| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/25/2007 9:15:09 AM | Well Iris:
I never did it when I was young either. Secondly. I have a hard time even considering lowering myself to degrading a woman and myself this way. Regardless if she is smart like hammer and obviously has some form of mental illness. People watch to much porn and can't differentiate between fiction and reality. Get a clue people. The porn industry is full of scum of the earth and sex sells. Ask KAZOT and MELOFELO.
I say: Be careful what you wish for as it has a way of biting you in the ass. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/25/2007 9:19:16 AM | you are not degrading women she is you
Your girlfriend is treating you and your mates like a piece of meat she can have any time she wants to
and whatever flavour she wants
she has you by the short and curlys | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/25/2007 9:29:18 AM | A few comment on comments in previous posts:
1) "If you want a slut for a girlfriend go for it!"
Philosophically speaking, what is better/worse to have a "slut" for a) a GF (or BF) or b) Spouse?
2) On some of the outspoken monogamous/monoamorous people/"preachers"
Funny how many declared "monogamous" people (men and women) wind up (by "accident", twist of "fate", a night of "vulnerability", etc) "practising" other "trades". But hey, "do as I say and not as I do" = Pretentious Times!
3) On GB Shaw:
Funny how many people "forget" that payment for sex with different people IS NOT the same as free sex with a lot of different people. Ie that "slut" (M/F) does not equal "whore" (Male or Female).
And that a marriage or relationship that leads to a financial security of the one via the assets or income of the other is seen by many as "good sense"!
Oh what times we live in! Pretentious ones!
With strangers and in the darkness, all is fair. But no, no, not in the light on day!
O tempora, o mores!
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:50:38 AM | I just love the word "share" in here that is being thrown around.
A person is not an object, nor does anyone "own" them. Therefore, you can not "share" a person. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:06:22 AM | OP, Swinging is an alternative lifestyle. I got into it, right after my separation from a 19 year marriage, during a 1 year relationship with a woman who was totally into it. It sounds like your girlfriend is, but you aren't. If you are prone to jealousy, it won't work.
It's also not a lifestyle that I've since pursued. It was something I'd wondered about, and experiencing it expanded my horizons, and with the right partner, I might go there again, but it's not worth it, if it would stress the relationship.
Frankly, I'd be more concerned with inviting in a 3rd party from your circle of friends. Too many chances of that becoming something other than just sexual fun, and tempting one or the other to pursue it separately. If you trust your girlfriend, and your friend, believe that their contact will be limited to times you are there too, and you can "handle" the initial jealousy, it might be fun. If you aren't in that place with it, then, don't go there. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:10:35 AM | If you do this, you are opening up Pandoras box that you dont really want opened!
There are many other ways to have fun in a relationship than to add other people into the bedroom.
And IMO you're friend needs to find his own girl! | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:22:24 PM | Besides my answer, stated earlier, that the OP should NOT open up his relationship.
A few cautions about opening a relationship:
Once opened, it is difficult for you to close it again. Only your partner can stop herself. If she really gets into it, and does not want to stop, there is not much you can do.
Once opened, one of you cannot just go "oops, that was stupid". Not if your partner wants to keep swinging.
There is the possibility that she may fall for the other fellow and dump you.
There is the possibility of losing your friend over it. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:07:40 AM | Why the hell have you got a girlfriend that wants to shag other people?
Doesnt the idea of her wanting to have sex with people other than you make you feel bad? . And she MUST fancy your mate to eagerly accept his advances...
I mean....lets be honest about it..
If you bought home Ken Dodd one night and said 'hey luv, fancy a threesome' I doubt its gonna happen do you?
Its normal to feel jealous...
2 words - Get rid. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:29:39 AM | Doesnt the idea of her wanting to have sex with people other than you make you feel bad? . And she MUST fancy your mate to eagerly accept his advances...
Do we expect our GF/BF or SO not to "fancy" other people? Or not to "sleep" with them, even though they fancy them?
In other words, what is EXACTLY the real problem/issue here (personal note: I am not into threesomes, but that's not the point)?
a) STI riskiness? How does a threesome compare in risks as opposed to bilateral "infidelity"?
b) Is there an implied assumption that if a woman fancies another man, that is more "serious" than a man fancying another woman? Is that not a tad 1800s or at best 1950s? That a man merely "visits" a woman's "house", but a women "allows" another man into her "house"? How chauvinistic!
Intercourse can be powered by Eros, love or mere lust. Who says that men have a monopoly in any of those types?
I think that the thinking behind many of the posts and the OP's "concern" have their foundations in a philosophy that says that men are men and women are women and thus they have no equal rights in sex, that a man makes love to a woman (and not to each other) and that a woman is a keeper of a key to a "pleasure dome" which is reserved only for her Prince! How MEDIEVAL, in 2007!!!
News Flash: Men and women now both live on Earth, not in Mars and Venus. Nobody "bangs" or "shags" or "effs" or "screws" etc. People make love and exchange pleasure. It is not a dominance game, the man does not "conquer" the woman and the woman "gets conquered". Vagina and penus have equal standing in 2007. There is no passive and no dominant side. Just different anatomy. THAT is IMO the essence of gender difference but equality.
Lots of intercourse in previous decades and centuries was in effect disguised "rape" or
"dominance" or "physical violence" and thus the man with an active sex life was the cool penetrator of "castles" and the woman a "slut", the "taken over" castle. He was the rider/on top and the woman was in effect a subordinate, she was not even supposed to enjoy the act, she was just doing HER MAN a "favour" to please him and what she was after was his sperm to fulfil her motherly mission in life! Yikes!
How Medieval indeed! Times have changed. This is the 21st century and women get as much pleasure out of sex as men have a right to. And there are condoms (male and female), pills, cups, vasectomy and other tools that level the field.
Welcome to the equality of the sexes.
The tele-transporter back to 1400 AD will be leaving in 3 hrs, gate 31. Seats are still available, Ticket Office No. 10.
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:03:44 AM | "The playing stopped short of sex due to my rising jealousy. Even though i would like to get rid of this irrational jealously it still bothers me. It would just be sex and i know that but i think a host of insecurities are holding me back."
Never ever do anything sexually because you "think" you will get over something negative. chances are you won't, and then it will lead to a whole mess of heart ache. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:23:40 AM | OP It's quite clear that you don't LOVE your g/f. If you did the thought of her being with another man with your consent wouldn't cross your mind.
So why did 'Mike and Belinda' break up? Perhaps they had a few too many cracks in their relationship.
If you respect your g/f and good old Mike, then you would not contemplate sleeping with them both.
Play with fire, expect to get burned. | |
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Fwens
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Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 240 | |
| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:28:23 AM | Stop. Look ahead, no, further ahead into the future.
You thrashed out the current situation very well, but you're not seeing the bigger picture.
Your g/f and you have something that's not in common, and will cause more headaches beyond this one. Sit down and talk this one over with your g/f, before anyone jumps anyone.
The rigors of being young. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:35:40 AM | | she does your friend then she does him again then she does someone else and then....so on and so on ..and sees no problem because you endorsed it when it was your friend...say NO or tell her to GO | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 242 | |
| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:14:29 AM | Yes, you should let your girlfriend bang anyone she wants, because if you are so incredibly stupid that you would ask this question, you are not in love, and your girl is just a sex object. I won't let my best friends ride my motorcycle. Why do you have a profile on here if you have a girlfriend? Aside from that, your "girlfriend" will "bang" anyone she wants with or without your permission. There is this really strange new concept called "independent thinking", starting, oh, before you were born, where women can make up their own minds about such things. I suspect you made this up to get a charge from some of us. Well, you got it.
Oh, wait, were you going to watch? No, it still isn't allright with me, but whatever floats your boat. I was young once. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:31:18 AM | I love how judgmental people are when a question like this is posed...come on people, think in a neutral tone for just a second here and outside your box of comfort. What's right for you might not be right for others and vice versa.
This is a sticky situation...and one covered quite well in "Chasing Amy" as far as the consequences and issues arising from the whole "Do you?" or "not" allow this scenario to play out....to start off, you have a curious girlfriend...maybe she's never done anything so promiscuous and just wants to know what it's like since it is a topic more open to discussion these days. By outright saying "no, I don't want you to do this for 1, 2, 3 reasons", you end up stifling her curiosity and she's always going to wonder...not good for a long term thing...can she put that curiosity aside? Possibly, but it's going to sneak up time and again. On the other hand, if you say "Yes" and go through the adult manner of discussing things (feelings about possible issues, concerns, having a key word in case things get uncomfortable and you need to have it stop instantly) there will always be some awkwardness between the three of you because you entered into this relationship without the expectation of having it be open. It's one thing to start off with those open ideas, another completely to find out one or the other has them mid-way through...one could argue that if the friendships and relationship (trust, understanding, communication, etc) are strong enough that they should last through whatever awkwardness might arise from the situation - and if you talk through those issues, it should work out ok in the end....but when it comes down to it, there are simply basic human-nature-instincts that we can't explain away (that nagging jealousy that makes no sense because you know she loves you and only wants to be with you in the end)...it's a very VERY tough situation and not one to be taken lightly. If it's something she feels strongly that she NEEDS to experience...you can't deny her that right (you can deny it with your involvement)...but you should let her know how it might affect you and the relationship.
I once had a friend that said "Humans are not meant to be monogamous" - and maybe sexually and physically they aren't....but we're not simply a bundle of hormones - there are emotions that come into play and we don't have the ability to shut one or the other off at will, so we stumble through warring with one and the other until we find the balance. There is no good "do this, it'll work" answer to this question and I have to wonder how many people (out of the 15-odd pages of replies) here have actually even ever really experienced this scenario and the consequences or reasonings behind such before they berated and chastised? How can someone say "Sushi is horrible and no one should like it" if they've never tried it (to use a rather trivial and trite example)? | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:45:01 AM | And then later when your not around and they have sex without you? She'll say...well you weren't here but i didn't think you'd care since it's ok all the other times. If you do it'll forever change your opinion of her and your feelings. If she's wanting group sex i'd have to say something is missing in your relationship, maybe her full committment. Might want to examine that a bit.
C~ | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 11:09:21 AM | Actually, with most swinger relationships, it's understood that open-relations don't happen without the partner present and consenting - part of the open communication policy most employ when they agree to bring in outside parties.
And OP, there *is* the possibility that after you go through with this scenario she might decide the whole "swinging" thing isn't for her after all and realize that she's happy just being with you. Of the people I've known who have experimented with this because of initial curiosity, none of em stuck with the lifestyle after the 1st or 2nd time....it's just too much work maintaining...2 people's emotions and baggage is hard enough to moosh together into a relationship successfully....adding more just compounds the degree of difficulty. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:18:23 PM | | WTF! What a stupid question. If you want to keep your girl friend then no, if you want to keep your friend then NO. Regardless what you decide, you will lose your girl friend because she has asked the question and is looking for some one else. WTF! | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:40:18 PM | well, i am not into group sex, so i know if my girlfriend wanted group sex, she would have to find a new boyfriend to do that crap with.
I would tell her i don't like that stuff and if she goes along with it, i will consider it cheating, if she still does it, i will dump her there and then and find someone else.
Besides, if your girl asks for group sex, it just shows you ain't giving enough....no offense. | |
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