| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:25:10 AM | Not saying that this is my atitude, but a question- why, if a SO owes a single parent nothing as part of a relationship, should a parent put them ahead of their kids who give them the love, time, attention, affection and devotion they are owed. Yeah, I'd place a man feels he should owe nothing over my kids who give me all of the things this SO doesn't feel he has to.
Make any more sense to you now? Your kids will not up and walk out on you. They won't cheat on you. They won't tell you they love you and then change their mind, telling you they're not in love with you anymore. Maybe the parents place their relationship with their kids first , because unlike every SO they've had, their kids have never hurt them or let them down. But if they had a valid reason, then you couldn't justifiably rant the way you do. Try to put yourself in someone else's shoes for a change, instead of being on the outside looking in and commenting on what you see.
BTW- IMO, when the situation merits it and their need is greatest, a child does come first, just like anyone else I loved and was in need. | |
|
| |
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:05:24 PM | Yankee I agree three needs to be balance..both people in a marriage need to contribute to the relationship..non one is owed anything before the relationship is formed.
In his case the OP needs to learn balance as does her now ex. | |
|
| |
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/7/2007 4:38:00 PM | Yes well i think that would be the woman's decision to put her self first.In my situation where i live in a different city that my daughter who lives with her mom but shared custody and terms of half of summer ,half of christmas, and found when i was younger i believed that was important to my daughter that she was number one,well now that she is 12 and im 38 ,you realize that u nd to take care of yourself ,like i and know that(and my daughter know )that she will always be my sweetie daughter ...but daddy needs a opportunity to make his life better. Bottom line: eventually kids know why its time for daddy to get his number one gal and live his life.At least this is my experience ,know that it is time for my little girl soon to grow up and that i nd to live my life  | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/7/2007 6:24:18 PM | | I would agree that you just need to date guys with no children because you should not and cannot be first above someone's child...it is the love and the job as a parent to always put your child first and these days you have to be very careful what you expose your children to so you need to respect that..if you cant handle being #2 then find men who arent fathers...you can be there for one another ..thats has nothing to do with the child | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:13:30 PM |
if you cant handle being #2 then find men who arent fathers
So in other words, single parents should get the hell off this site because none of us can commit to relationships with anyone other than our children?
It's really weird, because I find myself able to still do things. I can go to a concert and still love my daughter. I can go to work and still love my daughter. I can hang out with my mom, my sister, my friend, my cousin, or even (gasp!) a woman and still love my daughter. And you know what? She's still happy to see me even after all that time I invest in relationships with people other than her! Holy sh*t, eh? | |
|
jdf56
|
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 333 | |
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:48:36 AM | | I don't know if you'll ever come first cause I don't know you or your friend? In my eyes your partner should come first and you and he should make it clear to any children that you are a set[2] biologically or not ,cause when the kids are grown who's gonna be left with who?John | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:48:07 PM | | Any GOOD parent will ALWAYS put there children first over anyone! If you cant handle that then u should date someone who has no children! It does appear that you are very insecure for some reason! Anyone who is jealous of a parents relationship with their child, would in my opinion, have some security issues or maybe something more serious!! Maybe you need to take a look at yourself instead of complaining about from what i have heard, is a loyal caring sensible man! | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:55:55 PM |
why is this very simple thing so difficult to understand?
I'm wondering the same thing.
your point isnt even beside this one,, its another one altogether.
My point is every bit what this is about. A relationship involves give and take. If someone with a child says their partner will only ever be second, that means they are only taking and never giving. That cannot and will not equal a good relationship, hence if you can't undertsand that sometimes your partner does come first, you should not waste their time with your selfishness of expecting them to give to you what you will never reciprocate. | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:35:47 PM | | If a man puts his child first and treats you as a stranger then maybe you ought to go looking elsewhere. But a man should put his on flesh and blood up not treat them like 2nd best. He and you should come to an agreement before getting hitched. That you will be a family and treat the son like he was your own. If you do not want children then look for guys who have NONE! | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 1:29:09 AM | Surely the parentage of the child doesn't make them any less deserving of their father's attention?
If she had stolen him away from a 15 year long marriage, would that make the CHILD of that marriage more deserving of time spent with his father? So is a child of a one night stand LESS deserving of time spent with his father?
Surely it matters not one whit to the child how he was begat, but that he was at all ....
The situation between the one night stand woman, the wife and the husband and the second child is all COMPLETELY IRRELAVENT to the existing child. The fact of the matter is that he is more deserving because he is a child. He should always be put first. The OP can find another husband if she gets fed up, the child cannot find another biological father. | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 6:22:56 AM | Ok just read your post.. and not going to say your right or wronge ( as don't know you ) but will just say this. if it were you with a child, wouldn't you put him or her first I would hope so.. myself like many single parents that are beinging to date again, want those that we date to understand that we had a life before the new partner came along.. and this life may mean that we have children I think that you are looking for someone to spend time with without haveing to deal with what this person had before he meet you .. myself I don't think that it's a good thing that he has his child sleep with him. as this is not going to help the child understand that dad has a new partner.. also I do think you have to come second best, but you will always have to understand that no matter how long you are with this man , he will always be needed by his children. I don't understand why you are with someone that has children if you don't want to be a part of their lives as well.  | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 7:26:56 AM | OP if you are expecting or even wanting to come first with a mate that has a child then possibly you have yet to learn what it is to be a parent. I have two children and nobody will ever come before them nor would I expect to be put above someone elses child. The world can't revolve around you when you are with someone who has children. I personally would lose respect for a man that put me ahead of his children.
From what I read in your thread your not even close to ready for a relationship with a grown man who has children, he has this child every other weekend and you are ready to demand to be first? ummmm selfish much? My advice for you would be to wait until you are considerably more mature to try a relationship like this one. I'm not trying to be bashing, but you really do need a reality check here. | |
|
| |
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:39:55 AM | Once again Chef I agree with you. I just do ont understand those that take things to extremes and say. The child always comes first. It is easy to say there are times when a child should come first and times when the parents should come first (that also includes step parents.)
Those who refues to see that wonder why they can not get dates or can't find a serious relationship. | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 10:07:35 AM | niceguy99a
I have read the facts.
I have understood the facts.
I then REREAD the facts, to ensure I understood them.
BUT
The fact that they are true and make grammatical sense is no indication of their relevancy - which is nil.
You can rant about facts all you like - it won't change the way decent people feel about their kids. | |
|
| |
| |
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 1:24:20 PM | If you date a man who has a child and they weren't top priority then dump him.
Because there is an indication of his reliability to commitments. And if he can be casual with his own child then why would you want to know him? It would show an amazing shallowness and lack of deep emotion.
It is hard but if you don't want to share then keep away from single parents. Simple as that. | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 5:55:19 PM |
The fact that they are true and make grammatical sense is no indication of their relevancy - which is nil. You can rant about facts all you like - it won't change the way decent people feel about their kids.
THE FATHER IS NOW A DEAD BEAT FATHER AND HAS STOPPED PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR HIS TWO CHILDREN
THOSE CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER THAN TO HAVE A DEAD BEAT FATHER
ANY MAN CAN HELP MAKE A CHILD BUT NOT ALL MEN KNOW HOW TO BE A DAD
I AGREE THE OP CARES MORE ABOUT HER STEP-SON THEN HIS FATHER WHO IS ALSO KNOW AS THE SPERM DONER.
| |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/11/2007 7:18:33 PM | I agree with you...Children do come first when they are small and can not defend themselves but today if alot more parents spent more time with each other than children only then divorce might not be so high....If a child is not taught to respect the relationship their parents have then later down the road they will use the parents to their advantage...
Your spouse is your other half... so you cant never handle problem with only half of yourself it takes both to raise kids today... she may not have been this child mother but he chose to enter her into his childs life and he should have respected that. besides if he was that afraid he should've LOCKED THE DOOR then no one would've gotten surprised... | |
|
| |
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/12/2007 5:25:32 PM | If you date a man who has a child and they weren't top priority then dump him.
There's a difference between top priority and always coming first. And I think that's why people have such a hard time deciphering this whole issue. My daughter is my top priority, but I have other responsibilities as well. To say she always comes first says that no other responsibility I have matters. If she's at school and has a runny nose, should I leave my job and rush there to wipe it? If she wants to play checkers, should I forget about the pork chops on the stove and allow them to burn? Think I'm exaggerating? Show me an example anywhere in this thread where any of the people boasting from their "children always come first" pedestal have drawn the line. Understand why some of us are getting sick of this martyr syndrome? | |
|
| When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 9/16/2007 8:17:23 PM | | If you don't mind I have to be blunt. Yes I think your being selfish. I'm sure your shrugging it off because of my age but I have dated females with kids and I pushed them to put their children before me and when they had to put them before me I stood back respectfully. Even when two people get married and have children together it should be the same way. Something you should think about. The same happens in marriage or when your single. Kids should always come first. I've seen kids who had parents put themselves over them and they ended up feeling neglected and rejected. Not good for them especially when they are trying to develop self esteem and if their parents aren't together it makes it harder for them to develop that self esteem. Wanting complete attention from the other is totally normal for everyone. But like I said, once you have children things change. KIDS ALWAYS COME FIRST. That's why you always see parents pulling double shifts so they can support their kids. | |
|
Home
login 
