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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 3:46:29 PM | As a 54 year old woman, all I can say to the 63 year old man's comment is "Bullshit."
Even if HE were a woman over 45, one simply cannot make a judgement based on one, or two, or even five people's experiences. We are individuals, what happens to us as individuals is . . . individualized (ok, you can groan over than statement). | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 5:59:34 PM | I'll have to admit, I've looked at some dating sites and was amazed at what some of the men were looking for; i.e. 45Y/O male looking for 18-35Y/O female, things like that. Who are they kidding? In know when I was 18-25 I wouldn't even have considered a 40Y/O man, YUCK! lol. Now that I'm 51, 40 seems pretty young. :)
Also, don't most of us think we look young for our age? How many of us have seen people our age and said "wow, he/she looks so old!" I've been told I look a lot younger than my age a lot but when I look in the mirror, nope there's at least a 50 year old looking back! lol But I take care of myself and I think that's what's important.
Like most of the books say, men are visual. But so are women. If people don't like the picture they see, they will pass up the profile, no matter what the age. It's all a matter of taste. Don't ya think? | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:10:23 PM | | I try to stay in a 10 year time span from my age. Although i did date a woman 12 years older than me. It was not the age that turned me off. It was her smoking. Any older than that and i have a hard time relating to them. The same goes for the younger ones. And i prefer the older women, if given a choice. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:33:46 PM | Wish I had a dollar for every profile I have read that states they look younger than their age.
If someone looks younger than their age do you really think it is necessary to have to tell everyone....... will it not be painfully obvious !!!
Or is the person oblivious to the obvious aka denial aka overcompensating ?
I have read where a person eyes are much kinder to themselves than others peoples eyes. I believe this to be very true.
Personally, I write those kind of comments off in profiles. A person who really does look younger than their age will never mention it........ there is no need. It is obvious.
For the original poster........The bottom line is: It will matter to some men and not matter to other men. There will not be a general consensus on this particular subject. It is too individualistic for a blanket statement.
Personally, ( and not that anyone asked) my (ideal) mate would be right about my own age give or take a couple of years............ a couple being 2 - 5 years. That does not mean I would not consider someone 5 - 8 years younger or older...... simply the (ideal) range.
Peace | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:16:10 PM | Well color me weird but I don't get the whole "don't look your age" or "look younger than your age". I think most time it's just flattery. Doesn't really do much for me, I'd be much more flattered by someone saying, wow you're very well spoken, intelligent, accomplished, something that I'd actually done or achieved rather than comparing what I look like to some arbitrary mental picture of what someone my age is supposed to look like.
I get particularly amused by those who tell you "I look much younger than my age". My experience with that is, they don't. I have an acquaintance who would say that repeatedly, because I'm tactful I never said otherwise. Had he ASKED me, then yes I would have said well I don't think so. Ehh...what's the point, no harm in letting him deal with it. I'm sure there's a reason he never asked, as he knows me to be outspoken and very forthright with my opinion.  | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:16:42 PM | I didn't read any of this thread except post #1. I'll simply respond to the OP's question. Not sure about the rest of the guys, but for myself, at 48, the age range of a lady I would seriously consider for a long term relationship is 38 to 58 - perhaps give or take a year or two either way.
I figure (but am not sure as I didn't read the thread) that most guys my age would feel the same. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:26:31 PM | I frequently ran into that sort of attitude from the guys 40-60. They usually added another jab though about how the young guys were only interested because they knew women my age were desperate and easy. So although the old guys didn't want us old dried up hags, we weren't supposed to have any fun with the young ones either.
It is very difficult for a woman 50+ to have any success on an online dating site due to many men assuming a woman over 50 is worthless. Interestingly, the same men whine and complain about the gold diggers and the psychos....
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:39:26 PM | | For both of the ladies who question... The reaction sounds like the typical playa. Most guys do not understand what real romance and commitment me. As a widower I can tell you that I personally go beyond a woman's looks and age. I want someone who is feeling and caring as I would be of them. I spent 27 years with a good woman and I just hope that it is in the cards for me to find another. Ladies don't let the two legged dildos throw you for a loop. It makes it rough on us Good guys. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:41:15 PM | OP:...I have several women friends in their 60s...in shape, intelligent, sexy, talented, financially secure....One 65 yr old Im going to London with has more energy than I do!...Im truly worried about being able to keep up with her...lol...Yet they have a tough time getting men their age to date them...I dont understand why...I think those men are immature and unrealistic to not want someone their own age...Instead the men who should be dating them go after someone my age like me...Yuk!...Im simply not attracted to a 65 yr old man..Too much of a generation gap as well....I get so tired of 60 and 70 yr old men hitting on me when Ive made it clear on my profile that I am not looking for someone beyond early 50s...I just wanna tell them" Thanks but im not looking for someone my fathers age...Maybe you should date my widowed mother!".... | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:57:02 PM | | It's funny but it seems like 80 year old men think women our age are hot and men our age unfortunately think the 30 year old women are hot. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:21:33 PM | Well I'm in the age range but not male...however, I want to point out something I suspect is being missed by most of those posting to this thread.
The OP stated that the guy was talking about men not wanting women over 45 for longterm relationships. I don't think there was any implication that men 40-60 won't DATE women over 45. It was that they won't get into serious longterm arrangements with them. My feeling is that a guy who's had 2 divorces and has been single for 14 yrs is really an oracle of wisdom about committment. I also wonder, not knowing the total context of the conversation-if this guy wasn't trying a head game on the OP so he could line her up as a booty call. That's a common strategy with these sorry-ass middleaged players, tell the woman that she's being "unrealistic" to expect more that short term relationships or booty call. Over all, most men are the ones with"unrealistic" expectations, that they can get what they need from the "older" women until they find that special woman who is 20 yrs younger. If you're 53, you are some 75 yr old mans dream girl. The 53 yr old guys are hoping to snare themselves a 28 yr old gale.
I suspect that a lot of them DO partially regain their senses, but there will always be those who persist in their foolishness...and get divorced a lot, and/or spend a lot of time being single.
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:23:44 PM |
It's funny but it seems like 80 year old men think women our age are hot and men our age unfortunately think the 30 year old women are hot.
Honestly, I do not believe it is that way.
Everyone on here seems to think "everyone wants a different kind of person, not me!"
It's so not true.
If you focus on who doesn't want you, you'll miss who just might. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 2:22:24 AM | | Last year I had an absolutely gorgeous young woman of 25 who wanted me to take her out. I'd loved to have done but the competition from all the young men of her age would have been just too much to me to have handled. I just had to say no (believe me it was hard) It didn't make me a better man but it saved a lot of heartache. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 2:40:33 AM | We guys are visual. Ever seen that Bowflex commercial with the 50 year grandma in a bikini? Wow, she's hot!
I care less about age than fitness level. I'm pretty old - 43 - but I work hard on keeping my body in shape. I'd date a woman older than me if she could keep up at the gym. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 5:04:17 AM | | I agree with what you're saying. Seems that after 40 it's hard for a woman to find someone seriously. I dated a guy for 4 years and he decided that the relationship wasn't gonna last because he traveled alot. I was disappointed because he traveled from the beginning and he waited 4 years to tell me it wasn't gonna work. I have become skeptical that I will ever meet someone my age for a committed long term relationship. On the other hand I have been hit on by men in there 70's lately. What's a girl to do??????????????????????????????????????? | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 5:25:16 AM | ...sounds to me like the 63 yr. old 'gent.' is simply trying to burst your self confidence into believing (his B.S.) - and (this) is my true feeling without trying to 'sound' politically correct. Fact is EVERYONE ages - but some take the time & put forth the effort to eat right (to a certain degree) and get their exercise in.
It's like walking thru town...or in a mall - take a look around - do YOU 'look' "average" for your age...? It's your own Q to answer but IF a person semi FIT, your better than average these days :) I, at 43 would date a 53 yr. old - especially if (she) were into fitness! Don't believe that 'crap' OP :) | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:17:34 AM | I can't answer the question of whether a "majority of men" think some way or another, but I do think in general this whole issue is just a matter of women conflating their value as a human being with their mate value - their value on the mating market. This seems to be exceedingly common.
People tend to want to mate with someone with a higher mate value than themselves, though for this to happen the other person has to mate with someone with a lower mate value than themselves. So the actuality is that people tend to end up mating with someone with a comparable mate value.
I can assure you your mate value at age 50+ is in all likelihood nowhere near what it was when you were closer to 20. On the other hand, the mate value of men within a few years of your age are likely to have a much higher mate value than when they were 20 (though the increase is much more variable) because the characteristics which determine mate value are different for the two sexes. A woman's mate value is much more biological in nature and strongly tied to age; thus it decreases with time. I.e., there's a good reason the cops use 15 year-olds rather than 45 year-olds as jailbait. So keeping in shape and using age-defying cosmetics can help, but only a little bit (10%?).
You can be a wonderful human being and still have a low mate value. It doesn't mean anything, it's just the way things are. Men have mate preferences just like women do, and it doesn't necessarily mean men (or women) are 'shallow' - they're just focused on what matters to them, though individual mileage can vary considerably. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:34:19 AM |
No, I have no interest in dating a woman that's older than me by more than a year or two. My ex-wife lied to me about her real age, she's actually more than ten years older than me and it was hard on my ego when I found out.
For years I asked myself, "Am I so undesirable that the only woman I could get was ten years older, sterile, with below average education and earnings?"
It bothered me for years and it still does. And now that I know the statistics, it would bother me more. At my age, women outnumber men. Would I be so undesirable now that I couldn't even duplicate my previous situation?
If the answer is yes, then screw it, I don't need the ego-burden for another fifteen years. If the nature of life, of this culture, is that liars are better successes than me, well, I just won't bother putting out any more effort. I've already reached that conclusion with work, I feel strongly that women are the same way.
While it's great you feel you can be honest, it's sad that you're still letting something from so long ago adversely affect you now...it's also a shame that you don't see your own part in any of this, such as not communicating well enough and getting to know someone better before marrying them; putting all women in the same category as your ex; needing what appears to be the ego-boost of attracting someone who makes *you* feel better about yourself instead of feeling good about yourself on your own; deciding that making no effort is better than making any. We're each responsible for what happens in our life, and how we react to it.
I see the same sickness in the job market these days.
I just received really nice reply about what a great candidate I was, what a hard choice, etc, but we've chosen someone else. And what I do find one hour later? The job reposted.
They didn't want to hire me because I've been stupid enough to actually LEARN MY JOB instead of lie to other people and cover my ass.
Sickness.
Everywhere now.
Just as above, you take no responsibility for your own choices, actions, and reactions...how do you know that this company *didn't* hire someone else who then later decided not to accept the job so they reposted it? I've seen that happen where I work numerous times. Or how do you know that your negativity didn't come through during the interview and they simply decided you weren't a good fit for their place? If that was the case it would be great of they told you that, but they can get sued for things like that, so they're not going to be that explicit. Rather than dwell on it and let it affect you longer than it should, tell yourself they lost out on not hiring you and there's a better job elsewhere; and start being more positive or you'll continue to attract negativity to you. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:35:35 AM |
If you focus on who doesn't want you, you'll miss who just might.
...and now if I could just stop focusing on Janet...
Ms. Toenails, here's another $...stand waaaay back from the screen and try again...
One guys opinion is just that...one guys opinion. Aside from the obvious disconnects of a 50+ guy with a gal 20+ years younger (or the reverse), who cares? I've never been attracted to someone because of their birthday, and the whole thing seems way too shallow of a criteria for not getting into an LTR... More likely as others have said, your 63 yr old friend has a whole set of rationalizations about why he has not succeeded at an LTR. (Don't we all  ). | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:54:53 AM | | lol....my guess is that he told you that because he wants a woman 10 years or more younger. So, he tells the women he's interested in that line of bull to increase his chances. I can't believe you even entertained it enough to create a thread about it. Many of the guys I tell are out of my age range email me something similiar. I just laugh and move along. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:35:19 AM | I don't feel all men & women will rule out someone older to date and be in enjoyable relationship. I don't have any interest dating a man in his 20's, since most men at this young age, are finding out what they want, and I've been there already.
As for our body not looking as hot as 20 yr old, that can be a myth, since some older men & women, can have very fit & strong bodies. I have seen men/women in their 60 & 70's have strong bodies, they may run, go to the gym, swim, walk and have been active all their lives. We might not be as fast as younger counterparts, but our life experience, set us apart from someone who hasn't experience it. The advantage of dating someone who matches your personality, is that, he/she has lived the vanity of our younger years thinking, "you should be this way". I know most of us, and want a person that we can share lives adventures and makes us laugh. Its not about settling down with a younger person to feel complete, its about knowing what you want out in life and being with a partner that makes you feel great in every aspect of relationship. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:48:29 AM | Put me in the “dirty old man” category if you must but ...
Gals 45-50 are my target age. The gal in my last relationship (20 years) is now 47. I “grew up” with that age group gal and know no other age group. I have never been around anyone older than she is.
- Most (I am sure there are exceptions but they are chasing pool boys) gals over about 53-54 start to seem too old for me.
- I start feeling guilty if the gal is under about 45. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:51:50 AM | Wow...and some of you guys are confused why no one wants you?
Try winning the lottery. The women 20+ years your junior might want you if you were rich. Until then, you are not desirable mate material. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 9:22:22 AM | Hahhaha....TOO funny!
When I (& women my age) were in our late teens-20s/30s twenties....they had no problem dating a guy 15-20 years older. & nobody gave them grief for it. Now those same women are complaining about guys their age wanting to date younger women. Seems like just a little bit of a double standard there.
As for needing to win a lottery before we (40+ guys) are 'date material', I'll just say my personal experience has been very much to the contrary.
Had I met a fit, confident, successful, energetic, attractive, unencumbered woman my age when I was single then I probably would have asked her out. As it was, somebody quite a bit younger asked me out first, instead...se la vie.
For the record...I have ZERO problem w/ women dating younger as well. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/5/2007 9:32:50 AM | | I agree that it is often the case. Maybe because they are going through a mid-life crisis and younger women make them feel more youthful. I'm not criticizing men for that. I, myself, prefer men younger than I . Don't feel disheartened, you are what you perceive yourself to be. | |
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