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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:41:04 PM | In all honesty, I have guys who are friends, that I talk to at dinner parties, or when I see them out, but the guys that I hang out with and truly dish with are all gay. Straight guys that I've had friendships with and tried to hang out with have all eventually tried to sleep with me. Even my straight roommate, with whom I had a very long friendship, got drunk one night and wanted to sleep with me 'Just to see where it went, and how good it would be'. Geez, already.
I still talk to guys that I've dated over the years, we talk about relationships, kids, work, all sorts of things, but invariably they always turn things around to seeing if there is a possibility of us hooking up again. That's why I keep contact with them to a minimum and I try to keep a friendly glass wall between us.
I have a saying, "You don't f*ck your friends", and I believe it to be true. Anyone you've ever had sex with is not a candidate for platonic sex. It just doesn't work, in my experience.
Beth | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/14/2009 3:00:53 AM | One poster said that being friends w/the opposite sex is being self-fish which I find untrue.
My best male friend and I have gone through a whole lot of crap together that his now wife would never have been able to deal with. She use to be jealous of us until she learned our secret to a nonsexual/nonromantic relationship. Him and I use to work together, and a couple guys tried to jump us. My friend is smaller than me, but way stronger, and he knocked theguy who had me in a chokehold out. After that, we were inseparable. I did my part by making sure he married the lady who took the time to first get to know me, and then become friends with me.
Well, him and I still shoot pool and go bowling, but I always ask his wife to come with us. I have never wanted to have a romantic relationship with him, and I hope the feeling is mutual. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/14/2009 8:01:23 AM |
Well, him and I still shoot pool and go bowling, but I always ask his wife to come with us. I have never wanted to have a romantic relationship with him, and I hope the feeling is mutual.
Very doubtful.
The only reason he's only 'friends' with you now is because he's married. Once they get divorced, or given the right circumstances, he'll be all over you like a wasp to watermelon.....
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/14/2009 8:10:27 AM | | Says who? I can give you a few names of guys who want to be friends only and want to stay in the friend zone. One I work with and he puts all women into that catgory, his ex burned him very badly so I am assuming that is why he does that. | |
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Sannia
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Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 406 | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:09:56 PM | I sorta disagree with the premise. I do think women crave friendships with the opposite sex more than men do, on average... but I don't think women take it any easier when they ARE attracted to a male friend who isn't interested. I personally have lost a few female friends for that reason.
On this topic... it's been documented that women report dreaming about male characters(in their sleep) significantly more than men report dreaming about female characters. This sounds counter intuitive, right? because men are supposed to be sex crazed... but the reason is women dream of men a lot more in non-sexual/non-romantic contexts than men dream about women. As minor characters in a dream, for example. Whereas men tend to be a lot more single minded when they do dream about women.
I think it says something about how differently men and women view the opposite gender's role in their lives. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:29:58 PM | I can be friends with a guy but if I have been close to him it can be hard to back away if there is chemistry. What if I just broke off the relationship because on the logical side of things we weren't compatible ENOUGH..then I feel like why feel so drawn if I don't have to. I could be like aquaintences are but that is it.
If I am am attracted to a guy I like to kinda start as friends with some to be sure because you don't want a strong bond or time committment with someone until you know them. Sex, for one thing can kinda temporarily blind you in ways and you can feel like that person so much more. Some logic again, is good. It's not all about heart and desire. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:50:36 PM | | its an evolutionarily evolved extension of the primate females to find alpha males with good genes to father their children while they seek out the lower genetic males to Dad their children. If females can maintain enough male special friends then they can hope to have good males help care-take and raise their offspring, sometimes the trade-off for this can be sex. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/17/2009 7:42:21 PM | LOL up until several months ago I would have argued that guys CAN be friends without thinking about sex, but not anymore!
I had a guy friend who I'd been friends with for six YEARS! He never once said anything at all innapropriate to me, not ONCE. We never had a conversation that I wouldn't have let my X read.
30 SECONDS after I told him I was single he started hitting on me. 3 weeks after that he came from 4 states away to visit me, lol, and showed me exactly what he'd been thinking about all those years ;)
It was FUN and exactly what I needed at the time (someone safe who cared about me to help me get my confidence back) and we are still very close friends :)
But yeah, if you are friends with a guy he HAS thought about having sex with you, lol. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/19/2009 1:20:36 PM |
epicfail75: "I had a guy friend who I'd been friends with for six YEARS! He never once said anything at all innapropriate to me, not ONCE. We never had a conversation that I wouldn't have let my X read.
30 SECONDS after I told him I was single he started hitting on me.
Well..of course. You weren't available before, so the "good" guy wasn't going to hit on you. Having a boyfriend, fiance or husband doesn't make you any less . It just means that most guys with integrity and morals aren't going to cross those set boundaries.
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:44:21 PM | | if i was interested...i would have to be more than a friend...but yes if the men was not interested...he had a great personality...i would respect his decision and be his friend...a man finds it hard...i believe it is the ego thing...hopefully friends turn into lovers | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:03:32 PM |
Personally I think it is a bad idea either way.
This is going to be very unpopular with the gals but ........ oh will - no one has ever accused me of sucking up to the females.
- some guys hang around a gal hoping she will toss him a bone - or hoping she will see the light and they will be a couple (this is very destructive to the guy’s self-esteem and should never be done)
- some gals hang around a guy - knowing full well she has the YES NO vote. She can choose if it goes any farther (using the bullchit ploy of “friends”) or not. About all she would have to do is pull down her pants. Guys don’t have this option to choose if it goes farther or not.
NOTE TO GUYS .......... don’t do it - don’t hang around a gal .... unless ...........
- she is your mom
- she is your sister
- she reminds you of your mom
- the very thought of her being naked makes you very very ill
I agree with this 10000000% and wish people from both sexs would stop fronting like this isn't true for all but a small percentage of actual real male/female friendships | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:44:29 PM | I can only speak for myself, but I have some very attractive female friends with whom I wouldn't dream of risking the relationship by allowing it to become romantic or sexual.
Women communicate on a deeper level than men in most cases.
They aren't afraid to show their feelings or to be vulnerable.
Guy time is great, but somewhat shallow for the most part.
Sometimes it's nice to have someone that you trust to talk to about your deeper feelings.
There aren't that many male friends that I feel comfortable dropping my guard completely with.
I've heard women say the same about other women.
I have a very close female friend that is a knockout, but she has issues with insecurities etc that make her undatable for me. She is too needy, and I know that would be a deal breaker for me.
She recognizes this, largely due to our openness and accepts it, and is trying hard to work on it to improve her romantic relationships.
I try to help to help her understand the male perspective and vice versa.
I believe it makes us both better people.
I love her company, and enjoy talking with her.
I'd do anything in the world for her and I'd trust her with anything.
I just know that taking things to the next level would ruin our friendship.
I know she would drive me crazy just like I have seen her do to other guys, so I'm happy to have her as my friend.
I also have a couple of X lovers that I remain friends with.
They are both engaged at this point and I wish them all the best.
We'll see if the friendship can survive long term, but for now I'm very happy to still have them in my life as just friends.
Sometimes the friendship turns out to be the best and most enduring part of a relationship.
Why should we have to throw that out the window when we move on?
We know each other better than most anyone. We accept and care about each other even knowing all of our flaws.
So we weren't the perfect fit to spend our lives together.....
Does that have to mean we can't salvage the friendship?
What it comes down to is that male or female we all all just human.
We have differences, strengths and weaknesses common to our gender.
We can learn from each other and understand the opposite sex better by having other gender friends.
Anyone who doesn't is probably going to struggle to keep a relationship working long term.
Maybe when the right one finally shows up, it could help me to be the best I can be for her, and to understand all those little confusing quirks for what they are. Just part of being a woman.
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