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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 1/14/2008 11:40:56 PM | On the CBS Evening News in November, there was a report conveying " as Black women move into higher paying jobs, they began to date 'interracially.' "
That's ridiculous. Are there not any whites, etc., in lower-paying jobs?! Duh!
mind: Jordan and Ralph......leave the Italians out of here, ok?
Jordan: I didn't bring up Italians...Ralph did...and I replied to it. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 1/14/2008 11:53:20 PM | Are "dirty looks" more powerful than behaviors/practices that are designed to keep members of different groups apart?!
For example, a nightclub here in Lexington a few years ago switched to a country music format because "too many Blacks were frequenting the club."
(of course, some Blacks do listen to country, but not near as many do as pop music, which the club played for most of its existence)
In Michigan, a white hate group burned a cross on the lawn of an inter-ethnic couple.(of course, there's a ton of this type of intimidation reported yearly)
People of differing ethnicities are more likely to date/marry when they live, work, or engage in leisure activities in close proximity to one another.
What other mechanisms exist to keep people of different classes and/or ethnicities apart? | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 1/18/2008 2:12:17 PM | | I for one am not against interracial relationships. I have dated caucasian men and have experienced the same reactions from black guys and white women. The black men would stare at hime and the white women would stare at me. Ignorance occurs in both sexes. So you're not alone | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 1/18/2008 8:14:35 PM | | Another crazy ass post, I date white guys, black guys who the hell cares, maybe it was the person you were with or vice versa, maybe someone thought one of you were ugly who the heck knows and who cares, I am so sick of these pitty threads about race, move the hell on people! | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:39:36 AM | {QUOTE" I am asking this question due to my personal experience. During my marriage (to a caucasian) I always got dirty looks from black women whenever we went out. I also got wierd looks from white guys. "}
- why let that bother you? I have had that my self, kind of enjoyed the attention after a while. Now family members can cause problems I know, ran into trouble with that my self while dating a lack lady. Strangely it was from her brother though ( who had dated white woman him self) . Itdidnt bother the lady I was dating though, so thats all that mattered to me. I can see where parents disapproval would be more stressfull though.
{QUOTE"Is there something I am missing in this supposedly "tolerant melting-pot" city of Toronto? Or is this everywhere? Honest answers will be really appreciated. '"
- -You probably will get that anywhere you go. Some places more than others to a degree, but in centers where it is not as common you will probably get more attention . I have found though, in my own personal expieriece, that there just seems to be more Black American woman willing to date a white male than here in Canada. Have no idea whether it is the exception or the rule, just something that I have found is all. Maybe in this instance, Americans are more open to it ? | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:15:29 AM | I have found though, in my own personal expieriece, that there just seems to be more Black American woman willing to date a white male than here in Canada.
STRONGLY disagree. I have found that there are relatively few White men in Canada who are willing to even CONSIDER dating a Black woman. So much so, that I don't even bother initiating contact with White Canadian men anymore. There is no point. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 2/26/2008 10:08:34 AM |
STRONGLY disagree. I have found that there are relatively few White men in Canada who are willing to even CONSIDER dating a Black woman. So much so, that I don't even bother initiating contact with White Canadian men anymore. There is no point.
Ok I'm gonna make a really broad generalization :). I think white women are much more flexible in who they will date than white men. I also think that most people are "average" so they are going to go with what's been presented to them as desirable/acceptable/average.
So considering that women tend to be plastered all over everything and the media typically chooses a certain type of woman (e.g. white women), it makes sense that most men will go after/find more acceptable that type of women. If you consider a bunch of other factors accounting for culture and group identity, that adds up to fewer white men considering black women. I don't think those factors act on white women, thus the greater dating flexibility.
So what all that means is that I agree! Even though I've never set foot in Canada lol | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:27:08 AM | | I think Caucasian men are really great guys! I dated one for five years and for the most part never regretted it. I am West Indian and found the difference is that caucasian men treat you with respect, value you as a person and are ROMANTIC!!! | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:33:29 PM |
I have found that there are relatively few White men in Canada who are willing to even CONSIDER dating a Black woman. So much so, that I don't even bother initiating contact with White Canadian men anymore. There is no point
You are your own worse enemy.
Until very recently I lived in a very diverse neighbourhoood. During my years of living there I befriended many black women. I cooked them dinner; I drove them places and shared nights out in a bar with them. I do not date all that often but, in the case of this one woman, who was a black Jamaican woman (which wasn't an issue whatsoever), I made an exception because I was attracted to her. She was beautiful in more ways than one. It just so happened that she was considering reuniting with her boyfriend so, becoming more than friends was not an option.
What I appreciated most about her was the fact that we were good friends. She was a woman, I was a man.... that was it. Although some conversation arose about ethnicity and race when it came to foods, it was far and few between that ethnicity ever became a topic because we didn't consider it an issue...... there was no issue.
Maybe... if you stop making an issue out things like this, you may appear more desirable. It doesn't matter what race, ethnicity and/or culture you come from. What matters is that you get along with others and keep the politics out of it.... people wear down from all the politics in the simplist of matters.
To make comments about white guys as you have, for so many months on this site, has made you somwhat undesirable. Maybe begin talking about the positive things in your life as opposed to the political issues. This is a dating site, not the Presidential caucus. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/13/2008 5:02:10 PM |
do not date all that often but, in the case of this one woman, who was a black Jamaican woman (which wasn't an issue whatsoever), I made an exception because I was attracted to her. She was beautiful in more ways than one.
You are your own worse enemy.
Why ? For speaking the truth? Ignoring reality or being silent about it won't change it.
Maybe... if you stop making an issue out things like this, you may appear more desirable.
It is the MEN who are making an issue of this. I am open to men of all races, colours and ethnicities. I treat people of ALL backgrounds with respect and dignity.
Let's get this straight.....the discriminatory behaviour by Caucasian men came FIRST . It was RAMPANT. It was going on LONG before I or anyone else spoke out about it. (I have not been the only one to post about it and I don't start most of these discussions). Those of us who have posted about it have posted about it BECAUSE this behaviour was RAMPANT!!
At least get the sequence right. I guess you would prefer for people to encounter this type of behaviour to just smile, be seet and remain silent about it. Now that is an interesting strategy. Pretend it's not happening. Ignore it and it will go away. If the only non-White women of interest to you are those who smile and pretend reality is not what it is, that will never be me.
Rejection by Caucasian men in Canada is expected. It's a given. On the rare occasions when it does not occur, THAT is the exception. Even some of the White women start discussions on here and complain about the shallowness
I rarely bother writing to Caucasian men. It is an exercise in futility 99% of the time. If it is apparent from the profile that we have a NUMBER of interests and experiences in common and especially if it is clear that a man wasn't raised in North America, I will take a chance and write. Even, then, most ot the time the e-mail is ignored.
Although some conversation arose about ethnicity and race when it came to foods, it was far and few between that ethnicity ever became a topic because we didn't consider it an issue...... there was no issue.
And that is exactly the way it should be.
It doesn't matter what race, ethnicity and/or culture you come from.
I agree 100% but that is not how most people think. All the silence and wishing things were that way won't make it so.
I know that there are some communities in North America that approach this ideal, in which people meet as people and develop relationships based on what they have in common. This is not the reality in most communities. Being silent about it is not going to bring about any change or improvement.
To make comments about white guys as you have, for so many months on this site, has made you somwhat undesirable.
More desireable to who? Caucasian men? Why would I waste my time hitting my head against a brick wall trying to make myself desirable to people who have made it CRYSTAL clear that they have no desire or interest in giving any woman of my background the time of day? However, if there is a barrier that prevents people from certain backgrounds from having success in the dating world and there is a discussion forum, then that is exactly where those barriers should be discussed. My only regret is that we are not allowed to out the men who respond respond " I would be friends with a _______ (fill in the blank with the race or ethnicity) woman but I would never date one. Even some of the Asian men on here have that mindset. Look at the number of threads that get started by Asian men. Almost as soon as those threads get deleted, another one gets started. They indicate that they want to date White women, whine about the lack of response and yet don't have the courtesy to reply to women who aren't White.
Maybe begin talking about the positive things in your life as opposed to the political issues
For the record. I have started and participated in discussions about a WIDE variety of topics everything from travel to food to hobbies and sports, however, you are free to see what you choose to see. The only thing negative is the deplorable behaviour and the narrow minded mindset of some of the men. Note, I said many not all. There are a few individuals who can see past pigmentation but they are few and far between.
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:02:00 PM |
I am asking this question due to my personal experience. During my marriage (to a caucasian) I always got dirty looks from black women whenever we went out. I also got wierd looks from white guys. Is there something I am missing in this supposedly "tolerant melting-pot" city of Toronto? Or is this everywhere? Honest answers will be really appreciated.
A lot of "Black people" are Racist. Racism goes both ways and is not just limited to "white people". Why the hell do you think they want "Black Focus" School, its just a bloody uthism for Segration. Those people who want those schools are as bad as the pricks who want Shai law in Ontario. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:13:53 PM | This discussion isn't about Black focus schools but I will add my response to your comments to that discussion.
Is there something I am missing in this supposedly "tolerant melting-pot" city of Toronto? Or is this everywhere? Honest answers will be really appreciated.
Supposedly is the important word. This is FAR from a tolerant melting pot. It's not like this everywhere. I don't even like the word tolerant. It means barely putting up with people who are different. I have had the opportunity to travel and there are many other places that are FAR more inclusive. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:32:26 PM | LOL
I know what's happening there. LOL
The black guys are probably thinking a rear good black woman has been
removed from being an option (or some other ignorance).
The white girls are probably wanting the guy they would not
talking if you weren't with him (we call it hating). | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:40:51 PM | Did someone tell you this or are you saying it from your self?
To be racist, you must be discriminative concerning race not rebutting discrimination.
Have I changed you mind or would you like to read Frank Fontaz? | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:32:59 PM | | i cant answer for all black women, i just know some are afraid of the stigmatism that they feel goes with it, i know first hand , some have never had an interracial relationship, some have, some are afraid of being called traitor to their race, my take on it is , if that person makes you happy, no matter what their skin color then thats who you should be with, to heck with what anyone else thinks. in the nothern united states, people dont give it a second thought, however down south, racism is very much alive, and it sad in this day and age. post script, there are approximately 145,000 registered black female white male households in the united states, i would say we are coming a long way toward ending ignorance, | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/27/2008 2:55:48 PM | | I'm finding that more and more black women are for interracial relationships. I've been on more dating sites and most of interests I'm getting are from black women. I know there is quite a few groups online and more coming all the time for white men and black women. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/28/2008 12:39:28 AM | treekneegirl: I think Caucasian men are really great guys! I dated one for five years and for the most part never regretted it. I am West Indian and found the difference is that caucasian men treat you with respect, value you as a person and are ROMANTIC!!!
Jordanmardan: Have you dated other men in order to make such a comparison?
Wasn't it white men who conquered India at one point?! | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:21:52 AM |
It does not matter what you do in Toronto
everyone looks at you like you have three heads.
If you talk, whistle, smile, say hello, even talk on your phone -
lol, that reminds me of an experience i had when i was in toronto for a couple of weeks - i was actually staying at "sick kids hospital" with my daughter who was in for an op. .. there's a certain feeling of community/family there because we're all in the same sort of boat (having an ill child) , so it's a much more *close* atmosphere than otherwise... especially when you're down at the snack shop at 11 at night with a bunch of other weary parents...but that didn't stop one woman from saying, "you're not from around here are you?'... when i said no, she said "i could tell - you smile and talk to people"... i'd noticed that i'd been getting some funny looks from others, but thought that was just the third eye in my forehead... hehehe
re the op's original post... it could be the difference in skin colour between you.. or it could be a number of other things, too... people will often stare when there' s any kind of seeming disparity - an older person with a younger... a good looking person with someone who isn't so attractive....a tall person with a short person....a fat person with a thin person... or even if someone's wearing clothes they don't "approve" of, or consider different.... people often like to people watch (i do too, sitting at a mall watching the people walk by can be interesting) - sometimes people doing it are not judgmental, sometimes they are... but it can feel intrusive either way | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:10:01 AM |
i cant answer for all black women, i just know some are afraid of the stigmatism that they feel goes with it, i know first hand , some have never had an interracial relationship, some have, some are afraid of being called traitor to their race,
This can be true. I think lots of groups with a strong racial or ethnic identity (minorities and overtly racialist white people) are hard on women of their group that look elsewhere for romance. Mostly because on the women can produce the next generation of their group.
Personally I've always had a preference for white men and I've had to work out a lot of received guilt about that. Dirty looks, random comments etc etc. Since I started dating back in the early 90's when interracial relationships were far less common - it was kind of harsh at times. I had one aunt say to me "whitey is the devil" and one co-work who expressed severe disappointment when he found out my fiance was white. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 4/2/2008 3:31:56 PM | | I have a friend who is involved with a black woman and I have no problems with it at all in fact he has always like black woman, I have yet to date a black woman but am open to the idea if I meet the right one. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:22:02 AM |
So you think black men aren't dating black women because they are swayed by media images?!?! Seems a far stretch - I would hope that people are more intelligent than that when picking a mate. I would think that anyone swayed by media has no backbone or ability to use intellect when finding a mate. There has to be some deeper reason - 'cause I find black men more than capable of free thinking.
Leanne, Do you find it a far stretch to imagine media images swaying women to want to look a certain way? Dress in certain clothes or buy certain products? Media sways our "preferences" every day in a multitude of ways. Few people would challenge the fact that media portrayal of beauty has spawned an epidemic of eating disorders in women and some men. Surely they are not all spineless idiots?
If you can accept that, then it's not a far stretch at all to realize that the standard of beauty that's been etched into our minds from birth has created a situation in which, for the vast majority of Americans and increasingly the rest of the world, black women are seen as less than beautiful.
I know that there are exceptions to this, there always are. But I will continue to emphasize this important fact: The exceptions do not disprove the rule.
And the rule is that HUGE percentages of black women do not marry or partner because the vast majority of available men are looking elsewhere. The question is... why?
This has nothing to do with anything that's wrong with black women. It's entirely to do with the steady diet the rest of us are fed that tell us what's beautiful and what's not. There are MANY studies that back this up.
In the meantime, when black women mention this issue, which IS a huge issue, by the way, they get to listen to white folks tell them that if only they had better attitudes things would be different for them. That is wrong. This is not something black women have brought on themselves.
As for the older black women who become upset when black men continually choose white women over black women, maybe that wouldn't be such a slap in the face if men of other ethnicities were beating their doors down to be with them, but they're not.
This is going to be an over simplification, but I'm happy to share links to more information if you'd like. In our countries history, people who had a huge vested interest in maintaining the institution of slavery perpetuated images of black men and women that persist to this day. That of the de-sexualized black woman and the hyper-sexualized black man were devices used to drive a wedge between black men and women and make them more easily controlled. These images are still around us but anyone my age or older can remember cartoons in which the images were more blatant.
Pay attention to the ways that black women are portrayed in media and you will see this. Black women that are seen as beautiful in our society tend to be those that are lighter skinned, have straightened hair, more caucasian features, thinner, and so on. The more closely a black woman approaches a white standard of beauty, the more beautiful men think she is. (think Tyra Banks)
It's very easy to choose not to look more closely at a problem when it doesn't personally affect you. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 4/3/2008 3:52:22 AM |
From personal experience I find it's the older generation (black) that gives the cold shoulder - the dirty looks and the signs of disapproval and yes mostly from the women! Leanne
Heres something i've also heard and haven't researched but worth mention...in 50 yrs there will be no pure/100% races left....there is barely any now & within 50 yrs every race will be a mix race and we will have 1 race/creed etc MANKIND >>Everyone will be hines 57 >>>>> interesting isn't it?
HK, Baby, here's some news for you. There never was such a thing as race in the first place. That is a scientific fact. White people INVENTED the idea. It's a social construct that has nothing to do with science and has everything to do with economics and power. Did you know that at different times in the history of the US you could be legally black in one state and legally white in the state next door? That's because the definition of white and black kept changing. Changed by whom, you wonder? White people who made the laws. Google "one drop rule" for more about this.
You are suggesting to me, a white male, that I don't know what you are experiencing. Sorry to burst your bubble... but I do.
My I, I am here to tell you that as a white male you only know what it is like to be just that, a white male. You cannot understand the experience of a black female in any way and to suggest that you do is offensive. I suppose you also know all about the experience of childbirth.
Name any other country who has basically opened their borders to everyone and also offer financial assistance to refugees?
What does this have to do with anything?
Im a self-confident black woman and I am definitely not against interracial relationship. I have dated caucasian men and must admit, albeit not 100% true, that I find less drama dating white men. The main problem with them is not being able to see past the race thing, or feel free to introduce you to family. starfun7
Yeah, and dating someone who wont take you home to mama isn't drama at all.
That said, I think its only the people with low-esteem that feels threatened by people of other races dating "their" men. Maybe if we as black women will work harder to improve ourselves, stop all the endless drama, and be a bit more understanding of our men, then they wouldnt date other races.
I understand this statement may not be wholly true, but then again, we all have our preferences. Lets be colour-blind at all times and all live happily ever after.
starfun7, do you work at Disneyland? Because I think you're getting reality mixed up with some fairy tale.
Originally posted by tryster771 ...95% of whites are genuinely fair and color-blind.
Very much agreed. If you ask me, that is true of all ethnic groups, all over the world. Even where you find substantial intolerance, even institutionalized intolerance, the chances are most of the people do not accept it at a personal level. I guess the world would be a better place if there was an easy way to project that often found personal sentiment onto society as a whole.
Ralph, this is illogical at best. Ethnic groups the world over seem help bent on killing each other off, do you watch the news? As for believing that, while institutional racism exists, but most individuals don't support it, that's just crazy! Who makes up these institutions anyway? The very same people! At a personal level white people accept racism every day, because they think it doesn't affect them. You are separating the individual from the society as a whole, which, I might add, is a very white way of thinking.
Of course, one might take careful note that you can't defend the claim that "most middle-and upper-class whites bend over backwards to hide their racist beliefs" without reference to "angry, excited, or drunk" or better yet certifiably insane people. So, I have to wonder what the readership ought to believe: the assertion that most "whites" are really hiding the rabid racist within, or that most "whites" are just not like that? I really have to wonder how many people here hold the kind of disturbed worldview of the likes of Ignorantiev. I mean really.
Ralph, As a woman who was raised in upper middle-class whiteness, I completely agree with and support the views of Noel Ignatiev. I can absolutely defend the claim that "most middle-and upper-class whites bend over backwards to hide their racist beliefs" . I'm not saying that all those folks living in *insert white upper middle-class neighborhood here* are secretly donning white hoods and burning crosses on their neighbors lawns (esp. since they don't actually HAVE black neighbors, but I digress). But states that are commonly viewed as being less racist in the US, such as WA State, are in fact just as racist and intolerant of blackness, unwilling to admit it when confronted. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 4/3/2008 6:14:57 AM | EXCELLENT points thesecretof joy.  I have said, it and other Black women have said it but people don't HEAR it. Instead, when a Black woman says it, they turn around and attack and say there must be something wrong with the woman and that colour has nothing to do it. In the next breath, they say they don't find Black people attractive and they would never date a black person and shove it under the rug of "personal preference".
This is the bottom line and I applaud you on saying it so well:
If you can accept that, then it's not a far stretch at all to realize that the standard of beauty that's been etched into our minds from birth has created a situation in which, for the vast majority of Americans and increasingly the rest of the world, black women are seen as less than beautiful.
I know that there are exceptions to this, there always are. But I will continue to emphasize this important fact: The exceptions do not disprove the rule.
And the rule is that HUGE percentages of black women do not marry or partner because the vast majority of available men are looking elsewhere. The question is... why?
This has nothing to do with anything that's wrong with black women. It's entirely to do with the steady diet the rest of us are fed that tell us what's beautiful and what's not. There are MANY studies that back this up.
In the meantime, when black women mention this issue, which IS a huge issue, by the way, they get to listen to white folks tell them that if only they had better attitudes things would be different for them. That is wrong. This is not something black women have brought on themselves.
As for the older black women who become upset when black men continually choose white women over black women, maybe that wouldn't be such a slap in the face if men of other ethnicities were beating their doors down to be with them, but they're not. | |
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| Why aRe MORE Black Women Against Interracial RELATIONSHIPS?
Posted: 4/3/2008 11:51:59 AM |
Did you know that at different times in the history of the US you could be legally black in one state and legally white in the state next door? That's because the definition of white and black kept changing. Changed by whom, you wonder? White people who made the laws
Some states changed the definition of black/white as a measure to reduce discrimination and racism. Why the hell do you think white people would do such a thing?
Use your head instead of your angry spirit.
My I, I am here to tell you that as a white male you only know what it is like to be just that, a white male.
Well, in turn, you as a black woman, and judging by your posts, do not know the reasons I, as a white man, wouldn't date you. And believe me, it's not because you are black/mixed race. The comment below may give you a hint:
starfun7, do you work at Disneyland? Because I think you're getting reality mixed up with some fairy tale.
Starfun7 likes fairy tales... you like drama. Guess which one is more appealing?
is a very white way of thinking
^^^ That comment alone indicates how a relationship with you would be... yet, you claim it's the white guys with attitude and you're the victim.
Grow up. | |
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