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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:29:31 PM |  Garance....sorry if your feelings were hurt. I agree...noone has the right to take an opinion (after all..it is JUST an opinion!) of another and attack over it...but hey, 'tis Human Nature...unfortunately.
I believe it can often be difficult to express meanings, feelings, etc via a keyboard. Most are not able to express humor, irony, joking, without the use of those stoooopid icons (I so love to use.)..  
I read your posts...and do comprehend your observations...and that's what they were. YOUR observations. But at times, your writing style comes across as a wee bit arrogant and self-possessed. More than likely, not your intention at all. But I (and could be way off track here) think some folks were irritated and chose to attack.
I say...lighten up...and take NOT ONE WORD personally on ANY Forum!!EVER!
(Unless it is your heart's love saying it to you, who cares?)
Opinions. Everyone has one. Take it from me. I have many...and oh so few...
Take care! | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:38:53 PM |
After all is said and done I just want to go on record as saying there is no excuse for personal attacks -under any circumstances- as far as I’m concerned. There was nothing malicious or spiteful in what I said and there was no reason that anyone had to figuratively beat me up over my perfectly valid observations.
To the best of my knowledge, I never said anything to you that could be construed as a "personal attack". I merely disagreed with some of your generalizations, and I pointed out that your "statistic" about "80% of men on POF have motorcycles" was ludicrous. It was also wholly unnecessary for you to ridicule a hobby that some men enjoy, by saying that it "shows" that "80% of men" (by implication) are living their second childhoods.
Had you felt it necessary to say anything at all about motorcycles, you could have said that you see "a lot of men with motorcycles on here", and that they frighten you, so you wouldn't be a match.
As I also said earlier, when you generalize about "all men", or extend something that is important to many men about women, and then say it's "all" they care about, you are going to trigger a counter-reaction. So, for example, if I were to say (which I'm not) that "80% of the women on POF are opinionated and difficult, which reflects that they must be "issue laden", just because of your posts, there would be push back from many women.
So, if you meant it, when you said in your profile, that you are "non-confrontational" and try to practice the golden rule, it might help you to take a look at what you said, and how others reacted, rather than immediately go on into an aggressive defense, that you never say anything that a reasonable person could possibly disagree with, because your observations are "valid". Really? Want to rest the validity of everything you said on your "statistic" that 80% of men on POF have motorcycles? | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:42:37 PM | Melo...THOSE were probably the emails she has been getting! Guys caressing their Big Bikes THAT is probably where the 80% came from.
Just sayin | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/12/2007 4:13:38 PM |
THOSE were probably the emails she has been getting! Guys caressing their Big Bikes THAT is probably where the 80% came from.
Just sayin
It may well be. I think we all need to be careful, when remarking on general observations of what we've found to be true of "most women" or "most men" in our personal lives, so as not to have it process as harsh and negative. At points along the way in the forums, I have been careless in saying "women" this or "women" that, without modifying it with "in my experiecence, most" . When there has been "blow back" as a result of something I've said carelessly, that came across as overly general, I have accepted the constructive criticism, and made an effort in the future not to give unintended offense.
If someone, in response to what starts out as mild disagreement with a statement or opinion of someone else, becomes militantly defensive, it sort of escalates the discussion into something unpleasant.
In any case, I remember in the early part of this thread, that a number of men, including me, mentioned that running into women close to our age, who were "hostile, aggressive, and difficult", was contrasted by the relative ease of connecting with much younger women, with whom there was a dynamic that could often be, initially, much less difficult.
This thread went around and around about that, and I have chosen now, to be in a relationship with someone who is in her 40s, because there are a lot of good things that are missing, in terms of life context, with a much younger person. It's not my intention to resurrect the controversy, other than to say, running into a few "militantly defensive, aggressively judgmental" women close to my age, early on in reentering the dating world, was part of why, for a time, that I made an internal "generalization" about women over 40. It wasn't fair or valid, of course, but that exchange vividly reminds me of all that. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/12/2007 4:20:20 PM | Um..Melo...believe me, I "get" your prolific posts, and do enjoy many...but...but..BUT...it often seems you leave FUN and HUMOR outside the back door!
No flame meant...just a small personal "observation".... Heh. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/12/2007 5:04:03 PM |
it often seems you leave FUN and HUMOR outside the back door!
No flame meant...just a small personal "observation".
It's a valid observation. My sense of humor, in person, is primarily dry wit and ironic humor. It's hard to translate online, and prone to be misunderstood. Still, if I were in the "seeking" mode, I'd have to work at it, because if it comes across as always being "deadly serious", that's not my internal truth, but how things are perceived, will be the truth for others.
To be honest, the woman I'm involved with is also in the forums, and we have a lot of fun with some of the "issue laden" posts. You know, like, when I put my arms around her, asking her "are you sure you wouldn't rather go thrifting or shopping for shoes?".
I'll try to be more aware, though, of becoming a drudge. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 7:52:32 AM | Yes, you are right, the statistic was based upon what I experienced, which I tried to make clear in my first posting. Also this so called Mellow Fellow is a pedantic egotist who took my comments out of context and continued to slam me and preach to me about being careful and non-confrontational. What a hypocrite, I can see why he's divorced! No self-respecting woman could stand being with him for any length of time.
My feelings are not at all hurt, but I am disappointed that the people here don't appreciate my views and apparently take exception with my writing style, as well. Tragically, my wonderful and caring husband, of 27 years died, and after a few years I felt it was time to start dating again.
The men I have encountered on this site are uniformly unsuitable specimens. Primarily fat slobs who feel they deserve slender pretty women, or illiterate nitwits who wouldn't know how to converse with an intelligent person. Sad, but TRUE. If this revelation makes me out to be arrogant and self-possessed, by people who don't even know me, well, that says a lot about the caliber of people on the site, in general.
We all make generalizations and some of the generalizations are TRUE. Those who can't recognize this and accept it are just plain stupid. Because the forums here are simply glorified hen parties and the majority of the people on this site apparently don't have a life I'm canceling my membership. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:10:37 AM |
I am disappointed that the people here don't appreciate my views and apparently take exception with my writing style, as well
I think you've done a fine job, in giving those reading your posts, a pretty clear idea of "who" you are, and what it would be like to have someone like you in his life. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:42:48 AM | I am not interested in your age as much as I am your health.I am an outdoor type and stay very active.I want to be with someone who is in good enough shape to do the same activites as myself.I have no desire to date a woman much younger than myself just to say look at me.I am most comfortable with women who share common goals and interests no matter thier age.I have dated women of all age groups and have come to one conclusion.I love em all! | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:56:12 AM | Hey!
Did anyone ever actually count the "votes" and figure out whether men from 40 to 60 are in fact all chasing after 25 yr old women, leaving us "ladies of a certain age" to either remain alone, become "cougars" or raid the old folks homes for our relationship options??
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:02:15 AM | Garance provides a great example of the modus operandi of the troll:
1. Appear out of nowhere and offer up opinions that are sure to evoke a reaction;
2. Challenge responses out of context; promulgate a strawman argument;
3. Write it off in an arrogant, off-handed manner, all tinged with a tone of superiority, with a final jab in parting hoping to evoke shame for having the temerity of challenging her unqualified and undocumented position, to wit:
Bye, bye and shame on all three of you...
Then, suddenly...poof! Gone. Come back again sometime and spew out something else wildly arrogant, smug and self-righteous. Shaming, finger-pointing and humiliation as bullying tactics against men by-and-large don't work anymore. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 4:36:14 PM |
Did anyone ever actually count the "votes" and figure out whether men from 40 to 60 are in fact all chasing after 25 yr old women
The only thing I'm counting is the ticked off women leaving.
Less competition. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 5:12:49 PM | Msg 717
GOOD POINT
Actually, I'd be inclined to believe that a lot of guys between 40 and 60 are not interested in a serious, committed relationship AT ALL. Notice I said " a lot" not ALL. But I think a lot of guys who've been through the divorce grinder, or have not only been thru the divorce grinder but have accepted as truth all the BS about menopausal women being psycho ****es from hell who hate men and sex and are only looking for meal tickets,are kind of edgy if not downright scared of getting into a serious relationship UNLESS it is with a significantly younger woman. To some extent it's understandable, the losses and scars of divorce can be hellish!They can cook and clean, and LIKE being able to come and go as they please. Nobody looks with pity on a middleaged single man, he's assumed to be happy and only single because he WANTS to be. It's the middleaged single women people seem to either see as pitiful, IF they even SEE her at all.
Now, there will come a time when some of these happy go lucky guys MAY wish they had someone in their lives who really "has their back" the way a spouse/SO does. But all the middleaged single women will have themselves found the joy of being single and doing as they damn well please with their money, time and energy,and the nursing homes will be full of lonely old men who "weren't in the market for a relationship "with a woman unless she was under 35.
I don't mean for this to sound bitter, I'm not. But I am damn good at looking at a situation and saying EXACTLY how it will turn out in the long run,simply from what I've learned about people and karma( now THERE is your "psycho ****"; KARMA, when you are on the wrong side of her.)
Just my 2 cents worth...
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 5:33:46 PM | I think the women who like men simply smile back, say hello back, and write back, and so they have relationships. It's the ones who have some problem or who dislike men generally that can't find one. You have men lining up around the block and women acting like they can't be bothered. Oh, and about being lonely in your old age because you wouldn't suffer the abuse of some irate citizen, so be it. If I ever feel bad about being alone all I have to do is remember some witch pointing her bony finger and cackling "You'll be alone in your old age if you don't kiss my green ass!". The threat of being alone starts looking like the lesser of two evils compared to that.
If someone comes into the dating arena with bad ideas they will seem unfriendly and so nobody wants to date them, and whatever bad idea they started with they hang onto, thinking that's why. Men aren't ignoring women their age to chase after younger ones. Not many, anyway.
If anyone cares to look, you will find that as men age most will have at least one of the standard disqualifiers. 1 in 4 has some measure of baldness. More than half are below average height. In the US, middle aged men are more often fat than not, to some extent. And economics are no better. Because just to start with, women want the upper end of the scale, and tend to have dumped men not making enough money. In other words, the women were married to the men they don't want, and then when they get divorced, who all is available but the men some other woman didn't want? Men know this. They look at your ads and forum posts and it might as well be their ex ragging on them about the exact same things, but more than that, even if the list has different items, the disdain is identical. Younger women may not want anything to do with middle aged men, fair enough, well, maybe those are the women who resemble their ex back when marriage was still good.
Relationships are as good as the two people relate. If you want to have a good relationship, relate well. Relating well starts from the first Hello. There is no mystery to it except why people expect to attract a lover or a mate when they are uptight, angry or defensive.
People come here, pair up, leave, no problem. And the ones who have another agenda hang around doing their thing, whatever it is, from fighting the good fight to extracting a pound of flesh to espousing extraordinary theories why. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 6:44:43 PM |
If anyone cares to look, you will find that as men age most will have at least one of the standard disqualifiers. 1 in 4 has some measure of baldness. More than half are below average height. In the US, middle aged men are more often fat than not, to some extent. And economics are no better. Because just to start with, women want the upper end of the scale, and tend to have dumped men not making enough money. In other words, the women were married to the men they don't want, and then when they get divorced, who all is available but the men some other woman didn't want? Men know this.
So what is it you are saying? Men from 40 to 60 ARE looking for committed LTRs and it's the WOMEN in that age group who are disinterested because the men are short or chubby or bald or don't have enough money? Swamp thing, I like you and most of the time your posts make a TON of sense, but this one seems to be out over the left field fence somewheres. Just my opinion of course.
It sounds like you are saying that men are choosing to remain single because thery have some flaw and noboody wants them, AND they are choosing to stay single because all women remind them of their ex somehow? I pretty much already SAID that a lot of men in the 40 to 60 age range WEREN'T that interested in relationships simply because they enjoyed freedom. I don't think it has much to do with "disqualifiers"(WTF??) And what I said about lonely old men in nursing homes was a simply a statement of the pred. ictable outcome of a trend, not a threat or a warning. My ass is not green and my fingers aren't bony. I'll admit that I cackle once in awhile,especially when reading these forums. Somehow or other(this far) I've managed to avoid having laughter cause me to spit or spray a beverage on my screen or keyboard. But I have indeed cackled.
Sure people come here, pair up and leave easily. Others, for a variety of GOOD reasons, have to take a little more time with the process. A fair number of particularly the over 45 crowd HAVE found partners, but choose to stay for friends and forums. Some don't much CARE if they find a partner, and some find the search more of an amusing hobby, if you will. IF they happen to find the relationship equivalent of the rare coin, the valuable collector item in a basket of thrift shop junk, that desirable first edition in the smalltown secondhand bookshop,they will be absolutely delighted. If they DON'T, they won't go off with their lower lip hanging out in a big ass POUT. This is the category I've come to feel comfortable with. But I can STILL make statements of what I think, have experienced, know or believe, or predict outcomes of trends. I may be an extraordinary woman, in fact I'm quite sure I am, but I don't know as any of my THEORIES are all that extraordinary or bizarre. I don't want to fight ANY fight, good bad or indifferent, and I don't NEED a pound of flesh. I have about 20 more pounds of flesh than I really need NOW, why would I want another one? Tell me what forum can I go to to get some of MY pounds of flesh EXTRACTED? Lordamercy, that sounds ever so much easier than the diet and execise thing I'm doing NOW!
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 6:55:15 PM | Actually, I'd be inclined to believe that a lot of guys between 40 and 60 are not interested in a serious, committed relationship AT ALL. Notice I said " a lot" not ALL. But I think a lot of guys who've been through the divorce grinder
Actually, there's some truth in that. It's not emotionally healthy to be too "needy" of a committed relationship, immediately upon getting divorced from a long term marriage. There have been some studies to show that there is a much higher divorce rate in 2nd marriages, if they take place prior to 5 years post divorce.
have accepted as truth all the BS about menopausal women being psycho ****es from hell who hate men and sex and are only looking for meal tickets,are kind of edgy if not downright scared of getting into a serious relationship UNLESS it is with a significantly younger woman.
There have been some women, who have posted in this thread, who are the "poster girls" for what men fear about women their ages, who exemplify all the worst aspects of their ex wives, without the positives of shared history and the reverence for the mother of their children. If, "first shot out of the box" into single life, after 20 years in my case, running into a demanding "battle axe", who is negative and bitter, does make younger women, who have different issues, less likely to be "taken out on" older men in an aggressive, hostile way. look better and better at first. That, and quite frankly, much younger women are likely to be more sexually experimental, with fewer "issues" about sexuality, than many women my age.
I don't know what percentage of older men have to go through a "younger woman" experiment or two, to discover that they are premised on a sort of "father figure" dynamic, which can be exciting, fun, and relatively easy in some ways; but that also leaves one feeling "alone" in terms of the companionship that can only come with someone who is more of a peer.
They can cook and clean, and LIKE being able to come and go as they please. Nobody looks with pity on a middleaged single man, he's assumed to be happy and only single because he WANTS to be.
Also true. For me, there was a transitional period of embracing "singleness", and either dating not at all, or sporadically with FWBs; because, in terms of life's function, I don't "need" a relationship, and for a time, I didn't want one.
I'll leave the rest of that post alone, the part where it turned negative, and made a man's journey post divorce seem as if it is something being "done against" women his age. It's not. I recognize it in me, as "recentering", and discovering core identity, so that I would be in a place to be emotionally ready to be open, to finding a partner, or whatever age, based on emotionally healthy decisions.
I think the women who like men simply smile back, say hello back, and write back, and so they have relationships. It's the ones who have some problem or who dislike men generally that can't find one.
That is the point. If a woman has "issues" with some men in her past, I can care as a human being, but I'm not going to get involved. I expect a woman, at the same stage in life as me, to have made the same journey that we all have to, to get to a place of being emotionally "ready" for a relationship. I didn't cause her issues, and I can't fix them, and I'm not about to "volunteer" to bear the brunt for them with someone I'm just meeting.
Relationships are as good as the two people relate. If you want to have a good relationship, relate well. Relating well starts from the first Hello. There is no mystery to it except why people expect to attract a lover or a mate when they are uptight, angry or defensive.
There is something in human nature, that makes us seek to be with the opposite sex in a relationship, and when I came to POF, I was "open", while not "needy". Having gotten the illusions of "younter women" out of my system, I was determined to try to find someone compatible, who is in the same "stage of life" as I am. There are a lot of angry, bitter women among the women I tried to talk to, but there were some women, who were in an emotional place similar to mine. In other words, "ready" to let go of enough barriers, for it to be possible to see what we might see. I met a couple, who were "good dates", without spark, but women I enjoyed coming to know. Then I met a woman in her 40s, who took my breath away, and with whom all things seem possible.
So, while Cindy has some wisdom and insight, it would seem, that she has reached a negative conclusion, and that's fine. She's still seeking, whatever it is she is meant to find. I think swamp thing hit it on the head. Those people, who are "ready" to "relate" in a healthy, open, adult way, to give to someone else, what they hope to receive, generally are finding relationships. Those who want to win wars with the opposite sex, generally aren't. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:11:42 PM | Look for the Best Chemistry for You . .
I had a Very Romantic relationship - cut short - Much too soon . .
I want to feel the Romance, Passion and Lust that I've been missing for the last _9_ Years . . !!! | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:41:11 PM |
Anyone who is unable to comprehend and accept the truth is simply in denial, in my opinion. Hey, but apparently no one wants to hear my opinion, so I'm outta here. Take care and God Bless.
Thank God!!!! We have enough issue oriented blow holes on this, and many other sites. To tell the truth I'm a scientist and deal with statistical issues every day. I don't think you could see "objective truth" if it bit you in the face. One reason I don't use many sites is because those with agendas tend to spoil the site. Regardless of the fact that your "80%" is pure bogus and could be put down with a statistical sampling--Most of us won't even bother. When you move from that to JUDGE about second child hoods being related to motor cycles, that makes as much sense as suggesting that liking a house means you have a father fetish. I don't know many kids who have motorcycles (I don't have one either) but I know that many kids see them as a sign of adult hood, just as others often see smoking as a sign of adulthood. That says much about them and little about the status of motorcycle ownership. Similarly you have only told us about you with your "truths" and have said nothing about all, or even most men, much less about men with motorcycles. As soon as any woman whines about "most men" I know that--even where I might agree with the statistical essence of her assertion (and I don't here)--she has too many issues to be safe to date. I'm a man and she has already classified "men." So she'll never bother to get to know me. Even if she might ultimately be willing to get to know me, she would have to unlearn so much prejudice that it simply is not worth the effort. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:53:04 PM | I am sorry that some took part of my post, the bit about "lonely old men in nursing home" as some kind of warning, or threat , or that men embracing singlehood was something being done "against" middleaged women. That was certainly NOT what I was trying to convey! It is simply a statement of what WILL happen to SOME men , who choose to remain single post divorce or widowhood, It's gonna be a tradeoff, because from what I'm seeing and hearing,single men over , oh say 70, who seem to be looking hard for a committed relationship after being single for most of their middleage years, are seen as looking for "nurses and purses". If a large percentage of women have come to believe they are only being courted for their money or as caregivers, that old " Oh I can find a wife if I need one,EASY!" school of thought may find itself being REschooled. I think most of us mature women have looked at the stats,and unless we have some pretty solid family arrangements, we know damn well that we ARE going to wind up in a nursing home! That's just the way things work out and we know that. Just thought I'd mention what the old hens are cackling about these days. I certainly do not mean the things I say as any kind of negativity, just a simple statement of how things may well REALLY be, rather than what is HOPED will be. I've seen these things happening, and indeed found myself, in a couple of instances, as an object of interest to men who were faced with the prospect of dealing with declining health alone. Apparently basing their interest in outdated stereotypes and assumptions, and thinking I would be easy to win over( what I actually WAS, was mildly insulted, but I just shook my head and let it go LOL).
Just passing along some pesonal observations and experiences, not bitterness or "threats". However it IS interesting that some took it to be a warning, a "threat" or some kind of negativity. It wasn't meant that way. Could be a case of people reading their own thoughts into someone else's words?
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:36:21 PM |
I am sorry that some took part of my post, the bit about "lonely old men in nursing home" as some kind of warning, or threat , or that men embracing singlehood was something being done "against" middleaged women.
I'm glad you clarified, Cindy, because, in general, most of the posts of yours that I've read, have come across as reasonably "centered". I didn't take your comments as a "threat", so much, as indicating some degree of "resentment" that you might be feeling. I look very hard at my own emotions to discover, and excise, "resentments", because they don't lead to serenity or joy or bring out the best in me.
After your clarification, the essential point that I am taking from it, is that a life lived only for self, has a natural consequence of loneliness eventually. It's a valid point, and I feel very sad, when exposed to someone of advanced years, who has lived his/her entire life focused only on self. I don't mean "selfish", but without family or close friendships, merely acquaintances, and a few transitory relationships along the way.
When viewing the prospect of old age, my hope is, in addition to being seriously involved with a long term partner, that I will enjoy my daughters and their children. Children are part of the equation, in terms of whether someone is isolated in his/her "singleness", or "connected" with close family. The hope to find, and stay, with that one partner, is the hope that drives many, or most, of us, who are in middle age, to be on a "dating" site. The point that other posters have made, is that to be "partnered" one has to first find the capacity to want to give, what he/she hopes to receive. Things like acceptance, and caring beyond our personal preferences of the moment, to care about the other's wants and preferences as being just as important in a relationship, as our own. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:05:45 PM |
After your clarification, the essential point that I am taking from it, is that a life lived only for self, has a natural consequence of loneliness eventually. It's a valid point, and I feel very sad, when exposed to someone of advanced years, who has lived his/her entire life focused only on self. I don't mean "selfish", but without family or close friendships, merely acquaintances, and a few transitory relationships along the way.
Yes, this is true but to play Devil's Advocate for a minute, I suspect some of those people you feel sad for may have freely made the "tradeoff" because close relationships just did not sit well on their souls, and they knew full well that their distancing would result in a solitary old age,and accepted that. Now, the ones who rejected closeness in younger days, expecting that somehow or other caring and comfort would be handed to them in their later years, and who are now disappointed and bitter, THERE is the thing that is sad.
I guess my whole point is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing singlehood in middle age, as long as one realizes that it may not be so easy to just shrug off that single status and find a partner in later years if singlehood becomes undesirable because you are ill, or develop limitations on your mobility and independence. I HAVE met older men who operated on exacttly that assumption, and yes if I show a touch of resentment, it's from hearing them WHINE about how persnickety and difficult women had become, because they weren't jumping the turnstiles and busting down the gates to be with a man who clearly is soon going to need not only a housekeeper,but a nurse. Yes women do still want to get married, but not if it's actually very little more than indentured servitude, with the delightful possibility of having to fight his kids or other family to get a damn thing after he's gone...
But by and large I absolutely agree with you, that one of the worst thing a divorced or even a widowed person can do is to rush into a committed relationship too soon, to avoid having to learn to cope with singlehood. Decisions made in haste are often repented and repented and repented at leisure...
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:16:42 AM | | Shallow guys will see your age first and foremost. Non shallow guys will see your personality, loveability, and such first. Where women goof is in seeking a long term thing first. Some guys never want long term, and even the guys who do want long term feel they need to grow into it...by starting as friends/lovers and becoming more over time...starting as a couple who slowly grow into one being. Once you and he are one-mentally, spiritually, etc-that is the best long term relationship there is...but it takes time, and begins with becoming one physically, and then socially, and then fianancially. True love grows, and almost never just happens at first sight. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:23:24 PM | >> Shallow guys will see your age first and foremost.
>> Non shallow guys will see your personality, loveability, and such first.
Not true.
A truly shallow person is going to see your "looks" first and base everything on that. They won't bother to read your age, or likes, or even want to get to know you. Beyond that, _AGE_ is a factor for a lot of people.
Age is *NOT* a superficial thing, it's a hard biologic fact. "looks" or color *is* superficial, and people make up their minds with just a look.
As I said in a previous note, not everyone is looking for the same thing. Age is a factor for starting families, for having lived through the same events, or for other reasons.
It has nothing to do with "shallow" or "non shallow."
A 50 year old woman is not about to start a family.
A 60 year old man, probably isn't about to start one either, but could, easier than a 50 year old woman could.
A woman looking for stability/security would often find an older man who has raised a family more attractive in that respect than a young one still trying to "make it" in the world, and not ready to settle down. _AGE_ is a factor in having LIVED, as well as starting to run out of time.
I just really hate the broad generalizations people make, male and female, about other people. Just because YOU feel that way, doesn't mean someone else doesn't feel differently. What's right for you may not be right for them.
There are far more things to get up set or twiked off about than someone looking for a younger woman, or an older man, or even a tall or short or particular race.
You can't *make* someone want you, or fall in love with you, and that's just life.
Some people want to have an active, athletic, and travel-filled life. Others, want to stay at home, and sit in their back yards, cook out, or have family over. Others want to sail, hike, or play golf. Everyone is different, and a "match" is going to be something that takes a lot into account -- INCLUDING AGE.
But it's *NOT* shallow. It's about what YOU need to be happy. And, that is not going to be the same thing *I* need, or the guy or girl to your left is going to need.
Scott | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/20/2007 3:28:00 PM | Stargazer
as I write this, I'm toward the end of month 2 of dating a wonderfull lady of 53yo. (at 48years myself I would have considered anyone from 38 to 57). should this relationship lasts 6+ months, I will marry that wonderfull lady. your 63 yo friend is......" full of it".
Jim | |
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