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| | People who just write how are you Page 4 of 77 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41) |
Wow, I am really surprised at how many men say they won't write a decent starter email becuase they've been rejected too many times. You're not the only ones that get rejected you know.
I think you vastly underestimate the difference in the amount of messages men send out versus the number of messages women send out. Women initiate contact 26% of the time. That leaves us to do the rest. Factor in the fact that it's anywhere from a 0-10% response rate (and most of those don't even last beyond two E-mails) and after, say, six months you're tired of even looking at the horse, let alone getting back on it. Needless to say, I don't write to people much anymore.
You can afford to be picky because you're the one being written to. I've received a grand total of five unsolicited E-mails since I've joined this site. Most of them weren't even from people on my side of the country, who can't believe a guy like me is still single. 
But hey, we're just re-hashing the same argument that always comes up around here - no, no one owes you a response - but finger-pointing and assuming that it's because the guy's an illiterate bog troll smacks of "blaming the victim", I think. It hints that there's a magic formula that guys are just too stupid to acknowledge, and if they would just do things the way women want them to, they wouldn't be having such problems. And it's a crock. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:26:21 AM | How are you?
It's just a simple way to break the ice.
Let it go!
It doesn't mean a hill of beans....but it is an opportunity to start a conversation with someone new... | |
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a1na2
| | Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 79 | |
| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:29:03 AM | You get what you give.
You don't want to write a whole blurb only to have it deleted but be UNIQUE/ORIGINAL in a concise way.
Dette : " how are you ? " is too impersonal and not very inspiring to respond to for most of us.
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:31:39 AM | I must be getting slow...
I just noticed the irony between the topic of this thread and the website its on...
We are all  for contact with someone we really click well with... so just a "How are you" is a lure, a person tosses a line out and see's who bites.
I don't think I've ever written just "How are you" unless it was a sarcastic reply to a woman who wrote "Hi, I like your profile"
I figure a short initial email deserved a short reply.
Who knows... but I've never been accused of lacking the ability to type long emails. 
Although I'm tempted to send a "How are you" email to all the ladies who've posted in this thread ab0ut how annoying a short first mail is...  sorry I'm just in a sarcastic mood, the rain ruined my days work so I'm here to troll the forums. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:34:44 AM | Maybe it depends on the women then. Out of the quality emails I've received I have probably sent about the same initiated number out to men.
I don't respond to everyone and I don't mail out in mass. I only send emails to the ones that truly caught my interest. There is one currently that I am disappointed has been rather non communicative back. I sent him an initial email with a decent amount of detail... he read it but didn't delete it. So a week later I sent a second email asking if he was not interested and should I move on. He responded after that, we talked a couple of times... but when trying to get him to commit to actually meeting or talking on the phone he is non responsive again, so it's time to move on. I tried, it didn't work, no big deal... lots of other men in Columbus.
Sites like this are tools to help us find what we're looking for. This is not the only place I look and online is not the only method I use. I met a few wonderful guys at gaming conventions this year. I do however find that the online search is more successful though since I'm not a drinker or an extremely social person and I am looking for someone with a more technical type of interests. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 11:04:05 AM | i got my first unread deleted last week, I copy and pasted the same message and sent it again, same thing unread deleted, I'm not one to complain, but shesh have a look at the message. I had sent a detailed message. I usually do, How are you is not going to cut it.
Read thier profile, find some common interests and go from there. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 11:44:15 AM | I had forgotten this, but there was a time frame when I was constantly (and I mean often) getting this:
"Wazzup ?????"
Like I know how to respond to that? My initial thought was "ut oh, another 22 year old." Oddly ~ nope, men in their 30-40s. Wazzup? That's like asking me to come over and play X-Box for a first date. Those usually got a thesis on the the origin, depth and overall limpness of such an introduction. Maybe the best answer would have been, "nuthin."  | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 12:06:19 PM | I personally don't mind a simple "how are you?" and yes I must admit I have send that line many times, and actually gotten responses. But if you want originality and unique here is an e-mail I just recieved
"Hi, I'm ......
I enjoyed your profile and thought you were very attractive :)
-I have no idea how to approach a person online...I do know that every website I see is trying to give me advice as to what is the best "move" on the ladies...haha Gimme a break, huh? Ok so I'm going to steer right into the skid and shoot this one off!
Our First Date:
So, I pick you up (nervous as hell!), but I see you at the front door, my jaw drops of course, because you are so beautiful (thinking even more so in person). I hand you a very nice, sexy, yet classy, bouquet of flowers. We are then off to a very nice, relaxing evening with dinner and stroll down the board walk....We (to our great surprise), connect on so many different levels and laugh all day! It's amazing....
Against all my instincts, I call you the next day and ask if you would like to go to Las Vegas for a full day os shopping and sight-seeing at the nicest hotels! We get a drink and end the night with cuddling (no sex) and can't wait to see each other again....
Haha, ok there it was, my crazy imagination...If you want to know about our potential third date, check out my profile and, if you like, feel free to give me a call or contact me on messenger..."
Obviously I had to answer that one.  | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 12:23:42 PM |
Maybe it depends on the women then.
Most definitely - and that's the problem. The women who come to these threads and swear that they answer "meaningful" E-mails are obviously not the ones who most of us are writing to. Exceptions to the rule, as it were. I'd write you if I lived in your area, what with us both being gamers an' all (although I haven't been to GenCon in over a decade). But you're not, so I now have to find someone like you here in California. Given my results so far in that regard, gamer chicks are like Bigfoot out here.
There is one currently that I am disappointed has been rather non communicative back. I sent him an initial email with a decent amount of detail... he read it but didn't delete it. So a week later I sent a second email asking if he was not interested and should I move on. He responded after that, we talked a couple of times... but when trying to get him to commit to actually meeting or talking on the phone he is non responsive again, so it's time to move on. I tried, it didn't work, no big deal... lots of other men in Columbus.
Now you're getting the idea. Multiply that by two or three dozen and you have the typical experience of a POF male. Out of the several years on and off I've been here, I've gone on two dates.
This is not the only place I look and online is not the only method I use.
I wish I had the same luxury.
I met a few wonderful guys at gaming conventions this year.
I'm surprised to hear this. The usual line I get from women at gaming conventions is that they get swarmed by losers the moment they set foot in the door, which would lead one to believe that they'd be defensive to being picked up by anyone. Those that don't are usually there with a significant other. Neither of those experiences lead me to believe that meeting someone in a romantic sense at a gaming convention is a possibility. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 12:36:00 PM | A subject near and dear and the type of e mail I HATE!!!!!!!
I get e mails that give me no clue if the woman is interesed in further e mailing or telephoneing or meeting.
I think it is some head case that has too much time on her hands.
I try to write a short non-form letter e mail about why I like a woman's profile.
I prefer the same if they write me. Don't give me your dog's name and your life's story.
As they say in the business world-the shorter the e mail (with something of value in it) the more likely it is to be read.
But if you e mail me, please don't just say 'Hi, how's it going or how you are doing' and nothing else.
Those won't be replied to. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 12:36:45 PM | Unfortunately you are very correct about woman gamers. We aren't that common. Many of the ones that do exist are because they married a gamer. I am the rare single female gamer. I go to conventions alone and when I game I typically try to avoid being sterotyped as the token female or girlfriend.
As for the conventions, I can handle the swarm. I am a hug flirt at cons. Being female the odds of me meeting someone are much much higher than you are though.
Role percantile dice and hope you get a 01, I probably have to roll 50. 
I'm working on changing the ways of the world though... soon women gamers will invade every part of the country. We started a womens gaming group and are trying to spread the word and make women feel secure in a more male dominated hobby. Gamerwenches.com is still in it's infancy, our first con will be Gencon in August.
I really do understand the rejection though, I get it a lot out here. I'm geeky, I like to play D&D. I have severely limited the types of men that are interested in me for more than sex. :D Most of the "average" men don't want a woman like me... I scare them. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 12:37:33 PM | Just a couple days ago I had a lady send a note, subject line "Hi", message content "Hi", so I replied "Hi" right back.
Didn't hear back from her after that.
I suppose it is similar to, though slightly better than people who add you to their favourites, and never say anything. | |
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EyeDye
| | Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 91 | |
| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 1:12:26 PM |
As they say in the business world-the shorter the e mail (with something of value in it) the more likely it is to be read.
I guess that is part of the reason you should avoid generalizations. I prefer long emails, the longer the better, and I am not alone on this either...You either have the patience to read it or you dont, an effective filter in my mind. Would you consider speaking with someone with the attention span of a child? I sure as hell wouldnt.  | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:59:47 PM | Something is very wrong with this website. These forums and the topics make me wonder what on earth am I doing here. For some strange reason it is very difficult here to get a response but on another website that I'm on I have girls actually sending me messages and I do get responses. There is a lot less people there too but you do have to pay. I don't get it.
And also every email that I have sent has been unique, no copy/pasting here or a general hello, I always read the profile of the person I send a message too. But I am running out of women to email here. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 4:43:59 PM | If it's a "How are you" coupled with something they read in my profile, it's cool. At least I know they liked something about me.
But most times the how are yous are from people who type "ask me" in every category on their profile. No thanks. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 5:08:46 PM | I have to pose a hypothetical for the women who are so disturbed by these short, unoriginal e-mails they receive.
Suppose you noticed a guy in your matches who you thought was exceptionally attractive and had a decent, if not great profile.
You are tempted to send him a message when suddenly he e-mails you out of the blue with "Hi" in the subject line and as "how are you" as the message.
I assume you delete his message without responding, even though days earlier you thought he was quite the hunk.
Or, is a "how are you?" message a little easier to tolerate when the sender is really attractive? | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 5:37:54 PM | | Thank you to the all the posters. I would answer a "How are you" out of politeness, but in my mind it ranked only slightly higher than "wanna chat" or "wassup" or my all time favorite "hey doll". After reading the posts I realize it is only an opening, as would be used on the street. It doesn't mean they haven't read my profile. Although I will probably still believe that "How are you", as a greeting, should be on the subject line and something personal, but brief, should be in the body of the email, you all are right. I should lighten up, it is just a greeting. Thank you | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 5:41:44 PM |
I assume you delete his message without responding, even though days earlier you thought he was quite the hunk.
Or, is a "how are you?" message a little easier to tolerate when the sender is really attractive?
Are you going to turn this into a "shallowness" whinefest?
If someone gets a message like that from someone that they were interested in for his looks, his profile his interests, of COURSE they are not going to delete it. Their illusions will be shattered, but I'm sure they'd give him the chance to dust himself off and try again because THEY WERE ALREADY INTERESTED!
So? No one has to justify to anyone why they just delete messages without responding. It's rude, no one likes it, but all the whining about it here isn't going to change the fact that turning people down is something that some people can't deal with and handle badly.
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 5:50:33 PM | " Raz...it is not a question of being offended. Sheesh...rarely offended by 3 words..well, unless it's an intended insult, which fortunately have not experienced.
But come on! Just a few, or less, full interested sentences implying you read the person's profile, like said profile, and somewhat interested in the human behind the profile...is not a difficult effort. And very appreciated by grownups."
Like I said, I have done that and it has always been a waste of time. Maybe if you women were the ones writing and sending 90% of the emails you would see what we mean. You get tired of writing out detailed emails that reference some thing in their profile to show you really did read it when 99.9% of the time the women don't reply so you start making them short to see if they want to talk to you or not. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 5:55:14 PM |
Are you going to turn this into a "shallowness" whinefest?
No, that was not my plan. Interesting that you brought it up though. A little bit touchy on the subject, are we?
So? No one has to justify to anyone why they just delete messages without responding. It's rude, no one likes it, but all the whining about it here isn't going to change the fact that turning people down is something that some people can't deal with and handle badly.
No where in my post did I mention any sort of opinion on the right/wrongness of deleting messages without responding. Please refrain from putting words in my mouth.
I was merely posing a question to see if women felt a "how are you" message was unacceptable no matter who sent it. I appreciate you sharing your point of view on the matter which is that such a message is easier to accept if it's sent by someone you are interested in.
But please, if you're going to respond back, I hope you refrain from creating your own little "whinefest" as you did in your last post.
It cuts both ways, y'know. | |
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| People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/18/2007 6:00:50 PM | | I totally agree freebird. When I get an icebreaker like that..".How are you?". I respond...........Good. Do not add my name or expand on ANYTHING. | |
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