| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:29:21 AM | During my marriage (to a caucasian) I always got dirty looks from black women whenever we went out. I also got wierd looks from white guys. Is there something I am missing in this supposedly "tolerant melting-pot" city of Toronto?
No... I don't think you are missing a thing. In fact, those who are giving you those dirty/weird looks are the ones who are missing the point. Apparently, some forget that love is a measurement of the heart. Instead, they want to replace your heart with a calculator. They tend to "equate" relationships rather than appreciate a relationship.
Fall in love with whomever you please. | |
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| Tolerance in Canada
Posted: 7/14/2007 5:40:14 PM | Well, I found this thread by accident but I thought I'd note a couple of things since something earlier today caused me to think about it anyway...
Is there something I am missing in this supposedly "tolerant melting-pot" city of Toronto? Or is this everywhere?
There is a heck of a lot more tolerance nowadays than say twenty or thirty years ago. Even so, subtle things remind you that the tolerance only goes so far. Take for example, me. I was married to a black woman. Well, not really "black" -- ethnically Dominican on the darker side, with features generally identified as African though that's a whole other stupid topic.
Anyway, I drive this big old tank of a car -- or as I like to call her -- Bessie. Now, prior to being with my then SO, I had never - ever - been stopped by the police for anything. In my time with her, we were stopped by police a grand total of five times (more than once a year). The classic time was in Cambridge. It's night, going home from visiting friends, and a cop pulls me over. Asks for my license, asks who that is beside me and tells me I have a light out on my plate. I'm a bit confused by this, but patient. He notes a hundreds dollar fine he could impose but will let me off with a warning. Fine. So, at the end, I ask if its okay if I get out and check out the light so I know what needs to be fixed. He goes with me. I'm looking. I can't figure out what light he's talking about. Turns out its a tiny light buried over the plate. Now I'm completely at a loss, and I think it showed, but okay, I got it fixed ASAP. Now the thing is, Bessie recently went in for her semi-annual "I want you to spend money repairing me!" visit to the mechanic. I knew there were a couple lights out but I figured if somebody really minded, I'd be pulled over again. (I've known some of the signal lighting was out for closing in on a year!) Turns out a total of nine lights needed to be replaced. My mechanic actually laughed about it -- they ran out of particular bulbs fixing it. But it brought home the dichotomy. Were there racist undertones to all those police stops I seemed to experience with the little woman in the car? Not that I could reasonably expect to prove. But outside her presence in my car on a routine basis, there isn't that much different. Haven't had a policeman stop me since though ;)
My I in Msg: 21 wrote ...this country is the most open for accepting others from anywhere...
That's not really true. I recently tried to have a friend visit me from Uganda. I mean visit and go home. No big deal I thought. I mean, after all, going there was no more complicated than paying a fee and filling out a simple form (and getting a stamp on the passport, of course). Well... as any African will tell you (yeah, that's right, it's pretty much a continent wide thing), and you'll discover if you actually find yourself facing the prospect, the chances of an African getting a visitor's visa to Canada is somewhere between slim and none. We have a reputation for being even worse than the Americans on this issue. It seems we're deathly afraid that all Africans want to come here to be refugees so they generally are expected to prove their determination to return by showing substantial financial ties to their country (above and beyond having a job and family, btw). The insulting requirements they have include stuff that frankly I found offensive, like financial records. Sorry, but if a country I wanted to visit imposed such requirements, I'd take a pass. And, just to make sure they drive home the point, the staff that do the interviewing are almost universally -- you know -- white males. So you know, I ended up speaking to my MP's office and they acknowledged this is a common issue. Basically, to get a simple visitors visa, a member of Parliament needs to get involved!!!
If you're wealthy, we'll let you in. If you're a professional and we have use for the profession, we'll let you in. If you're one of a mass of refugees and there's lot's of news coverage, we'll let you and a few select others in (see previous requirements). Family members may or may not be included :o
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:39:21 PM |
I am asking this question due to my personal experience. During my marriage (to a caucasian) I always got dirty looks from black women whenever we went out. I also got wierd looks from white guys. Is there something I am missing in this supposedly "tolerant melting-pot" city of Toronto? Or is this everywhere? Honest answers will be really appreciated. First of all, I'm not sure that I fully understand why you phrased the subject in the way that you have.
Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS? But then you go on to say that you get weird looks from BOTH black women and white men. Your subject would be better phrased by asking "why are PEOPLE against interracial relationships," or, "why are black women and white men against interracial relationships?"
Ok, semantics out of the way, Black women have had issues with black men dating white women because, there was a time when white women were considered trophies. Black women were told that our looks were inferior to white women…we didn’t fit the American standard of beauty. White men have had issues with white women dating black men because of the myth that black men were superior sexually.
But times are changing, and many more black women, me included, are dating white men, and society as a whole is becoming more accepting of interracial relationships.
Let me turn this around and ask you a question, Op. What I’ve noticed is, when I’m with a white boyfriend, it's the black men who are with white women who will look at me with disgust. I’m a whore for being with a white man, but it’s perfectly acceptable for them to be with white women. What’s up with that???
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:51:14 PM | ^^^ I have noticed this as well.
I have friends who have a preference for white guys, this even includes one gay black male who prefers white guys.
When my female black friends are out with thier white boyfriends/husbands they do get some pretty weird looks when they go out of town to Toronto but mostly from black guys.
I also noticed one thing that did disturb me with one of my female black friends. She has a beautiful baby boy with her white husband.
One of my black male friends got his white girlfriend pregnant, of course he was all excited because he loves kids.
Here is what the female black girl did, I really couldn't believe it I was flabbergasted. It was the only time ever that I saw something from a black women that did not impress me, it disturbed me alot....
She picked on and made fun of the white girl horribly! Kept kaughing at her and say how does it feel to be having a N+++a baby growing inside you? The girl was so uncomfortable that she now refuses to come anywhere near the first girl ever again! She was in tears over it. I told her that that's a wee taste of racism just deal with it and move on.
I was however deeply upset by the situation and did nothing because I was so absolutely shocked that my black friend could act like that!
There does seem to be some kind of thing going on between black men and women, because I am not black I don't think I will ever fully understand but maybe someone can clear it up and explain it better?
We all have a long way to go but we are making progress!
Don't give me any hogwash about keeping races pure either. We need to mix if the human race is going to survive! Those that are against it will be looked after by 'Darwinism'. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:24:50 PM | This is very very good question. As of this pass weekend I spoke to a friend of mine. She had a POF profile on this system. She is a caucasian woman. Her preference was men of color. She received so many hate emails from black woman that she removed herself from the system.
This tolerant melting pot of a city sometimes does really show it true colours.
You as a black male is suppose to date your own kind. I am sorry. People forget that when God created us we were created in his image and different shades of colour.
The people who are giving you the dirty and wierd looks are the ignorant ones.
Ignore them. You are a better person than they are.
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:36:48 PM |
She picked on and made fun of the white girl horribly! Kept kaughing at her and say how does it feel to be having a N+++a baby growing inside you? The girl was so uncomfortable that she now refuses to come anywhere near the first girl ever again! She was in tears over it. I told her that that's a wee taste of racism just deal with it and move on. Ralgash, she obviously had no class.  | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:40:54 PM | The behaviour some of you are describing is just plain ignorant and totally inexcusable. I have noticed the extreme shock on the faces of some Black people (male and female) when I am out with an Asian man. We encountered it once from an Asian man too. TOTAL shock.
I can't speak for anyone else but I can certainly understand Black women being concerned by the huge imbalance between the number of Black men dating White/Asian women compared with the number of White/Asian men dating Black women. It does limit our opportunities to find quality partners when the playing field isn't level and we have fewer options. Surely this isn't hard for anyone to understand and shouldn't surprise anyone. This is not the same thing as being opposed to interracial relationships.
Having said that, there is never any excuse for rudeness. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/20/2007 5:45:40 AM | Hey AlmondCookie..
Thanks for the links. Interesting data. Do you have any related to Canada? Some of the factors given does not apply in Canada re: soldiers returning home with Asian spouses....and the mail-order bride one as well.
Again thanks for the links. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/20/2007 4:01:24 PM | Oscat77
Try here:
http://www12.statcan.ca/english/census01/products/analytic/companion/etoimm/canada.cfm
Search for this :
"Intermarriage of visible minorities increasing"
and you will find a table you can click on. The war is a factor but does not relate to this topic and I can't send it to you privately due to your age filter. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/20/2007 5:38:32 PM | i want to ask all the black people here, if they grew up in a matriarchal household.
because from my experience with my black friends growing up, their moms were pretty much the boss and weren't above beating some ass. and they didn't care who saw it either. if someone stepped out of line, or didn't respect their elders, etc. they got their ass beat. i'd wager they STILL do too.
and that's where my theory lies. mom (now grandma like most people have said) is the "alpha dog" if you will, and still believes in doing things the old school way. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 7/22/2007 2:01:24 PM |
She received so many hate emails from black woman that she removed herself from the system.
I have to give black women credit here and refute that - I have had many messages of congratulations on my marriage from black women here on POF!
The hate mail comes from ignorant white males south of the border in the US!! | |
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DS-1
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Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 41 | |
| Why are so many Black women so VOCAL in their opposition to IR relationships?
Posted: 7/30/2007 6:25:59 AM | I was going to start a new thread asking a question along these lines. Good thing I did a search first, otherwise my new thread would have been deleted. MY question is:
Why are so many Black women so VOCAL in their opposition to BM & WW relationships?
Here's the situation:
On the advice of a White female friend I joined a dating site which is targeted toward Black people. My friend knows of my preference for White women, and said that she was a member there, as are lots of other Whites, both male & female. I joined (PAYED, even) and posted my profile specifying my preference for White women. Later that day I received my first message: A Black woman telling me that I was "limiting myself" by only dating White women. I did manage to establish contact with several Whites from the site, but overwhelmingly my mailbox was filled with Black women venting at me for MY preference. After about 10 days I finally had enough, and pulled the plug on that site.
Just yesterday, I finally got into a Yahoo IM session with a Black woman I'd met on a different site. She said that the only people who seemed to contact her on that site were White men. She then said that she's "...not like u brothas that have to have a white person" and "ill stick wit my own unlike my own". I told her of my 2nd (White) wife, and though I'd not dated a Black woman since the divorce, there was something in her pics, and profile that intrigued me. The chat immediately went downhill when she attempted to make me explain to her why I have a preference for White women. I bowed out gracefully by telling her that I would never demand that she tell me why she only dates "tall Black men", that she was obviously not what she made herself out to be in her profile, and wished her well.
So my question stands. Maybe someone here can explain to me why so many Black women feel it is their right, their DUTY even to question, and berate Black men who date outside our race? | |
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| Why are so many Black women so VOCAL in their opposition to IR relationships?
Posted: 7/31/2007 12:01:43 PM | I think about this a little differently. Perhaps on many levels this can be addressed. There is a Spiritual, Emotional, Mental and Physical attribute to this situation.
For my self...and I can only speak for myself, I was raised to be in a monogomous relationship with a man (white) and to raise his children and take care of him. Imagine my surprise and displeasure when I discovered that while I loved taking care of my children and home. So began a journey...meet a man...(white) and then begin a relationship and then...lose interest. I am talking about intimacy. One year in (or less) I would feel...disatisfied...almost like it was "wrong". So on that level...I shut down. (intimately) and I felt broken and useless. I was hurting a lot of people.
White men..I apologize...I love yah but I just can't hang with yah. oh and I could, of course, but why torture a man for many years with no intimacy...
So as a deep thinker....I started to go backward in time. I went to the time when those little white dollies of mine would be tossed in the corner with head, arms and legs removed (no I never did that to my real children...lol). the one dollie that always got my ultimate care and nurturing was a little rubber baby of chocolate skin...and I have no idea who gave it to me or where it came from because the "father figure" was a prejudice arse. (I learned later)
So I ventured further...it came to me in a dream. I was black in another life. YES I was. and you can't disprove it nor can I prove it. When I met my biological father he went to a psychic of all things...and came back and said "I showed the psychic your photo and did not tell who you were. She said we were blacks ...enslaved and separated. I was your father then too. And I gained my freedom and spent my whole life searching for you to no avail. I found you in this life." then he queried...how would she (the psychic) know you and I just met?
Anyway...perhaps a black woman dislikes a white man because their mommas were brutalized by them...and perhaps I was a black woman and carry that disgust into this life as well. Perhaps they have not overcome that...and maybe I haven't in a karma cellular way. I'm kinda odd about this I know. But I don't think it's about the color...it's about the deep passion in a man raised to love life and family and God. I don't know how it gets there..but it's beautiful. And black men...have it. (Some play, but most have it)
I have been in one relationship with a dark skinned man....his passion (he chose me) was refuted...but he won me over. The relationship was concluded due to his already having PTSD and things getting worse. I never lost interest intimately not in four years. (that's a record)
So now as I journey forth...The proof will out. If and when I am fortuate enough to meet "him" we will know. That feeling will transcend and heal all time. I didn't realize this cultural thing until 5 years ago...and I don't just jump on that "black man" band wagon...all the simple rules still apply...has to be chemistry...respect and intelligence.
I respect that a man is not attracted to my physical type or my face. I respect that passionate protection of ones race...( black women razzing black men for the inerest in white women)...but utimately in the astral and causal fields there is no color, no sex, no body and no time. So if we come to this earth to be in our EGO (edging God out) so be it...and I do certainly hope to wander on this Planet in my Truth and Harm None and leave the Judgment to others. Namaste. | |
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| Why are so many Black women so VOCAL in their opposition to IR relationships?
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:11:52 PM | I find this debate really interesting.. just the other day I was noticing how many black woman-white man couples I keep seeing lately... Where I grew up in Scarborough (and maybe it was the era or just the neighborhood, I don't know), It was always black men and white women... (Especially larger white women for the most part.. any black man I went out with always said they loved more meat on the bones...  but I digress...)
Go there today and you'll see proof in all the single white mothers with multiple mulatto children... but that's also another story.... 
Lately I've noticed a shift in the tides and it seems to me that there are many more black women dating white men now... but I also live in York-Weston now so again, is it the neighborhood or perhaps just a new era?
I also notice more men (both black and white) dating Asian and Indian women.. I see it quite often on men's profiles that they are specifically looking for women of Asian or Indian origin.... (How do you think it feels for a white woman to try to talk to a white man only to be told "sorry you're the wrong colour".. like come on, it's exactly the same thing as a white woman who only dates black men or anyone of any gender who won't date outside of their own race or specifically favors only one ethnicity)...
Which brings me to the Asian thing.. I actually had a Vietnamese boyfriend once tell me that he was scared to ask me out because (in his words) "most Asian men are scared to talk to white girls"... I was flabbergasted!! Like, what?? 
Yeah apparently us white women are all mean and scary and unapproachable to Asian men... go figure!! Here I was thinking that they just didn't like white women because my experience is that I always see Asian men with Asian women.. and hardly ever with a woman of another race. Turns out they're just scared of the big boobs and blonde hair I guess!  (Please detect the humour).
My girlfriends at work and school used to make fun of me because they would see me date men of all races.. they said I was making my way through the rainbow.. And yes I have gotten some stares and nasty words and even a fight or two because some low class tramp at a club decided that I wasn't the right colour to be dating whomever my BF was at the time...  I have been told to "leave our men alone and go find yourself a white boy"..
To which I replied "What class you posess. I can see why any man, be him black, white or red, would drop whatever woman he's with and come running to you. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways! I'll run and get him straight away and tell him that it can't possibly work! He'd be much better off with someone like YOU!"
Usually they're too stunned to comeback with anything witty or intelligent. The worst they can usually muster up is a half hearted "B!tch..." under their breath as I walk away... 
Anyway back to the original question... I don't think I know one black woman NOW who has any problem with any type of interracial relationship- whether it be black and white or otherwise... at least not any of the ones I talk to or associate with.. haven't been clubbing in a while so who knows, lol... there may still be some looking for a fight to keep "their men".... 
 CK | |
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.Lisa
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 9/21/2007 5:49:01 AM | It's not only black women.... it's ALL coloured women.
Personally i don't care to see Interracial relationships, as long as they love and treat one another with respect.
I personally am not racist but AS A PREFERENCE, I'm not into interracial dating. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 9/22/2007 11:36:22 AM | Black women, White women, Black Men, and White Men, to me it really doesn't matter to me one bit, I am my own person and I will do and be with whoever makes me happy and is comfortable with. In todays world there are so many people living unhappy lives because of some form of family are some people preception on whats right are wrong.
I just think people should be with whomever makes them happy, and not worry if the person is white or black.
I just wish that people could just accept eachother for who they are, thats my 2 cent I will continue reading this interesting topic. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:41:29 AM | Im a self-confident black woman and I am definitely not against interracial relationship. I have dated caucasian men and must admit, albeit not 100% true, that I find less drama dating white men. The main problem with them is not being able to see past the race thing, or feel free to introduce you to family.
That said, I think its only the people with low-esteem that feels threatened by people of other races dating "their" men. Maybe if we as black women will work harder to improve ourselves, stop all the endless drama, and be a bit more understanding of our men, then they wouldnt date other races.
I understand this statement may not be wholly true, but then again, we all have our preferences. Lets be colour-blind at all times and all live happily ever after. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:43:07 AM |
During my marriage (to a caucasian) I always got dirty looks from black women whenever we went out. I also got wierd looks from white guys. Is there something I am missing in this supposedly "tolerant melting-pot" city of Toronto? Or is this everywhere? Honest answers will be really appreciated. The U.S. has the "melting-pot", Canada has "multiculturalism". In either place it is all part fantasy, as bigotry has always and will always exist. It will exist as long as politicians and others that influence society continue to deny that the problem exists, rather than facing it to erradicate it. Nor is racism the exclusive preserve of Southern white men wearing white hoods...bigotry comes in all shapes sizes and colours. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:17:03 PM | If you received intolerant looks from both Black women and white men, why did you only include Black women in the thread's title?
That's bias right there.
Two, most middle- and upper-class whites will NOT show their aggressive nature in public.
Instead, they find covert ways to let someone know that they disapprove of such relationships , such as writing someone out of a will, demoting/firing someone, excluding a "violator" from a social clique, etc.
I recall the story of a "white" woman at a workshop on racism who related that "She and her co-workers (all white) would frequently go out to lunch on a daily basis, and sometimes get together on the weekends to do things.
However, after she brought her husband, who happened to be Black, to the office Christmas party at a local restaurant (first party that wasn't held at the bank's conference room), the very next working day and every day afer that...her co-workers treated her like a pariah: not talking to her, and didn't invite her to go to lunch or call her on the weekends anymore.
Jordan Mardan | |
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