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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:11:05 AM | Girls are not the only ones laying down the "just friends" card, it goes both ways.
It's just part of dating and how the dice roll. I have been put in the friend zone by guys I was interested in, and who thought they were initially attracted to me, on more then one occasion. It sucks when that happens with someone you really liked.
I have also been on the other end, and had to shoot down a couple great guys I just did not feel romantic toward or attracted too. In the end, lovers may come and go but a few of these people have remained in my life and over time had proven themselves to be wonderful and loyal friends that I would not trade for anything. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:43:59 AM | Ive got alot of woman friends and believe me...they talk about everything....geuss I give them a bit of insight to a mans view...not sure...life crap I geuss...it is nice to know they can count on me for chat though...and that it wont go anywhere.... | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:31:39 AM | I don't mind being friends with women I have not dated or have strong romantic attractions towards. I can even be friends with former flames once some time has passed, but why even try to stay friends after dating?
It's like applying for a job, being declined, but then asked to hang out in the lobby and check out all the other people who are going to get a chance at the job you wanted. Every so often the lady will come out and rant about why that applicant isn't working out and how they are going to start the job search again. The person might get fired and the search goes on, but you will never be given the position. And in all likelihood it will just be you and other applicants hanging out in the lobby watching other candidates come in to apply for the job.
Screw that.
No attraction or romantic past, we can be good friends. But once we pass that line, friendship really isn't an option anymore. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:49:53 AM |
You may have heard the saying "a guy cant be just friends with a girl he is attracted to", but the same saying doesnt get said for women. Why is this?
Could it be that women just are more interested in having guys as friends than guys are in having women that are friends?
Could it be that men just arent as good and handling it when they are attracted to a woman but cant have her?
What could it be?
Given today's woman, krillbee, you're probably better off taking her on as a friend, and letting her figure out her own mind and heart.
I know I'm gonna get blasted for this, so go ahead.
But let's be honest. It's gotten that too many women today have become jilted to the idea of subjecting themselves to a "monogamous" relationship...why? The fear of "is this the next one to fail". And allowing themselves to be submissive and supportive to someone, whom they fear will only want to dominate them in every way, is rampant unnecessarily.
Another culprit: too many people in your ear. Far too many women subject themselves to this notion that what SuzieQ from down the street said is correct...and that perhaps she's possibly exaggerating isn't a possibility. Everything that goes on in your life isn't for other people to hear, let alone manage.
If you didn't want to be in said relationship, there's the word "no". Like the genie in the lamp, all-powerful, with itty-bitty living space.
Sorry to lay it down so hard, but honesty is the best policy...no matter how painful sometimes.
Krillbee, you'll find someone before you know it, that doesn't rain on your parade.:beer:
Danz | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:01:14 AM | | Face it,as friends we are far more comfortable being friends with someone of our own gender,there is no better ,special bond like your best friend and thats always someone of the same gender and sex isn't part of the equation,have no part in our thoughts.I don't think men stop thinking of the sex in a male female relationship or that woman totally relax to the role of a friend only,and face it,a lady calling up her best bud down on his luck for 3 months ,male friend and taking him out for drinks and shes paying repeatedly while hes getting on his feet,because come on,face it ,we all have done that a bunch with our same gender friends over the years of friendship.I have always found under that circumstance the friendship doesn't happen. My experience of different gender friendships is that the lady wants something similar to a "the guy usually pays" never the other way,sure maybe buy you a drink but take you out 12 times like we all have done with a same sex friend over the course of a long friendship,that would be one extraordinary lady friend,the mythical unicorn of ladies . | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 3:29:32 PM | Men can be just friends if that is all a woman is offering. He might get upset becasue he didn't get what he wanted, but who cares? No man is OWED a woman's time, attention or body just because he wants it, which is a difficult concept for many males to understand. I've seen women get hit on, and when a woman didnt respond the way he wanted her to, the guy jumped back and called her foul names and cuss words. Yeah genius, she knew you were stupid which is why she didn't want to talk to you in the first place!!!
Seriously though Krillbee, lots of guys have a serious sense of entitlement when it comes to women. Notice the high numbers of murder/suicides when a woman tries to break up with a boyfriend, or divorce a husband who isn't ready to let her go? This is one of the reasons women MUST take more time and ask lots more questions of men, and get to know them before becoming intimate and getting in too deeply. It's not only silly to rush into a relationship, it could be dangerous or even fatal. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 3:57:37 PM |
Men can be just friends if that is all a woman is offering. He might get upset becasue he didn't get what he wanted, but who cares? No man is OWED a woman's time, attention or body just because he wants it, which is a difficult concept for many males to understand.
Uh,thought we were talking about friendships.Your exactly the type lady that all of us men are talking about,the type of lady men can't be friends with.Some woman are cool,others like you can't separate relationship and friendship.Your given idea of friendship is actually ,the waiting room of qualifying to be worthy of a relationship and thats not friendship,thats making a pet perform.
Men that are friends never has a man live up to anything,your just friends,men never tell another man how lucky he is to be your friend,your just friends.Men don't have to tolerate what the other male friend is offering like there are levels,their just friends.
You could never effectively be a friend with a male,first off you would have to understand what a friend is,its not about owing anything,being lucky,or understanding your concept,do you pull this crap on your girlfriends,bet you don't,well ,maybe you do !
Bet you made some ladies mad that are trying to prove they can be friends with men,some can,there like your opposite ! | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:19:19 PM | "Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?"
It's so because we, guys, are anti-social boors who lack the necessary amount of social skills to act as, or truly become, a friend to someone; but we sure know how to ffff. (The four-f letter f word.) And like doing it too! And we're not scared of getting pregnant, to say last but not the least. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2009 5:58:45 AM | the last man that i dated believes in friends but as rebound just said
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
just collecting as many friends fuchks as he could. i had a GIRLFRIEND
give him a drink on me. LITERALLY!!!! and for both us us, it tasted really
good- because the man is a DAWG!!!!!!!    
the boozer can party it up friend collecting elsewhere.
I HATE LIARS!!!! | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:43:57 AM | Atonement2009 please clarify,if you were both friends then he could sleep with as many ladies as he felt like and as friends should of been able to give you details on his escapades and you give him details too,its what friends do......yet if you were in a category of dating or long term with him yet he believed he should be able to keep as many sleepable lady friends as possible and you didn't know that was his idea of blending friends with serious dating then thats different, and he was sooooo bad.It wasn't bad with all his friends just you whom was being deceived.
Which is it,hmmmmmm | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:55:07 AM | | Because men are smart enough to know they don't think like women and women think men .. think like they do .. at least they spend an aweful lot of time correcting males to believe they will turn into them, the male mind is not the female mind and biology and evolution have it that way for the continuation of the species.. .. it is about control and using. A man who is attracted cannot be buddies it is not the way of the beast..eventually if a man is proving his worth who has been involved intimately and is interested in aquiring a mate .. he will move along as no guy that wants his one is going to attract her if he is down at the left over's place all the time.. this is the reason most people on this site are having difficulty finding someone ... because they invest where there will never be an investment .. if more is needed .. it ain't coming from six inches and a wet hole.. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:01:41 AM | Maybe men are more honest....they'll let it be know up front they want you in bed, and if you're not interested/available they'll move on.
From what I've seen, many women will use "being friends" as a way of keeping several men "on hold" in case they want them later... | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:47:00 AM |
A man who is attracted cannot be buddies it is not the way of the beast..eventually if a man is proving his worth who has been involved intimately and is interested in aquiring a mate .. he will move along as no guy that wants his one is going to attract her if he is down at the left over's place all the time.. this is the reason most people on this site are having difficulty finding someone ... because they invest where there will never be an investment
I strongly disagree with the proving his worth part,men are not measuring up to no one unless maybe that line was for really young boys or young men who can't do anything without their crew,as with adult men we are soloists,we don't prove our worth,we just are.
I agree with most of what you said.Wish there was a clear way of knowing what lady wants "just friends" and which wants it all when stating just friends .If she really only wants friends then its investing time in something that will never happen for the man,and for the ladies that has an idea of what a good man friend is is a shoulder to cry on after a man at work berated her or after every guy she dates does her wrong then thats not the idea of friends according to men,usually we don't like do listen to the after effects of a lady dating a blatant bad boy or an obvious con that everyone warned her about or all us guys smelled him from ten miles away as an a s s hole,then we just think just how stupid are you,duhhhh,walk into a fire then you get burned,don't let that six pack he has or his restaurant he owns fool you,if anything that should give you a red flag warning.
We're not being your friend to take you out and cheer you up with a movie and dinner and maybe a drive to Sedona.Thats a date without the benefits ! ,we are not stupid,we get some of yours definition of a friend.
As for the ladies that mean serious, when they stated "friends only",its really confusing,they may state if a one night stand is what your looking for then go elsewhere,only then to ask if you would like to spend the night on your first date.
I imagine these traits are just as confusing as to how different men are,so its not just the ladies that pull this,say one thing,but mean another.
At school or workplaces I have maintained great friendships for years at those locations,we though,never strayed away from that,we never went out to pick up partners together,in several times of past I tried going out as friends to a dance place with a lady friend,out would come a slight jealousy,a sense of them being uneasy when you sit another lady at the table,a cold shoulder or an early" I'm heading home from them,then the coldness the next day or all week from them at work.All this from a lady that categorically refused to date you and told you in no uncertain terms never ,never ,never.Yet out comes attitude and feelings of betrayal while out for the night.
See with a guy friend out for the night,he would have only played the mr charming in front of your new lady,you might have had to tell him to tuck his tongue in,then you went home that night feeling you had a wonderful time out with your friend,you didn't end that night,as with your lady co-worker wondering if maybe you should buy your lady friend at work some flowers to reduce the attitude when you got to work the next day.
The only ones that will be bothered by this response are the ladies that are not like this and the vast others are saying ,hmmm,thats really true.of course its how you interpret things,one guy states the lady wants to always cry on your shoulder and be made to feel better and yet has little to say to you or have little involvement with you the other times,as if your only a human crutch....... where as a lady might interpret that as I am including you into my close circle and trust you so much that Iam sharing my most intimate feelings and you should feel honored.
Interpretation,funny thing isn't it. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:56:47 AM | "lots of guys have a serious sense of entitlement when it comes to women"
I'm not gonna say you're wrong Oakland, but the door swings both ways....a woman who flirts with a man and doesn't get the reaction she thinks she's "entitled to" can jump back with some serious nastiness herself!....and generally decide this means he must be gay! lol. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:35:19 PM | I can't really agree with the base statement as I have quite a few female friends myself. Personally, I really don't think it should be such an issue for anyone. I get along with them, I enjoy their company and even if there are times where I found them to be physically attractive, I have never had any issues controlling my own actions.
Good friends are hard to find and I see no valid reasons for me to limit myself to a circle of friends that is only of my own gender. The only inconvenience I have had with hanging out with female friends was that, in public, I have probably hurt my chances with actual potential prospects of the opposing sex when it looked as if I was hanging out with a girlfriend/wife, therefor looking unavailable.
In any case, I really don't think men are the uncontrollable sex fiends they are made out to be or that they should be considered unreliable or untrustworthy unless they prove themselves otherwise. Whether someone is single, dating or married; they should be able to enjoy spending time with the opposite without forcing unreciprocated attraction towards them. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:54:31 AM | I've said on other threads, it's possible depending on the circumstances.
The female friends that I have are women I've either met through school, work or through relationships with my male friends. They were in my life on a constant basis, and as I got to know them, I saw how great they were. Would any of these women make great partners? Absolutely. But it was easier to "turn the switch off" because
we don't have, (with one exception from the 7th grade), the situation where it was a rejection/lets just be friends scenario. That's what I think is the difference. Of course, I can be polite and civil to a woman I did get rejected by, but I wouldn't be going out of my way, or making special plans to spend any of my free time with her.
That's what I don't understand about some of the women's answers here. This must be a Mars/Venus thing. I'm not talking about guys who hint, or secretly pine for you. I want to know why some of you WANT to be "close friends" with a guy after you've rejected him?
Why would you want to get CLOSER to a guy who has TOLD you he wants more than you're willing to offer him (sex)? Is it a validation thing? Is it an ego-stroke keeping a guy (or guys) around who desire you? If this guy does have all these wonderful qualities you admire, can't women be accused of the same "shallowness" charges aimed at men who pass over great women based on looks or weight alone? Don't get me wrong, people shouldn't be forced to date who they're not attracted to, but women seem to have extra abillities to separate attraction and sex.
This happened to me often in high school and college. Girls who I'd get turned down by, would make extra efforts to get closer to me, and tell me "how much they cared", and how "great a guy I was", "I have other qualities", etc...but would never give a reason why they rejected me.
As a problem solving male, this was frustrating. When your car fails inspection, you don't want the motor vehicle worker to compliment you on "how great it looks", or "how he wants to get one just like yours." You want to see the vehicle inspection report, find out what the problems were, and get them FIXED so that you PASS the next test that comes up. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:59:51 PM | To a female a "Guy Friend" is a "D I C K in a glass jar, break in case of emergency" Okay now THAT is gross.
.. it's also extremely prejudiced.
I would never keep a man as a friend if I knew he wanted more than I did.
Talk about unfair? It hurts to feel used, and I just wouldn't do that to somebody.
Many women can enjoy the company of a male even if he's not their 'type' because men can offer insights that other women - not being, well... men - don't have.
I'd think this would be regarded as a good thing: women who are trying to understand how to get along better with their male partners so they seek advice from objective males. Why anyone insists on reading dirt into it is beyond me.
Trouble happens when one or the other sex interprets the interaction as interest when none is stated.
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:12:22 PM | guys you are missing the point and not utilizing your resources, if a girl wants to be friends and means it, so be it. you are not going to in the short term change her mind. If she is a true friend and stays in contact, use it to your advantage. i have been invited to parties and met other women just by being friends with a good looking women. going to a club is another plus, if you go to a club with good looking women and a couple of her friends, believe you will have plenty of opportunities to meet other women. guys you need to make lemonade out of a bunch of lemons | |
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