| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 10/4/2007 11:18:04 AM | Getting over first love is hard....
But time usually takes care of that and allows you to move on and grow from there. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 10/4/2007 12:00:47 PM | Time will heal girl. You probably will never forget him, but your feelings will subside.
Also, when you meet another great guy, that you really enjoy, you may think, why did I waste all of this time and pain over this jerk? Really that is what will happen.
This is my first love story------back a few years-----I`m 47 now---then sweet 16.
My girlfriend introduces me to her cousin, who was fresh home from the Army in Thailand. He`s 23, and of course is a knight in shining armor to me. We start sneeking
dates,(my parents would have had a fit) Well, he`s picked up some nasty habits overseas (drugs) and i`m a good girl. After about a year of dating I say, I can`t keep this up with your being high all of the time, It`s just not what I want for my future. So I end up leaving him, although I loved him alot. So he starts seeing my cousin(who hates me) to get me jealous and gets her pregnant. Talk about heartbreak! Well they don`t end up together, but he blames me for the whole problem.
Now forward about 10 years. He ends up marrying someone else, has a son, is still a doper. One day he goes ice fishing alone and his snowmobile breaks through the ice and drowns. Now that`s closure. All I could feel is numb. But time heals all, hang in there girl. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 10/4/2007 7:27:08 PM | Sorry - the short answer is never - you'll remember them with a heartache for the rest of your life. The only antidote is to find another love (not sex etc but love) that will deaden the pain - but doing that is pretty difficult !
Good luck | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 10/12/2007 2:32:41 PM | Why don't you people tell me. My first love and only 19 years wants and is moving on with her life. She is distant won't tell me her feelings and it damnwell hurts like hell!!!!! Time heals I am told and it is getting better but how do you keep from going crazy some days????? Anyways thanks for the outlet and have a god one!!!!!!!
Barry | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:48:28 PM | I really liked what you said. I might have to try that when I'm ready. I know right now I'm not ready, but it was very inspirational to read.
I'm so glad you posted that! | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:45:30 AM | (Quote) i throw this question out to those older and wiser than i, or anyone who has an opinion. how do you get over your first love?
I had to walk out on my first love after we had been together 10 years...I was very much in love with him and would have made the mistake of going back with him only for a very sweet woman who knew what it was all about. We have been divorced 11 years now and I do not regret my decision...How did I get over him?..I kept remembering that if we were meant to be we would still be together. There is someone for everyone and not because we fall in love with someone it means they are the one. The man that is meant for you will come along and when he does your second love will be even better than the first..It Will!  ...... | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:16:03 AM | | I think I am going to answer this question quite honestly from experience. You don't get over your first love, not if they are truly a "love". You will eventually realize that they have become a different person and therefore you no longer love them for who they are. But you will always love them as they were. It's like accepting a death. The person you were in love with is no longer there. That's when you begin to accept it and open your heart to others. I hope you find this acceptance sooner than I did. Don't waste your time trying to "get over" him. Focus your time on accepting that he is not the person you fell in love with anymore and it is not a fault of his. It is the everchanging growth of people. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:18:58 PM | | Sleepypaulette, the guy has a problem, it's not you and the situation sounds a little similar to what I went through. I was married previously but realized I never loved my ex husband. Then I met a man who showed me what true love is. He disappeared 14 mths ago. It takes time, but the hurt goes away and it gets easier. You need to do things for yourself, get out and learn about yourself, your likes and dislikes - it sounds stupid but it works, really. I got therapy, worked out at the gym with a trainer and lost tons of weight since he left. I feel great and now I get more attention than ever from the opposite sex. Just be careful with your heart the next time, I know I am. I am taking the dating thing very slow and being very leary of who I meet online or anywhere for that matter. You'll never forget your first love but one day the lightbulb will come on and you will know you have gotten past it - that day arrived two months ago for me and I couldn't be more thrilled. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:15:12 PM | OP, you won't get over your first love until you find one you love as much or more.
If that happens, which is common, you'll get over that first love, because usually time shows that first love wasn't with the person you were meant to be with anyway.
But what happens if time shows that your first love actually is the one you were meant to be with, and you never go on and meet anybody that you love as much or more?
Then it will be something you carry with you forever...
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:15:18 PM | I think one gets over it by being honest. Many times we beautify what the relationship was when if it was so great, it wouldn't have ended.
I know one friend that is messing up her relationships due to her first love. This guy cheated on her, used her for money but was very good looking. He could do anything to her. When he finally ended it she never got over it. That was 8 years ago. She tells everyone how much she misses him and that and we all just shake our heads.
Obviously someone wasn't happy and obviously it wasn't as magical as we all say. Again, be honest, thing of the good and what really happened and move on. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:53:48 PM | | time and distance is what you need. you should definetely take a break from dating if you keep bringing up the past - you're gonna lose out some really great guys if you still keep thinking about your ex. exes should stay where they belong - in the past. best of luck to you! | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:36:34 AM | | time is key.you probably wont totally get over him,but in time you will be able to deal with it better.for me,and my ex,i just remember all the bad moments,which outweighed the good.thats what did it for me. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:51:10 AM | First of all don't judge or blame the person that it didn't work out. Just realize it wouldn't work out. Of course this will take some time. For some people crying it out works. I have no feelings for my love it's all gone, in fact she wanted to start it again. She told me loved me because she was single ...I replied I like you as a friend then she moved on...It wasn't difficult for me...I am not heartless nor do I hate her or blame her..I just realize it just an illusion to me..We see things we want to see, even if it's not even there. Mine was different than most I felt sorry for her in the beginning which was a bad thing.
Anyways look where you want to go not where you have been. There will be others if you let your heart open. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:04:14 PM | It took me at least a year after my first love to even date again, and I thought about her a lot for a few years after that. One time I saw her across a crowded room, several years after we had broken up and I thought I was over her, and I felt my heart stop. That was 15 years ago and I think I haven't thought about her too often in a long time and now I can say that I just have fond memories and wonder how she's doing, probably raising a family somewhere far away by now.
It just takes time. Once you feel like you are past the general sadness and hurt and just kind of missing them, then you gotta move on and date other people and fall in love again...which you will if you give yourself the chance. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:31:50 PM | | If he is your first love truthfully you will never get over it fully. I myself have a sure fire way of getting it out of your head though. My first wife god love her was everything to me and I hung on her every move , fondled her with my eye with the most ravenous passion and would have died to give her life. After we split 5 years later she shows up at my door and what happened next blew my mind. She started taking her clothes off and after a few sweaty hour of slow and hard love making and one sunrise to boot we got out of bed to drink some oj to replentish ourselves, she looks me right in the eyes an says and I quote (you are not going to be able to whip me like you have all those other girls you have been with lately). It was at that moment I realized this was a game to her and she wanted me to play and even though i loved her so ,I told her it was just a fling ,I didn't want her and was not trying to whip her. I also realized at this time that my feelings for her and my memory of her had been from an in love view and not rational. Since I have seen her with her husband and her son with very little affect on me and i am happy for her but I believe she hates the sight of me oh well I guess thats life with ex-factor. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/17/2008 1:03:43 PM | I thought that I was crazy for still having that heartache, I am glad you people wrote all that you wrote. My family and my friends tell me that I should just get over him, they act as if it is so easy. It has been almost four years since I have seen him, he is married and now I am trying not to talk to him because when I do he tells me the same things ....he still loves me and blah, blah....
I have had so many problems with this...Thank you for all the advice and thanks sleepypaulette for posting that! | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:42:31 PM | It's not easy--I know that if mine showed up at the door right now....I would be done. But since he is living elsewhere and is married don't think that will be happening anytime soon.
Every day it hurts less---and as time goes on you just have to remember good stuff. No point in being sad or angry all the time. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:54:34 PM |
i throw this question out to those older and wiser than i, or anyone who has an opinion. how do you get over your first love?
I think to a certain extent you never do get over the first love. I experienced something very strange concerning that, though. I was with a girl that I really loved, who I would consider my first love. We broke up, and months later I found the woman that I ended up marrying. All through the marriage, I was STILL not over her, and I'm talking a 12 year marriage and being together 2 years before that. I would still think of her, still would have liked to have seen her again... I just plain wasn't over her. Now, I still loved my wife very dearly, but I couldn't get this woman totally out of my mind, nor the feelings out of my heart.
Fast forward, and I found myself divorced. After the divorce, I stopped thinking of the ex-girlfriend. Don't know why it happened that way, but it did. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:59:53 PM | find a second one! and stop comparing him to other guys, that's not fair to them nor yourself. What the hell was so special about him any ways? We all like to think we are so special but its nonsense. Also try to understand what there is in you that you made this guy into a god.... Sometimes its that our lives are boring that some other becomes so great. Oh and the filling his shoes bit, what size did he take? lol size 30 oh well then not many can fill those shoes, but hey those are big f-ing feet 
Look for something that gives you pleasure and do it.... well maybe porn is not that good lol | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:51:17 PM |
your second love will be even better than the first.. ...at breaking your heart. And the next, better still! Huzzah!
there are bigger and better things on the horizon. Yes, indeed there are my dear, like being dumped with a bun in the oven. It only gets better and better - It's all uphill sweetie, they're just not telling you that it's also a battle.
- Excog.
(The original post is almost exactly a year old, and astonishingly got digged up from the pits of PoF threads only recently, yet no one points out these facts, nor asks how paulette feels today, almost two years after what must have been a traumatizing (or at least, jarring) online abandonment! I guess we don't really care.  It's probably a cinch for her by now. See, it's like riding a bike - it hurts when you fall, but you suck it up and forge on. Hmm... Come to think about it, it's more precisely like just falling down. Yeah.  ) | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:47:48 AM | I'm sure the original OP has gotten over him by now, but on this topic, I think the most important thing (and this only comes with lots of time and it's not easy) is to realize that you are hung up on what could have been, and not what actually was there. If you are still hanging onto an old relationship for a really long time, it's often about hanging onto the ideal outcome (the dream), when in reality there were things missing (at the very least for him, and if it's missing for him then it ultimately can't work for both of you, and the short version of that is that the relationship was just not working). I find acceptance of this is key.
It is normal to miss a first love and miss the feeling of being in love, for a long time. So don't worry about it. It's natural for you to feel hurt when you think about that person dating others now. But it will help to accept that the reality was that the relationship was not working, and that it's for the best that it's over. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:16:28 AM | | You never really do you just learn how to live without him. Remember why you are in the position you are in and is that ever something you want to relive. It absolutely feels like the death of a loved one in that the person that existed in your life is no more and will never be again. I promise you that if you were to try to return the end is only worse the next time around! Good luck. | |
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| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:44:26 AM | My high school sweetheart/first love/soul mate was tragically killed. It was totally devastating for me as as it was so unexpected and our dreams, goals and desires all vanished over night. Needless to say, it took an exceptional long time to heal but you do heal.
However, I have not gotten over him completely and I know I never will. I do not want to experience pain and grief like that again ever! I would give anything to be able to say my first love and I broke up (even though I was desolate at the time) but I'm happy for him because he is now happily married with children and grandchildren on the way. :( | |
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