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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:58:16 AM | And the usual suspects come to this thread, after me,.. to express their misogynist views and their 'sex is all we require from a woman' idealogies.
Its no wonder some of you are single, with those attitudes.
I see a very old fashioned mind set from some here. Its ok for a man to sow his wild oats.. and then decide to keep his sexuality as an integral and exclusive part of a relationship once he has decided to 'settle down' or become 'serious' about a woman. We would'nt even question it. But, a woman who has a sexual past, is forever condemned by that past,.. she is expected to share her sexuality, because she has done so in the past. She is not allowed to change her mode of operation,.. and she will be reminded what a 'slut' shes been,.. yes, some very hateful attitudes being expressed here.
I can only hope that the OP doesnt give in to this sort of pressure,.. and doesnt weaken her resolve, or, worse still, becomes very reticent in discussing her past or even feels she needs to lie about it, otherwise men will view her as 'damaged goods' or sloppy seconds'.
Dear me, gentleman, whats good for the gander must be good for the goose in this case,.. and if a man can have plenty of casual sex in his past, but be allowed to wait when he wants, then so must a woman.
There is no reason why a woman should be 'coarsened' by previous encounters,.. any more than a man would be.
If that were the case, is it acceptable for me to reject men on the number of sexual partners they have had? Would you think that reasonable of me? Would you think it acceptable for me to say to a man who has decided to wait, that I wont date him because he wont give me what he's freely given to other women? Stop treating women as either Madonnas or whores.. get out of your hateful mindsets.
Yes, Rock hunter.. I was tut tutting at your ridiculously obnoxious views.. absolutely I was.. and as a woman who hasnt 'been around the block' I can honestly say that I'm being less judgemental than some of the man tarts on this thread, against the OP.
Miss Eyre. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:04:28 AM | Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!
I'd think she's developed some hang-ups along the way. Like she probably made a few choices she regrets and has taken an extreme reaction as a form of self-punishment or something. Sex is an important part of a healthy, committed relationship. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:14:07 AM |
Its no wonder some of you are single, with those attitudes.
You say it like if it were something bad. 
If that were the case, is it acceptable for me to reject men on the number of sexual partners they have had? Would you think that reasonable of me?
Actually yes, it would be perfectly reasonable. Moreover, most women here don't want "players", and these are by definition the guys with a lot of female partners.
Therefore, is it ok not to want a "player", but it is NOT OK not to want a "reborn virgin"?
Yes, Rock hunter.. I was tut tutting at your ridiculously obnoxious views.. absolutely I was.. and as a woman who hasnt 'been around the block' I can honestly say that I'm being less judgemental than some of the man tarts on this thread, against the OP.
Oh, what a shame when your tut-tutting doesn't work, does it?
Now, about being judgemental... Well, yes, I'm being judgemental. As you will surely be, when your turn comes. It's very easy to say "don't judge" when you're not the one whose life is on the stake. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:45:40 AM | Rock hunter.. Youre life is on the stake? just because a woman wont have sex with you? Dear me, are'nt you being overly dramatic. I cant say that I've ever felt that my life was at stake because someone didnt want to sleep with me. My ego may have taken a little bruising,.. but nothing that would cause terminal trauma.
OT, a poster has mentioned that he feels the OP, in theory could have felt she made mistakes, and has chosen a radical method of preventing those mistakes again.
Now this, i can understand, or even agree with. Keeping sex as part of a committed relationship is an extreme method of someone trying to not repeat past scenarios,.. but, if it can be affective,.. why not? if it works for the OP, then i see no reason why she shouldnt use this method as a screening process. I dont however, see any 'self punishment' in this. i dont think the OP beats herself every day, whilst saying the miserere,.. I dont get the feeling that she hates herself, or feels guilty for having sex in the past,.. she has just decided to try a method of screening out men who will take the test drive, then run.
Why would some men get so irritated by a woman trying to preserve her self? maybe the test drivers,.. (and we all know that test drivers dont buy the car) are worried that more women may try this method? Look gentlemen, of the test drive persuasion,.. if you want women to have sex with you,.. you'd better understand that sex is not something that most women can share without some kind commitment, even if its just a feeling of emotional commitment,.. or time spent with the woman. if I thought a man was going to 'test drive' me.. and decide to cut and run because he didnt like the test drives,.. then he can safely assume he wont get in the car, let alone test drive it. Why the hell should we risk our emotional wellbeing, risk being hurt, emotionally rejected, and told we are not 'physically' up to the job? Do you think women are so desperate that they would risk everything and wait hopefully for you to decide that you find her acceptable in the test drive department.. Ba ahahaha dream on test drivers. I think the OP is beng very wise indeed.
if a woman is happy to have sex, without commitment, and she knows she wont be hurt if he decides to do a bunk, well, good for her,.. thats also her choice,.. but I know I wouldnt be a test drive car for any man. Miss Eyre. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:05:32 AM | | Well it really shouldn't make much of a difference in how things go. If I'm there for sex in the first place , well, actually, I guess I'm not really going to be there at all. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:10:17 AM | Rock hunter.. Youre life is on the stake? just because a woman wont have sex with you?
Oh, please. As if you didn't understand what I mean. Ok, in clearer terms: When the price to have sex with her is to give her your life (marriage), yes, I'll be as judgemental as I want.
she has just decided to try a method of screening out men who will take the test drive, then run.
So she shouldn't complain if she is in turn "screeened out" by men who don't want reborn virgins.
The thing is, she can "screen out" using whatever criteria she wants, and men have exactly the same right.
Do you think women are so desperate that they would risk everything and wait hopefully for you to decide that you find her acceptable in the test drive department..
By looking all the "we had sex, and now he doesn't call me anymore" threads, well, looks like some women are indeed so desperate, don't you think?
but I know I wouldnt be a test drive car for any man.
And I don't want sloppy hundreds. So?
Why the hell should we risk our emotional wellbeing, risk being hurt, emotionally rejected, and told we are not 'physically' up to the job?
Why the hell should we risk our emotional and financial wellbeing, risk divorce and a lot more, with somebody who is not "physically" up to the job? | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:23:50 AM | Well, Rock hunter,..
That, I suppose.. in terms of the battle of the sexes is 'Stalemate' or a 'stand off' isnt it. neither is willing to concede. its fortunate that all men are'nt as extreme about preserving themselves as you are,.. and fortunate that not all women are as extreme at preserving themselves as I am.. or never the twain would meet.
Mind you,.. I applaud your honesty.. in saying that women are only for sex, that they alone provide the one thing you cant get from family, or friends.. if this is YOUR only criteria for wanting a woman, you have very effectively warned women who want emotional commitment against you. Bravo, and I'm sure it was most purposefully done.
On the other hand Rock hunter, there are men out there, who will inveigle and obfuscate, and imply a chance of commitment to women, to get the sex they want, and then move on swiftly. These are the men that the OP is no doubt trying to avoid. As you say, if THESE men dont wish to have anything to do with the OP, then I can only imagine that that is a good thing all round.
Thats why I support her stance,.. it saves her being one of the poor, deluded women who innocently throw caution to the wind, because they believe that without sex straightaway, NO man will stick around. its a blessing that some of us women, dont believe that hype,.. and that we know that SOME men will be willing to wait a while for a woman to be comfortable with having sex maybe even without a wedding ring..or maybe with.
I am of the opinion, that most men who complain that marriage is an unfair and persecutory institution against men.. have never thought of a pre nup? Miss Eyre. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:43:20 AM | in saying that women are only for sex, that they alone provide the one thing you cant get from family, or friends.. if this is YOUR only criteria for wanting a woman, you have very effectively warned women who want emotional commitment against you. Bravo, and I'm sure it was most purposefully done.
Thank you. You see, perhaps for a woman the proof of love is how much a man will stand lack of sex (both in and out of marriage), but for me the proof of love is how much a woman will give me sex (again, both in and out of marriage). 
I am of the opinion, that most men who complain that marriage is an unfair and persecutory institution against men.. have never thought of a pre nup?
If you mean those nice-worded pretty papers that are regularly thrown out by courts when she asks for a divorce, yes, I've seen them. And I've also seen the tantrums women have ("don't you trust meeeeee!!!!!!!!?" when presented with one. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:54:42 PM | It's probably Rock Hunter she's bashing, but just for the hell of it . . . since Miss Ire seems to intent on being a little hostile . . .
And the usual suspects come to this thread, after me,.. to express their misogynist views and their 'sex is all we require from a woman' idealogies.
Translation: a man is sexist if they don't agree with you. Nice try, and nice knee jerk reaction fro you. Maybe you're a misandrist since every man should concede to your personal dogmatic view of relationships or what? I wonder.
Its no wonder some of you are single, with those attitudes.
Actually, there is always someone interested in me sexually. It doesn't mean I'm attracted to them; some of the women I am, some of them are not interesting.
And why do you care if a man that you take to task is single? You're single, too, so I could say that your bad attitude is doing the same thing. Can't get a date, Ire? Maybe it's just plain hypocrisy on your end. Resentment is flowing from your****ail glass, I'm sure.
I see a very old fashioned mind set from some here. Its ok for a man to sow his wild oats.. and then decide to keep his sexuality as an integral and exclusive part of a relationship once he has decided to 'settle down' or become 'serious' about a woman. We would'nt even question it.
YOU are. In fact, you seem to be bothered by the fact a man could enjoy himself. Many men barely get any action, even in marriage. Another reason why being single and free is better.
[quoote]
But, a woman who has a sexual past, is forever condemned by that past,.. she is expected to share her sexuality, because she has done so in the past.
The OP is the one that's changing. No one demanded it so, she did it. But past history isn't something you can erase, man or woman.
She is not allowed to change her mode of operation,.. and she will be reminded what a 'slut' shes been,.. yes, some very hateful attitudes being expressed here.
It's nothing to do with hate---it's a matter of fact. Any woman that plays the field for too long usually becomes coarse and jaded. So do men, but it's easier for women to laid than men. Men have to prove themselves, all women have to do is be sexy and available. Gee, what's the double standard thing, now? It's for men, not just women.
Plus, she's acting prudish when before she was libertine, don't hand me that crap about slutdom. Now days, it's not a stigma at all. And for men, players get castigated but still get women's attention. Men who don't get women's attention (sexually) are considered nobodies---for women, if the are "free" they are liberated, if they are "saving themselves" they are being smart.
Again, what's the double standard thing?
I can only hope that the OP doesnt give in to this sort of pressure,.. and doesnt weaken her resolve, or, worse still, becomes very reticent in discussing her past or even feels she needs to lie about it, otherwise men will view her as 'damaged goods' or sloppy seconds'.
If it walks like a duck . . .
Dear me, gentleman, whats good for the gander must be good for the goose in this case,.. and if a man can have plenty of casual sex in his past, but be allowed to wait when he wants, then so must a woman.
Men who "wait" get nothing. Women can wait and still get suitors. Are you that obtuse about relationships or what?
There is no reason why a woman should be 'coarsened' by previous encounters,.. any more than a man would be.
It happens. That's life. Why you would defend it? You take many men to task, and then you turn around you justify both sexes? Wow, cognitive dissonance, anyone?
If that were the case, is it acceptable for me to reject men on the number of sexual partners they have had? Would you think that reasonable of me?
Women value men who get sexual attention. You probably wouldn't reject a guy like that, either, and despite your moralistic diatribe here.
Would you think it acceptable for me to say to a man who has decided to wait, that I wont date him because he wont give me what he's freely given to other women?
You would be frustrated and upset, too. You know it. In fact, many women pick womanizers because they are perceived to be virile.
Stop treating women as either Madonnas or whores.. get out of your hateful mindsets.
Number one: if she's going back and forth between the two, that's actually what's happening. Two, if you can't manage fact, that's your problem. Personal attacks about "haters" changes nothing, and it's bullshit.
Yes, Rock hunter.. I was tut tutting at your ridiculously obnoxious views.. absolutely I was.. and as a woman who hasnt 'been around the block' I can honestly say that I'm being less judgemental than some of the man tarts on this thread, against the OP.
Miss Eyre.
You're just being judgmental about men (or women, for that matter, but you'd take men to task first, I'm sure) that point out the truth. Stop being a jerk, and deal with it.
Love,
C. | |
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| Same exact boat here
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:56:56 PM | I dont have sex now being single...
So i see just having a great companion a bonus ^_^ | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:02:11 PM |
you'd better understand that sex is not something that most women can share without some kind commitment,
You don't get out much or know about how many other women operate now, do you?
am of the opinion, that most men who complain that marriage is an unfair and persecutory institution against men.. have never thought of a pre nup?
It is.
And if a judge (in many states in the US) declares it's not viable, a pre nup can be nullified.
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/10/2008 12:41:29 AM | Having good sexual relations with someone strengthens your relationship. I'm sure I could find studies showing psychological and physiological connections between the strength of a couples bond correlated to frequency of sex, if I chose to do so. It's definitely something I've seen from my own experiences. When you're getting a lot of sex from your partner, their little quirks and mannerisms are endearing... and when you're not, these same quirks and mannerisms are totally irritating. I don't really think that I'd feel close enough with someone, and be willing to marry them, if I we weren't already sexually active.
Many posters have said that if the love is there, you can work through sexual incompatibility. That might be true... and that's something I'd be willing to try doing while dating... but despite having a failed marriage under my belt (or perhaps because of it) I still believe in marriage. So, I'm not going to gamble my future happiness by waiting until it's "too late." I don't have any huge kinks that I "couldn't go without" so I guess I can be flexible there, but what if my blushing bride is a pre-op transexual? What if she has kinks that I'm not willing to indulge? Of course, I really think that "virginity" is an archaic concept, and whether I tear a hymen the first time we have intercourse should really, really not be something that makes sex special or "sacred." Of course, given my religious views, I probably wouldn't be a good match for a Born Again (Virgin).
Miss Eyre: I don't really want to get involved in your dogfight with RH and YDA, but I think we both looked at something, and drew totally opposite conclusions. I always thought it was a double standard that women were encouraged to stay virgins, while daddy was taking junior out to the whore house on his 16th birthday, so he'd "know how to please a woman" (ya, right...). Much better that both men and women are free to control their own sexuality. I think any man who wants to obsess about his future wife's purity is a damn hypocrite, unless he's a virgin (by choice) himself. Now, I think our difference in perceptions probably has a gender bias. A man who sluts around and then decides to be more responsible isn't going to hold himself to celibacy, or try to become a Born Again Virgin, he's just going to acknowledge that he's grown up enough to keep his pecker in his pants. We tend to be cynical/amused by the OP's notion of saving herself (after the fact). Close the barn door if you want, miss, but the horses are still in the field... and if you enjoyed riding them last week, why are you denying that this week?
Darr: Assuming I had the ridiculous amount of cash required to purchase a Ferrari, do you honestly think I'd consider dropping that kind of "investment" without first test driving it? Keeping in mind that a lot of high performance vehicles have no warranty coverage because they are capable of operating at speeds that exceed Street Legal? I mean... the Test Drive Analogy is crass, and often inaccurate... but I'm sure that people who want to save themselves for marriage are also big believers in marriage is forever. I don't see how gambling on a huge component of marital bliss is a good idea. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:17:22 PM | If you're under 20 years old, then I agree with you. And if you're over 75, then I agree with you. But if you're between 20 and 75, I don't see why a fellow would bother dating you. Let me put it to you this way.. A fellow wants to come over to your place to have sex. He never takes you out, all he does is come to your place, have sex, then leaves. Would you agree to that situation, sex but no dating? Most women wouldn't. Now let's change the gender a bit. You're asking fellows to date you with no sex, right? There's an old saying, " A man dates to have sex, and a woman has sex in order to date."
Why would a man agree to squire you about town, spending time and money on you? He could do that with his buddies, and wouldn't have to pay their way.
A lady who says she is saving herself sexually for her next husband is fooling herself. Especially if she is over 30. According to the US Census, the chances of a 30 year old female in America marrying are extremely slim, like one out of 20. That's 5 %. And the older she gets, the smaller her chances become until she reaches 45, where her chances fall to virtually zero.
I should have asked you.." Why are you going without sex until you're married?" We men don't understand that. No normal man would ever go that route. And remember, if you ask a fellow if he minds not having sex with you while you're dating him and he says that he doesn't mind, it usually means he's having sex with other ladies anyway. Never feel that you're denying a man sex....if he's not getting it from you, he's getting it from ladies who don't have that silly idea of waiting for their next husband..
You asked us guys what we think. This has been my two cents... | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:20:50 PM | | A lady who does not partake in sex for a long time is like a virgin. Making love takes talent and practice, believe it or not. I would much rather date a lady who has been sexually active than one who has not. Why? Because making love to a virgin is like playing golf with a beginner. That is why I date mature ladies. By the time they reach 40 on up, they know if they enjoy sex or not. And if they do, then they are usually very good at it. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:13:26 PM | | What difference does it make that she is not a virgin? How many people have done things when they were young, that they regretted when they were older. Obviously her opinion of sex before marriage has changed, and she now thinks it's better to wait. So? If that's a problem for a man, he can choose not to wait for her and find someone else. I just don't see how she lost the right to decide what's best for her, because she's not a virgin. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:17:10 PM | I would think that she has made a bad decision(s) in her past and maybe she has finally come to the conclusion that GOD IS RIGHT and that there is a detailed series of events that leads to marriage: friendship, love, marriage then sex...... Maybe she has decided to let God lead her life, maybe she is trying to live an example for her children or maybe she has decided that, unlike men, that her self respect is worth much more than a nice dinner.... so many guys & girls act like dinner is the going price for unlimited sexual bliss..... people are many times pressured into sex... if we say that we are waiting, people call us prudes or holy rollers..... well, think about this..... when you do get married (if and when) would you introduce your spouse as the "Fabulous Sex Queen/king" and start listing all of thier sexual encounters or would you rather know that they had enough self respect to display self control? Better yet, how many of you guys call women sluts and whores (Or man whores), sleep with them and save yourself for the respectable person to call your own? JUST A THOUGHT
I know that women and men seem to feel like casual sex is the common thing now, but I fear God and, as I tell my kids and their friends: Learn the words S T D, somethings don't come off with ajax and think before you act..... All of our lives are worth more than a one night stand.... In our state we don't lead in much, but STD's we rank almost top...... Sex isn't worth missing out on watching my kids grow up nor is it worth having my kids follow in my footsteps and ruining their lives.... Most people with AIDS, Hep C, Herpes..... didn't plan on getting the gift that keeps on giving.....  | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:37:51 PM | Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!
Nice troll post.
I would not get married with out sexual chemistry. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:45:32 PM |
OP:
Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!
I would commend you and buy you dinner! Not everyone can exercise that kind of discipline. Sex isn't a trading card. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:14:50 PM |
Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!
I guess it depends on the guy's personal experiences. A guy who's had the same and also so 'reformed' would probably not have a problem with it.
A guy who's hasn't had such a 'rich' sexual past could see it entirely differently, especially if the woman goes on about what jerks her ex's were. That sort of thing just doesn't set well with a guy who knows he's not a jerk. It's even worse when she says he's a better guy than her ex's. It's as if he's being punished for the wrongs of her ex's and/or her past decision making.
It has all the appeal for a guy who hasn't been married and doesn't have kids of a woman who was married to some worthless jerk and then being expected to be a father to her kids. Kind of extreme but it's along the same lines.
I wish I could explain it better. | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:21:58 PM | | I believe in test driving the car before I buy. I think for a relationship to work you have to be compatible in the sex department and how would you know this before you got married not having test drove the car first? | |
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| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:05:58 PM | After reading this whole thread...
I have mixed views,
First, it would bother me to be in a long term relationship with a woman, yet know that she has had 'fabulous sex' with another guy(s) before me and that I've still not been to that level with her.
On the other hand, I can understand a woman who has been married (only one partner) wishing to not have sex with someone outside of marriage, and wishing to wait until she remarries...
I don't believe the door to the past can be closed by not opening it again for awhile. However, I can understand that maybe she might be so jaded with her past sexual experiences, that she hopes that by waiting, it will 'seem' new to her again and rekindle her excitement.
For all the guys who go on about 'giving up your life' by getting married. Ummm If you marry for sex instead of love and relationship, then I can see you would be giving up your life.
For those of you worrying the sex will be so bad that you need a 'test drive' beforehand. That's just an excuse.
Gee, guys, grow up! I've never met a woman who was so bad in bed that she couldn't be nurtured into a wonderful bedmate by a patient and caring tutor. I suppose if you're incapable of taking the time to care about teaching, then it might be an issue.
Personally, I'd rather be with a woman who knows how to please me, than how to please everybody.
Just remember too, when you tet drive her, she's also test driving you. Last time I looked, it's easier for a woman to be good in bed than for men. Especially as we get older....Taking that test drive, might cost you the woman of your dreams.... hahaha
Finally, I think I'd rather have a woman who has taken stock of her life, determined what needs fixing and dealt with it, than someone who hasn't. | |
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