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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:54:21 AM | I have to disagree with you Countrycanuck. It is very rude. When you are on a date you should not be taking BS phone calls from people you can talk to any day of the week. Emergencies or checking in on your children are acceptable.
If you had kids: before every date you have to go to the expense of a sitter ($8+ an hour) feed the kids, get them ready for bed, pick up the sitter, arrange for DVDs and food for the kids while you are out, field a million kid questions etc. Then show up on time while he spends half the date chatting with buddies? Trust me, you'd be very pissed off.
If your date would rather talk to someone on the phone than you, it's not much of a date. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:15:54 AM |
so if someone comes to your door you are obiligated to open it. If someone calls your phone, you are obligated to pick it up?? SO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING is that other people CONTROL YOUR LIFE..............good to know!
"If you turn off your phone you are telling your friends they aren't important??" SERIOUSLY, do you believethat is what you are telling your friends? DID YOU REALLY TYPE THAT?? How bout if you turn off your phone you are telling your friends you HAVE A LIFE and at that moment are living it. this is so sad for me to read. So how important are YOU in your life zamrod?? So how is this working for you?
The events in question that I organize are all gaming events amongst all my friends. Most of my social life is having fun doing things with these friends. Not picking up a call for me normally means the difference between me sitting at home on a friday night bored or out with my friends doing something fun.
And yes, I feel I'm obligated to open my door if someone shows up. They spent the effort to show up at my door, I should at least reciprocate that by spending the effort to open it and find out what they want. It might lead to a fun day.
I mean, with your logic, I'm letting someone control my life just by going on a date. After all, I was likely busy with my friends doing something when the person called me to arrange the date in the first place. Plus, I likely had something planned for that day that I needed to move to a different day in order to be able to go on the date. I'm not going to tell someone that I have a life and therefore can't go out with them on a date, since finding a relationship is one of my priorities. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:32:57 AM | Sooooooooooooooo with your logic............if finding a relationship is a priority, then KEEPING it might be a concern as well......yes?
Not picking up a call for me normally means the difference between me sitting at home on a friday night bored or out with my friends doing something fun.
we were discussing you answering the phone on a date, not sitting home waiting to find something to do........did you miss that point?
So do you think it's respectful to the person who put everything ASIDE to go out with you to spend her time and your time on the phone with your friends?? Just so you aren't sitting home by yourself the next night or making plans for the next day? Your friends can't wait for you to finish the date? If you are THAT busy, then I guess if you miss a call from one friend planning a fun activity for the next night..........a new caller is just around the corner........to here you tell it!!!
And yes, I feel I'm obligated to open my door if someone shows up.
good to know. I'll inform your area Jehovah Witnesses and the Mormons....
I mean, with your logic, I'm letting someone control my life just by going on a date.
yea, I can see where you might get that from what I have said........really that's what you took from what I wrote you? WOW!
I was likely busy with my friends doing something when the person called me to arrange the date in the first place.
hmmmmm, so they call YOU? again, interesting.
Plus, I likely had something planned for that day that I needed to move to a different day in order to be able to go on the date.
well, then you really shouldn't be too concerned about your previous statement then should you and I'll quote you..:
Not picking up a call for me normally means the difference between me sitting at home on a friday night bored or out with my friends doing something fun.[
as it would seem from your previous statement that you have a JAM PACKED SCHEDULE and need to move and juggle just to fit a date in........I'm just going by what you say here..........and with that in mind........do you really not have 2 hours for a date?
I'm not going to tell someone that I have a life and therefore can't go out with them on a date,
no but you WILL talk on the phone during the time they have alloted for YOU. Hmmmm....... yea, I can see where that's better.......
you are that busy socially that you have to juggle all your plans just to go out with a girl for a few hours...........are you a human doing or a human being and do you ever have any YOU time...........where you just spend time with YOU.........alone time? none of my business, just curious. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/15/2007 3:26:31 PM | | Diva EXTREMELY well said and presented and of course it will be way over his head because he can read and listen to the phone at the same time. I guess his dates just sit there putting up with him. THEY must be REALLY hard up for dates. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/15/2007 10:20:50 PM |
If it was a first date, it could be possible that he told his buddy to call just incase the date wasn't going well and he wanted a quick out. If he didn't take that out, I would take that as a bonus.
That's a great way of looking at it.
Plus, a guy who takes time out to talk to his friends will take time out of being with them to talk to you, when you call.
People seriously need to take a chill pill here...I'd consider someone being late, or not showing up at all to be much worse. Or what really pisses me off? When people just leave an IM or MSN conversation without saying BRB or explaining themselves.
At least if the person answers their cell phone, they *should* say "Sorry, I have to take this" or " Excuse me", you know they're going to be unavailable for a moment. Online, you haven't a clue if they died at the comp, or went out shopping or what! | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/15/2007 10:35:56 PM | If you want an actual (not hypothetical) event to discuss, try this one on for size:
I was on a recent date, in which driving 3 hours was involved. My phone rings, as the guy and I are deciding what to do, and it is my grandma (my surrogate mother). Now, since I'd just left her place to go to said date, I could've just ignored the call (as maybe I'd forgotten something there, or something else mundane). Instead, I answer it, and she's worried that I would be driving through a tornado (she'd heard the tornado watch on the radio). Now, if I hadn't answered, I'd have given a 76 year old woman an aneurysm.
What would you have done?
(And just so you know, my date didn't run screaming or have a screaming fit as I can imagine many of you doing.)
How do you know what the other person is calling about? It might just be something run of the mill, or actually something important. People in Canada have a tendency to worry about their friends in the winter, for example, and call to either tell each other about road closures, or even just to make sure they got there alive. Maybe it's a cultural thing....
(Oh, and just so you know....a police officer might have "days off" but are always on call...just another perk of being a civil servant.) | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/16/2007 3:55:35 AM | | I think the majority would agree it is the height of bad manners and an insult to the person you are with. UNLESS it is a baby sitter or child in need. My phone is off and in my pocket at all times, but not so with ladies I have met who have actually checked TEXT messages and laughed at them, from other mens, Makes you feel less than wanted and as first dates are bad enough, that makes it even more uncomfortable. I may be old fashioned but I like good manners. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:16:18 AM | RING RING...........checks your cell phone........
You:...."hey this is my grandmother, I need to take this......"
Him: "sure fine"
Your..." Hey Gram is everything okay?"
Grandmother, "Yes, sweetie, I'm sorry to bother you on your date but I just heard on the radio that there is a tornado warning and I wanted to alert you dear.........and oh yes, could you pick me up a pint of butterpecan on your way home.............and don't sleep with him on the first date dear, you know very little about where he's been............."
You........"Okay, Gram, thanks for the heads up that is so kind of you....... I love you Gram, talk to you soon.......byyyyyyyyyye"
HANG UP!!!
NOw how long did that take??? 30 seconds?
BIG AZZ DIFFERENCE from hanging on the phone for 5 minutes with a friend to set up more "fun dates" for later that week........and did it take 5 minutes??
why do we compare apples to oranges instead of grapes to grapes?
It's simple...........answer the phone if it's URGENT or Important............most of us don't even KNOW the meaning of Urgent or important..........many think if the phone rings it's implies urgent or important.............WHATEVER!
Everyone may LIVE YOUR LIFE AS WISH............
I just have one question:
HOW'S IT WORKING FOR YOU???????????????????????????????????? | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/16/2007 9:42:11 AM | i find it to be a little rude... i dont like driving in a car on my cell phone with someone else there...
if it happens again after he is done with the call let him know that you would appreciate if he could take only emergency calls and explain to him why... | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/16/2007 4:59:42 PM | Diva64: Yep, that's pretty much how it went, but even something that short took about 2 minutes (My grandma and I share the "long winded" gene I think).
Still, that's a little different than not answering AT ALL, as many of you have suggested. If it wasn't important, they most likely wouldn't call. Hence, my phone's staying on and at the ready, date or no date.
And you're right, each person does what they need to do. The very few times my cell phone has rang in such circumstances, I've yet to have anyone chastise me for it. I don't abuse it, and I'm respectful of who I'm with at all times, but to turn your phone off is going overboard.
Plus, many online dating sites have a few warnings posted about bringing a cell phone to meetings (just in case). I'm not going to fiddle around with my phone trying to turn it on, while some meathead is dragging me down a dark alley. I've taken self defense classes, and my instructors always said, expect the unexpected. I'm not paranoid, but hey, this is the Internet. Anything can happen.
Stay safe, ladies. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:51:05 PM | I know the one time this ever actually happened to me, I answered my phone when one of my friends called to ask some inane question. I said "Hey, how can I help you?" They started saying they had some questions to ask me about a game and I interrupted them and said "Ok, I'll have to talk to you later though, I'm busy right now." And that was it.
I knew someone called, I resolved it wasn't important, and I got rid of them. Sometimes those same people might call me with something fairly important. I want to know, so I answer.
As for keeping a relationship. I'm still not seeing where when I say, "Sure, I'd love to have dinner with you" I'm also saying, "I agree to treat you better than everyone else I've ever met and put aside everything else in my life for you."
I thought *I* was strict with what I considered rude. When I was talking to someone I met on a dating site on MSN and they suddenly went away from keyboard for 30 minutes without telling me they were going anywhere, I thought THAT was rude. When I was talking to someone on the phone and they switched to the other line and didn't come back for 20 minutes, I considered THAT rude.
Still, I don't expect that someone will pay 100% to me every second of a date. They will go to the bathroom, they will walk up to the counter to order a drink when at a coffee shop. They do stuff that isn't giving me 100% of their attention for the whole date. As long as they aren't big time rude by talking on the phone for more than 2 or 3 minutes, I will give people their personal space. I've only known them a short while, why would I expect to be the most important thing to them immediately? | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:30:18 AM | I always have my phone on silent, whether at home or out.
On first dates, I won't answer it, I consider it rude. That is what I think, but if my date answers her phone, that is her prerogative and I don't mind. Perhaps friends are just checking to make sure she's not with a freak, check she's safe, etc. I don't care, as long as she doesn't sit there having a conversation about her day etc etc on the phone. If she did that I would be annoyed, though once wouldn't be enough to make me not want to see her again.
Beyond the first date, or if the first date has gone for more than a few hours, I would politely tell her I have to take the call, answer it, and have hung up within 30 seconds unless it is very important. If it was very important I would give it whatever time it warranted, and I would expect my date to understand.
A bit longwinded for a simple answer and probably repeating what others have said, but that's my view, and that's what I do. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 1:14:22 AM | Having read many long winded phone stories there seems to be some who find answering the cell while on a first date rude and others more or less don't mind.  long live the differences
May be a good idea if s/he wishes to score with a potential mate to consider the other may find the ringy dingy  chatting rude
So shut the damn thing off unless its connected to your pace maker or you are on a day pass and the warden may be missing you, in which case you may tell your date upfront... how about a bit of honesty
If you're really a MD on call you can tell too
And btw. Daaarlin if your stockbroker can only talk to you for five minutes make sure he is a one minute man cuz that's all you ever get outa him and hope that's good for you.
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:55:47 AM |
As for keeping a relationship. I'm still not seeing where when I say, "Sure, I'd love to have dinner with you" I'm also saying, "I agree to treat you better than everyone else I've ever met and put aside everything else in my life for you."
If you think spending an hour or two with someone you're in a relationship with without answering the phone (or whatever) is that big of a deal, then your problem is dating at all, not what calls you're taking. You to a certain extent, ARE supposed to do that, if only for that small amount of time. My suggestion to you is to stay single or rethink your priorities.
I thought *I* was strict with what I considered rude. When I was talking to someone I met on a dating site on MSN and they suddenly went away from keyboard for 30 minutes without telling me they were going anywhere, I thought THAT was rude. When I was talking to someone on the phone and they switched to the other line and didn't come back for 20 minutes, I considered THAT rude.
How you people are comparing this is beyond me. No, it's the internet. In that case, you didn't get dressed, and drive somewhere to hang out with someone you were romantically interested in. When you're both at home, with a list of people on a messenger service and it's just random chat, it's usually a given that there are distractions, both on and off the computer generally. The point of talking in IM is that you're chatting WHILE doing other things. Therefore you're not supposed to sit and hang on every word because it's not the main event. Neither is text messaging. Those are things you do from where you are.
That's not the same thing as meeting ONE person by driving somewhere away from your everyday life. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:57:41 AM | I don't know where I ever typed TURN IT OFF!??
I dont' know where I ever typed you can't take an urgent call.
YOU SAID MY FRIENDS NEED TO REACH ME ABOUT OUR GAME EVENTS?? whatever! I find that odd to set up NEW dates on a current one........but that would explain some things!!
I have no problem with someone answering a call..........show respect people and understand this person took time out to be with you.......give them your attention.
Zamrod are you really seriously here? 100%?? What are you talking about?? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY EQUATING GOING TO THE BATHROOM as neccessity to talking with friends on a cell phone??? So let's say 5 of your friends call and you give them all 3 minutes..............wow.............that's NICE!!!
I never said I don't answer the phone sometimes.....sometimes I'm in major busy time at work and people need to reach me.....sometimes it's urgent sometimes it's a matter of..."did you think this through before you called me?" kinda thing!
Here's what I do.
I answer always with my name so there is no question about who's on the phone(I'm a busy girl and it saves time):
"hi this is Diva".....(
I can determine in the first few seconds if it's urgent for ME/the company.........many things are important but NOT to me/the company..........just the person on the other end........and MY DATE IS IMPORTANT so that is where I focus!!
If I NEED to be on the phone chatting with friends, then I don't NEED to be out on a date. WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF A DATE??
WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE FOR DATING, WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH?
I've only known them a short while, why would I expect to be the most important thing to them immediately?
No body mentioned making them your GOD......however, have you heard of putting your best foot forward?? "BEGIN AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON"........is my best advice!
Honestly, I'm amazed that you have any seconds dates! | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 8:38:47 AM | Diva, no no no, you have been very clear and quite elegant in giving your well founded opinion. I think IMHO on the other side of this issue say more about themselves than they are aware. Let them go on their own way. Obviously their mentality is that they get their satisfaction from their electronic gagdets and not human beings. And who the heck sits and times someone on the internet. Me I just close the window. If the person wants to talk to me then they have my addy.
I refuse to chat with anyone online who is having multy conversations. To me it screams "your not as important" (if you be the initial contact) and as for call waiting I look at my caller ID (or not) and it its not someone returning my call nor anything appearing MORE important then I don't switch. IF I switch its to tell the other person I am busy and can I call them back. Even if I can't call them back its their loss. But then I grew up with manners and common sense | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:09:29 PM |
Zamrod are you really seriously here? 100%?? What are you talking about?? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY EQUATING GOING TO THE BATHROOM as neccessity to talking with friends on a cell phone??? So let's say 5 of your friends call and you give them all 3 minutes..............wow.............that's NICE!!!
I'd be amazed if I got that many calls during a date. I normally get 1 or 2 calls a DAY, so far they've only randomly happened on a DATE once.
and MY DATE IS IMPORTANT so that is where I focus!!
And tell me where I said anything but that. I believe that is the most important thing at that time. I won't actually have a conversation with anyone else while I'm out on a date. However, the OP said it was rude to even BRING your phone to the date and that anyone who answered was completely rude.
I feel it's rude not to at least answer anyone who calls and say "Sorry, I can't talk right now." Since they know I ALWAYS answer and they have a tendency to keep calling back if I don't answer the first time. I think that's fair to everyone involved. I continue to pay attention to my date, my friends are not wondering what happened to me and why today is the only day in the past year I haven't answered their call, and everyone is happy.
Unless they hold it against me for interrupting our date for 30 seconds because someone called me. In which case, I don't know what to say. Are people really that self conscious that they believe that is ignoring them?
And if someone told me that they REALLY had an issue with it, I'd immediately turn it off. Still, I don't think my default assumption would be to keep it off. I'm easy going and I'd expect my dates to be as well. If each and every small breech of perceived etiquette was enough to not schedule a second date, then I'm really not sure how anyone ever has a second date. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:23:48 PM |
I feel it's rude not to at least answer anyone who calls and say "Sorry, I can't talk right now."
What about people leaving a voice mail????
Or is it that your callers don't know you actually have a LIFE of sorts????
It is absolutely hilarious how many have become so hooked by the cellphone
Are people really that self conscious that they believe that is ignoring them?
Have you (we) become so socially dysfunctional that we cannot focus our attention to someone who may be a potential future life companion/lover????
What about ones own privacy? 
All those potential callers, friends or otherwise need not respect that and are more important?  | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:49:30 PM | | I don't even like it if a girlfriend I've had for a WHILE is talking on the phone during a date. There are exceptions of course, but I think it kills the "quality time" if the partner is being ignored while they're supposed to be enjoying each other's company... especially on a phone call that could be postponed until a more appropriate time. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:55:08 PM |
Since they know I ALWAYS answer and they have a tendency to keep calling back if I don't answer the first time.
I love this one - that's what voice mail is for. Plug it into a charger and let them have at it - who's the one who's more annoyed? In my case, they are. Calling me two or three times in a row GUARANTEES I won't be picking up UNLESS it's an emergency.
My ex's kids used to do that. They'd call and call and call if they didn't get him (to borrow money or something usually) and he'd laugh at the phone and make jokes about how tenacious they are. Eventually they left a message. They had to.
My friends and family know to leave a message if it's an emergency or page the cell. They'd get a better response that way than if they called me 8 times in a row. WTF??
I don't even like it if a girlfriend I've had for a WHILE is talking on the phone during a date. There are exceptions of course, but I think it kills the "quality time" if the partner is being ignored while they're supposed to be enjoying each other's company... especially on a phone call that could be postponed until a more appropriate time.
Exactly.  | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:55:52 PM | Hmmmmmmm...would you leave your date sitting at a table by themselves while you went and chatted with the guy/gal across the bar room who winked at you? What's the diff?
Hmmmmmmm...seems to me that so many people use chatting/texting on the phone when out on a date as a way of saying "Look how popular I am."
Different story when you are out with friends/pals...we all have lives, who cares if someone calls, take it or not, according to importance, unless of course you are out with a friend and spend ALL of your time on the phone with another...a quick 'call you back to chat later' should still be sufficient.
Having kids at home alone or with sitters is a different story...my phone is on, it is easy to check to see who is calling with a polite explanation, and apology, and only answer if it is that number calling.
And frankly if the date isn't on-call for work or have kids at home and proceeds to chat while I am sitting there...without apology or explanation...was nice to meet ya---SEE YA!
If you were born in a barn and don't want to keep wallowing, buy a book on etiquette!!! | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 3:53:15 PM | Absolutely unacceptable.
As far as I am concerned if you are out with someone your attention shuld be with them. In fact if they are so easily distracted by a phone why are they even out with you? (and why should you go out with them again?)
I am always at home (have a home phone), at work (have a direct number), driving (talking on a phone is illegal) or out socially (would not take phone with me). Hence I do not own a mobile/cell phone.
When I did have a mobile I used to leave it at home when going out. | |
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| Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 8:38:21 PM | Zam....
You and I are going NO WHERE FAST!! you can't hear me and obviously I have chosen not to "get" you either.
But I have to say, you seem to tie yourself into knots in order not to offend or to try and make everyone else around you happy and not tp inconvenience a soul.........and I'm a firm believer that if you live your life in order never to offend anyone YOU, YOURSELF wind up unhappy and miserable. (plus your date feels neglected)
Keep in mind Zamrod: a YES doesn't mean very much coming from a person who never says NO! | |
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