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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/21/2008 3:48:02 PM | | I read your artical and I'd like to say that I am 61 and age means nothing to me. If a woman is great looking and has a great bod,good mind ,and can support her self I could care less about age. Problem is as age progresses we seem to accept the fact we are not as attractive as we once were. For the die hard few of us that try to stay up beat and look good physically there are only a few takers. Who can blame the young for being young looking. I am sure we would switch places with them. Like the guy said......youth is wasted on the young. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/22/2008 2:17:36 PM | I find this question funny! My experience is people are all different and have different priorities. I am a very athletic in shape guy, well educated, articulate. Yet to me, woman pay way more attention to my height (5'7"ish) than my other qualities. Such as, whether the person is honest, fun, articulate and a true gentleman. But I also know there are woman that do value those qualities. Not every woman, but there are many and I have met them. I think you just happen to be looking or are attracted to the wrong guys. I think there are plenty of men that date women their age. For myself I have dated women 10 years younger to 9 years older.
Let face it, dating on POF is basically blind dating! That is the one good thing about meeting someone the "old fashion" way. You know what they truly look like, and most instances what their personalities are like. In a lot of instances people you wouldn't be attracted to if you just saw their profile on POF, you would date if you met at work or other venue. Where you could see more of their personality.
To sum it up, I think there are many men and women that do try a look a little deeper. Just take time to find those people.
DCMATE | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/22/2008 3:34:30 PM | msg #1403
checked out your profile- was ok til I read " I seem to attract older women,couch potatoes,smokers and flakes." WTH does THAT mean?? I am neither a couch potato, smoker or a flake.
I'm 54 so that qualifies me as an "older woman" I suppose. You lead an interesting life, it must be nice to travel so much. Not all of us are able to do that. You probably want younger women to "keep up" with you.
You are missing out on a lot of lovely women.. but thats your choice | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/22/2008 3:40:24 PM | msg #1409
not a damn thing wrong with your height & you are pretty cute too. Some people are looking for perfection (good luck) & others are just too shallow. Altho chemistry is important, you dont have to look like a movie star to attract a great potential partner.
Now why are you so far away LOL | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/22/2008 3:50:44 PM | I sure didn't read all the pages so I will probably be redundant. Oh well. ha! first off, was this guy referring to 'all' men over 45.... even ol 63 yr. old me???? Hmmmmm? Well, who does he think he is! har. My suspicion is that he was attempting to comment on some of the sort of primordial inherent traits of the male sex. True, it is... we, as men... have a tendency to look for and be attracted to...(and perhaps hook up with long term) younger women. Any man who claims different is probably not in touch with himself. Now, that does not mean we are compelled to act on this, or restrict our hunts to this urge. Not at all! Its just part of the Male stuff. Its the same thing with the multiple partners. Males, by nature , tend to be more promiscuous and impulsive. Why do you think the most promiscuous creatures on earth are gay men?? You got two of em thinking alike!!
But... for the OP: Fear not. And please, rest easier. Not all of us remain slaves to our youthful primordial impulses.... (mostly...ha!) If we actually engage in a serious maturation process, we start getting over this. We look for and see beauty and brains where ever it is. We become accepting, and best of all.... Grateful! I'll be honest... I still have a tendency to look a 'little' bit younger than me in age. I'm not going to akpologize for it. But, the difference is that I am open, and you smart women out there will hopefully keep educating me on the finer points of all this. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 3:31:53 PM | Like the previous poster, I'm coming in late here, and not going to read all the pages on this subject, so I suspect some of what I say will be reiteration of a position, but from my own perspective.
Dating in the post-50 range can raise some unique situations that generally aren't much of a consideration for younger people. I'm beyond the point that any 20-somethings, or even 30-somethings would be unlikely to look at me as a prospective partner anyway. And, while I might consider dating someone 10-12 years younger than I am, it's unlikely that I would consider dating someone that much older than I am, but on the other hand, I'm not sure how comfortable I would be dating someone UNDER 40. I don't want to mention watching Carson's monologue every night before I went to work on my third shift job, only to hear "Who?" I don't want to be with someone saying "We can't take off for a 3-day weekend! Paul Jr. has school on Monday!" (Or worse [again, only from my perspective] "My clock is ticking!" I raised my children, changed diapers, fed babies, and I'm not looking to do it full-time again. I have six wonderful grandchildren, all of whom I can hold out and say "Mom, I think somebody needs changing!" and not feel at all guilty. )
At the other end of the spectrum, at my age, the kind of ladies I'm attracted to have generally made better choices in life than I have. And they are looking for people who have made choices in their lives that were as good. Many of them are beyond the point of career-building, but instead can now take it a little easier at work, take that 3-day weekend, or have vacation compensation packages that allow them 3 or 4 (or more weeks) of the year, and may be frustrated by the fact that I don't have that kind of free time. Many of them are looking to retire in the not-too-distant future, and they don't want to be hanging around the house all the time waiting for me to be done working so I can pay attention to them, or waiting another 10 or 12 years for me to retire so we can travel together or move across country, or whatever. While my interests don't lay in exactly "retirement living" yet, I would like to move to the Southwest one of these days and retire there. Someone with a close-knit family (unlike mine), living where they grew up, perhaps in a home they own or are close to owning free and clear, their children and grandchildren and possibly even elderly parents close by, may not want to move somewhere far away from all that, while I have little to nothing tying me to my location.
So, my answer to the OP is that no, your chronological age doesn't matter more than a host of other factors. But for ME (and I can only speak for myself), stages of life and impending lifestyle decisions make dating someone 8-10 years older than myself a little unlikely. If I was 40 and met a lady who was 50, yet whom I found attractive and a fit for the partner I seek, we would have 5-15 years ahead of us yet, to make decisions about how to arrive at similar points in our lives for retiring together and such, time to sort out what our golden years together would look like. At 3 weeks shy of 53, to date someone 60 or 63 or 65, there isn't that luxury of time to make plans and work to arrive at the same point.
That's not to say that it couldn't happen. But the things I would be thinking about discussing on a second or third date would be a lot different than the things I would be thinking about discussing with someone closer to the same stage of life I am. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 4:49:17 PM | | In my 15 years of post divorce dating experience it is the older women who want the men to spend money on them just like in the "old days" whereas the young women in their 30's and early 40's who I date expect things to be more 50-50. Moreover most of the older women have lost interest in sex - they just want a man to take them out, "treat them like a lady" and spend money on them - whereas the 30's through early 40's women are egalitarian and very interested in sex. Three cheers for the younger generation! | |
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JTJ46
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Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 1408 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 4:50:02 PM | Wow!!
I just rejoined following a few seasons outside the pond. I'm this thread's OP (my original screen name was apparently taken when i tried to re-sign).
Several months ago, the gentleman who, um, ah, well, "inspired" the original post for this topic c ontacted me. His e-mail was headed "Like a Boomerang" and imagine my surprise when he asked if i'd like to go out for dinner sometime soon. Apparently the woman with whom he has been romantically/monogamously involved over the past year (about 15-20 years his junior) decided that she'd met her soulmate --- who is 10-15 years younger his junior.
Since all of the above has occurred, here are my own experience-based conclusions about 40-60something males:
1) the higher their level of education, the more likely they are to seek women 10-20 years younger ;
2) the higher their income, the more likely they are to seek women 10-20 years younger;
3) the lower their BMI's, heart rates, and blood pressures ---- and --- the higher their heights and number of hairs on their heads, the more likely they are to seek women 10-20 years younger.
There are exceptions to the above: they include men of science (i.e. engineers, mathematicians, and chemists, and physicists) and men who are citizens of countries outside of North America. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 5:30:11 PM | JTJ46, I hope you didn't accept his dinner invitation after once being told you're basically too old.
Yes, they may have hair, be tall, and college grads, but men in the 60s generally look old to me. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 5:49:19 PM | | Gaddflye..you are just meeting the wrong ones. Look harder. My girlfriends range in age from 35 - 60 and the older ones are more interested in sex than the younger ones! They have their own money and don't need a man to pay for them. I think you are just making excuses...(PS..not meant to be an insult or anything..I'm just speaking my opinion on the subject.) | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:01:45 PM | JGirl, I know you mean well but I have been dating a long time and have many experiences which support my previous statement. For example, about a year ago one of my lady friends wanted me to meet a woman she knew, 4 years younger than me and I said OK. I knew this woman's former husband professionally and I knew she was a very, very wealthy woman - private jet wealthy. I said OK. We met, I bought the coffees. I felt no sexual attraction but she lives nearby and I thought she would be OK to see a movie with now and then. I clearly told her at the coffee I saw her as a possible friend, but not to date. She called a day or so later and asked me to go for a walk. I said I could not. Then a few days later I called and asked her if she wanted to see a movie together and she said OK. When I went to the ticket window she disappeared. I thought, OK, she can buy the popcorn. She wanted popcorn but again disappeared so I paid. She ate the G.D. popcorn one kernal at a time for two hours. Drove me crazy. After the movie was over I quickly took her home. I remained courteous throughout this ordeal. She emailed my friend (who forwarded me the email) and said she had a nice time on our DATE! I almost threw up when I read it.
Contrast that with a woman I date whose mother is ten years younger than my exwife. Half the time when we go out she gives the restaurant her credit card ahead of time to cover the check because she knows I will try to pay. She does not tell me ahead of time but just surprises me. She is a looker, sweet and nice and enjoys sex with me. I have to ask myself why the h*ll am I even bothering to meet a woman close to my age? All they want is for me to spend money on them, no sex. Why bother? | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:08:35 PM | I am really sorry you have had experiences like that Gaddflye..I guess I'm kind of in the same boat, I've had so many bad experiences with men over 40 that I don't date them any more. Thanks for the explanation.
PS.
It's weird though, since most of the younger women I know don't pay for a thing..hmmm.... | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:14:32 PM |
It's weird though, since most of the younger women I know don't pay for a thing..hmmm....
Well you just blew my theory, I thought it was a California thing....I'm with ya.... hmmm.
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:24:09 PM | | From my 15 years of personal dating experiences it is the younger women who are egalitarian, sexual and treat me well. The older ones just try to use me. I am more sexually attracted to the younger ones and am rarely so to the older ones so I rarely bother with them anyway. I am sticking to the younger ones. Life is much more pleasant and fulfilling for me that way. Just my take on things. It works for me. Do your own thing if that does not work for you. It is a free country, Canada or the USA. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:58:35 PM |
Contrast that with a woman I date whose mother is ten years younger than my exwife. Half the time when we go out she gives the restaurant her credit card ahead of time to cover the check because she knows I will try to pay. She does not tell me ahead of time but just surprises me. She is a looker, sweet and nice and enjoys sex with me. I have to ask myself why the h*ll am I even bothering to meet a woman close to my age? All they want is for me to spend money on them, no sex. Why bother?
Why are you on here, even dating at all, if you are in a relationship? Or is this more the fwb thing where there are no emotions involved? Because usually once repetitive sex is involved, it usually moves to a form of relationship-IMHO.
Could it be just that the older women were brought up in a different time when men still did pay for everything? I try to pay 1/2 of whatever we do-they won't always let me, but I'll leave the tip if they truly insist on paying. Though I've got a gf thats a few yrs older than I am, and she never offers.
I would think that the younger you went, the more chance there is that she might have kids at home and less extra cash to go out on dates. Though its that way with the men, too.
HR 
HR | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/23/2008 9:02:50 PM | Not all of us remain slaves to our youthful primordial impulses.... (mostly...ha!) If we actually engage in a serious maturation process, we start getting over this.
The first time I read this I thought you wrote, "We actually engage in a serious masturbation process, we start getting over this...WHAT!!!  ....
We look for and see beauty and brains where ever it is. We become accepting, and best of all.... Grateful! I'll be honest... I still have a tendency to look a 'little' bit younger than me in age. I'm not going to akpologize for it. But, the difference is that I am open, and you smart women out there will hopefully keep educating me on the finer points of all this.
Hmmm, interesting....I on the other hand have always been attracted to someone older than myself....not to say I haven't dated younger cause I have. When I was in my early 30's I dated a guy almost 10 years younger, but to be honest I was very uncomfortable with it and after a bit I found I couldn't communicate with him on certain levels....the 10 year gap in our age definitely made a difference, to me anyhow. He was fine with it.
...maeflowers | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/24/2008 7:15:56 AM | | Hi there . This is the first time I have looked seriously at these forums. The reason being that I have no idea what I am doing wrong. From reading your post, i now have reason to believe that there is a lot of truth in what the guy said. I have had countless compliments about looking great and am very much younger than my chronological age in my lifestyle and body fitness, have been on many dates and all very positive. then nothing!!! I have often known the competition is fierce out there re younger women but im not giving up.... We have a lot to offer so keep looking. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/24/2008 8:00:59 AM |
The first time I read this I thought you wrote, "We actually engage in a serious masturbation process, we start getting over this...WHAT!!! ....
The men's shirt imagery must have awoken something in you.... | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/24/2008 8:29:16 AM |
The men's shirt imagery must have awoken something in you
...(lol) maybe....ahhh, the imagination is a wonderful thing.
...maeflowers | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/24/2008 8:49:38 AM | That it is........but......but.....but........"reality" is so much better......  
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/24/2008 8:58:01 AM |
That it is........but......but.....but........"reality" is so much better....
...You are so right.....maybe you'll "get lucky" tonight and santa will leave a little something in you're stocking.
...maeflowers | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/24/2008 9:04:08 AM | And with my luck and life on POF..........the "stocking stuffer's" might be there, but alas, the stores are all closed now and I forgot to buy batteries....... 
The "true" gift giver would make sure that "batteries" were INCLUDED.......
Just my opinion....... | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/25/2008 6:15:25 PM | It really depends on the type of woman. There are some extremely attractive and witty 50-60+ females too. And if they are pleasant , intelligent and not too stuck in their ways, they can also have lots of fun with dating and/or finding a long term fit too. But generically speaking, yes, you are right, I have many friends above 50 that would not date anybody above 40, especially when they can find young women my age with the same level of maturity and intelligence. Very handsome men above 50 do prefer younger women: it feels natural to them. Some older men will not appreciate extremely independent women because they make them feel useless. I can understand why: men like to feel needed.
Personally, I get too bored with men under 50: not enough life experience for my taste and too much unresolved issues. However, if I wasn't decently attractive and decently interesting, they would not even look at me. It wouldn't matter which age I was. It's a fact of life and it's too bad, really. Women are more sensitive in this regard. See, as long as there are women with my taste around....it's going to be tough to find a long term match for a woman 15 years older that has the same or less than me to offer - in every sense.
Older women must keep physically fit and internally alive. However wit, wisdom and balance may make a difference. It really depends on the type of woman, in my opinion.
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 12/25/2008 10:34:17 PM | | You know, I haven't noticed an age difference in whether women pay their "fair share." Rarely have I gone on a date where the woman hasn't offered to pay or share costs. Most frequently I'll pay for dinner and they'll offer to pay for a movie or insist on paying for dinner on the condition that I take them for a movie (That lady was 53 I think though she hardly looked it). On the occasions where they haven't offered it was clear far in advance that my economic status meant I could afford it and theirs clearly suggested they couldn't at that point in their lives. A divorcee returning to school so only working part time may be a social peer but not an economic peer. I tend to take the position that if I ask, I pay and if they ask they should be capable of covering the expense. In reality that is negotiable. I like paying for a date, though I am hardly a spendthrift. I think it eliminates economic issues and allows us to enjoy eachother's company. | |
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