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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:06:41 PM | OP....... When someone is already having doubt about a situation before it happens, it is the obvious that you shouldn't do it. If you go ahead with it, you will never be able to turn back the clock and will live with the regret from then on.
A few questions and thoughts you should think about before:
1. You should not feel you have to pay your friend back. Friends give without expecting anything in return. It was his choice back then and it is your choice now.
If he is a great friend as you say, he will definitely understand if you have feelings for her. He should respect your relationship.
2. What and why does your girlfriend want to do this? If I am in a relationship with someone I truly care about, I would NEVER want or think about being with one of his friends. If he wanted me to, I would think less of him and think he doesn't care about me enough that he would want to share or pass me around like a piece of meat.
3. If it is just to satisfy your friends dry spell.... tell him to go find his own hook up.
4. You said alcohol was involved at the time. Never make a decision under the influence. You make a decision like that when you are cold sober! | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:25:26 PM | | As a therapist, I've seldom seen relationships survive sex play that threatens the intimacy between 2 people by adding others to the relationship. Those few that survive "swinging" are rather emotionally devoid relationships that I would in no way classify as healthy. Sounds like you are ready for an emotionally intimate relationship, but your girlfriend may not be. My vote...its ALWAYS a bad idea...if you really care about the other person. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:50:02 PM |
I also do not condone slavery and part of jealously i believe lies in the misguided belief that you own your partner and do not want to share her with anyone else. OP, slavery is control. Jealousy is when you care for someone else so much that you consider sex and kissing between the two of you as sacred, and therefore not up for "sharing".
I have read a few articles on this subject.
1) Most women who wrote on FFM that I read did NOT want the male to be a boyfriend, or anyone they cared about.
2) I've met a few women who wanted MMF and wanted the men to be tied up, so the woman was in control.
3) I've met a few women who wanted MMF and wanted the men to be in control, but that is a desire to deny any responsibility in the matter, so whatever happens as a result is NOT her fault!
If she goes off you because of this encounter, you can't blame her. She's losing control of herself, and her emotions as a result.
You have to understand that "sharing" a woman just makes her a sexual object, and NOT a person. She may be willing to accept that now, but that is because she is used to being objectified and she has not figured out how that makes her feel.
If you are going to do this with a woman, pick women neither you nor Mike care about, and make sure that she is a mature woman in her 30s, who is old enough and mature enough to know that she wants this, and to know that SHE is in control and not you or Mike.
Once you "share" a woman like this, the respect is normally gone. It takes a special person to handle this type of thing and not feel betrayed. You have to understand the culture that goes with it.
Most people who have engaged in this sort of behaviour and have no problem with it, tend to be people who have gone through some form of sexual abuse, and so their sexual wiring is different to other people. Sex to such people is ALWAYS just an action, like playing football. It doesn't mean anything.
Normally, such actions are distinguished by NOT kissing during the event.
Kissing is reserved for the making love with your S/O.
But if one of you is not on that page, either because of a normal upbringing, or a lack of understanding of the ground rules, then your emotional reactions will be different.
That person will see the other person as lesser people for having engaged in an act that is expect to be emotional but lacks true emotion. That can make the other people involved feel "dirty" for having lost the respect of this person.
It's this kind of objectifying people that causes so many problems with sex, dating & relationships in the first place.
If your buddy wants to get laid, tell him the truth.
IF HE IS NOT MAN ENOUGH TO GET HIS OWN LAYS, THEN HE IS NOT A MAN! | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:58:31 PM | You people are nuts.
Answer me this: what's the point of having a relationship, if you're just going to be sleeping around with other people? | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:03:30 PM | Haven't read the rest of the thread or even past the subject, but:
NO!
If you do this you're a spineless sycophant. Have some backbone for God's sake! | |
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jayver
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Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 108 | |
| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:05:30 PM |
If it was another girl it would be no problem, but as its a guy i would be uncomfortable as i feel i would have to comptete
But what if it would be a problem for her? Wouldn't she have to compete, then, too?
I think i would end up resenting her and ultimately dumping her. Should i go for it?
That's tantamount to saying, "I'm 99% sure that I'm going to die if I eat this cyanide. Should I go for it?"
If you think you're going to resent her for it, and that you would feel justified for dumping her for doing what you've already done, then you have your answer. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:20:13 PM | OP, Tell her what your feeling, If she is into sex with multiple partners and your not, that's telling you something right there. I can't tell you what to do, you are pretty young 23, I guess the question you have to ask yourself is, Is this a girl I would want to marry?, If thats what your thinking?, I know what I would answer, but you have to figure that out for yourself. From what you have written your are really falling for her, tell her that!, and explain your feelings about what she proposed, it could be the start of soemthing great or the end.
2 cents please, Dan | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:26:56 PM | Bad idea! I expect that would ruin the intimacy between you and your girlfriend.
You care about her, why would you want to risk the relationship for a fantasy. Keep the idea as a fantasy. This is your girlfriend and I expect it is a monogamous relationship. Why change that if it is working well and risk the relationship. Definately jealousy could happen. Sometimes fantasies are better left that way. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:34:02 PM | Ten bucks says she ditches you within a month of the threesome. Any takers?
Hey Buddhanature . . . I say she will reassure him she "loves him" . . . I say 15 buckaroooooooos . . . 3 months and it is over.
~Myth~ | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:41:45 PM | Ten bucks says she ditches you within a month of the threesome. Any takers?.
Ten thousand Euros says she "ditches" him within 10 years of the threesome.
100.000 says she "ditches" him within 50 years of the threesome.
1 million within 100 years.
Point taken?
"what's the point of having a relationship, if you're just going to be sleeping around with other people?"
Duh! The relationship, of course!!
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:46:16 PM | ~~~
RESPECT... very important, highly important, in a love-relationship
I tend to think that..
1. You will find she'll eventually loose respect for you.
2. You'll already be showing you don't respect her.
You're young, you'll move on... as will she. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:52:03 PM | Is there an actualy question that needs answered here?
you "THINK" you would end up resenting her and ultimatley dumping her?
why not just dump her now and let her do as she wishes with your friend Mike?
have you no respect for this woman?? | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:55:00 PM | I don't want to sound rude, but I can sum this up with two words-Self Respect.
It is not right for her to expect you to watch her come on to your best friend. If she really cared about you and respected you then she would not think twice about doing that to you. There is nothing irrational about getting upset when you see your "girl friend" make a pass at your bf-right in front of you no less. My advice, leave her while the getting is good, and find somebody that is all about you, not you, and your friends, and anybody else she feels an itch for at the moment. You really don't need that. | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:00:14 PM | | If she is willing to sleep with your friends or anyone else besides you ,then suga you need to let that thing go. How many people did she sleep with before you came along? Hello AIDS and all other STDs . Here is some advice .......Whatch Your Self. peace | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:03:36 PM | I think you should let her sleep with whomever she wishes. If you guys really are that close, it shouldn't bother your relationship, right? Look at your buddy and his ex. I bet they were'nt as near as close as you and your girl. Tough for them if he got jealous after you had your jollies. You'd never have a real prblm with that... And besides - fair is fair. He shared his nookie with you, now you need to pony up and share with him. Unless of course, you think it may be time to grow up and break this stupid cycle? Go take 2 shots of pen. and call us in the morning.  | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:11:23 PM | By all means, tell her "game on." Since when did sex become an important part of a relationship built on trust, love, fidelity, mutual respect? It's just sex.
Sigh. Sometimes I feel loss of intellect just by being here. Good gawd OP, let her go, spend some time fishing with the boys, learn to salsa dance, see a therapist and figure out how to pick women that don't need other partners in your bed to feel fulfilled.
Kat | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:26:39 PM | Are we still in the Victorian Age? It would seem so.
What does sex have to do with respect or non respect? Non respectful sex is one that treats another person like an object. When people act on their free will and impulses, with safety precautions of course, there are no fools, no winners, no losers, no sluts, no mind games. Some people are soooo much into ownership of other people and domination. And many of the opins expressed here. alas, reflect that. In some aspects, is America still living in the 19th century? I guess in some areas, Americans have a lot of things to learn from the French, I know it is shocking, mais oui, from the French. And I do not mean French wine or fashion. Menage a trois (aka 'threesome"). Saluts (aka cheers)! | |
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| Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend?
Posted: 7/23/2007 7:34:37 PM |
Posted By: Nick Thinker on 7/23/2007 9  39 PM Subject: Should I let my girlfriend bang my friend? Message: Are we still in the Victorian Age? It would seem so. What does sex have to do with respect or non respect? Non respectful sex is one that treats another person like an object. When people act on their free will and impulses, with safety precautions of course, there are no fools, no winners, no losers, no sluts, no mind games. Some people are soooo much into ownership of other people and domination. And many of the opins expressed here. alas, reflect that. In some aspects, is America still living in the 19th century? I guess in some areas, Americans have a lot of things to learn from the French, I know iy is shocking, mais oui, from the French. And I do not mean about French wine or fashion. Menage a trois (aka 'threesome"). Saluts (aka cheers)!
Dude, someone's heart always gets involved. There is NO such thing as indefinite FWB situations. Like the OP's has. His woman with another male? In front of him??? Not happening. He's just shocked he actually cares enough to do something about it. | |
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