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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:09:03 PM | Mine was a bit of a bad boy and had lovely blonde hair and ice blue eyes...when I think of him I'm 18 again. I always wonder if I had the same effect on him...
You eventually take the memories and tuck them away. He'll wander through your mind once in a while...he never ages. You'll remember all of the wonderful things about him and forget the hurt he might have caused...you'll wonder what it would have been like.
You never get over him, but eventually his memory is an old friend...somewhere carefree and loving to go. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:26:43 PM | You dont get over your first love - you move on as there is a part of that first love and every other significant love, that remains with you forever. Its your first love that you use as a measureing stick to compare all other partners to.
A huge mistake people make is to try and erase the event. After every break up in my life, I have taken the time to reflect on the relationship and think about the good the bad and what caused the break up.
Every wonderful moment I have savoured and remembered - as I hold all the special memories of each man in my life close to my heart, because at one point and time these men held significance in my life. So, why would I want to disreguard them or that moment as they are the history or wonderful events in my life.
I have reflected on the bad things in each relationship and the reason/s for the break up and have tried to learn from them - because in a relationship there is not one person who is at fault unless cheating, lying or deception is involved.
So, I consider each love a part of me that has helped shape my preferences, the type of man I want to be with and the type of love that I have to offer the next man in my life.
JMHO | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:49:05 PM | I made my love for him turn to hate. Which wasn't too hard for me because he was such an ***hole to me and it's so obvious that he never cared about me.
It did take awhile to get over him completely though. I still think about it sometimes & get sad...but then I end up getting angry again... but for me it makes it easier for it to just turn to hatred. Anger is better than sadness.  | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:49:41 PM | | my first love was when I was 12 ...... I think i'm over it by now , hell her father caught us doing the nasty and threw me out of his house . I'm over it ! | |
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poet23
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Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 31 | |
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:26:06 PM | The first love thing is a tough one. My first real love was when I was 19. I was so in love, she actually made me crazy. I turned into a needy douche where I'm usually very calm, collected, and very confident. I was so confused about the whole situation I didn't know how to handle it and eventually we broke up because of my poor handling of the situation. While in the relationship, when it was good, she asked me to promise to always be her friend no matter what happens. I reluctantly made that promise and it was probably a really poor move on my part. When I make a promise I never break it and I never have.
Five years later and we're still friends. Can't say it's been easy, in fact it's been really friggin hard watching her date other men while I sit back and have to cheer her on as my heart breaks every time I watch her be all kissy face with the other guy. Now she's with a guy she's seriously considering marrying.
I used to compare every girl I met to her. I often resented her for that. She was a great catch and she was the one that got away. It really wasn't until recently that I was able to realize that she's really not the one for me and that halped move me forward. Despite her numerous great qualities, there are a few very key things that would make it impossible for us to be get along in a relationship.
Moral of the story: don't be friends with your first love :P | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:35:04 PM | When relationships have ended, it has always been a huge relief more than anything, as when something is not right, stress builds up slowly to the point where it is simply a relief to get out of the situation.
I think I had most difficulty getting over an intense emotional but platonic friendship that occurred before any of my relationships. It took about 4 years for me to stop crying about it. Take as long as it takes for you, but in the meantime, do something constructive with your time that allows you to meet other people in a neutral no-agenda way (e.g. voluntary work). | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:41:10 PM | I think the best way to know you're over it is to be friends without it hurtin. Problem is, you never know when that's actually happenin or if you're just foolin yourself... try it too soon and you lose that person forever, and I think that's what people don't realize. You can't betray a person and expect to go to the movies with them the next night. I don't see how I COULDN'T eventually be friends with her... she was the most important person in my life for a long dam* time. But for 3 1/2 years, I couldn't speak to her. It was all just part of it.
She still doesn't like hearin about the girls I see, but hey... I gotta balance out the jab-o-meter. Besides, she's the one who calls me. And hearing how perfect I am and how stupid she is really makes my day.  | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 7:45:51 AM | | two words, "Grow up". I don't mean that as an inult either! It's just that life goes on. You take it one day or one hour at a time. You do what you need to do to get thru . One day piles on top of another and before you know it you've moved past it. And maybe that's all you will be able to do. Accept it and move on. I never got "over" my first love, but I moved beyond it. So just do what you can to et on with your life, and life will take care of it for you. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:08:52 AM | | first loves are special, just like contry sugar said, you really never get over your first , you judge every other women by your first love, that is if you had a great first love. i did. but i do believe and can tell you time does heal you and you can go forward. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:10:07 AM | I think the first time you fall in love, your never the same person again.
And it's a good thing. They stimulate you to change, you end up doing things you would never have gone for if it wasn't for their (even indirect) motivation of being there.
But I realised recently, they may have been then kick in my life, but that's all I needed. I met my ex when I was very insecure about almost everything about myself..I found myself projecting my insecurities onto him.
But then I changed, I got much stronger, went out more, got confident, saw loads of guys while he messed me around (even though he was the only one I truely cared about). And I don't think he liked that.
When he first split up with me, I felt like I'd lost everything. Like..he was everything in my life. At some points I felt like there wasn't a point to dressing up, putting make up, working out, going out..anything.
Then I realised. I didn't need him at all. It had always been me. And maybe at the time, back when I had no self esteem..I needed that assurance from a good looking man that my life was worth living, so I could see him.
But my view had always just been restricted. I'm finally starting to get over him. It's best if all contact is cut..in fact thats the only way. Start organising things.
I'm starting dance classes..three different kinds..because I'm part of this music scene and I want to be known for something hehe.
My first love taught me loads, I grew up, I know what guys I like and what I don't, I had adventures, I indulged in things I would never have tried if I'd not met him.
But mostly he taught me to love myself. Even when it came down to the rejection..I think, being only 19, thats all I needed. He rescued me from all my insecurtity and maybe thats all he sub-conciously wanted to do.
I don't know. Just occupy yourself..boredom is the worst thing to be subject too. Start planning the rest of the year. Such as:
Holidays, gigs, festivals, outings, dances classes, sports classes, social events, gatherings, trips, visits, work, furthering your education, a global challenge for charity(ohh this ones my favourite)
anything. But do things. Do anything. Start going places and meeting new people..and try not to force a relationship with someone until you're over him. Just have fun and focus on the people that surround you..rather than the people that don't.
Love finds you when you're not looking, when it's most inconvient.
So start making your schedule hella inconvient gurl :) | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:13:49 AM | I found that I overcame desire for daily ice cream a few years ago when one day I had too much and it made me sick.
Maybe love it like that...?
too much of the sweet stuff makes you not want it anymore.
or at least its OK now to just recall how much you enjoyed it than actually enjoy it.
I'm sure old love is the same way.
You would meet and realize that person is not as you remember them to be, have to get to know each other all over again and find out, its not for you. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:25:45 AM | | It doesnt matter how he did it.......if he said it to you, then it "was right before so and so"....if he did it by phone, then" how could he do it because of this?"....im 50 and still get stomach tightness when i think of my first love......i still love her......i dont think you get over it...it just becomes another block of your foundation of who you are................Jesus had scars in His hands and feet.......we all get scars .....it is part of who we are..............its ok................KNOW THIS.....THE PAIN WILL LESSEN........it will be ok............so dont get over it....go through it...... and you will be traveling the most excellent road....your road......................................................................................................If you can, take God along, because wether you know it or not, He's walking right beside you anyway............Blessings........Jim | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 2:49:18 PM |
Moral of the story: don't be friends with your first love :P
I'd have to half agree with that. My first love was at 17. When she ended it a few months later, we ended up staying friends. And every time she dated again or we hung out, my heart felt for her. That went on for years. Eventually we lost touch and it was only at looking back how much I realized she had mistreated my feelings for her, just looking me up when she didn't want to be alone.
In the last few years I ended up really falling for someone again. It took a while, as I was no where near as trusting as I had been as a kid, but I eventually fell for her even more than my first love. When that didn't work out, I tried to stay friends with her for a few months. Even though she was very considerate of my feelings, I could no longer go from day to day chatting with her. It made me feel very sad that it was not me she was interested in.
If you still have feelings for someone, and just don't "believe" why they are wrong for you then step away from them. Staying will only be a constant reminder and make it that much harder to let them go. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 4:13:02 PM | did you get over your first hangover ... ?
and now for the other side of the coin ... if you don't get over it and there are probably many reasons why you aren't and they are in your court ... you will perhaps miss many opportunities to experience another so called first love ...
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poet23
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Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 4:27:54 PM |
you turned into a needy douche ?
I made her my life instead of making her a part of mine. I would call her 3-4 times a day just to hear the sound of her voice but I never really had something to talk about. It was actually a long distance relationship. I met her when she came to visit some people she met online and we really hit it off. The first 2 months went pretty well, but the more she wasn't around the more I thought about her and missed her and became depressed.
It got to a point where I just wanted her to take me along for the ride (her life) instead of making my own life and sharing it with her. I know better now. Actually I knew what I was doing wrong during the relationship as I was doing it, but it was like I was watching myself in third person making those mistakes. Hence why it felt like she made me crazy. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 4:46:47 PM | simple-you never realy do. when you make a contract its sapose to be for life.all you can do is move on its hard and slow at frist but you will begain to pick up speed.i read your profile your asking to much.men and ladys both have needs.if what i say doesnt make since.give me a holler. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 4:47:19 PM | | There is a reason why the two of you broke up and think about that carefully. Also him telling you via instant messenger was totally immature and sounds like he didn't have enough respect for you or himself not to do it face to face. There's a reason for everything and he probably did you a favor. Do you really want someone that doesn't want you? I think NOT! | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/20/2007 4:51:57 PM | | I never got over mine. It's been 11 years. We're friends now but we weren't always. We didn't have a bad break up though. If it was truly love it won't ever go away compleatly, but if it wasn't with time it will fade. Good luck! | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:04:59 AM | Hi hun,
trust me its not easy. I was on and off with my first love for the last 2 years of the 6.5 years we spent together. And it took me reaching the ripe old age of 40 to realise what real love was. Other relationships even a marriage i got over quite quickly, but first true love always remains. All i can say is dont try and hate, but appreciate how beautiful the love was and what you learnt from it, even though there was pain.
What i learnt, is that i could never now just go into a relationship for the sake of not being alone and the love i experienced will always be the measuring line for any future prospects which may come along. Some may see this as a bad thing but i don't.. because it saves wasted time and from your experience you will know the meaning of true chemistry and bonding, not the usual infatuation most people believe to be true love. Time is a healer, and i doubt he will ever be completely out of your heart, but view the love for what it was, a beautiful moment in time. Use this time to love yourself and perhaps turn those feelings in to creativity eg poetry, which can be a great way of self expression. All the best Liz x | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:24:09 AM | I haven't gotten over my ex wife yet either. it was about a year ago as well. I'm beginning to think that I never will get over her totally, but I just go with the whole learning experience thing. It at least gives a decent reason to the maddness. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 10/3/2007 3:02:05 PM | | Wish I could tell you. It's been 30 years and I still haven't found anyone close to my first love. I've tried to fill the void left in my heart, but hasn't happened. I'm convinced you have one true soul mate. I've moved on but I will never "get over" my first love. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 10/3/2007 3:23:09 PM | I got over my first love by :
a) forcing myself to not be the slightest curious as to where they are now, what they are doing, and who they are with. If i see them in the street, i turn around and run! Out of sight, out of mind!
b) throw out everything that reminds you of them. even pics. throw out anything that has memories attached to them.
c) no strings attached sex with someone else
the "c" choice one isn't for everyone and definately not recommended ... but damn... it worked for me at the time. she was long forgotten after that & thats what was important. 
Women & Men handle it differently i guess. | |
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