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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 11/28/2007 3:15:26 PM | | Great Notard!! Send the one you don't want this way. Really if I or most guys and gals had that kind of luck this dating site would be out of business, and it is free. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:20:38 PM | | Oh he is full of it! Ask him would he turn down Halle Berry, Madonna, Michelle Phiefer, Tina Turner , Kim Bassinger, Janet Jackson... and the list goes on.WOmen over 40 have men banging on their doors when they were well into their 40's and early 50's. He is just saying that nonsense to lower yourself esteem and take advantage of it. Don't fall for that bull. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 11/29/2007 10:22:06 AM | By personal experience I don't agree as I only look for women my own age +/- 5 years.
If they are in shape it's a huge bonus but it's really about the energy. I really am a person that has a lot of energy and it's disheartening to see so many women my age who really act like life is over. No spontaneous energy, no interest in learning new things.
I really am thinking I'm at a lost cause.
Maybe that's one of the reasons some men go after younger women.
I know I probably just threw down the gauntlet but Hey! just relating my own experiences. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:04:25 AM | OP,
I can't say for anyone else, but for me, women my age are all I'm interested in. If you're in good shape physically, have an active mind, and a healthy respect for yourself and respectful men, I wouldn't worry. I think your prospects are good.
I think that men our age who are attracted to younger women aren't necessarily looking to relive their youth. I think they're looking for a different perspective that allows them to feel a greater sense of liveliness. What I'm about to say might sound a bit hard, but there is a perception that women our age are more vested in the myths and rituals of "chivalry" than in the men themselves.
Younger women might well see us as interstings subjects of study, even if we're not entirely appropriate for them, but hey, that's still a specific interest in us as we are, and not a comparision with a pattern or role that we're just never going to fit. The "knight in shining armor/silver fox" ideal that you all were sold just doesn't fit us and never will--both because it's historically outmoded after the successes of feminism, and because it's contrary to male upbringing. Even before feminism became such a powerful influence, men were raised to be soldiers first and only minimally as husbands.
So, if younger women see us as individuals, that's a very attractive and exciting thing. If you all see us as "candidates," well, candidates for what? | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:18:27 AM | Why do men/women keep coming back for more?
Because, like Rattie said, "there is nothing — absolute nothing — half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats."
That's life. And there is nothing half so much worth doing as messing about in boats with a fellow human being of the opposite sex--friend, lover, fellow-adventurer. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/1/2007 11:20:09 AM |
there is nothing half so much worth doing as messing about in boats with a fellow human being of the opposite sex--friend, lover, fellow-adventurer.
TabithaCat, my new secret crush!!! | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/1/2007 8:51:52 PM | I am 58 and I think your friend is seriously off base. Men between 45 and 60 do not JUST consider younger women for long term relationships. Many men value a woman that is comfortable with her age. I don't apologize for my age, I earned every day. A woman comfortable in her own skin is not needy. She valves good friends and enjoys life. If you meet the kind of man that judges everything by age, you don't need them. Long term relationships are difficult at any age. Don't just settle and don't let anyone make you feel inadequate. Life's too short. Relationships take time and can't be rushed. Good luck and happy hunting, there are still good people out there. Keep the faith.
R | |
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| Calling all 40-60Somethings?
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:09:24 PM | A month after this thread first appeared, a wonderful person came into my life. I do believe that we are headed for one of those exceptional for a lifetime friendships -- growing stronger by the day with all the common bonds that matter to each of us from lifestyle to easy and honest communication. He's 46, and our age difference is inconsequential. My size, however, is: his romantic attraction is only for size 2-4 ladies. Being 40-60something certainly has its physical realities: our knees aren't capable of leaping tall buildings at a single bound, our waistlines seem to be headed for our feet. But being this age also has its plusses: we value genuine honesty communicated with kindness and concern for our feelings as it is offered. I'm very glad that we are friends --- even as i do believe that, were i more his type, i'd be head over heels headed into the soulmate love that so many of us dream about finding someday.
Here's my question now: has your experience suggested that it is size rather than age that most influences that romantic "thing" of which the stuff of long term love is made?
Merry Christmas, Happy Haukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Ramadan, and may the spirit of love and joy this holiday season be yours:) | |
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| Calling all 40-60Somethings?
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:28:35 PM | Wow!! Stargazer, I checked your profile and you are far from being an overweight person. I believe at our age (of course I am older) if someone is just interested in size, they are somewhat shallow by limiting it to size 2-4! As we get older, we can't be expected to be the same size as when we were 20!! I know a lot who contact me is concerned about size or weight too.. Oh well.. such is life.
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JDMD
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Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 837 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/2/2007 3:57:20 PM | Age is indeed only a number....Sex begins in the gray matter...yes a man of 60 may be attracted to a woman of 40....but what do they have in common....culturaly. life experience wise....She may be on the pill and he has grandkids...
it simply dosn't work in a long term relationship in most cases. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/3/2007 3:47:42 AM | I'm 46 and at least as sexually active as I was in my 20's.When I am with a woman that really turns me on I am every bit as excitable as I was 20 years ago.It's all in the chemistry.Age is nothing more than a state of mind.I still feel young,therefore I am.I could be turned on by a 60 something woman if she presented herself in a confident sexy manor.You are only old and undesirable if you put yourself out there in that manor.If you look sexy and feel sexy,you are sexy.I say to the older girls,"You go girls." | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/3/2007 7:02:57 AM | Dear Stargazer46
I am a 50 year old man, but I still feel and act young. What I have found is that women who are 50+ are confident in their skin especially those like you who are fit and beatiful, and this sometimes intimidates men. And ... there is still this old thing about the woman should be younger than the man. For myself I have no hangups about the age its about the company | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/3/2007 12:28:06 PM | | I have a hard time explaining to my friends my dating situation. How can I explain that I am seeing 30 somethings as well as an occasional man my age. It was not intentional, it reflects who has contacted me. I went with the flow and changed my age parameters. I have dated a few who were 60 and have found that the activity level was not going to be a match. If someone tells me they're in the gym at 5 am and in bed by 9pm, well I'm up at that time and stay up later. Not exactly compatible. On the otherhand I have found those younger than me to be quite mature and interesting. I realize that its basically a date. The possibility of a long term relationship will be with someone around my age. I think size is an issue. I had one gentleman let me know that it mattered to him alot and then he sent me a picture. Actually what he meant was my size mattered not his. I was hesitant to see someone younger and more toned and was up front with them that I need to lose weight but I work out alot. I found them to be more accepting, the problem was with me. I have been pleased with my dating experiences, everyone was exactly as I thought and I had no surprises for them. Some never went past the first date, we just didn't click and it was mutual. There are a few that I would like to know more and haven't been interested in new contacts. All in all it has be a surprising and pleasant experience. That's my two cents worth, actually a nickel given how long winded this was. Cat | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/9/2007 12:27:09 AM | The guy who you originally wrote about is telling you the truth. The marektplace changes for women over 45.Your experience is common place. Your friend at the dating agency has reported accurately what goes on. That's not to say some men are interested in over 45, but most aren't. It's not that they are looking for 20 year olds either, just not over 45. That's just the way it is.
Most women's looks really fade at 45, or will shortly thereafter. So at that age, I just won't and haven't considered them.
However, I love long, black curly hair. It's sexy as hell. So maybe the marketplace will clear. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/9/2007 2:21:12 AM |
Most women's looks really fade at 45, or will shortly thereafter. So at that age, I just won't and haven't considered them.
I'm 57, and earlier this year, a 5 year relationship with a woman in her 20s came to an end. In late Spring/early Summer, I met a woman who was then 44, and is now 45, and with her discovered a depth of love that I have never experienced before. There is something extraordinarily attractive in a woman, who is more mature, and remains beautiful, womanly, desirable, and who embraces being a woman, that is far more attractive than a much younger woman, who is attractive with little effort or focus on what it means to be a woman.
Many women, and men, seem to "retire" from being sexual beings, as they mature. If one looks around, it's easy to see who is, and who isn't, still actively aware of themselves as sexual beings, and who is, and who isn't, making an effort to remain attractive to the opposite sex.
So, no, I wouldn't have been attracted to a woman over 40, who, instead of trying to be attractive, insists that "looks don't matter" and is angy and bitter at the fact that "looks do matter" in terms of attraction. However, from experience I've found, that a woman over 40 can be beautiful in a way that no younger woman can be. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 844 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/9/2007 6:07:48 AM |
The marektplace changes for women over 45.Your experience is common place.
Most women's looks really fade at 45, or will shortly thereafter. So at that age, I just won't and haven't considered them.
You will consider them when you are older than 45, but the question is will they consider you.
Savona | |
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| Calling all 40-60Somethings?
Posted: 12/9/2007 6:44:47 AM | | I am a little late in this forum, but its always about the weight and age. I know I am way to cynical. Hope everyone finds what he or she is looking for. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Somethings?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:16:48 AM | Question number 1 - " Should women in my stage of life face "reality" and accept that our chronological age matters more to most men our own age than our physical fitness and all of the other things that we feel we have to offer Mr. Right?"
Question number 2 - Here's my question now: has your experience suggested that it is size rather than age that most influences that romantic "thing" of which the stuff of long term love is made?
I have worked with more than 80% men for almost 30 yrs. now.... and have primarily male friends. I say this so you understand where I am coming from, and that no one single male has shaped my perceptions, and that I have observed hundreds, possibly thousands of men through the years, and seen how they interact with their wives, sisters, coworkers, lovers, etc.
The one thing I have seen time and time again, and it is also true for women, is the "exclusion" thing.... putting someone down or not considering them "relationship material" because of x, y, or z. Yes, we need to find someone physically, emotionally and mentally attractive in order to have a long term relationship with them.... BUT... you also have to have a dose of reality in there.
Any man who says to me that I am too big, too old, too smart, too independent, etc..... I reply with "thanx for doing me a favour." The fact of the matter is, these people with the strict guidelines and lists are setting themselves up for failure.... and whether it is conscious or not, it tells me that they have not dealt with their baggage sufficiently. If they "just haven't met the right one" then they don't have to take responsibility for things do they? They don't want a long term relationship, they want anything but that, I think. Why?... well, then they risk the pain etc. that comes from getting truly emotionally involved..... and they are not ready for that..... because they have not dealt with their baggage sufficiently.
So, Stargazer... I would say that both of these men are suffering from "unchecked baggage - itis".... they don't really want a relationship. If they did, they would relax their "list" a little.... and would be able to what is right under their noses.... and maybe they would be willing to take the risk of the heart that is required for a relationship.
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| Calling all 40-60Somethings?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:59:34 AM |
The one thing I have seen time and time again, and it is also true for women, is the "exclusion" thing.... putting someone down or not considering them "relationship material" because of x, y, or z. Yes, we need to find someone physically, emotionally and mentally attractive in order to have a long term relationship with them.... BUT... you also have to have a dose of reality in there.
Any man who says to me that I am too big, too old, too smart, too independent, etc..... I reply with "thanx for doing me a favour." The fact of the matter is, these people with the strict guidelines and lists are setting themselves up for failure.... and whether it is conscious or not, it tells me that they have not dealt with their baggage sufficiently. If they "just haven't met the right one" then they don't have to take responsibility for things do they? They don't want a long term relationship, they want anything but that, I think. Why?... well, then they risk the pain etc. that comes from getting truly emotionally involved..... and they are not ready for that..... because they have not dealt with their baggage sufficiently.
 WELL stated "Godddesss"!!! | |
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| Calling all 40-60Somethings?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:33:48 AM |
The one thing I have seen time and time again, and it is also true for women, is the "exclusion" thing.... putting someone down or not considering them "relationship material" because of x, y, or z. Yes, we need to find someone physically, emotionally and mentally attractive in order to have a long term relationship with them.... BUT... you also have to have a dose of reality in there.
Good post, goddesss13, in many ways. The one thing that I would inject here is that having "reasonable" filters isn't an "exclusion" thing, so much as it is that men, who are in touch with themselves, know what will, and won't, attract them. There has to be some attraction, for there to be a romantic relationship, and for most people, there are one or two "absolutes", that can make attraction impossible.
As you say, though, it has to be based on reality. I have often referred to that whole thing as the "market". One has to check his preferences against his own "market value", and weigh preferences carefullly so as to not end up with a "shopping list" that makes it impossible to ever find someone, who could reasonably be expected to find him attractive to her. Otherwise, long lists of preferences is just another avoidant tactic. telling himself that he's "open" to finding a relationship, but complaining that there aren't any attractive women in this place or that.
In my own case, too, and it relates to the OP, if one has one specific "preference" that he elevates above all others, he may well find what he's looking for. However, in making "young and pretty" the goal, he may find out that the "young and pretty" women available to him, are also dysfunctional and issue laden.
That whole area of preferences, is one that I know that I had to examine within myself, and in doing so, discovered that the preference that I had, immediately after divorce, was based on an unhealthy need for external validation to feel better about myself, instead of owning my responsibility for a failed marriage. For me, and I think for many men, the whole "younger woman" thing is a dysfunctional way to deal with issues that come after long marriages, and once one regains a balanced view of himself, the dyfunctional "need" for a "cute, young thing" fades away, and, in my case, I found that women closer to my age, or in the same stage of life, are a far better "fit", and it is far more likely to find a long term, mutually fulfilling relationship with someone more mature. | |
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billi1
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Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 850 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:52:11 AM |  I hear ya!!! Seems like there are a bunch of 50 plus Kens out there thinking they are all that and a piece of toast and gonna find themselves a twenty year old Barbie!! Wake up and smell the coffee guys!! You are probably over-looking an orchid while searching for a rose.
We, "older ladies" have got a lot more going on for us than you give us credit for!!
I may be 54, but I still look good all dolled up and got killer legs!! Most of us ladies are worth our weight in gold, not the eye candy that we used to be, but still treasures.
I met a guy last nite, my age. Dull, boring and way past his years. We didn't hit it off and I was so glad when dinner was over, but I think that was his problem. Thinks he is still a Brad Pitt wanna be and is searching for his Angelina!! | |
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