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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:35:44 AM | | This is just my opinion and like a**holes everyone has one. but if you are in a relationship why keep anyone on the side? this is sending mixed signals to all parties involved. someone is bound to get hurt and don't we all have enough pain in our lives with out stoking the fire? if i was in a relationship and my significant other had someone else on the side i would truly be crushed and honestly, we would not be together. do you really want to hurt someone that badly? just a question to you. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:00:22 AM |
so, what do you all think about men and women who keep someone on the side, in case their current relationship with someone goes bad? do you think it has to do with insecurity?
"in case their current relationship goes bad"??? If they're looking to have somebody on the side, their relationship is already on the way south!!
If you are in a loving, caring, solid relationship, there is no desire to have anybody on the side. If things aren't going well, then either resolve the issues at hand or end the relationship. Adding a third person into the equation leads to nothing but heartache for the person being cheated on. It is also selfish and shows a lack of respect for their SO.
If my SO wanted to have a side dish, this main entree would be gone and somebody more deserving would be getting all the good things I have to offer. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:21:40 AM | "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush".
What do I think about a person who plays with two people's hearts? That he/she will end up with no one, alone. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:12:25 AM | I have seen this happen. The person who thinks having a back up always ends up alone.
The Golden Rule still applies. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:12:08 PM | I've never had a "Plan B", nor would I accept being someone elses "Plan B" either.
People who do this aren't able to give 100% to either relationship A or B. Therefore, even if you are the "Plan A" in their life, you're not getting ALL of that person, and settling for less than you're worth.
I'm worth being the "Only Plan". | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:20:36 PM | i think it's an insult to both people to not be committed to either.. unless that's the sort of relationship they're looking for..
i'm a one man woman
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:48:05 PM | I think that if you are in a relationship, you are either in it 100% or not at all. Showing an interest in someone new when you are living with someone else is deceitful to all parties involved. If you aren't happy with your current relationship, get out.
You have no business looking outside your relationship. If you are, then perhaps you need to evaluate yourself. Are you weak? Are you not courageous enough to walk away? Are you really in love but just want the best of both worlds? WHY are you looking?
I repeat - if you aren't happy with your relationship then get out of it...BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO WOO ANOTHER. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:11:31 PM | | I think if you're not committed to someone 100% then you're wasting your time. Keeping someone on the side precludes a complete committment and it's dishonest if your partner isn't aware of it. Relationships without committment and honesty usually end badly | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:29:08 PM | Some women I've dated had a "side guy", some guy they hung around and had casual sex with during the dry spells (usually women called them, "just a friend"). They're not in love with those side guys, but the guys feel that there could be something there (women keep leading them on). When any of these women decided to date me, they would tell me to give them a few days before going out (probably to get rid of the side guy). After the break up, they go back to them.
I'm sure those side guys are not too far away during their dating period and women do keep in touch with them.
If things get serious (beyond dating), out comes the mysterious side guy wanting to pick a fight and confess his love for the woman.
I've been through this twice where the side guy comes inbetween when things got serious. The relationship doesn't last long afterwards.
Some posts are right, people will end up alone.
I'm sure in here, some people have people on the side...or why is it that people are only casually pursuing others in here and don't care if it doesn't get anywhere - because they have someone to fall back on. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:40:19 PM | | there is no reason to keep anyone on the side if you are in a committed relationship. this is cheating pure and simple! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:47:15 PM | | Well I would believe that would be grounds not to have the relationship last. The only time you need back up is when you are afraid of getting your butt kicked. I would not want to be the one on the back burner and I would not tolerate cheating either. Might as well just date and leave the option open to the other party if they want to be in the dating circle. There will always be tempatations but as long as eachof you are fullfilling your obligations in a relationship there should never be the question about what if... If you are going to cheat, you might as well just break up...the cowards are the ones that can be honest and need the back up....in which case they should have their butt kicked. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:07:23 PM | Isn't that also the same as being a player, if the side lines aren't aware of each other that is.
I personally don't care for men that date me and keep iming, tming, emailing, drinks, entertaining whatever another woman. They can play word games, but to me they are still holding on to the other person in case we don't work out or are checking the grass on the other side. I don't do it, I want the same respect in the man I go out with.
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:02:03 PM | | I love your ansawer Crystal14882. I couldn't have said it any better myself. Marry me? lmao!!! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:59:25 PM | It is terrible and one of the worst things I think a "committed" person could do.
If your in a relationship and it doesn't work out and you did all things right, then at least you know did your best, and that you simply didn't work out
If the relationship your in doesn't work out and you had someone on the side waiting, of course things are not going to work out when your not doing things right. Having a person on the side is cowardly and interferes what the true result may have been. Essentially, a person is not going to give %100 when they think they have someone else waiting just around the corner...sickening! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:28:00 PM | | i've read a few dating books where they recommend having 1 or 2 extra men on the side. i believe they call it a "spare". not sure how i feel about that. seems to be too much work and a bit dishonest. | |
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custis
| | Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 68 | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:28:27 AM | I think this ancient thread is about keeping someone on the back burner in case things don't work out, you can jump straight to them.
It takes someone that doesn't fully commit and intends on things going bad to do this and that's not something that makes a good and stable relationship. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:52:00 AM | | They're cheaters and very selfish and do not love and appreciate who they are with. People who do such should avoid relationships altogether. Is has to do with the person wanting their cake and eat it too. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:28:30 AM | Some always like to have their cake and eat it too...
Some are never satisfied with anyone...or anything...
Some always think the "grass is always greener in the next yard"...right up until they jump in and find out what "fertilizes" it...
Some people are just plain greedy, curious, and stupid... | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:38:42 AM | Keeping someone "on the side" is cheating and not nice or honest or fair to the other person involved.bad,very bad,not nice!Either crap or get off the pot! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:45:56 AM | | i think thoses people are pathetic.and i think if they do that it means theyre curent relationship is not that good.instead of acting so pathetic they should break up and stay single.what am i saying they would never do anything like that cause theyre too guttless. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:02:00 AM | NOBODY wants to be the "someone" on the side, the second best, the just for now or the back up plan.
People who feel the need to keep someone on the side "just in case" can always find a reason to justify what they are doing, and can always find a way to delude themselves into thinking it's not cheating.
I'm a believer in "what goes around comes around" and believe that cheaters eventually get found out and ultimately end up alone, not even worthy of being considered as someone's back up plan. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:13:03 AM | They have nicknames for these "extras"... Pop Offs, Jump offs, and Bust it baby's.
There are even songs about it!
I've crossed this concept before. Actually I've heard this on more than one ocassion from men who liked me more than I could show I liked them. A guy I had met but didn't feel the same way about me as I did him commented presumably on the 'other men' I must have and said I should, "let them know I've got a main squeeze". What baffled me is why the hell a man would be okay with being one of many. I interpreted it as, "I like you but not enough to be accountable so I don't expect you to be" and "I don't think highly enough of what I have to offer to ask you to be exclusive with me".
I also know women who have kept a man on the side from the man they lived with. It was emotional leverage for them and sometimes a way to keep tabs on somebody who didn't have what they needed to be exclusively involved with. Some people just need a sure foot on the next stone before they leave their rock. | |
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