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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:00:20 PM |
phillyphil75 writes: "If she is a true friend and stays in contact, use it to your advantage. i have been invited to parties and met other women just by being friends with a good looking women. going to a club is another plus, if you go to a club with good looking women and a couple of her friends, believe you will have plenty of opportunities to meet other women."
Phil don't get me wrong...I'm not hating on women for anything like that. If a guy can take a turn-down, switch channels on the girl, and have her pimp him out to her female friends, he'll get a big fist-bump from me, brother. But I don't think that's what I was getting at.
I just think, as some people have posted earlier, there's a difference between "hang-out buddies"/"Facebookers" and having a REAL friendship. I'm not talking about classmates or co-workers, either. To me, a REAL FRIEND is a person for whom you can't imagine missing, if not officially being a part of the important events and moments in your life. A REAL FRIEND is somebody who will stand by you, testify on your behalf, defend your name, keep your dark secrets...etc. I believe a REAL FRIEND is a very special, deeply affectionate, intimate relationship without the sex.
I just don't see how something that rare can come that easily out of a failed attempt at at a hook up. There's only so many hours of free time a person has in an active adult life, and if it's wasted on too many "play dates" with acquaintances, that's going to take time away from finding a woman who really IS attracted to him.
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:18:17 PM |
Men can be just friends if that is all a woman is offering. He might get upset becasue he didn't get what he wanted, but who cares? No man is OWED a woman's time, attention or body just because he wants it, which is a difficult concept for many males to understand.
Yup, and men don't owe women anything either when she wants to use him as an emotional prop, which is what many women use their male 'friends' for.
Women love to talk about loving their male friends, but most of the time, it's a control issue and the whole relationship is controlled by the woman...
... of course, there are many stupid men who think this is a good thing....
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:40:25 PM | Well, OP, if I had to hazard a guess (and I mean this in no gender-biased way whatsoever) I would say it's possibly because women seem to be better at compartmentalizing overall. Or at least, compartmentalizing where certain people fit in their life, or to what extent, or in what capacity. JMO.
Men can be just friends if that is all a woman is offering. He might get upset becasue he didn't get what he wanted, but who cares? No man is OWED a woman's time, attention or body just because he wants it, which is a difficult concept for many males to understand.
That is rather a sad commentary on men in general, IMO. Granted, some men *can* get upset at rejection...but to make it sound as though men beg for and accept whatever they can get, in lieu of their heart's desire...just because that's all the woman is "offering" as a take-it-or-leave-it scenario????
Most men, I'd imagine, would just move on at that point, thinking "Okay, she's not interested...NEXT". And not many men I've ever met, and actually none that I've ever dated, have ever felt any 'entitlement' was owed to them, beyond simple courtesy. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:03:30 PM | | Men play plenty of games where they give mixed messages to women they don't really want so that they string them along for the ego trip. Yes they do. Keeping those women as backup or just for the go strokes. It's easier than trying to get an ego boost from chasing women they can't get. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:15:58 PM |
Men play plenty of games where they give mixed messages to women they don't really want so that they string them along for the ego trip. Yes they do. Keeping those women as backup or just for the go strokes. It's easier than trying to get an ego boost from chasing women they can't get.
Women play plenty of games where they give mixed messages to men they don't really want so that they string them along for the ego trip. Yes they do. Keeping those men as backup or just for the ego strokes. It's easier than trying to get an ego boost from chasing men they can't get.
.... geez, someday, I'm pretty sure that the psycho-logists and psycho-iatrists will find that WOMEN, yes, WOMEN have egos too... AND...
... those egos are as big or bigger than men's...
... I know, it's difficult to believe, but I'm pretty fvckin' sure it's gonna be discovered, mark my words.....
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:20:20 PM | I know, it's difficult to believe, but I'm pretty fvckin' sure it's gonna be discovered, mark my words.....
Already been there, done that, and discovered that my ego is...well, knows no bounds, lol. And yet, I consider myself eminently sane. And quite so. Does this make me the first to admit that I have an ego at the same time, though, lol? Muah, el Capitano! 
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:20:26 PM | Men and women can be friends- as long as they are honest with each other. But sorry ladies - sometimes this is lacking. Sometimes a guy is not honest with himself and is really trying to start a relationship. And sometimes women just lead them on and keep men on a hook, guys thinking things are going someplace when there not. If you think this isn't true, why does it keep coming up so often? Yes it could be the guys fault, but I've seen this in action where the girl just kept the carrot on the stick and keep a guy around for her convenience. This isn't a new thing, but its been discussed more in recent years- its good advice for guys to watch out for this behaviour just as women should watch for players advice comes up so often.
Read the story below- from the Onion- and written by a women. A funny and interesting read.
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
By Kimberly Pruitt
June 9, 2009 | Issue 45•24
06.04.03
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me **** about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other ***hole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:07:03 PM |
...You're so nice, and sweet, ...But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. ...
...You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like ...would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what?
...
How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call?
...
That part of our friendship means so much to me.
...
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
...
I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other?
...
I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
...
You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it.
...
That's fvcking hilarious. It is PERFECT for all of us idiots who thought we'd be 'friends' with women.
I did it. I used to be that 'nice guy'. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've been in every single conversation like the one above....
...uggh....:barfing dude:
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:36:37 PM | | Some of my guy friends are physically attractive to me and some aren't, but that doesn't mean I'm eager to date them. There are some that I would never date for a variety of reasons that go beyond physical attraction. That also doesn't mean I necessarily wouldn't date some of them. It all depends on circumstances. My ex and I were friends for 2 years before he asked me out. It was a surprise to me, but once I thought about it, I was totally into the idea. Things don't have to be so black and white. I like making friends, regardless of attraction or gender. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:40:16 PM | Checking off my list of accomplishments for today- made the Capitano laugh.
I can't take credit for the words- just found it on the web. And I went down the same road as you years ago too and seen it done more afterward. I finally called her on it and she tearfully admitted she was leading me on. And ya know what- I finally did get to be the boyfriend for a while after.
Don't give up on all girls - some are alright too- just make sure you know where you stand. If your getting mixed messages - says your just friends, acts affectionate, never introduces you to other women and interferes with you meeting someone - cut bait Capitano.
I hoist a glass to you- you've made me laugh too. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:02:17 PM |
Well, OP, if I had to hazard a guess (and I mean this in no gender-biased way whatsoever) I would say it's possibly because women seem to be better at compartmentalizing overall. Or at least, compartmentalizing where certain people fit in their life, or to what extent, or in what capacity. JMO.
Men can be just friends if that is all a woman is offering. He might get upset because he didn't get what he wanted, but who cares? No man is OWED a woman's time, attention or body just because he wants it, which is a difficult concept for many males to understand.
That is rather a sad commentary on men in general, IMO. Granted, some men *can* get upset at rejection...but to make it sound as though men beg for and accept whatever they can get, in lieu of their heart's desire...just because that's all the woman is "offering" as a take-it-or-leave-it scenario????
Most men, I'd imagine, would just move on at that point, thinking "Okay, she's not interested...NEXT". And not many men I've ever met, and actually none that I've ever dated, have ever felt any 'entitlement' was owed to them, beyond simple courtesy.
Sweetness- I've read many of your posts and find myself almost always in agreement- but this one I respectfully don't agree with. It's OK - Actually there are a lot of women you think the same as you- kind of oblivious to a significant male dynamic. Actually its a major reason you have a ton of those whiny "nice guy" threads everyone rolls there eyes at because there are- a ton of them.
A few points
"Women are better at compartmentalizing"- so is a guy having an affair- wife here - girlfriend there- I guess they are in touch with their feminine side-lol
Men are surprisingly- not all the same. There are many that get infatuated with a girl, will place them on a pedestal and will hang around a long time waiting for dream girl to realize they are the one. They see themselves as determined, hear that persistence pays off thing in their head, and will do anything to get that certain desired women. As you said a lot of guys will NEXT, but quite a few won't- they'll hang around trying to get that girl they see as their "soul mate". And there are women that will take advantage - and we know- some women are pretty clever too.
Yes- no man (or women) is owed something just because he wants it- but usually these guys have been ASKED to do tons of stuff for a women and then do even more figuring that delaying gratification will pay off big in the end and then finding out the truth - and get the "I'm just not into you" treatment,. This is the point where nice guy turns into jaded angry dude. For some its a point of discovery- never put anybody on a pedestal that high.
But as I've realized that I'll never understand a woman's life totally- women should never think they know everything about men's lives either. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:20:32 PM |
sweetness-one writes: "Granted, some men *can* get upset at rejection...
...Most men, I'd imagine, would just move on at that point, thinking "Okay, she's not interested...NEXT". And not many men I've ever met, and actually none that I've ever dated, have ever felt any 'entitlement' was owed to them, beyond simple courtesy."
I agree with that philosophy, and it makes sense except for the OP. At least, I can see it working from a woman's point of view, and that of the "player."
The "player" doesn't sweat rejection at all, because, since most of the time, he's working on many different women at the same time, and has his booty call list on the cell in case none of the new ones work out. He has no emotional or intellectual investment in these women, so if he can't get a piece, so what? They don't mean anything to him.
"Okay, she's not interested...NEXT" is the correct attitude for the "player", because to the "player", sex is the only interest and a means to an end. He can run the same lines on the next 10 girls and let the law of averages kick in.
This attitude wouldn't neccessarily work for this OP because we're asking why men can't just be "friends" with women. I suppose if a woman really wanted to be friends with a "player", it could make for interesting spectator drama, but little else, because the woman would have absolutely nothing of interest to the "player" save easy access to her girlfriends.
For a "non-player" guy, who meets a woman and is interested in more than just getting laid, this attitude, IMHO, is harder to live by. Maybe they know each other from work, school , church or the gym. Perhaps they're part of the same circle of acquaintences, or in the same class together. Maybe they've had a conversation or two, so he's probably seen her smile, heard her laugh, checked out her intellect and got some basic info about her that makes her more interesting.
Because she seems like more than just a "brief encounter type," he's probably going to take his time, be sincere, and use that respectful, gentlemanly, slow hand all those syrupy '70's soft rock tunes warbled about. He's probably been thinking about asking her for a drink or coffee for about a week or two, and is trying to pick the right moment to take a shot, or get her number. This is what a guy does who doesn't practice hitting on 10 different women at one time, so unless he's rich or good looking, the law of averages are going to work against him.
When the woman rejects this type of guy--it's usually hard on both, IMHO, because the woman often feels bad for having to let down a good guy she already knows, and for the np-guy, it's the unhappy ending to the romantic movie he's been running in his mind about her. I think the nurturing instinct takes over some women. If they see somebody "hurt", they want to "heal" them. One woman friend of mine told me she hates when she has to turn down the sincere ones because she feels like the "bad guy". That's why I think they're quick to offer friendship...I guess to let the guy know that he has other qualities that they DO like about him, or give him a face-saving way of ending the conversation.
I understand that "let's just be friends" line is a defense mechanism for some women, especially with obsessive, violent, stalker types roaming around. I think it's also just that...a "line". I still don't know why women would pursue a close friendship with a man she's just rejected.
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/9/2009 1:00:50 AM | I never date a co-worker, and even when I have changed jobs, the males have stayedin the friends section. This is my reasoning for not feeling romantically attracted to my male friends:
1)I have seen the woman they date or the 1 NightStand,and heard them detail their night until they remember I am disgusted.
2)I lump male friends with the same feelings Ihave to my brothers. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/9/2009 6:48:01 AM |
Read the story below- from the Onion- and written by a women. A funny and interesting read.
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
By Kimberly Pruitt
June 9, 2009 | Issue 45•24
06.04.03
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me **** about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other ***hole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
Having just gone through a variation of this... it certainly has a ring of truth to it. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/9/2009 6:52:33 AM | Ha. What a generalization to beat all generalizations.
Girls make the best friends....hands down.
they watch out for ya.
Plus, ya never know when you're gonnna need a good kockblocker at just the right time
Know what I mean, bean?
Kimbo | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/9/2009 12:19:03 PM | Re : msg 382 Truetemp1
Gotta say, very interesting letter, and written by a woman as well.Not usual to see
them turn against the sisterhood and tell a dirty little secret.You can bet they made
the writer turn in her Princess of power club card over that one.
Women ,but not all thank God,can be just like the article proposed. I guess since
most women are just naturally good at networking the thought of having an undatable
but otherwise perfectly good male go unused would be unthinkable.
This is the two ladder theory at work, and I have seen it at work first hand.Never again.
I can be friend with a woman only if she plays by the same rules as my guy friends.
No free meal or fake dates, it's dutch unless you are paying for me an equil amount
of the time.
Don't ask 'do I look fat in this outfit' unless you want the truth.
No coy sexy flirtations for attention or to get something you want.
I will not listen to you complain about who you date,Im going to tell you to date
better caliber men.
Last but not least ,If I get the I think we should just be friends speach, Im gone from her life like a puff of smoke in a windstorm. Not hanging around to get used.
Hawk | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:15:46 PM | Guy's I agree with Captin Blaugh.
A) Girl offers to be friends, my answer I have enough female freinds
B) David DeAngelo has a good book out called Double your dating. Check it out.
Here's a perfect scenario.
I met a chick, she gave me her number. We made a plan to meet up at a bar with our friends. I text her, no text back no show. I saw her again, she said someone broke into her grandmother's house. Blah blah
Nice guy/ let's be friends potentially, answer. "Wow is she ok,blah blah be nice BS.
My answer, if you have to flake it's easy to send a text. That way when I see you again I'm actually interested in what you have to say. Do it with a straight and stern voice. That's IMO how a man sets the tone early. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:05:45 PM |
Women ,but not all thank God,can be just like the article proposed ..
I can be friend with a woman only if she plays by the same rules as my guy friends ..
No free meal or fake dates, it's dutch unless you are paying for me an equil amount
of the time. You're right, it's not all women.
Sometimes I feel a bit like Jordan O'Neil in "G.I.Jane" when it comes to being friends. I resent the assumption of many men that my interest in being friends is just a way to get free food and to just take advantage of a man who, secretly or not, wants to be my boyfriend.
If I spend any time with a guy who reveals he has stronger feelings for me than I have for him, and can't be 'just friends', then I let him go. It's not fair to string him along, and I'd feel uncomfortable with that attention from him anyway.
I expect to pay my own way, or at least take turns treating the other. It's just plain courtesy, male or female. If I invite out, I treat unless we arrange Dutch; same as if he invites, we discuss first if it's shared or not, to avoid embarrassing misunderstandings.
I am a person first, and I just happen to be a woman.
To men who have been mistreated by women under the guise of 'friendship', please don't put words in my mouth or motives in my heart.
I'm sorry if you were burned, but I didn't do it so don't blame me, ok?
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/10/2009 7:18:07 AM | Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread, just this page, so I'm throwing things out that may have already been discussed.
IMO, sometimes women string men along more out of "not wanting to hurt him" than "straight-up ego". Not wanting to hurt him means they give him indirect messages about how they are 'just friends' - not realizing, perhaps, that indirect messages do not communicate to the more direct and succinct typical male communication style and are viewed as 'mixed messages'.
If more women realized that indirect messages (mixed messages) were cruel, perhaps they would bite the bullet and give men a straight-up, clear indication that there was no hope.
Of course, although many don't realize it, their desire not to hurt another person is related to their ego. They want to view themselves as a good/kind/nice person who doesn't intentionally hurt another person. Wanting to hold onto your self image as a nice person certainly has ego involved in it. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/10/2009 9:49:54 AM | Truetemp1 posted this little gem...
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
By Kimberly Pruitt
June 9, 2009 | Issue 45•24
06.04.03
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me **** about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other ***hole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
Obviously this was written tongue-in-cheek but it was spot-on in my opinion. 
Now this doesn't apply to all male/female frienships by any means. But this type of thing certainly does happen and it is terrible. It is highly manipulative and destructive but the narcissistic person who employs this sort of behavior could care less because they ONLY care about themselves.
Everyone will say the man should recognize this for what it is. Well if for whatever reason you truly love/lust/care about this woman in a romantic way it can be a difficult cycle to break. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/10/2009 3:29:51 PM |
Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread, just this page, so I'm throwing things out that may have already been discussed.
IMO, sometimes women string men along more out of "not wanting to hurt him" than "straight-up ego". Not wanting to hurt him means they give him indirect messages about how they are 'just friends' - not realizing, perhaps, that indirect messages do not communicate to the more direct and succinct typical male communication style and are viewed as 'mixed messages'.
If more women realized that indirect messages (mixed messages) were cruel, perhaps they would bite the bullet and give men a straight-up, clear indication that there was no hope.
Of course, although many don't realize it, their desire not to hurt another person is related to their ego. They want to view themselves as a good/kind/nice person who doesn't intentionally hurt another person. Wanting to hold onto your self image as a nice person certainly has ego involved in it.
ItsMargo - nice post - a few good messages in there. There are things girls could do better BUT there is also things guys could do better. A lot of the time its the guy that's not sending direct enough messages either. They wait around waiting to get a REALLY clear signal the girl is interested and sometimes when indirectly rebuffed, they just keep at it, thinking the girl may magically change her mind. Also some girls aren't really as perceptive of a guy's intention, figuring that most guys are very direct and figuring if he wants to date, he'll just ask.
Akkimbo- Read what I wrote- I clearly stated this is not all women- so it's not supposed to be a "generalization" and yes there are a lot of good women out there too. Just like guys and people in general- some good- some not so good. The reponse of some of the other posters shows this kind of thing happens- sometimes.
Amboyance- good post with a differnet take - I believe this is the case quite a bit too.
Guys and girls can take away a few things from the funny little article I posted.
Guys- be clear with a girl, man up and tell her you want to date. If you choose to keep hanging around her afterward and she dates others and you feel hurt- time to walk away. Your not really her friend. If your getting pulled in and then pushed back- your getting used.
Girls- examine those relationships with guy friends, be really sure that's all it is- and as a poster early said- Any girl that'll help her guy buddy out with the ladies - is a great friend. But if you find your just keeping this guy around, always there for you when other relationships go sour, perhaps sabotaging his attempts at relationships with others- your doing him and yourself a disservice. You may find yourself not giving your the relationships you really want a chance, cutting them short and running back to comfort- and wasting both peoples time.
Guys own part of this problem as well as the girls. It can turn into an unhealthy dynamic if left lingering too long. Be honest with yourself and try to do what is right. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/10/2009 5:35:35 PM | Having about 1/2th of the women around as just buds can work. If they're part of your truly private life maybe 1/5th, even if its ultra frustrating when they're uber babes. I always thought that this might lead to meeting their friends - that's a dead end.
Still if one of the non-gf gf's ever say - you've gotta 'whatever'.. just do it. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/10/2009 6:15:00 PM |
In a male-female friendship there is a responsibility that does not exist in same-sex friendships (assuming hetrosexuality). This responsibility is to recognise the potential that the two have to become attracted to each other. I don't think I have ever seen this put into words and I am struggling to do so, but feel that responsibility is the key word. If I am friends with a man I consider it my responsibility to not treat his heart lightly.
I concur | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:43:16 PM | no man ever wants a girl as a friend. thats why he has the boys. he only says he wants to be friends so he can keep trying to nail her or be with her or whatever.
women want to be friends because all though not attracted to him they still love the attention. and want it to continue. they dont want to be friends they just want to lead a guy on for their own selfish reasons. (really cruel thing to try and pull)
guys and girls really cant be friends. they always have selfish/alterior motives
if someone wants to be with you and you dont than pulling the old lets be friends is a cruel and mean thing to do | |
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