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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:03:48 AM |
This actually just happened to me. This girl I was interested in hangs out with some of my friends. We were getting close for awhile, I was attracted, so I made a move and told her what I wanted. She said no, and asked "Can we still remain friends?" -- I said, we can, but we'll rarely talk. And we're not going to be close" She had this disappointed look and said "So things are going to change." -- I said, yes they will.
So since that time I've talked to her maybe 3-4 times, and it's been about 6 months. At any rate last night she showed up with a bunch of my friends by surprise while we were out playing pool. I felt ambushed. When she arrived I said hello, and then I tried to stay away from her for the rest of the evening. It was the most uncomfortable situation. I decided to leave very early, and as I left everyone wanted to "shake, it nuckles, hug etc." -- well I said "peace" to all the other folks, but when I came to her, I just wanted to take her hand, briefly shake, and get the hell out. Instead she says "Give me a hug." -- and I revolted. I said, no really I'm in a hurry, and I extended my hand.
She then began asking -- making a scene -- why I wouldn't hug her. Finally I just said "I feel sick, so please, let me leave."
She just looked at me like I was evil, but I left fast. It was embarrassing being there, but this is what happens when you take a risk to date someone who you really think you'll connect with.
This seems a bit extreme on your part doesnt it? How long were you and her a thing? Sounds like not past the first move. In your case, I think this is a disservice to you, buy you may be doing her a favor. If you were in lovers for months or years, ok....but puhlease, get a grip. DONT BURN ANY BRIDGES. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:08:47 AM | Got to love all these whinny nice guys and their whoa is me, nice guys finishing lasts, blah blah blah
What you nice guys cant figure out is , Most women if there not sexually attracted to you , you are considered " friends" material
You always hear about the nice guy, who is attracted to a girl , goes out on the date, acts like a perfect gentleman and at the end of the night , goes home thinking ooooh the date went well, mean while the woman probably had a nice time but there was no flirting, no indication of anything , just like hanging out with one of there buddies, and then the guy gets the bad news, " well i just want to be friends" and now the guy gets somewhat bitter, why because of his own inability/insecurity and trying to be the nice guy
And you wonder why most of the bad boys end up with the women? except for the confident guy who knows, hey if I want to meet that woman, GO FOR IT, if i get rejected ... so what at least i tried? the other guy whine , complain, curse women because they dont have the balls and end up as the FRIEND to the girl they secretly are in love with. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:22:24 AM |
You may have heard the saying "a guy cant be just friends with a girl he is attracted to", but the same saying doesnt get said for women. Why is this?
I think more likely it is because of your circle of friends in which your listening. Over the years I've had many female friends that were great friends towards which I could be physically attracted. At least a few were physically attracted to me as well--I know because at some point we discussed it. We also were intelligent to know there was some aspects of the other person where it wouldn't work if it morphed into a "relationship" and my personality is such that I don't go from relationship to friends. For that reason I am careful about developing relationships from well established friendships. I and generally she would rather have the friendship than nothing at all. Often we were attracted as friends and it never 'developed' beyond that stage.
I think this is just another male "stereotype" that doesn't stand up to real life. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:42:05 AM | It is entirely possible for men and women to be friends. I am friends with both genders and my life would not be as rich nor as compelling without them. The sexual attraction does need to be addressed and "put out of the way" of the friendship.
Sometimes you don't feel attraction... and that is easy.
Sometimes one does, and the other doesn't... and a friendship is possible if that person deals with his/her feelings.
Sometimes both feel attraction, but know the relationship won't work for other reasons... if both are emotionally mature and can deal with it, friendship is possible.
My best friend is a guy. Fifteen years ago I tried to seduce him and he refused because our friendship was too vital to him to risk losing through a failed relationship attempt. At the time I thought he was a coward and told him so. Now, I'm very glad he had the wisdom to recognize and preserve the value of our friendship. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:45:50 AM | | Just to add some perspective to this dicussion, before one decides on whether or not a man and a woman can be friends, one should define the term "friend" first and what it means to them. Most people define "friend" or what entails in being a "friend" differently. I believe our personal viewpoints and opinions on this topic depends on our personal histories, and how we personally define "friend". I, for one, have been able to establish genuine friendships with women over the years that I've grown to admire, find intelligent, full of charisma, and trustworthy, and vice versa. I believe it's all perception. For me, if I come across a woman I find intelligent, charismatic, and trustworthy, and she finds these qualities in me, she's is a friend in my book. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:50:07 AM | I have "girl friends" and NO, I don't want to bang 'em. I'd slap their ass if they ever showed it to me. I would carry them to bed and tuck them in if they got hammered and passed out, and eat something from the fridge before I leave. Not a biggie.
BUT, my friends won't show me their ass, and are responsible enough not to get hammered. Luckily, they wouldn't object to my raiding their fridge for left over chicken. Now that's a friend.  | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 2:46:58 PM | | I seem to have much younger than me" male friends", and I treasure them for various reasons. Would not want the relationship we have now to be changed by having sex with any of them. One has a terrific sense of humor, and our personalities mesh very well, and the other is currently going through a divorce, and needs someone to talk to. Not really sure if they think of me as anything more than "just a friend". | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 3:02:10 PM | | Some of the women I have gone out with said they just want me as a "friend" but when I contact them later to call their bluff, they admit they really never wanted to see me again. Theycould have saved both of us a lot of time by being honest in the first place. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 4:21:59 PM | ok, the answer is simple. women like male friends because females are, in general, catty and caniving. With a man you at least know what he wants. If he's straight, and he finds you attactive, he will want to fukc you, and will do so given the chance. with women, they say one thing and do another. you never know what a woman is really thinking. i think Chris Rock said it best. If a man has a beautiful new girlfriend and introduces her to his male friend, the man will say to himself "hmm, i want a woman just like that". But if a woman has a handsome new man, and introduces her to her female friend, she says to herself "hmm, i want THAT man"
now do you see? Women simply make terrible friends. thats why women LOVE gay men, because they don't even want to sleep with them. capish? | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 4:31:24 PM |
women love men as friends
I don't. I can have lots of female friends but all I need is just one male: love, sex, friendship, romance. With a man it is a one-stop shop. I stay away from men with female friends. There's no such thing. If I really need a man's opinion I'll ask my brother, boss, uncle, etcetera. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:05:49 PM | I have never in my life ever encountered a man that was a 100% purely platonic friend. All of them at some point wanted a little humping bumping. Therefore, I have no male friends whatsoever.
jannick:
So not true would never disrespect my male mates by treating them like a piece of meat
I highly doubt they would take that as a sign of disrespect! *wink* | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:14:47 PM |
I have never in my life ever encountered a man that was a 100% purely platonic friend. All of them at some point wanted a little humping bumping. Therefore, I have no male friends whatsoever.
I've had female friends geographically close by, but usually there's a romantic or sexual attraction that one of us feels that the other doesn't. I do keep female friends who live far off. Most of the time we'll never meet. I mean, it's cool to have someone to talk to about things other than sports, beer, "chicks"/getting laid, and cars. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:17:31 PM |
imo every straight man wants to bone every attractive women
LOL LOL LOL
As a hetero man, I am, at first level, attracted by almost all females 20 - 60! If the above was then the case, I would have to spend every wake minute making love.
Thus I have a second criterion to narrow the field: Intellectual compatibility.
Yet even this mechanism yields out more women than I can afford to date or make love to.
Thus I use a third one.
Hence that leaves much room for being friends with women whom I find both attractive at "basic level" and because of intellectual connection.
Many men use both heads, in unison!
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:22:56 PM | come on you can have mates who dont want to do the wild thing with you
they are just not attracted to you
they might like blondes they might like la dee da dee women
I am sure I could sleep in the same bed with most of my male mates and they wouldnt try anything not all guys are thinking gwaaaaaahhhh I like to do that
They are laughing at my jokes because they are funny
and going shopping with me because they um like shopping | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:35:04 PM | For me there are two things going on: being JUST friends and being friends first. Being just friends is my way of saying I can't see myself in a sexual and/or romantic relationship with a particular guy and I don't want to lead him on.
There could be any number of reasons why I feel that way and sometimes it has nothing to do with him at all. Those are times when I know my heart is elsewhere or I am just too overwhelmed with the responsibilities of my personal life or any number of other reasons.
Being friends first is an entirely different thing. It means I have been around enought to know that much of the negotiation going on in the early stages of meeting someone is simply a guy wanting to get his rocks off and he's willing to say anything.
If I in fact like him and want to get to know him as a person more - even if I am horny as hell and would love to jump him on the spot - I offer friendship to see if he's willing to stick around a while. Maybe not forever but a while.
Part of it is self protection because there have been times when I was head over heals for him but wanted to save myself the emotional pain of separation or scorn if I just went with whatever the moment dictated.
If the guy allows me to build up some trust by being my friend first then I know he really cares about such matters too. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:38:48 PM | It's hard for me at times. Eventually a woman does want to engage me sexually. Even if unexpressed. Not because I'm all that but because I understand her. If a man is listening he WILL begin to get her. A woman likes a confident leader type. Once she senses that then the dynamic changes. At the same time when I do get someone it can be powerful on me as well. Every person being unique, each can be a whole world.
1) I never give advice.
2) I never try to solve her problems.
3) I want HER to solve her own things. She is fully capable.
4) I do not listen to complaining or criticism. I turn the conversation.
5) I always have silent "good control".
6) Both win or no friendship is possible. | |
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