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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:39:03 PM | | ruby2sday06 - I agree with you. I don't put anything on my profile saying I am disabled and I am. Just as you I feel that if I think that the person I am talking with is about to get more serious then I will tell them. Be sure to tell them though before you are asked or are asking someone for a date. This way they can use their judgment without embarrassing you by saying no thanks or standing you up. | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:49:59 PM |
I agree with you. I don't put anything on my profile saying I am disabled and I am.
Umm Forum posts link to your profile...
So actually you just did. :| | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 7/29/2008 1:33:41 PM | Uhm... Isn't this dishonesty??
Purposeful deception? Lying?
ruby2sday06 - I agree with you. I don't put anything on my profile saying I am disabled and I am.
Fantastic, so if a guy you're dating turns out to be transvestite (woman to man) past the hormonal treatments it's ok then, no? | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 7/30/2008 12:42:58 AM | Uhm... Isn't this dishonesty?
Purposeful deception? Lying?
No. It's omission. I see that your profile doesn't disclose every single detail about you, eiither. | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:27:40 AM | I think it very misleading to not put a disability up on a dating site. Personally I could care less about disabilities but I think its always best to be up front and honest. If you meet its going to be obvious right away, and if they aren't into that then they would leave anyways. If you put a disability up and you don't get much mail then that sucks, but if you do get a piece of mail then you know that person is ok with how you are, which should be better then getting 1000 emails with them not knowing.
One of my best friends is deaf, I love going from English to Spanish on him. But then again he tells my my guitar playing is terrible so I guess its full circle. | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/7/2008 9:19:59 PM | I've been thinking about this myself. I didn't mention my disability in my profile, because i wouldn't want anyone to think that is how i define myself, and honestly, as I haven't had any luck in the real world, maybe I should minimize anything seen as a drawback.
Thing is, my disability is not obvious from my photo I posted. All it really amounts to is that I wear ankle braces & walk with a bit of a limp. I don't really know how most women will respond to that fact, though i can't really think it would be an issue for most. All the same, i don't advertise the fact either.
I've not really dated due to the fact that i used to, prior to surgery, had other symptoms which presented a severe social disability in addition to physical, and as such just never believed, until now, that i could be accepted. As a result, i just don't have a lot of experience with the opposite sex, which, at 29 is a challenge to 'jump in' to. | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 8/7/2008 9:36:33 PM | Droleci, YOU TOTALLY RULE!!!!!!
I'm not sure if NOT listing a disability is wrong, but maybe it depends on what it is. I mean come on.... if someone is very athletic and does this thing or that thing and is looking for the same and you don't list you're in a wheelchair and that you can't, than that's wrong! And before anyone blasts me out of the water; I have seen profiles of several people in wheels chairs participating in sports, and I have a friend in a wheelchair who can outdo me all day long, so I'm just saying to be upfront and honest...
And I'm sorry, but being Deaf is also a BIG thing not to list. I would date someone who I felt was interesting; being deaf wouldnt eliminate that for me. But to leave the other person with the option to be humiliated because they start talking to you as they arrive for the date and realize you can't hear.... or maybe you can't speak and can only sign...that's just wrong!
And it's worse to put up a picture of you BEFORE an accident, as the only picture. I met with a really nice guy that had a picture up of him on one of his motocross rides holding his helmet and on his bike: he had clearly had an accident after that because he limped, couldn't use his arm at all and had a hard time completing sentences, and clearly his picture was about 7 years old or more. I wouldn't go out with him again because he lied, and not because of his disability.... | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/7/2008 9:50:32 PM | Dear whatsthis:
Maybe we all have something about us that maybe someone would judge us on.... listing or not listing ankle braces on your profile (or any other disability) may or may not be a big deal. Maybe the biggest deal is just not to be deceptive in our profiles or what we do for recreation etc. For instance someone in a wheelchair going out of their way NOT to show that, has consequnece to me especially if they don't tell me in the first email or something. I'm not saying I wouldn't date somone in a wheelchair, but if I don't know and I keep trying to make plans to go do things like dancing or putt-putt golf and they keep blowing me off, then I'm going to assume they are just unbending and unwilling to compromise.
Perosnally I could potentially have asthma flair ups or allegies, although I haven't used an inhaler in over a year: I just carry it with me in case...I don't see the need to list that specifically or my allergies to pollen, etc in my profile, but I aslo don't list that I love to go running, hike mountains and love to roll in hay either...so it's mostly about not trying to TRICK someone into dating you, and btw this happens with non disabilities all the time....(like old photos and lying about ages) so I'm not trying to blast people with disabilities here... | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/7/2008 10:05:55 PM | I am deaf and have a cochlear implant. As far as I am concerned it isnt a disability any more than needing glasses . Besides I lead a much fuller and happier life than most people, so sorry, the word "disability" just doesnt ring true. And because of my silent ears I believe I am a much kinder, more compassionate, more patient and nicer person that I might have been otherwise. I am unique and I am a gem. Whoever might regard me as not date material because of deafness could very likely be correctly labelled as shallow, ignorant and a loser.
Case closed. | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/7/2008 11:23:46 PM | I see no need to divulge sensitive information about yourself like this unless its something that can't be helped or is very noticeable. I.E. Wheelchair. You don't speak, but sign if you are totally deaf. Mentally challenged...actually that last one is a bit vague as I believe most people on the internet to fall under that last category. lol! But I mean, unless the disability is so prevalent and unavoidable, then I see no reason to mention it. It can actually be more of a detriment to you by saying it, then not. If, of course, the date becomes a bf/gf then sure you can let them know. I say leave it on a need to know basis. unless you are in a relationship, they don't need to know.
Although I could see it as a good thing if you are looking to date people who have the same disability as you. It makes it much easier to find those people when they post it or you go to a dating site made for those people. | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/8/2008 12:02:39 AM | Recently I had a first meeting with a wonderful man. Part way thru the dinner, I had run out of things to talk about with him and was very uncomfortable that he was so very quiet. We later went out dancing and he was still rather quiet but so much a gentleman and very fun.... but didn't have alot to say. We parted and I just assumed he wasn't that interested. That evening, he sent an email to let me know that he had a very hard time hearing and was afraid to ware his hearing aids. It all made sense then! I am not sure if I would have treated him differently if I had known he had a problem hearing or not... but I am happy he told me and that I didn't know ahead of time. Not because I would have prejudged him, but because I would have probably not acted as naturally and been more concerned about things in his surrounding instead of about having fun with him and enjoying him.
So I don't think it should be a major deal to put something so personal in a profile, but it does need to come up somewhere in the meeting stage, the more limiting disabilities should be known so no surprises and knee jerk/rude reactions occur. Doesn't mean within a few hours of meeting/chatting etc. | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:05:00 AM | Being disabled is only in your mind most of the time- but being able to adjust to being a fulfilled person in all levels of life is more important.
There are many people with physical limitations after an accident - stroke and /or that refocuses their live thru ajustments to be a productive citizen.
I have a freind who is phycically limited after a heart attack - his breathing is impaired - his strenghth is limited to certain physical activities and approaches in life -- yet he made adjustment to his curret position in life and went back to school and gained a technical degree to change careers and is a productive citizen and is making more now in his present job than in his past long term career------ think about it! !
Many limitations can be overcome thru positive mental actions - note Helen Kellar- and others? I believe there is a blind mayor in a large city the u.s?
In todays world its not what changes come about -- BUT how you adapt to changes and the benefits that come about as you adapt to them to benefits YOU !JMHO | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:42:45 AM |
Being disabled is only in your mind most of the time- but being able to adjust to being a fulfilled person in all levels of life is more important.
Yay - I don't ever think of myself as "disabled". I have a condition that has f'ed up my speech and occassionally causes a tremor in my hand by that does not "disable" me. It presents additional challenges, especially in social endeavours like dating, but the condition itself doesn't actually prevent me from being able to do something. | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:52:06 AM | WAY TO GO! DROLECI!
Your a good example of what I was saying ------except for vocabulary -- with that word your seeking attention!
If all limited (not disabled) would think that away then there would be more acceptance in this world?
L_O-L -------to you keep on ticking! | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:40:20 PM |
Being disabled is only in your mind most of the time- but being able to adjust to being a fulfilled person in all levels of life is more important.
I'll remember that next time I'm looking up a flight of stairs. | |
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| I am disabled. Pearls before swine...
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:02:17 PM |
There are many people with physical limitations after an accident - stroke and /or that refocuses their live thru ajustments to be a productive citizen. Oh dear Lord, do I STILL have to be a productive citizen? 
See, I put in a lot of time ... enjoyed it too... of giving to humanity and it's 'betterment'.
How about now I just enjoy retirement... with my 'productive citizen' card getting punched one day a week volunteering at the community center?
How about I just enjoy well a well earned peaceful existence?
How about if I just WANT to enjoy adventures now that don't produce much for the well-being of humanity... other than to add smiles and laughter into the enviroment?
Something just bugs me about statements like "they adjusted and they went on to be......"
I think EVERYONE that 'gave' to humanity in some way, something good, should get applause.. not single out those who "went on to" do it.
On topic... our profiles, in my opinion, should tell/show major aspects of "who we are".
Yep, it does mean (in my case) that I don't hardly get any (although I get some) "want to meet you" emails. But oh well. That's life. 
(To the lady who mentioned put-put golf... I can do that from a chair! Dancing too!) | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:15:39 PM | | Dear people, I am Learning disabled so I tell people up front about that and if they don't want to be with me it's there loss I am a very speical person with a great need to be friends with many people disabled or not. I would like to be friends with more people then just one or two. Thanks for listening playful02. I'm proud of who I am disabled or not . | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:58:27 AM | I wear a leg brace due to the damage done by a blood clot. Dancing, exercising, and walking for miles are not a problem for me. The only thing I can't do anymore is run....
If I sense that the new interest and I may meet, then I am open about my situation within the first few emails or phone calls, and know very quickly who is worthy of knowing me. | |
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| Should you put if you have a disability on your profile or wait?
Posted: 8/13/2008 11:39:52 AM | | I think that if it's something that would be immediately obvious, you should say something about it in your profile or early contacts. Otherwise, I think waiting for a second or third meeting/date may be appropriate, because by then your date will - hopefully - see you first as a entire person, and a disability will be put in context. | |
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