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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .      Home login  
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 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 26
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
The net IS different than dating from the past. And anyone that says different is living in some parallel universe! We have this screen separating us and working as a matchmaker and there aren't the same values and courtesies that used to be attached to meeting one on one...
People can and do act differently


Right on Bullie.....I consider myself to be a pretty savvy lady, as well.....but it's very difficult to establish credibility of another person's appearance, values, morals, modes of behaviour, code of conduct and intentions regarding having a " relationship" through a computor screen or even based on what they say on a phone.
Some are just downright LIARS.

I've had meets and yes even after many emails and phone conversations.........One guy was shorter than he said he was, 10 yrs. older than he said he was because he lied in his profile and had posted an out of date picture of himself, during the days when he had teeth and washboard abs. One didn't have a job....although he said he was gainfully employed. One said he was single but was really married and knew I wouldn't meet him if he'd said otherwise. Another stated he drank socially but drank like a fish. Another said he thought he'd get a roll in the hay when I was finished my coffee. Then, he thought he could move out of his car and into my house.............Yes, I posted in a thread awhile ago, that I thought it was me and that my " picker was broken" And, I've took some flack/flaming in these forums for that. But, the bottom line is.............it wasn't about me not being able to choose wisely. It was about THEM being...............downright LIARS.

Don't ASSUME I've been a victim in any of these cases ' cause this lady from Muskoka is NOBODY"S VICTIM either.

So, unless you've got some "magic crystal ball" that I don't have.......how are you going to know?
People can portray themselves to be anything they want to be on the Internet and some LIE in their profiles and in electronic/phone conversations in order to get to a
" meet".............
I found a website that exposes these people by user name and dating site they're on.
truedater.com
On the other hand, I've met some wonderful people, both men and women, in person from this site.....( including someone special) and they are who they say they are.

So, I too, stand by my code of ethics......I trust everyone until they prove otherwise.

Muskoka
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 27
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:15:58 PM
I too have meet some wonderful people though the net. I have also meet the type of people who pretended to be one thing and were actually anything but.

No crystal ball here either. I used to think that anyone who became a victim did so by being a victim. I am not victim, but I have met on the net people who tried to victimize me.

Those who think that they have too much going on to ever be a victim might find that the law of averages might find them with someone who is going to try to victimize them.

This doesn't stop me from being here on the net, or make me paranoid. It just means that when the next person tries to pull of wool over my eyes, or successed in pulling the wool over my eyes that it wouldn't send me into shock.

I see both men and women a little offended because of a thread talking about negative behaviour of the opposite sex. There posts say but I am a gentleman/lady and people are just being paranoid to expect anything else might happen. Yes, most of the people we meet on the net will be gentlemen/ladies, but there will be others that we recognize as being anything but.
 Bazgadget
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 28
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/14/2007 4:10:12 PM
I think its all a load of tosh. You dont 'love' over the net, you need to meet face to face and listen to what each other is saying so you can find out if you are able to love someone. You cant fall in love from afar!
 Guesswhoo
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 29
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/14/2007 5:24:12 PM
I believe you can think you fall in love from afar and on the net. Although if that carries through when you meet in person would have to be seen. Words can be taken in many different ways, thus producing the person you 'wish' you could find, when in reality..they aren't that way at all. You gotta take care of yourself.
 bluestone
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 30
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 7:58:54 AM
I have read with great interest all the statements on this subject and the bottom line seems to be to have the group meetings like for coffee or picnics or bowling etc. love comes from friendship and friendship blooms from association not in words on-line. In a group of similar ages, true personalities show and it is hard to be fake to everyone. People who are looking can help each other find that special someone who fills their heart with warmth.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 31
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:53:28 AM

oh just to meet nice men now adays is a challenge......


It's just as much of a challenge for a man to meet a nice woman. It does seem to be incredibly difficult.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 32
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:04:52 AM

One guy was shorter than he said he was, 10 yrs. older than he said he was because he lied in his profile and had posted an out of date picture of himself, during the days when he had teeth and washboard abs. One didn't have a job....although he said he was gainfully employed. One said he was single but was really married and knew I wouldn't meet him if he'd said otherwise. Another stated he drank socially but drank like a fish. Another said he thought he'd get a roll in the hay when I was finished my coffee. Then, he thought he could move out of his car and into my house.


It sounds like you have enough horror stories to write a good magazine article. In order to avoid these types of problems I try to schedule a short "coffee date" with people I contact. This way I can find out quickly if there is any mutual physical attraction. If the things my date says aren't adding up I can sense it in under half an hour and I can finish my coffee and say "goodbye".

Since I didn't get my hopes and expectations up, I don't get disappointed. Also, there is no big investment of time or money.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 33
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:05:45 AM

I believe you can think you fall in love from afar and on the net. Although if that carries through when you meet in person would have to be seen. Words can be taken in many different ways, thus producing the person you 'wish' you could find, when in reality..they aren't that way at all.


...How true, often that fantasy you have had about that person vanishes when you finally meet. ...Its like reading a book, you have an image in your mind what that character should look like and act like....and we find ourselves a bit disappointed when maybe they don't meet our expectations. Its no ones fault, reality bites sometimes.



...maeflowers

 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 34
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:05:32 AM
It sounds like you have enough horror stories to write a good magazine article. In order to avoid these types of problems I try to schedule a short " coffee date" with people I contact.


The men I referred to in my previous post, I met for "short coffee dates".
So, I question your solution to this problem.

I think, in order to avoid these types of problems......the solution might be that THOSE people.......... stop LYING and BE who they say they are!!!! PERIOD!

Just a reminder....I've also stated in my previous post..........that I've met a few people who were exactly, who they portrayed themselves to be.

Muskoka
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 35
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:22:38 AM

the solution might be that THOSE people stop LYING and BE who they say they are!!!! PERIOD!


It would be nice if everyone would tell the truth on their profiles. Unfortunately it is human nature to "stretch the truth" or lie when they think it may give them an advantage. I don't think we are going to see a huge outbreak of truth telling on the dating sites.
 room 22
Joined: 6/22/2007
Msg: 36
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:36:45 AM
Maybe I have been fortunate but more likely the truth is closer the what cdn guy said. I think it is a generational thing, trust. Coming of age in the late 60's was conducive to taking folks as they are. That still holds true. Each gentleman I have met has been as his profile revealed. When there was more to the story, that came out in the first meeting. I am pretty intuitive anyway.
The problem I see with our genration is the inability to "hit it off" with someone. I wonder if men more than women expect sparks to fly. I love the sparks but I would much prefer to find a friend to grow in love and trust with. I have had many coffee dates for introductions, seldom a second meeting or date. Sometimes I feel just so weary of trying for that last real one, and finding someone who wants to take it slow and sweet.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 37
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:57:19 AM

I wonder if men more than women expect sparks to fly. I love the sparks but I would much prefer to find a friend to grow in love and trust with.


No, I don't think it's just men that expect "sparks to fly". The women I meet are all looking for "Chemistry", meaning they want to feel a strong attraction.

I've also had a few "coffee date" but very few follow up dates.
 SplashLanding
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 38
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 12:15:21 PM
Bullie: you can go to your online cell phone provider page and block any caller you don't want to receive calls or text. ~Splash
 SplashLanding
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 39
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 12:33:22 PM
OMG!!!! Celticmist, I can empathasize with you. I had a guy leave me a voice message on my cell phone with another woman's name. A guy once sent his current girlfriend an email with my email still attached to the bottom. He replied to my email, but was sending her an "I love you". Needless to say...... she sent me an email "reply" asking who I was.

"When you lose, don't lose the lesson"
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 40
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:52:33 PM
It took 16 yrs. of looking for me to find the right one the first time, why should I think it will be any different now? There are good ones, bad ones, some I like, some I don't. I'm pretty smart about people and I'm cautious, but anyone can be fooled. I don't buy into the "you are attracting the wrong kind of guys because of something you are doing" b.s..

I guess I've been lucky so far because nothing really horrible has happened, just a little unpleasantness here and there.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 41
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:41:28 AM

OMG!!!! Celticmist, I can empathasize with you


LOL Splash, no need to empathasize or sympathize - man was red lighted from our first conversation, he gave me a laugh that's all.
I have been here almost 2 years now and my radar has gotten pretty sharp. I sometimes feel like Robbie the robot on " Lost in Space", as I ger these " warning Will Robinsons' going off in my head when conversing with certain man on here. It could be just the old spidey senses kicking in too, whatever it is , I listen to it. LOL
 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 42
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:07:45 PM
I was talking to a gentleman friend today. His sister is recently divorced & I asked if she was dating yet or was considering the internet. He said she said after seeing what he has gone through...no...that the internet was full of losers & fat girls! Hey, people are people everywhere, regardless of whether one meets them on the net, in the supermarket, etc. Us middle aged folks, though we should be selective & work on ourselves, should also maybe be realistic about who is out there.

If I looked like Pam Anderson, or had not even 1% baggage, would I be posting on POF????
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 43
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/19/2007 12:23:51 PM

Us middle aged folks, though we should be selective & work on ourselves, should also maybe be realistic about who is out there.


Yes, I do think we all need to be realistic about who's out there and available. There are a lot of nice, normal people who are using the Internet to try to meet someone.

Sometimes you need to give people a chance and meet in person rather than immediately rejecting people based on something in their profile or something they said in an e-mail message.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 44
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/19/2007 1:19:33 PM

Yes, I do think we all need to be realistic about who's out there and available. There are a lot of nice, normal people who are using the Internet to try to meet someone.
Something tells me that realism isn't enough. A normal guy who is looking for someone on the net should realistically conclude that it is a waste of his time. No woman in his area wants to meet him. Everybody is demanding to be pampered. Nobody wants more than a completely platonic and distant aquaintence. It is not realistic for any normal guy to hope for anything over the net. So, he should hope anyway.

By the same token, a normal woman who is looking for someone on the net should realistically give up too. They are all players. None of them have ever heard of a job. They all want a whore/maid /laundress unit. Nobody wants anyone who doesn't attend highschool with his granddaughter. It is not realistic for any woman to hope for a connection on the net. So, she should hope anyway.

As I see it, there is too much emphasis on what we don't want. At our age the list is so long that it is not humanly possible for one individual to be absent all of the traits on the list. What people need to do is decide what they do want and go for that. How often do I hear things like, "my ex-husband left his socks on the floor for 20 years and it drove me crazy."? Twenty years? She was crazy to begin with to stand the abuse for 20 years OR it wasn't that bad and he did have some redeeming value as a person. In my mind, a kind and generous nature overrides too much make-up or being on the heavy side. I will stand for someone who burns the meatloaf if she can love and be loved. Call that settling if you like. If someone has what I am looking for and wants me too, you are damned right I'll settle.

Another thing to consider is time. When more of your life is behind you rather than ahead of you, it makes more sense to go for what you need than to avoid what you don't. I often think of the inscription on the sundial in Gone with the Wind, "Never waste time. It is what life is made of". It is much more likely that you can learn to live with too long a nose than to ever find anyone with one just the right shape. It makes more sense to teach a new partner what medium-rare means than to search high and low for someone who has an intuitive understanding of it.

Finally, we need to consider where we are in our lives. At this stage, most of us don't have to hassle over what to do with the kids or whether to have any at all. Most of the rest of us are near the end of that road. We are in the home stretch of our careers and we already own all of the material things we will ever want. We can afford to be more easy-going. Just how badly do we need a tennis fanatic or a dedicated scratch baker? Focus on what really matters.
 Artz
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 45
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/19/2007 2:23:49 PM
I fell in love over the net. My 24 year old blond bomb shell Russian Mail Order Bride is due any day now.
please note it is very hot here. My Brains are a Little scrambled and my wierd sense of humor is running over time. I really didn't Order a 24 year old she was more like 26
 Oceans49
Joined: 7/12/2007
Msg: 46
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/19/2007 6:27:14 PM
The bottom line is, it takes a little time and effort to meet anyone, whether it's over the Net or at a co-ed sports activity or the cute co-worker you click with. Whining ultimately results in only one thing..........nothing. Think about how hard it is to launch a career, all the legwork it took to find your first home, all the test drives you took to decide what kind of car you wanted. Did you get the results you wanted on the first shot? Probably not.

Finding someone you genuinely like - and who likes you back just as much - might take just as much work.

Surely it's worth it, isn't it?

JMO
 vstarcruiser
Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 47
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:44:44 PM
I have had four relationships that originated from online dating. All the women were as advertised, but the only one that is working well is the one I'm in now and I think it is because this woman sees nothing wrong with online meeting. The others somehow felt that online meeting was less than ideal and that may be what doomed the relationship.

Neither of us wants to give up online socializing, we both enjoy meeting other people as friends and eventually hooking up at an event. This is not a "hunting ground" to us, just another form of communication, one we can participate in on our terms. We always keep in mind that we are addressing real people here, worthy of respect.
 RussetAutumnRose
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 48
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/24/2007 8:00:41 AM
I find that online dating is no different from dating any other way, once the people meet. I don't consider it a relationship, or dating as long as it stays online.

Like in the real world, some have luck with it and some don't. Those who have a problem attracting the opposite sex in the real world probably will have the same problem with anyone they meet from the net. It's just another tool for meeting more people and having more to choose from. However, I do believe that fear of the unknown keeps a lot of people from actually meeting, along with being afraid of what people will think, about them meeting someone from the net.
 Mzzzy
Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 49
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/25/2007 9:34:19 AM
I think we get bolder and freer in our thinking as we get older..I know I sure have.
 Artz
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 50
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/25/2007 4:50:50 PM
mzzzy gets one big atta girl for that post. You just have to love bolder freer thinking.
if I had more then a dozon working brain cells, I just might enjoy a bold free thought or two.
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