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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/20/2007 3:35:21 PM | 'Shallow' guys will see your Physique, First . . but . . so will 'Deep' guys . . !!
{Because That's what your Photo Shows . .
Personality is Difficult to show[in most casas] in a Photo}
Physical fitness is as important as most any other trait . .
*Affectionate* and *Intelligent* are probably the Next in line . . !! | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/20/2007 6:44:21 PM | even the guys who do want long term feel they need to grow into it...by starting as friends/lovers and becoming more over time...starting as a couple who slowly grow into one being. Once you and he are one-mentally, spiritually, etc-that is the best long term relationship there is...but it takes time, and begins with becoming one physically, and then socially, and then fianancially. True love grows, and almost never just happens at first sight.
As one of those guys you claim to be speaking "for", you are 180 degrees in the opposite direction, in everything in your post. That's not saying that you're "wrong". Merely that we're different, which is why there is no "universal truth" to be found that applies to all men, or all women. Compatibility, with two people who do see things in the same way, in terms of "relationship dynamics", is the key.
I do believe that "grand passion" and "great love" happens quickly, and would be thwarted by taking it slow. It also involves the physical, as well as connection on every other level. Romantic love is about sexual attraction, more than it's about becoming "great friends over time". If you aren't attracted, you aren't, and if you aren't, you never will be. If you insist on moving forward, you're really talking about friendship, and then sex becomes a matter of relative unimportance and "convenience". That sort of "so-so" connection wouldn't be worth disrupting life to have.
I'm in month 3 in a relationship with a woman who is 44, and with whom there was an immediate "grand passion" in real life. Over time, the connection has only grown, and we will be 24/7 within the next 5 weeks. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/21/2007 4:12:26 AM |
I do believe that "grand passion" and "great love" happens quickly, and would be thwarted by taking it slow. It also involves the physical, as well as connection on every other level. Romantic love is about sexual attraction, more than it's about becoming "great friends over time". If you aren't attracted, you aren't, and if you aren't, you never will be. If you insist on moving forward, you're really talking about friendship, and then sex becomes a matter of relative unimportance and "convenience".
I agree 100% Melo. One thing I would clarify is that ideally, you do indeed become great friends overtime. And the sexual passion you share serves as a bond to carry you through those times when life's little frustrations boil over into that "gread friendship." | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/21/2007 6:28:41 AM |
One thing I would clarify is that ideally, you do indeed become great friends overtime. And the sexual passion you share serves as a bond to carry you through those times when life's little frustrations boil over into that "gread friendship."
Absolutely agreed, Arugula. In my experience, grand passion ALWAYS leads to me cherishing her, and wating to do whatever is in my power to further her happiness. It's a strong motivator to become best friends too.
In other words, grand passion has always led to great friendship too, but good friendship has never, by itself, led to much passion or great love. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/23/2007 12:14:04 AM | Just wondering what age ladies Suthn_boy dates.
Just take a look at the rating scales...look at how many older men are rating the younger gals vs the ladies their age.
Just a point of interest. Nothing wrong with a man trying to regain his youth but it amazes me when they say they want a LTR and then continue to contact younger women who state they just want to date. Come on guys...those of you doing this...get real! "tell it like it is"... | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 9/23/2007 4:16:45 AM | | As a 52 year old I find myself looking for a mate that is in good condition more than anything.Age does not matter.If she is 50 and can keep up with me then all is cool.I find that alot of the women as well as the men in my age group tend to be in really poor shape from years of sedintary lifestyle.So if you are over 45 and can still strap on a back and hike a mountain with me then lets do it. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 10/12/2007 10:47:57 AM | Eighty Three, Me!
You look great she said to me
I can't belive that you are eighty three
The younger girl was thirty seven
I thought I died and gone to heaven
I like older men she said and smiled
I felt like I just wanted to cry
I think they are suave and sexy and cool
Don't be surprised that I like you
Now I have to admit I felt quite flattered
By her curvy hips and her elequent patter
But I wonder what she might see in me
After all I was nearly fifty three
She went on and on how she preferred
Older men much much older than her
She said that she like men over seventy five
I wondered if she liked them alive
Prey tell I asked her to confide
When she got amourous, had any of them died?
She blushed and smiled and went quite red
And admitted that several of them were dead
Alarms bells rang and I started to fear
Afraid of this lady who was standing near
Was she a black widow, a spider from a far
Was I her next meal next to be devoured
She said again that she was amazed
That I was over eighty odd years
She thought my body looked much younger
My arms and limbs appeared much stronger
If I told her I was only fifty three
I was afraid this vamp would dump me
She obviously like her men nearing demise
As she looked them over with her lovely brown eyes
If I kept up with this charade of age
And pretended to be a wise old sage
She might jump me and hopefully try to hump me
I would not care if after she dumped me
But if this wench was a duplicitous crone
Only out to feather her own throne
She might try to hasten my final days
By being inventive in so many ways
Caught betweeen a rock and a hard place
I pondered if I was to be disgraced
Pretending to be a man of eighty three
To find a young lady who would please me
I pucked up the courage and told her my age
Sh*t off she went in one hell of a rage
Fifty three is no good I heard her cry
You have twenty more years before you may die
She ripped up the will she had pre prepared
And of she went down the stairs
The last I seen she was talking to old Sam Alzimmer
Walking beside him as he pushed his zimmer
The moral of this story and the moral for all older men
Is to reconsider kind words from younger female friends
When they tell you that you look well, well for your years
Don't tell them the truth it will just end in tears | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:55:31 AM | I SEE ALL OF YOU COMPLAINING-men & women-YOU SHOULD HAVE MY DELEMA. I AM 73 AND DO GET A FEW -e/ms- BUT THEY ARE MOSTLY FROM WOMEN THAT HAVE LET THEMSELVES GO TO FAT. THE AMMOUNT AND
WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH IS WHAT CAUSES FAT. I AM 5# OVER WHAT I WAS 20 YRS AGO. IF MY JEANS SAY I'M GAINING I CUT BACK ON THE 'AMMOUNT' THAT I LET PASS THRU MY LIPS. YOU HAVE TO CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE AND LIKE YOURSELF.YES I'VE HEARD A 1,000 TIMES =IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE THAT COUNT'S=THAT'S B/S. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 10/14/2007 1:00:19 PM | Gee Quasar, what a kind and gentle older man you are...........NOT! We are not all meant to age gracefully, and some of us go out of or way to try to be all we can be. You are sounding like a very lonley bitter man. I'm not grosley over weight, but I do have wrinkles....Do you use products to try and keep your skin and face as young as you can? Why not?  | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 10/14/2007 6:08:43 PM | | Just a personal opinion: If he is indeed Mr. Right, he will look beyond both your age and fitness level, to the beauty that lies within you. It is then he will accept you and any imperfections that you might perceive. Remember, it's not about what most men would think, it's about what the "right" man would think. Good luck on your journey. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:32:49 PM | | As far as I am concerned I feel many women age like fine wine. When I was younger I liked older women and I still do. I will say though I think the women should take care of herself and I mean that as to not look like the frumpy divorced women. And what would I have in common with a 25 year old anyway. I want a women that knows who she is and what she wants and know that I can have a conversation with her and understands what a romantic song is. Not a 25 year old that thinks a headbanger song is romantic. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/16/2007 12:12:15 AM |
Relationships are as good as the two people relate. If you want to have a good relationship, relate well. Relating well starts from the first Hello. There is no mystery to it except why people expect to attract a lover or a mate when they are uptight, angry or defensive.
..you have made many good points in your post and I agree with all you have said, especially this last statement. My daughter is a very positive and happy teenager and has always had many, many friends. Her younger sister, who tends to be moody and dark is a bit envious of this fact. She remarked one day, "why is she so popular and I have hardly any friends?" I told her what I felt to be the truth... that its human nature for people to gravitate towards happy, positive individuals...negative people are too draining, they take away all your good energy.
...maeflowers
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:21:38 AM |
Dear Forty, Fifty, and SixtySomething Guys,
Recently a 63 year old gentleman and i were sharing experiences in this "middle-aged and seriously seeking" stage of our lives. He has been twice married and divorced now for 14 years. Among other things, he said:
"You don't even look 40, and you sure have the physical fiitness of a 30 year old. But the fact is that you're 53. And the fact is that the vast majority of men over 45 will not even consider dating a woman your age. It doesn't matter if she is well educated, very physically fit, or even financially secure. She could be wonderful company and very beautiful. If so, a man over 45 might have a short term relationship with her. But if she's over 45, he will rarely consider having a serious long term relationship with her."
As someone who has spent the past 2 years without a long term love, i'd appreciate any comments -- based upon your own experience as a 40, 50, or 60 year old guy who knows he can give and receive romantic love and who is hoping to find it. Do your own actions illustrate the above statement as "mostly valid."? Should women in my st/age of life face "reality" and accept that our chronological age matters more to most men our own age than our physical fitness and all of the other things that we feel we have to offer Mr. Right?
I'm 52 and I'm just the opposite of what you just heard. I can't imagine being in a long term relationship with a woman younger than 40. My thinking is that I hope to live a long life and when I'm eighty I don't want someone around that can't "feel my pain" or at least understand it. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:00:14 AM | ^^^
And you're helping prove the point...HappyCowboy. Your age filters allow women from 40 to 55 to contact you. And you state that you'd happily have a long term relationship with a woman who was 40. And yet, you wouldn't even consider a woman 4 years older than you, let alone the 12 years age difference in the younger direction that you're looking for. So at 52, would you date a 64 year old? That's exactly what you're asking that 40 year old to do.
Such is the nature of internet fantasies. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:33:08 AM |
yet, you wouldn't even consider a woman 4 years older than you, let alone the 12 years age difference in the younger direction that you're looking for. So at 52, would you date a 64 year old? That's exactly what you're asking that 40 year old to do.
Such is the nature of internet fantasies.
Arugula, it's an interesting thing to me, that I find myself agreeing with almost everything you post, except for this one thing. You seem to believe, as do some others, that preferences and selections about who to date have to conform to some notion of "fairness", when it comes to age. It sounds "reasonable", but denies human nature, IMO.
There are women who prefer somewhat older men. I've heard the "formula" so often, that I have come to accept that for some women it's true. The "acceptable" age range, according to the women in my office is that a man has to be "half your age +6" as the "greatest acceptable" age range, "before it gets icky".
In any case, there are women, who are looking for considerably younger men, but those women aren't looking for men the same number of years older. Obviously, there are men looking for much younger women, but it doesn't mean that they "should be" looking for women who are as many years older.
Preferences are preferences. The beginning of attraction is when two people are drawn to each other, based on those preferences. I'm now 24/7 with a woman, who is 13 years younger. Other men she dated, before I came into her life, were close to my age. It seems to be her hardwired preferences, as are mine for women a few years younger. It wasn't even a conscious thing, but it is the way that it has always tended to work out.
I think too, that at a certain point, it's more about "stage of life' than chronological age. There isn't that much difference, at 25, between 25 and 30, but a vast difference between 20 and 25. 35 and 45 year olds have a lot in common, but so do mid 40s and mid 50s. However, mid 50s and working, will have little in common with someone retired. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:47:10 AM | ^^^I'm not referring to "fairness" per se, as much as trying to get someone to see the absurdity of what they see as a reasonable preference. Granted, there certainly are women who are very attracted to older men, just as there are women who are very attracted to younger men, and vice versa.
But in my real experience with the internet, it's a common fantasy, and I do mean that. You see men in their 40s posting threads about why someone 15 years younger isn't interested. And I get many, many emails from men 10, 15, 20 years older than me. I generally ask them in a "nice" way if they'd consider dating someone who was 87 (if they're 67), and everytime...100 percent of the time....they respond with revulsion of one type of another. Then I point out that I'll actually be 67 when they're 87. That seems to set off some sort of "ignorant" fuse in their head because I often get back "That's not the same thing." Duh...yes...it IS.
That's what I'm talking about. It IS the same thing, but somehow many men seem to have blinders on and not be able to see it. I don't experience that in real life. I'm much more likely to be approached by men near my own age, which I prefer. There's the occasional 20 something who has had enough to drink to raise his confidence, and the same with the 50 or 60 somethings, but they're rare. On here, it's far more common than a man anywhere near my age contacting me. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:52:53 AM | I don't experience that in real life. I'm much more likely to be approached by men near my own age, which I prefer. There's the occasional 20 something who has had enough to drink to raise his confidence, and the same with the 50 or 60 somethings, but they're rare. On here, it's far more common than a man anywhere near my age contacting me.
In thread after thread, Arugula, you have shown yourself to be both reasonable and straightforward, so I don't question your experience on here. I'm not surprised that men, who you see as "too young" would approach you, nor men you see as "too old", as well as men close to your age. You're an attractive woman, so you should have a goodly number of options, and to be able to focus on those within your preferred age range.
My experience, before finding "the one", was that women who I found to be "realistically attractive" ranged from 40 to about 60, and I'm 57. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:57:40 AM | I'll admit I'm not a huge fan of big age differences in relationships. Most people that are attracted to either much older or younger partners do so because of dysfunctional (mommy/daddy complexes), misguided (can't seem to find what I'm looking for in my age range), vain (mid-life crisis, feel they "deserve" a trophy wife/husband), or just plain wrong reasons. Very few, in my experience, are attracted purely out of love or ultimate compatibility. But I know some odd couple relationships DO work, so I'm not entirely close-minded on the subject.
To me, it's the "motive" behind the attraction that tells me if it's for healthy reasons. If you "automatically" dismiss anyone in your age range and purposely only go after a certain age, it's plainly wrong. It shows a definite proclivity and behavior that's hard to defend. | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 1:49:45 PM |
And you're helping prove the point...HappyCowboy. Your age filters allow women from 40 to 55 to contact you. And you state that you'd happily have a long term relationship with a woman who was 40. And yet, you wouldn't even consider a woman 4 years older than you, let alone the 12 years age difference in the younger direction that you're looking for. So at 52, would you date a 64 year old? That's exactly what you're asking that 40 year old to do.
Such is the nature of internet fantasies.
I do see your point, but in reality I think I originally had a spread of 10 years, but decided that might severely limit my chances of at least making contact with other females on this site. Unfortunately for me, not being able to say that I'm unmarried has remedy that perceived problem. All of the ladies that I would like to contact but haven't(due to that married issue) are between 45 - 55 years old. Some day | |
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| Calling all 40-60 Something Males?
Posted: 10/17/2007 1:58:26 PM | So if the 'gentlemen' our age are chasing younger skirts...and the ones older than us can't get it up..... and we don't have a taste for young meat ourselves......guess that just about tells us to break down the tent and pack it in!
No wonder we get cranky upon occasion  . | |
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Good for you Motownman.......now that's what we're talkin' about!