|
|
|
|
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/24/2008 10:34:01 PM |
Choice implies you had to think about something, analyze your options, and consciously make a decision based on the better analysis of your options.
Angelsin, exactly. Bingo. **light bulb shining brightly** You got it!
If people would use their brain for something other than to keep their heads from caving in, there would indeed be a hell of a lot less "We had sex and now he doesn't call. Why? " topics.
| |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/24/2008 11:29:49 PM |
What a load of crap. Attraction IS a choice, because we aren't animals that merely select mates based on dumb instinct.
I select mates based on attraction. Maybe you date women you have no interest in. I don't know - I choose to go with someone I can stand to look at and actually be in close proximity to. I'm a stinker like that.
I think if you do your homework on this you will find several studies that state "attraction" in men is more influenced by perceptions of fertility and symetry. While in women it is more often a result of social programming and symetry. These factors are mostly sub-conscious functions of the primal drive.
So your both wrong to one degree or another.
We do have choice to override these influences, but in my personal observations women rarely override their conditioning. Figure out the source of that conditioning and you will be able to better figure out if the relationship will last. Men tend to do so only after learning that competition in mating is a reality of women's prejudices. If a man cannot compete on a level playing field for a woman's attentions then he will move on to other criteria, usually equating certain traits in women with "undesirable". Meaning men can change the way they look at mating choices. Women rarely change what they want once sub-conscious perceptions are established in early adult years. Once they form beliefs of what is "undesirable" in early formulative years then they carry that belief system with them for decades afterwards.
It is only when priorities change in later years that women alter their selection criteria. Those who have biological clock type urges become more desperate to find any suitable mate, while women who enter into menopause are less effected by reproductive selective wiring criteria -- and at that point start to make more sensible choices.
None of this is meant to excuse "bad choices", but it does point out that biological effects on mating are predictable and quite real.
 | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 12:49:01 AM | You know, there is something about men that hurts me a lot. And I guess it is very much connected with the topic here. Why is it that after you have rejected them, they tend to ignore you and give you silent treatment? Why do they have to be so rude? So, you did not feel any connection to them. Can you not continue to be friends? Ok, nevermind friends, but at least be civil to each other. Just a simple response will do. Why completely ignore her as if she had done something so terrible? Heavenly Angels! Does the rule, No Contact applies if you were never in a relationship? Can't a girl not say hi and expect a hi in return, out of courtesy? Does she have to be treated like a leper simply because she cannot reciprocate?
Ok, let's just cite POF as a venue. Guy and girl are starting to be friends. The guys asks to meet. The girl says not yet. Maybe later. The guy starts ignoring the girl and even blocks her? So, what's up with that? Is there really a good excuse for being rude? | |
|
| |
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 1:30:29 AM | Some women are nuts and this si a dating site nto a friendship site. One of the worst things a woman cna tell me is that she jsut sees me as or jsut wants to be friends. It makes me want to puke everytime a girl bumps me down to friend status. I'm sexy, I'm attractive. I am intelligent. Take your friendship and shove it where I was going to shove it before you just cheated yourself out of dinner and some shoving it fun! These are my sentiments! If we go on a date and you don't like me fine... we can go our seperate ways. But to tell me that she just wants to be friends especially before even meeting me? What gives? Its a fricken profile usually with awful photos tht don't tell the whole story. its really tough putting yourself out there. And getting rejected becuase you are too short or tall or don't ahve a good job becuase you are still in school. I'm fun, drama free, and have a real knack for knowing a little bit about almost every subject.
And its funny when a woman offers you this so called "just friendship" And she does nothing to help you out. ok do we hang out as friends? Is she going to hook me up with her friends? When a girl says she wants to be firends it means I don't want to knwo you becuase she thinks she is better than you or too good for you or that you are not good enough for her. Or is just plain shallow. If I don't like someone I let them know. If I say thsi is not working I say it. I'm honest!
I will say ok we can be friends but I expect you to introduce me to your single friends. Otherwise friendship denied. I have a few clsoe friends. I prefer quality to quantity and tend to push people away. I am not looking for friends I'm looking for someone who is fun to be with who loves me for me. And is willing to take a chance on meeting a great guy. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 2:12:43 AM | | When a woman says "let's be friends" to a guy 99% of the time it means that the guy has failed to spark sufficient attraction in the woman, or has disqualified himself as a mate in her eyes in some way or form. Personally, I've got a lot of true friends in my life already and I don't need any more - they take up enough time as is. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 7:18:08 AM |
And this makes you unique... how? This somehow excludes you from all the other dime-a-dozen shallow people... how? I ask again, are you single and looking? If not - fabulous. If so, how come? Any woman who approaches you should be your type - or if not, you can simply choose to make her so to suit your search. BAM! Instant relationship. Well if that's what you want.
I've rejected outright, or otherwise deliberately sabotaged opportunities with women so beautiful, that most men would crawl through a sewer for the chance to be involved with them. Because of choice. I've done it more than once, I've pretty much consistently been doing it for most of my life actually. Because I'm actually pretty damn picky about things that have nothing to do with a person's appearance. (You can believe that or not) First of all - what does it for me may not do it for anyone else. So my attractive to another woman might be rat bait. Second, AS I STATED BEFORE, if a man I have initial attraction to turns out to be a tool - then naturally I wouldn't consider him any further. Attraction isn't the whole package, but it's gotta be there.
I've also involved myself with women, and absolutely adored them from head to toe, when they were so physically plain looking or otherwise just blatantly unattractive that the majority of guys wouldn't have glanced twice at them, and in fact - shot an awkward glance or two in my own direction because of who I chose to date and give a chance to. I did it because of choice. (You can believe that or not too) I'm glad I am not someone you dated and found unattractive but did anyway because it suited you, and I won't do that to anyone else either. The person you date should be someone YOU find attractive, even if no one else does. And they should want you to find them attractive - naturally as time goes on it's about more than physical, but initially it should be to some degree.
Do I discount every physically alluring woman just because she's beautiful? Of course not, that's ridiculous. Do I fling myself at every ugly woman that comes along? Don't be absurd. The point is that yes, attraction is a choice... at least for those of us who choose for it to be. I know it is, because numerous times I've proven the fact in my own life. So if you think I'm just slinging meaningless words around that I can't back up, then you seriously are clueless about who you're talking to. No, I think we're saying the same thing but in different ways - weird, I just had this conversation with another guy in another thread - I think when men hear "choice" it messes them all up. AGAIN, I may find a man good looking who let's say just murdered someone, but if I have any common sense, I won't date him, or consider him an option. I am talking the simple chemistry that exists between two people on sight only. From there anyone who's not a total idiot would want to look beyond the draw they have to someone to see if there's any type of reason to continue wanting to get to know them - yes THAT part you can choose.
It's a choice. And I don't know why anyone would want to be with somebody who thinks it ISN'T a choice. Who you are drawn to is an instinct not a choice - what you do about it IS a choice. That's my point.
How many of you would want someone to fall in love with you because they just couldn't help it... because they just couldn't fight the feeling anymore... because they were just blown away by the chemistry and drawn to you like a magnet and couldn't explain why... because they think you're just so hot that they can't resist you... How many would want, or trust, a person that fell in love with them like that, just based on raw chemistry and instinct instead of any depth of conscious thought and choice based on the factors that actually matter? I would *not* trust a love like that, and neither should anyone else if they know what's good for them. Anyone with any common sense would use their heads as well, so that it wouldn't be that random. That's why we were blessed with thought AND animal attraction. The key is to find both...
If I seriously consider being with someone, that "choice" is based roughly 20% on the generic attraction-factor that seems to rule a lot of people's every thought and action when it comes to sizing up potential love interests. I don't disagree with you on that - if I'm to consider being serious I consider a myriad of other things - but it's the attraction that first gets my attention. If there's nothing BUT that, then I don't get serious at all. I most likely just get bored easily and move on. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 7:24:25 AM |
If people would use their brain for something other than to keep their heads from caving in, there would indeed be a hell of a lot less "We had sex and now he doesn't call. Why? " topics.
You know, I've never had this happen ONCE. Why? Well, after you've been dating a man 6 months or so they're pretty much not looking for a conquest.
I don't see what this has to do with attraction AT ALL.
It has to do with refusing to have sex with someone who isn't in love with you.
And I could never have sex with a man to whom I wasn't attracted AND didn't love. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 7:39:10 AM | | I've actually met a number of men who expressed that they are attracted to me, but I didn't feel the same way, and they were the ones to ask if we could be friends. I have never made that suggestion because I have never found that to work. In my experience, men who are attracted to me and say that they want to be friends are generally waiting for another opportunity to make their move. Or, they are hoping that I will learn to become attracted to them. The few times that I have tried to be friends with a men who were originally attracted to me, I found that when they start dating someone or got married the new women in their life usually became suspicious of the friendship. So, we eventually drifted apart. Now, my male friends are either men who were never interested in me romantically, gay men, and spouses/significant others of my women friends, who know that I am not a threat to their relationships. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 8:01:54 AM | I'm amazed at all the bitterness and viciousness that the men are showing here. It's a real indicator at how shallow, and disposable our whole culture has become and how we as women have devalued others, especially men. It's a shame that people can't learn to value each other on the premise that we are all special, unique and important. Regardless of gender we all share the same human condition.
The difference in male and female friendships is how the sexes are designed.... men are hardwire to want sex and then companionship. Women are more interested in relationship (the connection) and communication, regardless of the gender. Now that isn't to say that sex is all a man is about, but he is created with that drive in a much stronger way than the typical woman.
Women can more easily engage in male/female relationships because she wants relationship(friendship) and her sexual needs are not driving her.
It's very important that we all have friends of the other gender, they add value and richness to our lives, help us understand the other gender and can be wonderful relationships, if treated with respect and honor. Over the years I've had a couple of dear male friends that once we felt the sexual tensions building we recognized the potential, discussed it like adults and opted to value the friendship about the sexual gratification. WE both rather have the longterm respect and agape love for the other than to run the risk of ruining the friendship in a heat of passion that would have only gratified the flesh and curiosity. I value those men, as I do all my friends.
I need my female friends and my male friends-- they add value to my life and I hope I add value to theirs! | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 8:05:45 AM |
No, I think we're saying the same thing but in different ways
The Deja-vu here is excruciating...
I couldn't begin to count the number of times that I've had discussions/debates/pillow-fights with others, over differences in views... only to eventually reach a point of discovering that we really didn't think quite so differently at all - at least not differently enough to make an issue of.
If you discuss something long enough, kick that dead horse enough times, and beat a subject into the ground enough that you've nearly picked your way through to China... then inevitably you're bound to find some common level to agree.
Ahh, discussion... tis' a beautiful thing, is it not?
*Twaps you with my pillow. You still suck. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 9:13:59 AM | DJC Hickey,
That's why I said NEVER agree to being "Friends" with a woman YOU WANT .
.......Do you have a reading comprehension problem?
Thanks,......You are my evidence as to why I'm correct in everything I said.
NEVER be "Friends" with a woman YOU WANT, while another guy gets ALL the SEX "Benefits" of a relationship.
DO NOT EVER AGREE TO "Friends" with a woman YOU DESIRE.........(said it again).
Good point made, Did you read her own post on this topic. "The "other" guy (usually BAD guy) gets all the SEX, while the guy "Friend" get's only the tears from the girl.
In her own words "You don't know that a bad guy gets all the sex, or that he's preventing you from getting any if he exists. Personally I have sex the whole time I am single, separate from dating and male friends. It just has no connection to anything else I am doing. If and when I meet someone and it become serious, than naturally he's the one I date and sleep with exclusively. And P.S. I am one of MANY women who do this. Sorry!" Doesn't say much for her own respect about herself "Personally I have sex the whole time I am single, separate from dating and male friends. It just has no connection to anything else I am doing. " Sounds pretty much like a disease waiting to spread all over the place. spreading it from here to there. And she wonders why she can't find her partner in life. Sound to me like she has really no self confience to be treat like a ****. I will lokk at your profile to figure why you are on here , so I don't futher mis-judge you. But by what you wrote, It can't be that good. I did read your profile, And it clearly states not looking for one night stands., This kind of make the mind wonder. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 9:21:11 AM | Doesn't say much for her own respect about herself "Personally I have sex the whole time I am single, separate from dating and male friends. It just has no connection to anything else I am doing. " Sounds pretty much like a disease waiting to spread all over the place. spreading it from here to there. And she wonders why she can't find her partner in life. Sound to me like she has really no self confience to be treat like a ****. I will lokk at your profile to figure why you are on here , so I don't futher mis judge you. But by what you wrote, It can't be that good. I do find one person that I trust and know well to have sex with while single, and it's done safely. So sorry - but the disease thing doesn't apply to all who aren't in a relationship. There are grey areas - it's not all black and white, unfortunately. Yes, some women pick up a different guy every night for sex - but if they do they want to. Most women don't have to. If you aren't the type to like sex outside a relationship - then that's your thing. I won't judge you for that because I see nothing wrong with it. I'd appreciate the same courtesy.
I don't wonder why I don't have a partner - can you refer to where I said that? I don't have one because I choose not to date JUST anyone, and being single isn't a punishment - it's actually kinda nice. Also, why I am here doesn't matter to anyone here - or have any relevance to this thread. I could pick you apart personally, but it's not my style. So there's no research necessary on me...don't bother using your mouse. You're off topic. Let's get back to the thread.
Thanks! | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 9:51:27 AM | I think it does refer to the topic, As Cptn American has said, that you; in my words don't pay attention to what has been written. Like I said, I would look at your profile before making any futher statements, Wrong or right. You state that you are Not looking for one night stands, but yet you openly make known that is what you do. True, we all have our mindset on how we handle sex. Be it in a relationship or even before one. But to post it in public forums will rise questionable intentions and comments. But I bet if you quite giving yourself so freely to your guy Friend and state no more sex and mean it. He would more than likely move on to someone else, Or keep hanging around like a hungry begging dog looking to be feed. Which is pathetic. I was saying that about a partner, Not meaning you personally were wondering. Sorry if you read that wrong a well. just for clearify. My remarks were intended to show that there is what you stated just in my own opinion There are a way's a girl will string along and use men to fullfil there personal needs. And men as well. I have many woman friends, and that is all there is, my choice. I don't tell them or use them for my personal gain. And I will CLEARLY STATE that I don't point in YOUR direction. So then the question is , If you have sex with a male , Turn around and call him a friend. And use them to fill in the voids in your life. Wouldn't it still be considered using someone and coating it ? Most people do not look at this a friendship. Even open minded people.  | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 9:55:58 AM | I've actually met a number of men who expressed that they are attracted to me, but I didn't feel the same way, and they were the ones to ask if we could be friends. I have never made that suggestion because I have never found that to work. In my experience, men who are attracted to me and say that they want to be friends are generally waiting for another opportunity to make their move. Or, they are hoping that I will learn to become attracted to them. The few times that I have tried to be friends with a men who were originally attracted to me, I found that when they start dating someone or got married the new women in their life usually became suspicious of the friendship. So, we eventually drifted apart. Now, my male friends are either men who were never interested in me romantically, gay men, and spouses/significant others of my women friends, who know that I am not a threat to their relationships.
That sounds about par for the course.
In my case, I had a reverse done on my, a woman would want to be M Y friend (though I was attracted to them) we hung out and spent time together sometimes (would see a movie at her place) I kinda liked her in that way, but I tried to maintain my distance, but she was always calling me to go out to a nightclub with her and a friend o fhers or do something one on one even.
She got a boyfriend, the boyfriend became the fiance', at that point, never heard from her on a daily basis like I used to, then she got married to the guy.
Hadn't heard from her in years since that time.
You state that you are Not looking for one night stands, but yet you openly make known that is what you do.
Not quite, but she did admit to having no strings sex with someone that she trusts, and FWB as they call it. (not necessarily a one night stand) or is it really the same thing?
Wait, just re-read DJ's profile she did state "no FWB's", so I stand corrected, she contradicted her profile in her post.
But I bet if you quite giving yourself so freely to your guy Friend and state no more sex and mean it. He would more than likely move on to someone else, Or keep hanging around like a hungry begging dog looking to be feed. Which is pathetic.
Yeah, I knew of a woman that had routine sex with a male friend of hers, she got a boyfriend, and well....of course the male friend was cut off....and let's just say, it wasn't pretty. He cut off all ties with her at that point, got ticked off he wasn't getting anymore sex with her, and cut off the friendship with her. It was fine with her though, so she didn't lose sleep over the male friend she lost apparently. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 1:29:22 PM | I think it does refer to the topic, As Cptn American has said, that you; in my words don't pay attention to what has been written. LOL, ah but I do.
Like I said, I would look at your profile before making any futher statements, Wrong or right. You state that you are Not looking for one night stands, but yet you openly make known that is what you do. I guess your version of a one night stand is different from...well everyone else's. And since you don't know what I do and assumed you did, well I have no need to further comment. I can have sex with myself, many different men, or just one and it's still sex. YOU took "sex" and saw "one night stand".....I can't help you with that - it was jumping to conclusions, and it wasn't the main topic (see header above). It also wasn't something I addressed to you.
True, we all have our mindset on how we handle sex. Be it in a relationship or even before one. But to post it in public forums will rise questionable intentions and comments. Only for those who choose to see it their way no matter how CLEAR it's been spelled out. Again, can't help ya.
But I bet if you quite giving yourself so freely to your guy Friend and state no more sex and mean it. He would more than likely move on to someone else, Or keep hanging around like a hungry begging dog looking to be feed. Which is pathetic. I was saying that about a partner, Not meaning you personally were wondering. Sorry if you read that wrong a well. just for clearify. The idea that men are dogs and women are victims is REALLY tiring. Perhaps women are the agressors and men are the targets in some situations? Free your mind.
My remarks were intended to show that there is what you stated just in my own opinion. There are a way's a girl will string along and use men to fullfil there personal needs. And men as well. I have many woman friends, and that is all there is, my choice. I don't tell them or use them for my personal gain. And I will CLEARLY STATE that I don't point in YOUR direction. Oh ok....then we're straight. However generally, two people having sex is beneficial for BOTH people, or they wouldn't be doing it (voluntarily, that is).
So then the question is , If you have sex with a male , Turn around and call him a friend. And use them to fill in the voids in your life. Wouldn't it still be considered using someone and coating it ? Most people do not look at this a friendship. Even open minded people. It's only using someone if you lie about what's going on. No matter what I do in life, I am VERY clear and direct about what it means. If they know this and still participate, then I can only blame them. They are the only ones who can choose for themselves what's right for them.
Wait, just re-read DJ's profile she did state "no FWB's", so I stand corrected, she contradicted her profile in her post. On the contrary - let me explain. In my opinion, one cannot have an FWB with someone they just met online - to me it's more of an established friendship with someone I've known a long time and a temporary sexual agreement is added (we're both single, not dating material to each other or not wanting to date but want to blow off some steam until one of us meets someone we consider serious). Therefore I don't want to be approached by strangers for an FWB, because in my definition it's not possible.
For me, an FWB usually ends up being an ex - familiar and attractive but not an option as a relationship cause it's already failed as one. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 2:37:44 PM | | attraction isn't a choice but action and behavior is. it's really simple if your character is weak then there really isn't a choice now is there? Men and women could be friends if they're chosen the same way you choose the same sex friends | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 5:34:46 PM | On the contrary - let me explain. In my opinion, one cannot have an FWB with someone they just met online - to me it's more of an established friendship with someone I've known a long time and a temporary sexual agreement is added (we're both single, not dating material to each other or not wanting to date but want to blow off some steam until one of us meets someone we consider serious). Therefore I don't want to be approached by strangers for an FWB, because in my definition it's not possible.
For me, an FWB usually ends up being an ex - familiar and attractive but not an option as a relationship cause it's already failed as one.
Sorry, I don't buy it. lol
All the same to me. 
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...... | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 5:55:22 PM | | I have noticed a pattern in my relationships with men. Unless they're gay, it's either all or nothing for them, it seems. It's why I tend to keep most men at a safe distance when I'm single. When I'm in a relationship, it's even more complicated because I wonder if I should even have guy friends at all. *Sigh* I suppose it's a good thing my guy isn't jealous. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 7:41:14 PM | ok I have kept up with post for a while now. And I've gotten a opinion on it. Maybe the best maybe the worst but like butt holes we've all got one.
Anyways, I don't think being friends with a woman is the problem its that some women that are friends with guys "take advantage" of that "friendship." Maybe the guy does this and that for her and never gets anything in return. Not even emotional support if something "bad" has happened. Then the guy fells "used" and "strung along." Now not every situation is like this but the ones with a negative outlook on the opinion is probably the ones that this happened to. And I include myself in this situation because that's what has happened to me, I felt used, nothing in return, etc. Even though I do have a couple really close friends that are gals but they are as equal as the really close friends that are guys. I've also gotten a few friends that were guys "use" me also. So for me it is not gender specific.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 8:15:47 PM | Funny, I have always been involved with my male friends, then the relationship goes astray and we part. I still love them, but I am not in love with them, so after realizing they lost a good woman, they come running back. Well, by then it's too little to late ! Too bad you guys don't know a good thing when you have it !!!! | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 8:44:28 PM | | I have lots of friends that are guys I think that it is because I had three big brothers and was a stat girl. Must guys see me as a little sister. The bad thing is I have a hard time telling if a guy likes me more then that because I never see myself as the girl who goes out on dates with him. I'm so quick at making friends if I do not want a man that way at first site he can be my buddy for life. If I do like him that way and he does not ask me out within two days he is also a buddy even if he was "working up the nerve". I just will not feel it. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 8:56:20 PM |
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Not always true , but , I will still answer...
Because women like a sounding board. Because women like options without putting out. Because men like to get some without commitment. Because guys have a habit of imagining their attractive female friends naked and covered in baby oil or chocolate syrup and whipped cream.
But , most of all ....
Because men and women are very different beings. | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 8:57:40 PM | Yeah, I get it. I am delusional. I thought about it and you are right. What was I thinking? I am not sure if men and women look at friends the same way. It seems to me that the men and women responding to this topic are saying different things depending. I don't think I can be the 'safe' guy hanging around because she has had bad luck. I might as well be gay. Oh well, I guess there are plenty of fish in the ocean, huh? | |
|
| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/25/2008 8:58:57 PM | | good post bb i took was part of a study that had 40k men from UK Canada and the US 80% matched me as thier perfect mate 1% were mine. The fun thing was that on certin days I was attracted to a whole different type of guy. I found that most women perfer the more strong/ruff looking guys on those days and the clean cut/ friendly about a week after. It was sponsered in the UK in the late 80's early 90's. | |
|
|
| Page 12 of 14
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 |
|