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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:39:07 AM | How can ANY guy accept "Runner -up" prize? .....That means: "Friend".
The "other" guy (usually BAD guy) gets all the SEX, while the guy "Friend" get's only the tears from the girl.
NO WAY!!!!!...........I only provide the WHOLE Package.
NEVER Accept to be "Friends", while She IS having SEX with another guy (BAD ASS).....
It's called being a CHUMP......
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:48:08 AM |
You may have heard the saying "a guy cant be just friends with a girl he is attracted to", but the same saying doesnt get said for women.
Because a woman's emotions work differently than a man.
NEVER Accept to be "Friends", while She IS having SEX with another guy (BAD ASS).....
It's called being a CHUMP......
I wouldn't have worded it that way, but that's true. To me, when you are just a "friend", that's the woman's way of keeping you in her life, and not having to let go, without actually making a commitment to him. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:57:07 AM | WHEN A WOMAN SPEAKS:.............
Saying: "LET's BE FRIENDS" is the same as saying YOU are NOT WORTHY to be my Lover, and I'm going to let other guys BANG ME, who are "better" than you.
....and when things go wrong, please be there to hear my complain..........
That's THE REALITY of "being friends" with a woman who YOU WANT.
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:20:47 AM | Tucson,
Well, if she has children, then you will be hard up on her not trying to be friends for the sake of the kids.
I think it is necessary to be friends with your ex for the children sake. I am over my ex, but as you know, with any longterm relationship there will always be those memories. I do not spend nights with my ex, however, if you gal is then of course you question her sincerity towards you. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:37:17 AM | I just do not understand why there is so much negativity toward women having men as friends. Excuse me, but it has always been my understanding that the most enduring relationships have evolved from friendship. Do not discredit friendships, I think that friendship serves as the foundation for any other relationship to build on.
While many people believe that it is impossible for men and women to be truly friends, and that when a man does offer friendship, he is doing it for ulterior motives, such as sex. While that may certainly apply in many cases, I would say that it also does NOT APPlY in many cases as well. Quite often, it is the MAN who is the one who desires friendship, not the other way around. I can draw from my own personal experiences with an old co-worker of mine. While ther was mutual attraction between eachother, he did not want to be anything more than just friends. Albeit, wev were good friends. We talked on the phone every day, we talked about anything and everything. We argued alot. We had fierce debates on different topics, but no we became anything more than friends. No sex at all. He had told me that I was like a :sister" to him more than anything else.
When I look back on it, I think that it was better that we did not have an intimate relationship, otherwise we might not have been the kind of friends that we were. If our relationship had been sexual, I think that that would have created alot of complications. Besides, if he wanted sex, he never had any problem dating women for that purpose. He dated many women, and went through sex partners over the course of many years, while our friendship remained as strong as ever. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:47:42 AM |
How can ANY guy accept "Runner -up" prize? .....That means: "Friend".
You give women way too much credit to think we categorize people that way. Either we're into you or we're not. How you take that is your problem.
The "other" guy (usually BAD guy) gets all the SEX, while the guy "Friend" get's only the tears from the girl.
You don't know that a bad guy gets all the sex, or that he's preventing you from getting any if he exists. Personally I have sex the whole time I am single, separate from dating and male friends. It just has no connection to anything else I am doing. If and when I meet someone and it become serious, than naturally he's the one I date and sleep with exclusively. And P.S. I am one of MANY women who do this. Sorry!
NO WAY!!!!!...........I only provide the WHOLE Package.
NEVER Accept to be "Friends", while She IS having SEX with another guy (BAD ASS).....
It's called being a CHUMP......
Some of you men take things women do while minding their own business to be WAY too much about you - and it's just not. Perhaps some of you should occupy your time better and not overanalyze everything so much.
WHEN A WOMAN SPEAKS:.............
Saying: "LET's BE FRIENDS" is the same as saying YOU are NOT WORTHY to be my Lover, and I'm going to let other guys BANG ME, who are "better" than you.
....and when things go wrong, please be there to hear my complain..........
That's THE REALITY of "being friends" with a woman who YOU WANT.
Yes, you end up talking to your friends about the people you date - as a woman your female friends do the same thing. Definition of friendship, actually. What did you think a friendship (that you likely agreed to in the first place) entails? I realize men don't talk about their dates much to their friends like women do, but for us, it's common practice.
And women aren't saying anything else when they offer friendship but what you hear - it's not about you getting or not getting anything. It most likely means she actually enjoys your company (uh, what a crime). Again if you can't handle it, don't freaking agree to it. That's your own fault. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:59:56 AM |
....and when things go wrong, please be there to hear my complain..........
I've told some of my female friends that I'm not interested in hearing their problems with men. Be upfront about it. At the very least she should be willing to lend an ear for you. Friendship is a two-way street. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:00:50 PM | DJC Hickey,
That's why I said NEVER agree to being "Friends" with a woman YOU WANT .
.......Do you have a reading comprehension problem?
Thanks,......You are my evidence as to why I'm correct in everything I said.
NEVER be "Friends" with a woman YOU WANT, while another guy gets ALL the SEX "Benefits" of a relationship.
DO NOT EVER AGREE TO "Friends" with a woman YOU DESIRE.........(said it again).
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:06:29 PM | DJC Hickey,
That's why I said NEVER agree to being "Friends" with a woman YOU WANT .
.......Do you have a reading comprehension problem?
You might, there's no space or cap "H" in my SN - thanks much. Anywho...
Nope, I read and understood it and I half agreed with you on men taking friendship offered, but I disagree about why it is offered - it's not the slap in the face you seem to think it is.
My point was that it's not done to personally offend - AGAIN I will say most women offer it because they enjoy your company and just aren't attracted to you. If they didn't think you were a good person they wouldn't offer it, they'd just stop talking to you. A SMALL group of women do it to soften rejection, but not enough to discuss. Attraction's not a choice...and that's life. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:30:47 PM | I don't get this, either. One of my two closest friends is a guy. Plenty of my other good friends are men. I can honestly say that while they are each attractive in their own way, they're not attractive to me. Does that make sense?
I just do not understand why there is so much negativity toward women having men as friends. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:35:43 PM |
Attraction's not a choice...and that's life.
What a load of crap. Attraction IS a choice, because we aren't animals that merely select mates based on dumb instinct.
"Attraction's not a choice", what a truly foolish thing to say. I do hope you realize that little statement can very easily be interpreted to mean that you *can't* be trusted... because once you marry some loser, you won't be able to stay faithful. As soon as someone else buzzes by that floats your boat and you sail away with him out into the ocean of cheaters, then hey... not your fault, hubby just needs to deal with it, right? Because "Attraction's not a choice". You couldn't help it!
If some of you women are really going to take such a deliberately heartless approach towards men with getting your digs in, at least think of something to say that isn't totally sabotaging your own credibility.
God forbid, anyone accept accountability for their own choices anymore. In the reality of things, you do have a choice... because you have a mind. You don't have to abandon all sense and sensibility and go for some dip that will break your heart, just because he made your flower want to bloom. You can actually, believe it or not, make the conscious choice of whom you want to love... and you can choose someone that actually deserves you. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:36:51 PM | Well The philosophygirl,
I can definitely agree with you on that. There is really nothing wrong with a friendship with the opposite sex. I think the real issue, is one person wants more and the other does not, and so then they feel jaded over it. I have had friends with women that I had wanted more with and yes been disappointed when told otherwise, and the friendship ended there. It was me who ended the friendship not them, for I was hurt. A maturity thing back in the day. Other cases, I felt attracted to a friend, but because the other person did not recipricate that and I just pretty much respect the hidden boundary there. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:51:21 PM | | Don't forget that some women are lesbian and some men are gay. This scenario leaves you no choice but to be friends with the opposite sex. It really just depends on the individuals circumstances. I think if you are up front and honest about your intentions from the beginning then a friendship is very possible. I have some great guy friends. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:58:28 PM | Good rebuttal there mustbpatient.
I agree with that too. There is always a choice. One, to do whats right towards the person you are with. You do that by thinking about all the good things that person can offer and not reflect on the negative, because quite simply we all have negative. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:00:40 PM |
What a load of crap. Attraction IS a choice, because we aren't animals that merely select mates based on dumb instinct.
Attraction is not a choice, and you can easily convince yourself of that. Just look at some women, perhaps at the mall, or on the street, and realize that some turn you on and some don't.
Additionally your "we're not animals" justification is weak at best - I can elaborate if you wish so.
"Attraction's not a choice", what a truly foolish thing to say. I do hope you realize that little statement can very easily be interpreted to mean that you *can't* be trusted... because once you marry some loser, you won't be able to stay faithful.
You seem to be mixing "attraction" and "sex". Having sex is a choice. Being attracted to someone isn't.
Just because I'm attracted to someone, it doesn't mean I am going to have sex with them. And just because I'm not attracted to someone it doesn't mean that I won't have sex with them.
How are you connecting attraction, trust, sex/faithful? | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:02:37 PM | Attraction is based on preconceived ideas, which are based on environmental exposure or learned, of what one considers attractive. So their attraction to another is based on those preconceived ideas. People can change those.
Then again, maturity and time, will help in that process.
However, x-file, you are right in that there is a choice on whether we choose to act on those attractions. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:24:00 PM |
What a load of crap. Attraction IS a choice, because we aren't animals that merely select mates based on dumb instinct.
I select mates based on attraction. Maybe you date women you have no interest in. I don't know - I choose to go with someone I can stand to look at and actually be in close proximity to. I'm a stinker like that.
"Attraction's not a choice", what a truly foolish thing to say. I do hope you realize that little statement can very easily be interpreted to mean that you *can't* be trusted... because once you marry some loser, you won't be able to stay faithful. As soon as someone else buzzes by that floats your boat and you sail away with him out into the ocean of cheaters, then hey... not your fault, hubby just needs to deal with it, right? Because "Attraction's not a choice". You couldn't help it!
Again, I wouldn't (hypothetically, Lord knows I won't do it anyway) marry someone I wasn't attracted to, so the chances of meeting someone and walking on a marriage are slim to none. If you marry someone you have no attraction to (by choice, lol) yes you can be MORE attracted to someone outside that marriage. But, why would you do that?
If some of you women are really going to take such a deliberately heartless approach towards men with getting your digs in, at least think of something to say that isn't totally sabotaging your own credibility.
If you are single, then you prove my theory wrong - because you'd be with the first girl who showed you interest. If you don't want to date her because you aren't attracted to her, why don't you just CHOOSE to be attracted? According to your theory this should be possible. Answer that and we'll have something.
God forbid, anyone accept accountability for their own choices anymore. In the reality of things, you do have a choice... because you have a mind. You don't have to abandon all sense and sensibility and go for some dip that will break your heart, just because he made your flower want to bloom. You can actually, believe it or not, make the conscious choice of whom you want to love... and you can choose someone that actually deserves you.
Dude, you're mixing attraction with common sense. Yes I might be attracted to a death row inmate, or a married guy, or a drug addict - but DUH, I know if I have any sense it's not someone I should date. On the other hand, a guy who's perfect for me but I could never sleep with because he repulses me isn't someone I would date either. This is about physical chemistry, not best interest. Get your definitions straight. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:27:42 PM |
I select mates based on attraction. Maybe you date women you have no interest in. I don't know - I choose to go with someone I can stand to look at and actually be in close proximity to. I'm a stinker like that.
And this makes you unique... how? This somehow excludes you from all the other dime-a-dozen shallow people... how?
I've rejected outright, or otherwise deliberately sabotaged opportunities with women so beautiful, that most men would crawl through a sewer for the chance to be involved with them. Because of choice. I've done it more than once, I've pretty much consistently been doing it for most of my life actually. Because I'm actually pretty damn picky about things that have nothing to do with a person's appearance. (You can believe that or not)
I've also involved myself with women, and absolutely adored them from head to toe, when they were so physically plain looking or otherwise just blatantly unattractive that the majority of guys wouldn't have glanced twice at them, and in fact - shot an awkward glance or two in my own direction because of who I chose to date and give a chance to. I did it because of choice. (You can believe that or not too)
Do I discount every physically alluring woman just because she's beautiful? Of course not, that's ridiculous. Do I fling myself at every ugly woman that comes along? Don't be absurd. The point is that yes, attraction is a choice... at least for those of us who choose for it to be. I know it is, because numerous times I've proven the fact in my own life. So if you think I'm just slinging meaningless words around that I can't back up, then you seriously are clueless about who you're talking to.
It's a choice. And I don't know why anyone would want to be with somebody who thinks it ISN'T a choice.
How many of you would want someone to fall in love with you because they just couldn't help it... because they just couldn't fight the feeling anymore... because they were just blown away by the chemistry and drawn to you like a magnet and couldn't explain why... because they think you're just so hot that they can't resist you... How many would want, or trust, a person that fell in love with them like that, just based on raw chemistry and instinct instead of any depth of conscious thought and choice based on the factors that actually matter? I would *not* trust a love like that, and neither should anyone else if they know what's good for them.
If I seriously consider being with someone, that "choice" is based roughly 20% on the generic attraction-factor that seems to rule a lot of people's every thought and action when it comes to sizing up potential love interests. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:40:49 PM | | Someone wrote it well when they said in general girls can just make crappy friends. While I think every platonic friendship is rooted in some attraction, I do think women are going to more commonly seek friends in the opposite sex than men. Its because guys do make good friends- to guys to girls, just in general they are more constant and dedicated friends. Boys are less prone to all of the crazy drama that some girls carry around. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:45:17 PM | mustbpatient --
You are confusing attraction and attracTIVE. Attraction has a lot of components that combine looks and a whole lot of other characteristics. And before you say you don't care about looks at all, I'm going to say that you do.
Everyone has limits. If she was 400 pounds would you be interested? A face full of carbunkles? Bad hygiene habits? I guarantee that there are some physical features that just wouldn't do it for you -- even if the physical isn't way up high on your list.
But even people who do have looks higher up on the list than you do also have other criteria based on personality, goals, ethics, and other character traits.
And they all lead to whether or not you are going to be attracted to them.
It's NOT a choice. If someone doesn't possess the qualities that you find important in a mate, you're just NOT going to have that connection. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:49:33 PM | Fly... if you actually had in fact, grasped the depth of everything I said... I'd probably have fallen out of my chair and would be kissing the lint on the floor at this very moment. Your response isn't unpredictable, nor would anyone else's be that would mirror your reaction.
When I state my views, thoughts & opinions - I definitely don't do it with the thought in mind that people will come forward to agree with me... it may happen occassionally but it definitely isn't something I look for. I've had a lot of years to adjust to it that I express myself in a way that's very difficult for most others to grasp, even though it's utterly simplistic to me myself.
Ahh well... if we all just blended into the predominant social consciousness, what a truly boring world it would really be. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:43:09 PM | Like I said before, if I'm seeing a girl, and one of her close friends is a man, I honestly hope the dude is gay lol. Seriously it's better the guy is technically one of the girls, because if he's straight he always ends up getting feelings for the girl and turns drama queen on her ass, while I'm on the verge of tapping it.
Sorry didn't mean to go off there, but seriously a couple of girls I've been with had male friends that would end up spoiling my fun of being with someone I liked, and it would get messy Dawson Creek style. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:19:02 PM | If attraction was a choice I bet there'd be a hell of a lot less "We had sex and now he doesn't call. Why?  " topics.
Choice implies you had to think about something, analyze your options, and consciously make a decision based on the better analysis of your options. That does NOT happen with attraction - ever.
I have never been walking down the street or through a mall, seen a beautiful woman and had to ask myself "Do I like the way she looks? Would I like to get to know her more? Are those real?" That simply doesn't happen. Well maybe the third  . The thought that goes through my mind is "Whoa.....are those real?" j/k  But seriously "Whoa...."
Now after I get to know her and she turns out to me extremely high maintenance that attraction I felt would fade as I'm not attracted to that type of woman. Then the choice part kicks in on if I want to stay around her or not. But when I first saw her I wanted to spend time with her even though I knew nothing about her. That's the attraction part.
Back to the main topic...
Men do not want women as friends if they are attracted to them because it kills any chance they have at dating them. However, many guys make the mistake that women will eventually like them after they get to know them on a friend level. If a woman describes a guy as 'nice' or a 'friend' it's game over as far as a dating relationship goes.
Ladies, how many guy 'friends' that you would describe as 'nice' that you ended up dating? More than once? I'd put money on this being a short list. | |
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rofl cap'n.
........I have male friends its nice to hear the other side I don't see anything wrong with it.......it could be a great thing....
