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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:50:39 PM | look...women and men have different sexual responses... men are very visually stimulated... with women... it's more about the whole person... also, men can have sex with a woman that they find attractive, and not have any feelings for her... women in general can't do that... we just don't have that separation between sex and the emotional part of it. men do.
i think this goes right to the heart of why men and women differ on this topic of friendship. women can do it, but honestly, i have only had friendships with men...and i mean true friends... if a) we had dated previously... and are no longer interested in eachother as partners, and b) if the guy was gay.
all other scenarios... the guy was interested in me on a romantic level, and therefore was not really my "friend." i think men do this if they think there might be a chance, otherwise they just could care less...
but the truth is... i don't really think men and women can be close friends...it's truly rare... i mean, when was the last time you saw some decent looking guy being a pals with a very unattractive woman who weighed 300lbs? answer...never!
gee, i wonder WHY?
lar | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:43:52 PM | | most womens like to still have guy as friend even if theyre not attracted to them cause they enjoy the attention plain and simple.most womens are smarter than most men.womens know how men act around them when they want to get laid and womens enjoy that attention even if they dont want the guy in question.the only thing is the guy has to be smart enough to know that.so my advice is please mens get your balls in order and get yourself together and dont let most womens make fools of ya.yes most guys like womens and tends to get weak around good looking womens but be a man and be smart when needed to.dont become wuss around womens.stand tall and be a man. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:41:44 AM | I kind of see the pendulum swinging in both directions on this, lately. Think about the number of men out there who only want a FWB or something like that, as opposed to a relationship? The true problem here is finding that rare occurance when two people meet that both want the same things out of life and love. Everyone seems to be on a different page lately, and I dont know why because it seems like its getting worse the older I get.
But from my perspective, Ill be honest in saying I dont WANT to be someone's friend anymore than I want to be someone's sex buddy. What I want is a relationship, and male or female this seems to be the most difficult thing in the entire world to find. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:27:47 PM | If a woman lets me know right up front that all she is looking for is a friend to talk to or something like that then i have no problem with it. I can be a friend to a woman. But if it starts out as dating in a romantic sense then no i can't and won't do it. The reason being is' If a woman isn't interested in you but you are her you will continue to be interested in her. You have to watch her go out with other men rubbing your nose in it. By hanging around and trying to be a friend to a woman that doesn't share the same feelings as you do' Well' You become a door mat. By hanging around she loses respect for you. You become the guy referred to as the door mat that will not go away. The way i see it' When it's over' It's over. Move on. Don't hang around unless you are the kind that has low self confidence and feel like you can't get another. Then you will become a door mat for sure. One other thing' Besides' When a guy goes out with a woman most of the time he is already attracted to her one way or the other. Most times guys know what they want when they see it. I don't mean this as a personal hit against women here. But most of the time women don't have any idea what they want. Women since they don't know what they want most of the time they can go out with a guy and decide after a date or two that he isn't what she wants. Guys on the other hand' For the most part' When they look at a woman they know right then and there whether he wants her or not. Whether it's just physical attraction or more. Me' I haven't met a woman yet that i didn't know if i just wanted to have sex with her' (lust) or if there was more there to me.  | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 4/3/2009 11:07:22 PM | If the original premise is true - I think it's an over-simplification and huge generalization - why are men considered to be less emotional than women? (I know, that's another over-simplification and huge generalization.) If you're scratching your head, let me explain my thinking...
There seem to be two popular theories why guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do:
1. Girls don't realize that all the guy friends they have sniffing around really want to get in their pants, so they're fine with the attention and shoulders to cry on, etc.
2. Guys don't want to be "just friends" with women they really like, because it hurts them too much to see her going on with her life, dating other guys, and trying to cry on their shoulder about it.
Do you see where I'm going? It seems under these scenarios that the women have no empathy for the guys they hang around with. They don't even see the real hopes and intentions these guys hang on to. The guys are self-aware enough to avoid the pain of hanging around someone they have real feelings for.
Does any of this make sense? | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 4/3/2009 11:13:39 PM | | l know l can be *just friends* with a woman and l'll tell you why...a womens point of view on gender neutral issues is better than a guys. That's just the way l see it. lf l want a totally different point of view, l ask a woman. Guys pretty much think alike, therefore to find a contrasting opinion a woman is necessary. To me, the way a woman thinks makes a lot more sense most times. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 4/3/2009 11:29:48 PM | | ....lol because you have been rejected and don't make enough money to be anything more than "friends" 9 times out of ten....or own a home, highfalutin car etc....add some tens of thousands of dollars a year or so and have impressive clothes, cars, homes etc...and you wont be a friend anymore..you will be serious dating material...hell marriage material ;) | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:34:27 PM | what some ladies mean when she starts the whole thing as friends,even though your friends is you will have to qualify as if your dating and you will most likely pay for everything,men call this a free ride,some ladies call this "just friends".
Just friends and friends with benefits are the same thing,I have had ladies act jealous and be demanding and want tons of affection and thoughtful ,"I miss you" texts,when they demanded they did not want to date,they only want a friend,I'm afraid this is denial or something because if you act like your dating then you might as well call it dating.And also the ones that boldly stated if your looking for friends with benefits your barking up the wrong tree,ended up sleeping with me,they too could not act like friends, they played from day one, like it was dating.
I'm telling you some girls idea of just friends is in a different universe from guys being friends with other guys,and with guys,they don't size you up,you don't qualify,your just buds,and buds don't wine and dine the other and hold the car door for them,and text sweet things,their just friends,and I think this is why its so hard to be friends with ladies,many ladies don't know how to be a buddy.Besides if I have a friend that's a lady I always hope I'll sleep with her,nothing could possibly be further from my mind with a bud.
Try keeping that girl friend when the next serious lady comes along,I have never in 30 some years of dating seen a girlfriend of mine tolerate a lady friend,the insinuations are enough to drive you nuts,yet on the other hand I have never dated a lady that didn't have guy friends and I was to gladly accept them as that,in of course,I was fine with that though,just wish the ladies I had dated had been as secure as me .
As to the above reference that I always hope to sleep with a lady friend,that is if I'm available to do so,if I have a girlfriend then I am loyal and taken and think about just sleeping with her. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:52:22 PM | This is kinda relevant for me, in that I am "friendly" with a lady 20 years my junior. She is attractive, SMART, and funny, everything I would look for in a lady. Yet, we are both going through separation issues and are being each others "ear", if you will... I can't sense if she is wanting to pursue things in a romantic sense, but if not, that's fine.
It's easy being friends with a lady, but once you cross that line guys, of having sexual relations with her, you can't go back, yet a lady seems to be OK with it?
OK, I think I got it nailed: If a guy doesn't sleep with the lady, it's cool to remain friends, but when they do, he wants it to be more...
If a lady doesn't sleep with a man, it's cool to remain friends, but when they do, she can take either road...
Or do I have it backwards?.. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/14/2009 6:59:13 PM | There are several PUA that build a foundation for a relationship off of being friends first and it is good for the guy to establish this first. When a woman says "lets be friends" it destroys some guys but if the guy suggest it first then it changes the whole friendship. Being friends is a good way to get to know someone and makes things easier down the line if there is to be a relationship.
Ladder theory works for High School but its just a theory like evolution and creationism. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:44:21 PM | This pretty much sums it up. Plus it's hilarious. From The Onion...
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
BY KIMBERLY PRUITT
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me **** about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other ***hole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/19/2009 5:27:54 PM | I totally don't understand this concept. I know a few men who appreciate friendship first and will pursue an emotional bond, but it is a rare thing, and I do appreciate these men alot. I find women way easier to be friends with because there is no sexual tension.
If I'm friends with a man with mutual attraction, we usually end up having sex, and it becomes obvious the friendship was just a ploy to do it, and if that doesn't happen then we give up when it seems the chance at consummating it is lost. If I'm not attracted to them and they are to me, as soon as this becomes obvious then I back off and friendship is basically toast. I wouldn't dream of dragging this on, nor of manipulating them. If I'm attracted to them and they're not to me, it would be total and utter hell to attempt friendship, and so I leave, crying.
Of the women I know it's a small minority who prefer male friends, but come to think of it, that's probably why I'm not friends with them, because I'm a girl! | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/19/2009 5:40:00 PM | I have many male acquaintances, but none that I would consider a close friend. If it happens, no big deal, but it hasn't since college and I don't feel I've been missing anything... These days, if a single guy gets close enough to me to be what I consider 'good' friends, we end up dating. I don't think I can cultivate a "just friends" relationship with a man at this stage in my life. Maybe later when I have no hormones left.....
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/20/2009 1:39:53 AM | Yep, been in this situation before too. I got the whole "you are my best friend" and "i miss hanging out with you". I'm sure for some, they can go back to "just friends" after one feels an attraction and the other doesn't. I wish i could, but when the feelings are there its really hard to just spend time together as friends. I have actually been yelled at for not spending time with a girl after this happened!!! I pointed out that i made time for her, i changed my plans to suit HER, i'm not about to do that now when she is off hitting another guy. I got accused of making her feel guilty, all i did was not change my plans to see her 4 times a week like we used to. I'm not about to suck it all up so she can feel all happy, i wasn't rude or abusive about it i just told it how it was, nothing more. She would get mad i'd try and say sorry but got shut down, now i wish i ended it months ago as i had an out. She said you are one of my best friends, would you want a full on relationship or nothing at all? i wish i said full on relationship as it would have ended there and then, saved me 2 months of heart ache and a crap load of txt messages!
With that said, i do have female friends that neither of us have any attraction and we get along great! its nice having a female point of view on subjects and they make for good company, i'd never give them up.
As soon as there is a one sided attraction i think the friendship is pretty well doomed. With the above situation, when she told me, i knew things would probably end badly, and ooh boy they sure did! and fast. She went from the sweetest person ever to a pit bull! OMG a side i never thought she had, it made walking away a little easier.
Some may call me immature, that's fine. Yes she did have qualities i liked as a friend, but also qualities i wanted in a partner. We got along so well, i thought we would have been great together, talked all the time, hung out a LOT, never argued, i liked her for her, ooh well her loss.
*end rant* | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:23:03 PM | | In my experience, if you've got the hots for a girl, you can't be friends with her. Period! She will know it and you'll be her "consolation prize" who she'll call when she's bored and wants to do something and her girl friends and boyfriend aren't available at the time. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:34:41 AM | I like people. I don't decide whether I like your company or your views or your humor based upon your gender. If , for whatever reason, nookie isn't in the picture, am I supposed to stop liking and valuing you as a person?
If I'm a man talking about a woman, it seems like the answer is often 'yes'. If she's not a potential sex partner, what's the point. We're not people unless we're physically repulsive, and sometimes, not even then. Otherwise we're potential receiver holes, dragging the poor man along on a thread of hope, if we like and respect him enough to want him in our lives.
Yeesh. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:46:41 AM | A woman will be happy to be friends with a guy who could be her man, but if she senses that he's absolutely lovesick and head over heels for her, I think she'll be more reluctant and just cut him loose.
And this is actually a rare instance in which women will genuinely take both theirs and the guy's best interests into account when making a decision. She will not waste his time, and nor will she endanger her own peace of mind by having a friend who is too crazy for her to want anything less than the highest. Everybody gets the best deal.
That truly is the exception. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 1:41:28 AM | trailsman. Yoko did not break up the Beatles.
Pauls ego did. Oh, Sir Paul...excuse me.
Women do enjoy each other without the pettiness you describe.
I worked with men for years and they were the most gossipy, stab each other in the back people I have ever known. I guess your experience has been the opposite. | |
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