Paint by Numbers Way descibed here... winnowing men down by the pros and cons of a balance sheet... hum he has better abs versus he has great thighs.. or wow that one has great hair or writes a good email.. and chats me up and mentions his attributes in the sack..hum let's see .. go on a date and pick the one who tweaks my... never have found that works in the long run for a good relationship..... I'm just not seeking a fling.. already flung...rotf!
Anyway it is a big world.. and afterall it is different strokes for different folks.. otherwise one man would be getting all the action...
Girlflower | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:58:22 AM | I've been reading all these comments about looks and sex appeal, the wished for and the nit picking, wondering where all of this can possibly lead?
Is it me or hasn't anyone else noticed that we are not 30 anymore.... and made peace with that?!
We are balding, sagging, lumpy and gimpy, whether it's bowling ball bellies or fat ass*s, scrawny necks or whippet legs, in shape or out of shape....we are all getting old, there is no going back, no matter what magic mirror you're looking through! I see you and you see me.
So the question is, when are we going to stop dealing with these aging husks and start thinking of the qualities, the very essence of a persons spirit, with the wisdom we've gained through experience, of all those mistakes that we've made were for a reason...I get it, don't you?
Right now we have the chance to finally make it right, to stop the BS, to be truly present and accepting of another human being without the programming we were brought up with, isn't that what most of us have done up until now? Money/ cars or good girls/ bad girls, jocks or nerds, shy or extroverted, selfish or open. Can't we be the positive, present human beings we were meant to be, living in respect and compassion for our differences?
We have the opportunity to live today as if it were our last...because it almost is!
So LOVE, seek it, GRAB IT, be there! Risk everything for it, this is the one thing you 'can' take with you...a loving heart lives forever. Does it really matter if they're tall or short, fat or thin or how many other things we use as excuses for not going there... haven't we hidden from it long enough? | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/24/2007 8:45:55 AM |
Not the same for a Man it seems.. any pretty face and hard body will do according to one of the guys... and he's Involved Already.. not available.. and if he wasn't.. well since he's only into Sex Sex Sex he wouldn't be for me anyway (then again maybe not since he's posting here all the time!)
Girlflower, it's not about "me" specifically, but to allay any concerns you may have, the woman with whom I am now in a relationship is in the forums also, and reads everything I post. It's how we grew interested in each other. We live 150 miles apart, close enough for weekends for now, but during the week, we're at a physical distance, and we kind of enjoy the forums.
Also, there is a consistent misstatement of things that men say about "attraction" being a foundational requirement for dating or exploring a relationship. No, it's not about "sex, sex, sex" or wanting to "do" every woman with a pretty face and hard body. It's an "order of priority" thing to say that without sexual attraction, then all those other things don't matter, because they aren't relevant.
Analogies always get picked apart, but to use one anyway. If you were looking for a job, you would have an income range that you would need to have, regardless of anything else. You wouldn't take a job, just because the income is right, if all the other aspects, including the intrinsic enjoyment of the job, weren't there too. On the other hand, no matter how enjoyable the job or great the benefits, if the income available were not sufficient to your needs, you'd never even interview. If the income were supposed to be sufficient, but the check never came, once you started, or you were told that it would come in 6 months, you wouldn't stay.
Dating is like that too. If the attraction isn't there, it isn't. If it isn't, then what's the point? Likewise with sex as part of intimacy. By itself, it's not enough, but without it, all the rest can't make up for what's missing. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/24/2007 3:51:15 PM |
well since he's only into Sex Sex Sex he wouldn't be for me anyway (then again maybe not since he's posting here all the time!)
This is something that always bemuses me.
No matter how many times it gets repeated and shown that just because many men put a priority on sex that doesn't mean that is all they are interested in.
Yet we have these over abundance of women who keep spouting the same rhetoric no matter how incorrect it has been shown to be.
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:03:23 PM | | I guess the question is " Why would want to date someone who decriminates by age." The other question is why are younger females willing to go out with older males. I guess it depends on what you are seeking. If you want someone for the rest of your life you want the whole package. Young pretty thing s can hold my attention for so long. If they don't have the whole package they're out on the curb pretty quick. I think it's only a small majority of men that really want younger women. So don't throw all the apples away cause of one bad one. maybe you can turn the tables like Demi Moore. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:51:31 PM | Melo, your explanation really makes sense to me. After my divorce, I dated all kinds of men. Actually, I wanted to date men that were completely different from my ex-husband, and those included much older and younger men. I eventually also came back to earth and have found home with a man my age.
Just curious, could you expand on your statement that dating women closer to your age was like running into a buzz saw? What about dating women your age was difficult for you to handle? | |
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