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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:35:03 PM | Well *sigh* for the majority of the time I've known them I wasn't dating anyone. And did go do things together, wowsers even been at their apts. Like going to my brother's house, I've known many of the girls they've dated and they never considered me a threat. I think that's a much better test than staging some false scenario.
Like I said this isn't about me, I don't have the "problem" the OP does. Never have. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:38:09 PM | | I have a few great female friends. Sometimes we go out and even spend time behind doors. BUT when a relationship begins I don't think it's appropriate to spend time alone with your friends of the opposite sex behind closed doors. Even though it's a platonic relationship I just think it's disrespectful to your mate. Maybe after a year or so when they get to know your friends it might be OK but not right off. Have some respect for your mates feelings. Of course he will wonder if your friendship is patonic. He shouldn't have to go through that. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:42:46 PM |
OP, boy friend = boyfriend. Girl friend = girlfriend. Why?
Because boys don't have any intention of being friends with a girl unless they are going to be his girlfriend. To put it another way, boys only have female friends that they and their friends want to sleep with, and pass around like a party favour. Are you a party favour? Do you want to be thought of as one?
Don't believe me? Then why would a boy hang out with someone who he clearly fancies (you're hot) and isn't sleeping with. It hurts them to do that. Why would they do that unless they think they will = you're easy.
Personally? Sometimes I'll hang out with a girl who is hot because I like her company...just not enough so that I'd ever sleep with her. There's a bit more to the equation for me than base level friendship and physical attraction. If something more isn't there, I'm not sleeping with anyone. I've also never thought about passing a girl around with my friends like a party favor. The thought of even sleeping with someone who would even do that is kind of disgusting in the first place. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 29 | |
| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/5/2007 11:19:16 PM |
Can guys not handle the fact that a girl has guy friends? Is it wrong that I have guy friends? What's everyones thoughts.
1) Stop generalising.
2) Date guys who are more confident and secure, and by confident I don't mean acting out. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/6/2007 3:37:36 AM | | Friends of the opposite sex hardly ever works. It can only lead to relationship problems. Would you want your man hanging out with a bunch of woman, possibly leading to a weak moment with each other. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/6/2007 3:52:29 AM | | I've always had more male friends than female, and it has never been an issue. They know the boundaries and would never do anything that would be considered 'poaching'. My husband also had a number of female friends, again never a threat, his ex girlfriend wound up being a close friend of mine, and was even a bridesmaid in my wedding. Its a matter of acting appropriately, and trust--one before the other IMO. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/6/2007 5:29:46 AM | | I personally throw a red flag on even dating a girl who has an abundance of guy friends. I would be asking for conflict, unless of course I am just trying to F*ck her, then who cares? | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/6/2007 8:48:41 AM | I tried to explain this to my sister who wanted to go camping alone with five "Guy Friends" who were amazingly sweet, friends with her bf, and church goers. I told her that if anyone of them was given the opportunity they would screw her brains out. I told her they probably even masturbate and think about her. Its the truth, i dont care what any other guy on here says to look good. That is why guys dont get too excited when they here "Oh, i have mostly guy friends."
Ya, no kidding, they all want to screw you and are waiting for their moment to shine.
Don't belive me? Ask them to have sex.... | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 7/6/2007 8:57:42 AM | | Well OP! There is nothing wrong with having male friends as long as they are either gay, married, or significantly out of your league. Make no mistake about it, all your male friends want to get into your pants (except for the categories mentioned above) and your prospective boyfriend knows this. If you don't believe me, here is your acid test. Call one of your male "friends" and tell him that you want to have sex with him and see what happens!!! Odds favor that he will be knocking on your door before you hang up the phone. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:53:57 PM | | i now what u mean my man is like that he dont like me chatting to guys coz he thinks im going to leave him for them like i would he is the father of my kids god dam it all i can say is that males do suck somtimes | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/3/2007 8:57:55 PM | I personally couldn't care less if I am with someone and she has girlfriends, guy friends or hangs with monkeys in trees  . Only those who are insecure with themselves and their relationships are the ones who get jealous and do not like the idea of their spouse having outside friendships with the opposite sex.
I look at it this way ... do what you want, go out if you want and have fun cuz you should not give up your life or your friends just cuz we are seeing each other now. Cheat on me or use me and I don't care if i'm with ya for 10 days or 10 years i'll walk out faster then I came in so it's not a big deal to me.
It is called TRUST people!!!!!! It is needed if you want anything long lasting and healthy!!!!!!!!!! If you have no trust then what do you have? | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/3/2007 10:16:50 PM | | I'm all for women having guy friends. I have a good amount of female friends and its nothing but friendship, so I don't see what the big problem would be. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/3/2007 10:41:11 PM | kungfuguitarist you are on Santa's BAD LIST Now !!!!!!!!!!!!
1) If I don't trust her I don't date her
2) As long as she comes home to me.........I DON"T CARE Who her friends are. Hopefully soon they will be my friends too. Because If I am dating her because she's cool .....I figure her friends are cool too.
3) OF COURSE they are attracted to her on some level, they are friends because they respect the boundries of the relationship. And yes when guys first approach a woman that maybe the initial thought. But if you realize a relationship wouldn't work but shes to cool for a one night stand .......friendship becomes the better option.
4) All these guys that say no guy friends, I don't want guys looking, talking ect.
If all men stopped looking, talking, being friends ect..... They'd first wonder why and then dump you cause there must be something wrong with you. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:14:33 AM | | Most affairs start out as friendship. It has nothing to do with trust or insecurity. It's about avoiding risk. All it takes is one weak moment. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:50:49 AM |
boy friend = boyfriend. Girl friend = girlfriend. Why?
Because boys don't have any intention of being friends with a girl unless they are going to be his girlfriend. To put it another way, boys only have female friends that they and their friends want to sleep with, and pass around like a party favour. Are you a party favour? Do you want to be thought of as one?
As a small child I lived right next door to my mother's extended family. All her brothers and sisters had homes right around ours and so all of their children and myself played together. They were ALL boys except me. Having spent so much time with boys as a really young kid I was always more comfortable with boys/men than I was with girls/women all through grade school, middle school, high school..Still am and I'm nearly 30. My best friend is a guy. A very happily married guy. I've known him since we were both 17. I've never done anything more than hug him - ever! He calls me often, I call him often. If his wife answers the phone I talk to her for awhile. They live out of town and sometimes I go and spend the weekend there. If he or he and his wife are in town we have lunch or dinner together. I get along great with both of them and I'm quite sure she's never been jealous or worried about us being friends and she shouldn't be...I think of him like the big brother I never had. I've got other male friends, too. All in LTR or married and I still talk to them, too. When I originally met most of these guy friends we were practically kids so all of us were unattached. I was never treated like a "party favor" and there were never inappropriate advances, comments, or flirtations from them. I was always "just one of the guys". I've been single alot more than I've been attached, never dated much, so it wasn't a matter of waiting til I was single or vice versa. We were and are just friends, no different than any 2 friends of the same sex. The only difference that I've been able to tell is they get to talk to me about things they might not feel comfortable discussing with another guy.
Since I've really not dated much I don't have a whole lot of experience with having to deal with bringing up the fact to a guy I'm involved with. The last one was ok with it, at least for the short time we seen each other. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 8:13:55 AM | "It has nothing to do with trust or insecurity. It's about avoiding risk. All it takes is one weak moment." It is about trust and there's not insecurity if you have trust. A weak moment, pfft...how about lack of self control. There's only one man in this world that makes me "weak in the knees", weak in the mind, never.
If we didn't have trust, well then we should just never leave the house. We encounter people of the opposite sex continually, but it's only temptation if you're tempted.
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 11:31:57 AM | MSG 36, it's not about a chap trusting his girlfriend with her male friends, it's those male friends he doesn't trust.
Unless he is gay, EVERY* bloke will ahem, rise to the bait if it is presented to him. It's nature, a primal thang, dealt with at a subconscious level.
I think women are woefully ignorant of this simply because their brains don't function like ours. They forget how dim we blokes actually are. They know a friend is a friend and nothing will change that once it is decided. The male friend may tell himself it is "just friends" but given the right triggers, once chemicals mix and, worst of all, blood starts pumping, it is very very difficult to resist, no matter how much he knows he should. Not impossible, but difficult!
He'll be full of regret afterwards, totally confused because he may not have even seen it coming, but by then it is too late, one golden solid friendship destroyed and possibly one more woman who thinks blokes are low-life scumbags with one thing on their mind. (Alternatively, he may just think "Bingo, mission accomplished!")
I have no problem with a girlfriend having male friends, so long as she is well aware of this fact, she should know that something perfectly innocent to the female mind may be a come-on to the primitive male brain, and the consequences may be embarrasing or even dangerous. I wouldn't want her putting herself in an awkward position out of pure ignorance or naiivety, so hope she would respect my opinion and keep them at arm's length.
It's a bit like "tame" animals, there is no such thing, if you display behavioural triggers, instinct MAY take over and all of a sudden you are prey. Best to be well aware of that and ready to deal with it, or better still, not to put yourself in a that position.
Incidentally, I'm not saying it's OK for blokes to steam in with the excuse "I couldn't help it, it was primal instinct", I'm saying that it is difficult to counter and unless the chap is 100% resolved against it, it will prevail. Unfortunately, deep down inside, our urge is to breed with as many females as possible, being 95% resolved against it is enough of a gap when opportunity knocks!
* OK, maybe not EVERY bloke, but by far the vast majority. Let's put it this way, I'd be very suspicious of a bloke who DIDN'T rise to the bait, must be something not right about him!! | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 4:35:35 PM | If I could spend a night hanging out with friends, I would choose to be with my guy friends because I can relate to them most. My humor, my interests, my logics, best complimented with like minded people.
MOST girls I've hung out with, on my own, I have had an interest in. Many of my guy friends have been the same way, based on observation. I have enough friends, right now, so having more isn't a huge concern of mine.
Now, I don't particularly care because it's been a while since someone has actually caught my interest so I'll hang out with anyone, once or twice, but if we were to hang out multiple times in, say, 1 week, I, normally, have an interest in them.
HOWEVER, if my "girlfriend" had guy friends, I know they, the guys, are stuck in "friend zone" and wouldn't cause me to be jealous or anything. I'm secure enough for that, so, anyone who gets jealous has an insecurity issue. As a "cool" guy once said; "as long as you're not sucking his (guy friend)**** what do I care?" Eloquently put. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 5:04:54 PM | Every guy you meet? Well I have no idea to what extent you were involved with these guys you meet and wether you're pulling all nighters with your guy "friends".
When a girl naggs me about who I'm hanging with it's easy to see the reasons behind it, however it is still draining, and because of this I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Hanging with friends is cool, all nighters and vacations, not so cool. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 9:58:58 PM | I've never had a problem with women having guy friends, and many of my closest friends have been women.
What's important is how much trust there is in a relationship. If that's there, and two people are honest with one another, it should not pose any problems.
As I told one girlfriend, you could lock me up in a hotel room with Salma Hayek overnight, and nothing would happen.
Would I THINK about sex with her ?
Uh-huh. 
Would there be any cold water left in the hotel, and perhaps the entire CITY, when that door was finally unlocked ?
Nope. I would have used it all showering every ten minutes.  | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 10:05:01 PM | lets see; 10 guy "friends" = an unlimited supply of free meals and freeloading.
just another way for women to be useless. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 10:26:17 PM | "Hanging with friends is cool, all nighters and vacations, not so cool." The only all nighters with friends have been female. And that wasn't even when I was in a relationship. Just a late night, me the DD, and rather than driving home, I grabbed a pillow and blanket and slept on their couch. If it had been a male friend, and I wasn't involved it would have been fine, just didn't happen.
I always plan/think ahead. On a very few occasions, time did slip away. And I could have driven home, as I was the DD, but did accept the invite to sleep on the couch as I would rather do that than take a chance of falling asleep at the wheel.
One of the surprising things about this and other threads, seems to be the fact that some just don't well seem to think ahead. Or maybe just think period. I'm not anal about planning, but when I do go out with friends, I have some idea about when I'll be going home, where we'll be...just simple things. It has happened that we stayed out later because we were having fun, and if I didn't have someone that I knew would be waiting up for me or put them in any situation for concern, then yes. I could stay out later, and crash on someone's sofa.
Having someone in your life, yes it's a responsibility and a big one on both parts. And I'd find that totally disrespectful to him and our relationship to do anything to cause concern or undue worry. And yes I do and would think about that and consider his thoughts and feelings. Maybe that's why it's never been a problem or issue with us. We know, all our friends know, that our relationship IS our priority. We love our friends, but wouldn't jeopardize what we have nor would our friends ever want or ask us to. I guess we just know how to choose good friends. | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 10:37:27 PM | | msmidwest, Let's put the 'proverbial shoe on your foot'. How are you w/ some guy whom you might actually care about hanging out w/ his other alleged female friends? If you can begin to fathom how this might feel to a guy who wants an exclusive w/you ...and please do send me a copy of that "a$$"photo no longer included w/ your profile, you might begin to realize that some guys closer to your age 'bracket' might feel for taking you and your idea of hanging w/ male friends more seriously. Was this OP a 'wake-up call' for you? | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/4/2007 11:26:21 PM | "Let's put the 'proverbial shoe on your foot'." I see this as another version of the Golden Rule. If there's such a thing this would be my life motto. It makes everything so much simpler and clearer when you frame it around the concept.
And honestly, I've never found myself in a situation where I had to make that decision.
Not when I've been involved, even dating or seeing someone, whatever verbage one cares to use.
And I have been invited out a lot, to various, activities, parties. Always had an active social life, when I choose to. And if I don't, it's for my own reasons, not always because of being involved.
My involvement with friends or social activities, if I do want to go it's not just for the fun, it's spending time and having laughs and enjoying being with the people that are there.
I'm not a serious minded stick in the mud, but I do take all my personal relationships whether friends or an SO...well seriously in that it means something more than just laughs or good times.
I care about all the people in my life, and there are times when I've chosen to narrow it down or pull it back. If it's not substantial...then not interested.
I just don't do "casual" friends, relationships. And that's just me. I'm intense, when I care...it's not superficial... I care deeply or not at all. I love with all that is in me...or take a pass.
Maybe I'm an extremist, if so...well that's just how I am. But the people I love and love me we know and not only say it but show it. Casual is casual...I have a lot of casual acquaintences, but my friends know how they are.
My friends, know and respect when I am involved. It's never even a question, maybe we won't see each other as often, when we do...they high five and are glad for me. I do the same for them. But they never would ask me to do anything that would compromise my priority of my relationship with my SO.
I don't even have to explain, they know. I love my friends, they just "get it". | |
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| Girls having guy friends
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:15:19 AM | | It's about avoiding unnecessary risk. All it would take is one problem to come up in the realationship to give the guy an opportunity to try to swoop in. Why not just have women friends? | |
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