Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 loula lou lou
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 201
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-standPage 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
i personally think if a woman has lied about being on the pill then it is her own fault ... simple .... she should take responsibiaty ... why would you lie about it ??? trapping a man is never a good idea ... best to have a baby if that baby is wanted by both people .... but men who are not bothered about using a condom .... thats not clever either
 ~Unique~54
Joined: 3/17/2010
Msg: 202
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 10:42:28 AM

I am not responsible for any pregnancy, that responsibility belongs to the woman


How do you work that out? ...you are not responsible if the woman you sleep with falls pregnant? Who is? That bloke that looked at her c0ck-eyed?
BOTH are responsible, what's so hard for men to comprehend about that. If a man and woamn have sex and neither uses contraception, they are jointly responsible

That just about sums up most male attitudes on this thread.
 loula lou lou
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 203
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 10:48:43 AM
yep well said BOTH are responsible ... well not being rude but most of the blokes on this site lack basic intellegence ..... i dont think they seem to realise it takes two people to make a baby awwww bless them LOL
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 204
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 11:17:24 AM
Most of the women in here seem to be focusing on who should be responsible for the child-to-be and obviously, in an ideal world, both parents would do their bit.

However wrong it may be though, the man can just walk away from the pregnancy - if he knows about it, which he probably won't, until someone tells him - and there's no guarantee that the CSA will be able to find him.

A woman does not have the same freedom. As she's carrying the baby, she cannot just walk away from the unborn child - even if she decides to terminate it, it is a decision that she has to make

I think that after a one night stand, the woman shouldn't rely on the man giving a monkey's what happened to her once they've gone their separate ways (would she give a fcuk about him if she didn't get pregnant and it was just a one off?) and she also shouldn't assume (hope definitely, but not assume) that the CSA will be able to track him down.

If they do and he decides to man-up and fulfil his "obligations" to the child that's great .... but it might not happen.

What will happen, is that she has a child and from the moment she's aware she's pregnant, what happens to it is her responsibility .... remember, the man might never even know he's fathered a child. Once he know then yes, he's got a responsibility to it, until then ... how can anyone but the woman, be responsible for what happens to/with the child?

I think people need to learn to deal with what is and not what might or should be.
 ~Unique~54
Joined: 3/17/2010
Msg: 205
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 12:50:30 PM
Agree with what you are saying ^^^ and I don't think you have to tell any single mother who ends up being responsible for a child.

I was trying to make the 'joint responsibilty point' to the 'saying she is on the pill when she isn't' brigade...HE shouldn't trust her and cover it himself for several reasons...she is a stranger in this scenario...if a prenancy results I re-iterate its both that are responsible for the pregnancy...the OP's question was who is responsible for the situation...not who is left lumbered.
 Korotky
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 206
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 1:24:03 PM
How about a pre-coital agreement?


"I... {insert bints name here} the undersigned, being sound and fit totty, do duly attest and swear to accept total responsibility for employing personal contraception, and to take every reasonable step prior to, during, and after intercourse, to ensure a pregnancy does not occur, whether presently sober or drunk, high as a kite, or otherwise. I accept {insert studs name here} has agreed to wear a condom solely to protect both of us from sexually transmissible diseases, but that I shall not now or later claim to rely upon that device as reliable contraception and shall not bring any claim against {insert studs name here again} should I become pregnant as a result of bonking him, and to absolve {insert studs name here again} of all and any future contrary claims I might be inclined to make.

Signed______________________________ Witnessed by {leave blank, stud to complete later}

A. Bint ______________________________ A. Nother"


 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 207
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 1:30:11 PM
~unique~ 54, I can see where the OP is coming from though.

As has been seen in this thread, almost every woman would say that the baby is equally the man's responsibility .... so if the woman decides she wants it and the man doesn't, then that's just too bad for the man, we should've taken the necessary precautions - which is correct (just trusting her to be telling the truth about her contraception is very naive)

However - and this is the bit that grates - if the woman decides she doesn't want it, in many cases (especially one night stands) all of a sudden, the whole "equally responsible" thing gets thrown out of the window.

Her body; her decision; what the bloke may want is irrelevant, as it's nothing to do with him now.

I think even the most fervent feminist, must see how that is just a bit (???) annoying.

We're equally responsible when some of you want us to be, and when some of you don't ... we just need to butt out (or be kept in the dark)

That hypocrisy, isn't going to encourage men to believe that they are equally responsible for the unbornn child.
 ~Unique~54
Joined: 3/17/2010
Msg: 208
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 1:45:05 PM
However - and this is the bit that grates - if the woman decides she doesn't want it, in many cases (especially one night stands) all of a sudden, the whole "equally responsible" thing gets thrown out of the window.

Her body; her decision; what the bloke may want is irrelevant, as it's nothing to do with him now


Ok, lets say she doesnt want the pregnancy and he does, how will that work if she had the baby...for him.
This is me in post 148.


And would that same fellow give up his job to raise the child? Would he be prepared to stay home an inordinate amount of time to care for that child? Would the guy give up his worklife, his social life, his disposable income, and do everything a mother does for that child? School runs, doctors trips, parents evenings, managing shopping and a baby day in day out in busy supermarkets when that child is screaming it's lungs off, pay to put that child thru university...would he really do all that?
We are talking about a one-nighter here after all?

Would you? Cos thats the sh1t end of the deal the woman would get...but she wouldn't see it that way...but I'm almost positive a man would


Can you even imagine the woman handing over the newborn child to him and he raised the child as a single mother has to?
Would he be as self-scarificing and give up the next 18 years at least, as a woman would or would have to,to raise this baby? So that the woman could walk away, not contribute in any way, emotionally or financially and carry on with her life?

I don't see that happening except in extremely rare circumstances. Is this what you would ask of women in this position?

For the last time , I say he should not allow a stranger to be impregnated by him if he wants to be sure of securing fatherhood.


EDIT; vvvvv

If it's that easy why dont more men do it in that case?

Not heard of any 14 yr olds getting flats or benefits actually, can you give us a link or examples please? They are usually at home with mum supporting them and the baby.

And your post is outrageously inflammatory on so many levels. Getting used to men here having ignorant, narrow,over-simplistic, generalising views on women.

And if you know too many people living well on benefits, maybe you should report them as they are definitely cheating the system in that case. if they truly lived on benefit they would be very poor indeed.

This subject gets raked up too often, and it's not what this thread is about, see several other threads for input...just another small point...who makes these young girls pregnant/...oh of course, it's boys or men...feel like slating them too...or are they not as bad because they dont end up with the baby?
 flatline78
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 209
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 1:55:39 PM
Well it can't be that hard otherwise so many 14 year old girls wouldn't keep getting up the duff.
And would I be happy being offered a nice council place for me and the kid then an even bigger one when I had more kids and get benefits as well mmm I'll swap with them anyday.
I know too many people who live very well on benefits.
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 210
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 2:09:08 PM
I dunno ... some blokes would be prepared to do that.

I know some single dads. Obviously there are more single mums, but that's not just because the fathers are "AWOL" but also because, when it comes to a split, the courts seem to tend to rule in favour of the mother most of the time (a sore point to some blokes who think they'd be the better custodian)

I know I probably wouldn't be one of them and I'd be more than happy for her to terminate .... I think I'd want to know that she was pregnant and planning on terminating - even if I'm just going to agree with her decision.

so it's not just about taking responsibility for the child, it's also about being kept out of the loop, when a a woman decides that she doesn't want to hear our opinion on what she's intending to do with the kid (and before anyone asks, no ... I've never been in this position)

If the woman didn't want the child and the bloke did, and she had it, handed it over and he took responsibility for raising it .... she'd still be expected to pay maintenance and do all the things the man would be expected to do, if he was the absent parent right?

I think a lot of women assume that they will be better suited to being a single parent and maybe they're right .... however, if some bloke wants to take on that responsibility, what right does the woman have to deny him that chance?

A young mum, might find all that stuff just as hard (if not harder) to deal with, yet she would be given the chance to do it ... so why can the same not be said for a single dad? Give them the chance if that's what they want, instead of presuming that a woman knows better and not only presuming to make his decision for him, but also not even telling him that he had a decision to make.


For the last time , I say he should not allow a stranger to be impregnated by him if he wants to be sure of securing fatherhood.


This is very true - although I doubt anyone goes into a one night stand planning to get a baby out of it (except for very conniving women)

If a woman wants a man to assume responsibility for a child she begets from a one night stand, then is it also not her responsibility to ensure that he is someone who wants to have a child with her or, just take whatever precautions are necessary to minimise or negate the possibility of her conceiving?
 Trident3163
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 211
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 4:28:08 PM
You both choose to have sex, you both knew the risks - you both take responsibility.

However, its growing inside the woman, so at the end of the day, its her choice whether the pregnancy follows through to term. If she chooses yes, then the gent is in part responsible for maintenance.

I have had offers and insistence at times of sex without protection, let alone contraception. When I was younger I knew the risks but accepted the consequences. Now older, there are a few times where I have walked away. But what does it say about the woman who is so desperate to get pregnant?

As I said above: you both choose to have sex, you both know the risks - you both take responsibility.
 Pud78
Joined: 4/29/2010
Msg: 212
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/10/2010 12:30:44 AM

I am not responsible for any pregnancy, that responsibility belongs to the woman


How do you work that out?

I am responsible for the conception and I think I make it clear that I am responsible for any child but the pregnancy? Well I can't decide if it is aborted or kept, I can't look after the feotus that the woman is carrying, the woman can take further precautions that I can't with the contraception pill and morning after pill. The situation here is it a fling, a one night stand and ultimately a mistake and the onus of what is right with the feotus is with the woman, hopefully with my involvement and support but I might not even know.
I also made it clear any consequences of my actions is my responsibility.


...you are not responsible if the woman you sleep with falls pregnant? Who is? That bloke that looked at her c0ck-eyed?

Percentage wise? Could be 50/50 and I don't think it is particular helpful laying blame

BOTH are responsible, what's so hard for men to comprehend about that. If a man and woman have sex and neither uses contraception, they are jointly responsible

For the conception, the pregnancy and what happens? Well ultimately the woman. Any child? Clearly both.

yep well said BOTH are responsible ... well not being rude but most of the blokes on this site lack basic intellegence ..... i dont think they seem to realise it takes two people to make a baby awwww bless them LOL

You are being rude, there is no question about how babies are made. A difference in opinion doesn't mean a lack of intelligence.
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 213
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:15:48 AM
can't be bothered to read bickering
just like to say
I have womb,
I can get pregnant
I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT

Yes, there is also STD's so you also need condoms, so what is the problem?
If you use condoms so you do not catch anything, then you don't get fooled into gedtting her pregnant.

Surely for both sex's you need condoms?

Its not just pregnancy your wanting to stop, have you heard that Syphilis is out htere aswell as the rest of the common ones you have heard of
Not being a teenager does not stop you getting these things
 lulu1402
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 214
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 6:49:54 AM
I agree with above post ....a women knows the risk of getting pregnant if she has sex with out using birth control .....and both sexs know the risk of catching std if having sex with out a condom .There was a women this week on This Morrning had caught HIV fron a guy she was seeing and also got pregnant when asked did you not think to use protection she said did not think .
 misshapenlol
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 215
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 7:27:19 AM
If this happened to me, I would accept it as a blessing and get on with it- I'd give the gentleman in question the option to be part of it- if he refused I wouldn't want someone like him being part of my child's life anyway. I've been a single parent before- I would happily do it again if it meant the joy of having another little person in my life. x
 Waynie_Vunderba
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 216
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:44:33 AM
I always like to carry a coat hangAr around with me for those awkward moments.

VVV Spelling lames. The last bastion of the desperate.

 Emma_Dilemma65
Joined: 5/4/2011
Msg: 217
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:48:13 AM
What a heart-warming post 215 - you truly sound a beautiful person inside and out!

... and for those among us unable to do basic spellling it's coat hangEr - happy to help the needy :D
 Nutty_Bat
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 218
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:50:42 AM
Lets face it most women do a fantastic job of bringing up the kids alone anyway ,,, im not saying fathers dont do a good job , im talking about the dads that dont want the kids and the mother decides to keep the child ...
 misshapenlol
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 219
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:56:22 AM
Aww thank you for that comment 217- made me smile
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 220
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:00:56 AM
My view on this is about as politically correct as making all africans dress up in gollywog suits would be nowadays lol

I do infact believe BOTH people are EQUALLY responsible for an accidental pregnancy. It would seem silly to suggest otherwise

However, from that moment on society has taken the path that ONLY a woman has any choice or say in what happens next. So, to me that means ONLY the woman can ever be "responsible" for a birth resulting from that pregnancy, as a pregnancy isnt by any stretch of the imagination a "baby"

A fertilised egg can happen by accident, but a baby happens by choice,

Although I cant see a reasonable way that "choice" could be shared that doesnt mean responsibility has to be. So I have always believed that where a pregnancy is either accidental or "accidental" (meaning deliberate but claimed to be an accident in the second instance) the man should have the ability to choose if he wants to be a part in childs life physically and financially as that is the only reasonable way to have some degree of choice where its unreasonable for a man to have a say in what happens to a foetus inside someone elses body

That way the woman still has the "choice" of whether or not to continue with a pregnancy knowing she would be solitarily responsible for it on all levels including the financial ones. Which I think would see an increase in pregnancy initially, then a reduction as fewer women would see having a baby as a "deliberate accident" as not being a very wise way to either lock a man into a relationship, repair a failing one or as a vehicle to subsidised single parenthood

The arguement that when a man agrees to have sex he is ALSO agreeing to anything else that might happen as a result however is to be honest pretty vaccuous.

BOTH people are infact agreeing to have sex, nothing more. And if people are going to apply the previous mindset to the act then that should ALSO be applied just as easily to women. So women would also have to choose abstinance UNLESS theyre prepared to accept "all" consequences, including having a child they dont want.

So that inane mantra really just suggests maybe abortion for anything but rape or medical grounds should be banned so women rather than just men are made "accountable" for their choice to have sex

Although most people who do try to use that arguement WILL infact only apply it to men, which I think often reflects their personality and outlook in general.

As for the financial side of things hows this for "equality"

If a woman has the right for a man to subsidises her "choice" in unilaterally breeding its also just as fair for women who abort to also spend the next 18 years of their life compensating the "would have been" father for killing their child surely?

That would seem to be much "fairer" so if fairness is whats actually being sought rather than just defending a womans right to breed without consent whenever she feels like it that should also be a reasonable and more balanced approach shouldnt it? lol
 misshapenlol
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 221
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:15:51 AM
Can I also gently point out that my single parenthood was paid for entirely by my hard work in a career which I was lucky enough to have carved out prior to my son arriving and my ex-husband leaving? He has maintained his son financially in fairness to him, however, I did not need his money to be able to look after my son and I did the rest of the hard work with the support of my wonderful family.

That said- I was lucky. It is no life being a single parent and not having a well-paid job to get you through- my sister struggled with it when her ex-husband (who chose to have children) decided he'd had enough of being a father and left.

Just as well we don't rely on men to populate the earth but I wonder how many of you would struggle with the very difficult decision of terminating the life growing inside you. I take my hat off to women everywhere who have had to do just that, and the many men who do step up to their responsibilities instead of making pitiful excuses for avoiding it.
 straycat7
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 222
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:27:58 AM
i always like to wear two condoms for safety.but i always give the lassies i pork a false name and abode just incase of any accidents.any mention of pregnancys and babys ta me and im off like a bat oot of hell.
 cc7up
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 223
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:37:54 AM
Then there are the teenagers who won't reveal who the baby's father is because it might well just turn out to be their good old dad, their Uncle Fred or they can't be sure which one of the local rugby team it was that scored on her blind (drunk) side.

Ohhhh,The Shame of it....
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 224
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:43:48 AM
Can I also gently point out that my single parenthood was paid for entirely by my hard work in a career


Ok


He has maintained his son financially in fairness to him


So which is it, you did it yourself or you did it with help from the father? i'm confused....maybe you stuck it all away in his piggy bank for when he was older? didn't spend a penny of it?




decided he'd had enough of being a father and left.



Just as well we don't rely on men to populate the earth


I'm noticing a theme here




I wonder how many of you would struggle with the very difficult decision of terminating the life growing inside you. I take my hat off to women everywhere who have had to do just that


Excluding medical or other honourable reasons why would you take your hat off? sounds like another form of contraception to me.


and the many men who do step up to their responsibilities instead of making pitiful excuses for avoiding it.


There you go again, so why when a man doesn't want to be involved he's "pitifull" and yet when a woman goes through the same thought process, comes to the same conclusion and terminates a pregnancy you take your hat off to her for the "very difficult decision"?
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 225
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 11:19:30 AM

Just as well we don't rely on men to populate the earth


Isn't the earth overpopulated right now? So rather than it being a matter of relying on men to populate it, would it not be a case of relying on women to have less babies


but I wonder how many of you would struggle with the very difficult decision of terminating the life growing inside you.


Isn't that a bit pointless, seeing as men can't have babies .... for all anyone knows, if men could have babies, they might not struggle with that decision at all.

Plus, how many men are told to butt out, when they voice their opinion on the whether to terminate or not, because the women are the carriers and therefore have "final say" in the matter?
Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand