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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 5:48:17 PM | Someone has been listening to audio dating books.
??? Actually I sent that in to an article for Vogue after I got out of the Marines. 1986 I learned it from my my mentor. Lt. David Pittlekow, michigan, before he went to boat 12 in the SEALS. I went to the 19th special forces but we keep in contact. You have a problem with that? | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:07:19 PM | | I'm a guy, and have lots of female friends. I'm completely fine with being just friends, and so are they. We aren't emotionally attached to each other. It just depends on what type of person you're dealing with. If they're the hopeless romantic type, they're really clingy or something, then being just friends with them can be a problem. But really, more men and women should try just being friends at first, then dating each other, then actually going out, rather than rush into things like I've seen most people doing these days. Some people will go as far to believe the myth about how if you're friends with someone first, then it complicates things when you actually get seriously involved with them. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:29:31 PM | I don't have any female friends myself. In the past with some girls I used to hang out with and party with I was interested in all of them just like my friends were. They were all single, we were all single. No one wanted to take a chance to screw up the friendship and ultimately they all got boyfriends while we stayed single. Their boyfriends didn't want them hanging out with us and that was the end of the friendship.
I can't be friends with a women if I'm attracted to her. I wish I could but I can't think of anytime that I didn't actually want more out of it. Even when they had boyfriends I was still interested in them.
My friends girlfriend I can talk and hang out with with her but I'm not attracted to her. I go to see my friend and her being there is inconsequential. And of course she has no female friends herself.
I'd like to be open to it but I don't think its possible. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:38:44 PM | | Some guys DO just want someone to hang out with - go shopping, take in a movie.........I think it's US that want every relationship to have significance. Men are much more insecure....we're "used" to being hurt: they aren't. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:53:07 PM | acttwo,,, good post.
I feel the same way, I think it's great to have male friends, there is always so much more to talk about than shopping, boy friends. "gossip"
If I was to pick a room mate I would definately pick a male before a female.
this way you don't have to share, there would be a lot less disagreements. you do your thing and he does his.
I always said men are so much more agreeable when it comes to serving them in the public, they give you a lot less attitude.
Now days in schools students have as many of the opposite sex friends as they do of the same sex and I think that is so cool... | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:59:14 PM | the secret of association.....
women are, by nature, social creatures and child studies show their behavior to less competitive and more inclusive.... why??
maybe gender typing and breeding have made women more likely to be codependent and less self reliant...
Ok here comes the feminist train wreck, so ill just casually find somewhere safe to hide  | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:24:44 PM | To §püngl䧧 (msg #41): If 2 people are really friends, and not just people who hang out together, then sexual attraction is never an issue. I have had loads of female friends, and still do. But there is a line that I will not cross: I will not use my friends, for sex or anything else, and always attempt to give more than I get. Nor will they use me. I get loads of help and support and fun from my real friends.
Let me clarify: the women who I knew who wanted to be "just friends" were the serial daters who had loads of guy friends, but no real friends, cheated on their boyfriends, were indiscreet about who they slept with, always flirted with me when another girl was interested in me, and more besides. They were in & out of abusive relationships.
My real female friends are all happily married, and were the "nice girls". They were not as interested in making themselves look good for men as finding men who liked them for who they were and not what they looked like. They are good people and have loads of male friends who wouldn't dream of hitting on them. They respect them too much, and know their ass would be grass if they tried anything dodgy.
What is paramount to any friendship is that you have an "off" switch, to sexuality and competition. If a woman wants to be friends with me, we must both hit the "off" switch to any latent attraction, however small, just like if a man wants to be friends with me, we must both hit the "off" switch to any latent competition, however small.
Those who did, had great friendships with me and other men & women, and, if it ever turned out that we both felt mutually desirous of hooking up for a night, or for a long-term relationship, I was open to discuss the possibility of it, and be prepared to change. Those who did not hit the "off" switch, never got to friendship in the first place, with me or with other men.
That is why I added:
Most "friends" are not friends, but people we hang out with.
The ONLY time that guys are happy to be friends with a woman is when she is making it easier for they guy than herself. But most people act selfishly today, so this is rarely the case nowadays. Perhaps I should have added a P.S. But I had so much to write.
Some women make great friends. Some women will never let themselves be friends.
If you are in the former category, then more power to you.
To Winter Sparkle (msg #67): Woman, you have great potential, but please understand, if you have NO male friends, it does not mean you didn't have the opportunity. It means you never gave the men a chance to be friends. Laying it on the table makes that impossible, and men who will never be your friend will only think of such women as a piece of meat.
Edit: Now, when I said you have great potential, did you assume I was talking about you as a girlfriend or as a friend? If the latter, then you understand me. If the former, you would never be a friend, because you can't keep your mind off dating. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 10:34:16 PM |
ScorpioMover, I'm mostly into every thing you said in your previous posting, but I'd be careful about the following statement:
They were in & out of abusive relationships.
Sometimes women who have a penchant for abusive partners, are unfortunately the most loyal and "discreet" partners out there. The problem is their choice of partner, they're willingness to tolerate abuse, and their real or imagined sense of powerlessness. But for the most part I think you're right about people in general who have poor boundaries in all aspects of relationships.
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 10:54:58 PM |
What is paramount to any friendship is that you have an "off" switch, to sexuality and competition. If a woman wants to be friends with me, we must both hit the "off" switch to any latent attraction, however small, just like if a man wants to be friends with me, we must both hit the "off" switch to any latent competition, however small. Oh well put Scorpiomover. This expresses succinctly half of what I was trying to say in msg30. The other part was the responsibility to hit that "off switch". People often seem oblivious to the pain they cause by not taking responsibility in this way, but by revelling in having the maximum number of people attracted to them.
I think that those who believe that women cannot ever have male friends are very revealing of themselves and their own personal attitude towards the opposite gender, and nothing more than this. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:24:56 PM |
I highly doubt they would take that as a sign of disrespect!
You know, your f cking insulting. You get what you look for and some of us aren't just a pile of hormones. But you'd never know since that's not what your looking for. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 3:41:24 AM | Scorpio:
Woman, you have great potential, but please understand, if you have NO male friends, it does not mean you didn't have the opportunity. It means you never gave the men a chance to be friends. Laying it on the table makes that impossible, and men who will never be your friend will only think of such women as a piece of meat.
When a man tells me he is incapable of being a friend. That's both us that has laid it out on the table. I think I know what I have experienced in life and still am experiencing.
Prof48: Relax sweetie. There's always one or two in the bunch that always claim to be a friend but are hoping something more will happen. That was the point there. Nothing insulting about that. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 3:55:11 AM |
So what if it is? It's solid advice that just might make a whole lot of sense.
Nothing wrong with audio books, it's just the way he said it I found amusing. It sounded like it had been repeated verbatim. Come on, you know it's funny when other members plagiarize ideas and pass them off as their own. I think it's a hoot! This guy said he didn't do that, so I believe him, but when others do -- it's still hilarious.  | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 4:13:49 AM | Hi,
Girls are more interested in a guys character first. She must have a connection to him first before she can go any farther. Yes, being physically attracted is important to both males and females, but girls need more than just the physically. So friendship for the girl greatest that connection. I hope I have been helpful. Good Luck. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 4:32:45 AM | I was told by a very wise and caring man, that 50% of all males do not like females as friends, except to use them for sex.
I personally have seen this number to be accurate, 50% divorce rates etc.
So only 50% of males do not want a female to be friends with.
That means 50% of males do like females and 50% of males can be your friend, if you are seeking a friends only relationship.
The guys who only want sex and not friendship, you know then those males are from the 50% of males that do not like females as friends, they just want to use a female for sex, and are not interested in being a friend to a female.
Friendship first is a good way to weed out the 50% of men who like females from the 50% of men who just want to use a female for sex. and don't really care for females as friends or partners. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:19:51 AM |
When a man tells me he is incapable of being a friend. That's both us that has laid it out on the table. Winter Sparkle, I only find that is the case when the woman and the man do not already get on as friends. If you're having a laugh with someone, and enjoying yourself, you forget about the sex. I have seen it many times with the "so-called" tomboys, who still have boyfriends, but can play pool with the guys.
I have also seen the women who all the guys are "friendly" with, and take her with them to clubs. Yet each guy takes her out, in his turn, and then, when all are done with her, suddenly, they all stop hanging out with her.
You can comfortably date:
1) men who you don't hang out with, as long as they are NOT friendly with any of the guys you hang out with.
2) men who you hang out with, or are friends with them, as long as you've dated them but not slept with them, until you are SURE that it is a relationship.
But get used by one, and they'll think you'll let them all use you. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:36:56 AM | Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
oops...forgot to cite my source:
When Harry Met Sally
http://imdb.com/title/tt0098635/quotes
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:47:27 AM |
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Harry definitely got this part wrong. But then, hey, it was a chick flick...
A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Women don't make really good friends. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:49:42 AM | | Can I be friends with a woman sure can. But if I am attracted romantically in any way to that woman would I want to be "just friends", not a chance. It's like constantly throwing back in your face that you weren't good enough or something along those lines (whether real or imagined). If some people can put away those feelings, good for them, but I can't and spending one one one time with someone who will never respond on those feelings is like pouring salt on an open wound. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:53:06 AM | I'm gonna go with carpe diem on this one.
A guy can be 'just friends' with a girl he is not attracted to, no sweat.
He canNOT be 'just friends' with a girl he is attracted to.
No way.
When a girl tells a guy she wants to be 'just friends' with him, that means she's not attracted to him, but might be able to find some uses for him, as in having him do stuff for her.
If a girl is attracted to a guy, she can pretend to be 'just friends with him, but will always try to make it more, and therein lies the difference. | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:24:35 AM | Ok.. let me go on a tangent for a sec.
Someone has been listening to audio dating books. That's a good thing I would think. Anyting to shed light on a very confusing subject.
I was given a few books on my 14th birthday. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, and "I'm OK-You're OK" by Thomas Harris. I kept them at the cottage and read them on and off for a few years during my summers on the lake.
Ok. some of you will think "only his dog would play with him. And that's only because he had a pork chop tied around his neck." I had lots of friends. But that's not the point. It taught me a lot. Here's a summary I found on the net.:
Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
-Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
-Give honest and sincere appreciation.
-Arouse in the other person an eager want.
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Part Two
Six ways to make people like you
-Become genuinely interested in other people.
-Smile.
-Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
-Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
-Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
-Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
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Part Three
Win people to your way of thinking
-The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
-Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
-If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
-Begin in a friendly way.
-Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
-Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
-Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
-Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
-Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
-Appeal to the nobler motives.
-Dramatize your ideas.
-Throw down a challenge.
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Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
-A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
-Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
-Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
-Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
-Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
-Let the other person save face.
-Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
-Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
-Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
-Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
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Can you guess what my kids got on their 14th birthdays?
Now that I think of it, if I ever get married again, I'll give them to my wife as a wedding gift!  | |
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| Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:52:15 AM | | I can be friends with someone I'm attracted to. I have to be more careful about how I behave and keep my thoughts/feelings in check, but I can do it. I like being attracted to some of the men I'm around. It's kinda titillating sometimes. | |
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