| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/23/2007 9:16:12 PM | Wait a sec here....
Child support goes to support the child...and not only does that include diapers and clothes and food. It also goes to house them.
Ok, lets do this the simple way, and only do it for one kid. A one-bedroom apartment goes for 400...and a two bedroom apartment goes for 450. So the person not housing the kid owes $25 a month.
But its for other things also. Its to fully support the child. How much allowance should your kid get each week? $10 a week sound good? Ok, so thats $20 to child support each month.
How many of you have teenagers that spend 30-40 min taking a hot shower every morning? Or how much time is spent on the internet? Or blow-drying their hair? Electric bill without kid is $100, and with the kid is $150...so add another $25 on the child support bill.
So ANYONE saying that the mother (or father) is "just pocketing most of the money" better have good PROOF. Because the caretaker of the child incurs more costs than you think.
i have no kids.
The hardship that someone paying child support feels is directly related to the hardship of raising a child. And abusers of the system should be taken care of, but most do just fine. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/23/2007 9:39:55 PM | yea I agree with others why are you waiting to get custody of the kids if they are neglected you can file to get them .. they are of age NOW to say where they want to go and let the judge decide.
and to cuda .. I still cry BULLTINKIE .. you cry that you are just getting by ?? dear in your profile you have this..
Interests
4x4 Old Mopars
This I find humor in , if you ( from your propfile pics there is more than one car ) can collect old cars dear you are NOT near poverty you are NOT hurting ..
If you were hurting so bad you wouldnt be able to collect old cars or play with 4x4's .
So from the looks of it you are doing just fine paying your child support and still having money for your hobbies ..
edit : THANK YOU charlie well said | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/23/2007 9:53:18 PM | Well this might be a shock to most of the men.........
I pay child support and have one living with me! I have one son living with me who I support all on my own and my other son lives with their dad. (Yes, both from the same father). Since I make more than he does, I have to pay the difference. So I am actually supporting one completely and the other one partially.
Now to all the men who complain about the money......... why don't you switch role reversals. Take the kids 80% of the time and collect the child support. Then you decide who has it easier. So not only are you paying the support, you have them much less time than the mom. Sometimes having kids 24/7 doesn't even compare to the support money you get.
If you want to pay less in support, then you need to take the kids more. It most cases, it is determined by the amount of time you have with them. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:07:45 PM |
She lives off my support and welfare. Her and her new husband are both unemployed alcoholics. My support payments go towards booze. The kids don't get anything for the support I pay. If they need shoes I buy them, if they want to play an instrument at school I get to get it. When they need clothes I get it.
[...]
I just want to be able to JUST pay support for my kids, not support her husband and her. Its just not fair.
Not to seem b1tchy but where your child support is going should be the last concern in this case.
If I were in your shoes, I would take every last dime I had and fight that b1tch tooth and nail to get my girls out of that situation. They are being groomed to expect that behavior from men and I sure as hell would not trust that man to be alone with my daughters. The rates of physical and sexual abuse with step-parents is far, far, greater than with natural parents and throwing an alcoholic into the mix? Oh hell no.
I sincerely wish you luck with that one. I just really hope for the sake of your girls you are able to gain full custody of them pronto. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:15:14 PM | | If a guy is paying Child Support, then he has my respect right off the bat, whether it puts him in financial hardship or not. He's doing what he's supposed to be doing as a father. My ex owes me about 4300.o0 in CS. He has gone off and married a woman with two kids. Her ex , btw doesn't pay CS either.While he is off supporting a household of 4. I am left to sustain my son and I on my income alone. I have the regular bills to pay, on top of the clothes food and childcare I pay for my son. He always has one excuse or another why he can't pay. Back when we did the parenting plan, he was ordered to pay $500.00 a month. In that time he has moved about 6-7 times and either quit or been fired from several times. He works full time now...but doesn't make as much as he did. He comes up with one excuse or another as to why he can't make his payments. I would have no problem with a reduced payment. However he needs to take his happy ass to court and ask that the CS payments be reduced and he hasn't done it. I have no sympathy or respect for a guy thats going to complain about having to pay too much CS. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 5:07:51 AM | If you were hurting so bad you wouldnt be able to collect old cars or play with 4x4's .
So from the looks of it you are doing just fine paying your child support and still having money for your hobbies ..
Ok, but do you know how many hrs. of o/t I put in a week just to be able to do that. And I don't do it all the time. With out the o/t I wouldn't even be able to pay rent. Just because it says that on my profile doesn't mean I get to do them . Those are my intrest. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 6:13:45 AM |
Ok, but do you know how many hrs. of o/t I put in a week just to be able to do that. And I don't do it all the time.
Oopsy-she got ya there........
Yes overtime sucks--I had to work it to be able to afford my child care | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 7:09:09 AM |
However he needs to take his happy ass to court and ask that the CS payments be reduced and he hasn't done it. I have no sympathy or respect for a guy thats going to complain about having to pay too much CS. EXACTLY if it puts you in a hardship the courts see that so again i cry BULLTINKIE to ANYONE who claims it puts them in a harship ..they have you bring in all your bills and proof of income to make sure you can pay your bills and child support ..
and cuda you put in overtime to make sure you can do your hobbies but not to make sure your CHILD you created gets everything ?
THis my friend is probably WHY women seem to be put off by you not the fact you are in a hardship but the fact you complain about making sure your CHILD is taken care of . women admire men who pay child support but we dont tend to admire the ones who bitch about doing it.
you posted how your wife remarried and the man has a good job so why shold you pay so much ? its YOUR CHILD , its about the CHILD not YOU not your EXWIFE .
As another guy on here said LOOK at the cost of someone , there are cleaning supplies to clean the child , shampoo , soap , laundry soap , they use toilet paper , food , school needs , med's for colds etc , toothpaste , clothes shall i go on ????
As an old line from CHris rock said once .... He hated when guys would go *hey I pay my child support * he said why should anyone be impressed by this YOU are suppose to its your child!! | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 7:35:48 AM | OP sounds like you need a good lawyer to get your children out of a bad situation. Now just because you chose to marry and have children with an alcoholic and now have to deal with the aftermath, that is no reason to put other single moms who collect child support, down.
I worked for my husband's business, so when I chose to separate from him (due to years of mental abuse, and then finally a slap across the head) I was the one unemployed. I stayed in the house and he moved out. He never tried to get custody. why should he? That would have cramped his dating life. Because as soon as he stepped out of this house, he was back on the prowl. Because I had a young child, and had been out of the workforce for several years, I was not able to secure employment quickly. I went on welfare which constitued a whopping 62 dollars a month and 200 in food stamps a month. Can you live on that??? a house payment and car payment? I finally got a job part time at toys r us, and when I went to court I was able to get my house payment paid for and alimony. YES YOU CAN GET MAD ALL YOU WANT but I quit college to be with this guy, who treated me like crap. He paid the house, child support and alimony so i could go back to college. Now I got grants for college, because 300 bucks didn't cover the costs.
During this time, that I had sole custody, he would pick and choose if he wanted to take his visitation. Whenever he got mad at her, he refused to pick her up. His THIRD (and now third ex) wife would play with my support, paying me when she felt like it. ( i had to go to court to have the money set up to be paid to them at that point). She filed harassment charges on me, false child abuse charges on me(which pissed HRS off big time) ...anything to make my life miserable. For like five years I was in and out of court for some stupid reason or another. One time, He just decided not to pay me at all for awhile. I mean it was all BS and craziness.
The fact is most women don't make as much money as men, especially if they have been the primary caregiver for the child at home as I was.
My ex went before a judge and told him that I was not using the money properly. The judge said, "Does the child have a roof over her head, electricity, school supplies and is well fed?" Then she has what she needs.
I dated a man who paid his ex wife support and then some, whenever she asked he gave her money, even though he had his son 90% of the time because she couldnt take care of him as she was working all the time, and her other son was 8 and she'd leave him at home. This was an extremely messed up situation, but he was a wimp, and wanted her back basically so was willing to do whatever to make her happy. She took full advantage.
bottom line is every story is different. Many men pay there child support with no gripes at all. Others don't pay a dime. My mom never got anything from my father. And I know so many kids getting nothing from their fathers. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 7:37:33 AM | Arrrgggh I was in court going for the fabled shared joint custody (it took over 25,000$ and 4 years but I eventually got it ) and had a judge look me in the eye and ask"how much are you willing to pay to see your children" this is nothing other than state sponsored kidnapping. I have the children 1/2 the time. I feed, clothe and protect them yet I still pay over 1000$ in "child support" a month to a woman who makes 20% more income than I do. The family court system is a joke, an evil joke and yes it does cause hardship. The definition of hardship is variable depending on sex. A lawyer friend puts it this way when describing the courts attitude
hardship- men bankrupt and living on the streets-may still have to pay
women hardship is having to get out of bed in the morning-will never have to pay
Are there any women on here who pay support? I have never met one. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 7:47:51 AM |
Are there any women on here who pay support? I have never met one.
I support my daughter--100%...
Funny how you only see what the men pay........child support is chump change compared to the time and money it takes to support my child. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 7:56:35 AM | | I appreciate a man who takes care of his responsibilities, and there is no greater responsibility than a child. I know there are many bitter stories on both sides of the coin on child support, and its a darned shame because its not supposed to be about the parents, but the children--but there it is. I don't receive child support, but my daughter gets SS from her father. I try not to use it, but have put it in savings towards her college education. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 8:30:36 AM | I have full custody and don't receive a red cent in child support.
She claims paying "anything" creates a hardship on her. And I wonder how...it's based on how much the kids cost, and percentages of income. I make twice as much as her...so I pick up 66% of the costs...and she's supposed to chip in the rest.
She claims she can't pay anything, but she should have full custody. So I wonder how she thinks she would afford them.
BTW--There are all sorts of costs you spend on kids that you don't get supported for. I sympathize with nobody that claims paying child support is a hardship. I'd rather be broke WITH my kids, than rich without. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 8:42:43 AM |
These financially secure men you are speaking of.....do you think they are responsible for supporting YOUR child???
That is an interesting question because, if that woman divorces (a second time), the second husband, by law, he can be made to pay her child support for the children from her first marriage - it is a very common ruling in the ontario family courts.
Good question.... is that considered "double dipping"?
Child support goes towards housing, transportation, electrical, gas, water, food, child care and so on
Keep in mind... you would have most of those expenses regardless if you had children, or not. Your statement isn't all that acurate. Besides, a participating father does drive the kids around and spend other money on their children.... I do that regularly.. weekly, in fact. So, those who want to trash talk deadbeat dads and focus on those deadbeat dads are not looking at the scenario as a whole... they are simply complaining about those who help perpetuate their anger..... I work with a ton of men who are stand up guys... they are active in their children's life... of the six divorced fathers in our group, none of them are deadbeat dads... two fo them have rather demanding and irresponsible exwifes.
There is a less percentage of men not paying suport in comparison to those who are paying support.... but that's something not worthy of mentioning... it takes away from those who want to biotch about men.
But its for other things also. Its to fully support the child. How much allowance should your kid get each week? $10 a week sound good? Ok, so thats $20 to child support each month.
How many of you have teenagers that spend 30-40 min taking a hot shower every morning? Or how much time is spent on the internet? Or blow-drying their hair? Electric bill without kid is $100, and with the kid is $150...so add another $25 on the child support bill
A person should not pay child support based on that ridiculous premise. If you allow your kid to take long showers... you should pay for it... that's your part of being responsible with the expenses. If you lack discipline in your home... you should pay the price... nobody else.
Living beyond your means is irresponsible. You don't deserve compensation for that. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:28:58 AM |
No, I am just saying I have seen alot who live high on the hog because of it, or they marry and yet the child support stays the same. And have seen where when it stops they complain about how hard it is to make ends meet.
Live high on the hog my arse. How is it living high on the hog when you have to be a single parent? I am so sick and tired of men who pay out 10-15% of their income on their kids complaining about child support. If you're paying $1000 a month you're still getting 8000 a month to live on yourself. Why do they think that the child they brought into this world suddenly is not entitled to a comparable quality of life that they would have had if their parents had stayed together? Why do they think it's a "hardship" to pay out 10-15% when the CP's not only pay out a higher percentage on the children... but they have to deal with finding child care, cleaning up after the kids, taking time off work for appointments, etc?
I have seen so many men who do this.... "well, I'm not working if SHE's going to take any of my money".... "Why should I have to give her money if she can get money for the kids from welfare".... "she's living high on the hog"
It's bullsh!t. The men I've heard say these things are not involved in their child's life at all. So not only have they dumped the sole responsibility for the care of the children on their exes, they want to dump the financial responsibility too. They can whine about how hard it is for them, but can't see the sacrifices made by their exes.
BTW, your ex marrying someone else doesn't suddenly made HIM responsible for YOUR children.
If I was seeing someone who complained about paying table amounts, or bragged about getting reduced child support through I'd drop him like a ton of bricks. If I met someone who did the best he could to support his children and was very involved in their lives money wouldn't even enter into the equation. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:37:31 AM | My ex pays child support as well as spousal (which is limited to a term of 4 yrs). He makes roughly 3 times what I make. He is also supposed to pay *up to* 75% of all extra curricular activities for the kids... something I have NEVER asked him to do. His rent is half mine. He incurs no additional costs relating to the children as he has them for approximately 24 days/nights a year. He does not live near us so does not participate in any of the activities the children are enrolled in, one of them at HIS request. If I didn't get the support from him, I would not be able to give my children much of anything. With his support payments my income is brought up to a little, but it's still less then half what he makes.
*I* buy the food the children eat
*I* pay for the house they live in
*I* pay for all activities they are doing
*I* pay for all clothing
*I* pay for all dental and medical expenses (granted they are still on his health benefits plan and I get most of it back, but have to pay it upfront first to the tune of about $400 a month for one child!!)
*I* pay for all the birthday parties
*I* pay all the bills
*I* pay for any school trips
And I wouldn't be able to do it without his help. Yes, he b*tches and moans about it. Yes, he b*tches and moans about not seeing them. That was HIS choice. He could have at any point in the last 3 yrs requested a transfer, but chose not to.
Dating someone does not mean you have to spend a ton of money on them. I can be with someone quite happily without all the expense that dating can incur. Would I date someone who was paying support? As one previous poster said... yes. I wouldn't date someone who DIDN'T pay their support. They are genetically responsible for that little person, so they should be financially responsible as well. I'm more then happy to have a nice meal in, watch a movie curled up on the couch instead of his missing a payment. I'd rather be spoiled with his time and attention than his money... altho, I will admit the odd splurge is kinda nice too. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:54:36 AM | I hate to tell you MY I but adding another body to any house it adds to all bills , eletric , water , gas , food cleaning supplies everything ... if it didnt people wouldnt complain so much about how their roomies make a bill go up .
I seen a drastic change in all my things when my child went off to school ..
BTW--There are all sorts of costs you spend on kids that you don't get supported for. I sympathize with nobody that claims paying child support is a hardship. I'd rather be broke WITH my kids, than rich without.
I appluad you johnny I dated a guy in your postion he had the kids and she was to busy partying it up to care so she was a dead beat mom like many dead beat dad's.
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:57:47 AM |
How is it living high on the hog when you have to be a single parent? I am so sick and tired of men who pay out 10-15% of their income on their kids complaining about child support. If you're paying $1000 a month you're still getting 8000 a month to live on yourself. Why do they think that the child they brought into this world suddenly is not entitled to a comparable quality of life that they would have had if their parents had stayed together? Why do they think it's a "hardship" to pay out 10-15% when the CP's not only pay out a higher percentage on the children... but they have to deal with finding child care, cleaning up after the kids, taking time off work for appointments, etc?
In Illinois (where I am, in the Chicago area) it is based on bring home.
1 kid = 25%
2 kids = 30%
3kids = 33%
4 kids = 40%
5 or more 45%
And I don't know how guys get out of paying. (Not that I want to.)
Man the state came after me with agression.
I can't see how someone who doesn't have custody can get away from the gov't.
I pay for my kids even though they all basicly live with me. 1full time & 2 part time.
Times are changing, but men still don't get a fair shake for getting custody.
I call it the evil p*nis syndrome. If you have the p*nis you lose the case.
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:09:51 AM | | sounds lke you didnt fight hard enough davesanrn you claim she dont work you claim she drinks alot .. a good lawyer could have gotten you those kids . ( and still can its never to late ) A guy I dated got custody because the MOM said she coudlnt work , and she partied alot . its not the 60's anymore women have to PROOVE they can keep the kids and take care of them but this only has to be done if the father fights for them . Sure if a guy goes in and agrees she gets them POOF its done . I have a friend right now the father is hellbent on haveing those kids so its going to be a big battle when it goes to court to see who gets the kids . | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:31:01 AM | Yeah...I racked up $12,000 in lawyer fees tracking down where my ex took my kids....and fighting the courts to return them to AZ.
Yikes. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:52:12 AM | Get a better job....oh wait then you would have to pay ever more
My sisters EX managed to hardly work for most of my nieces 17yrs of life so far. Think he owes upwards of 10k in back support by now.
Its the kids who suffer in this whole battle!!! | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:56:01 AM | She didn't drink when we were together till about the last year of our marrage. (About the time she started running around while I was a work)
I took everything to my lawyer and he told me we could blow $10000 to get the kids, but there still isn't a guarantee to get them, or we can wait till they are 13 and the state considers them old enough to make the decision themselves. So thats the route I took.
I was thinking of trying to take them now, but don't know if I can. I really cant afford the lawyer right now, and I really need to get through school before I can take them.
Either that or I am going to have to start working 60 hours a week to make enough money. Either way it kids aren't going to be in a good situation.
I am going to be done with school with in a year and then I will try to take them.
I do keep a pretty close eye on them now, and let them come over when ever they want, it seems everynight.
I actually do have at least one of my girls 6 nights a week, and my son 7 nights a week. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:56:33 AM | AND johnny you get im sure the utmost respect from all for fighting for your kids and getting them and now being a MAN . what lucky kids you have be proud , as I am sure they are of you ..
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:16:36 AM | | Johnny...you are the exception, not the rule, a fine example of what a dad should be. | |
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| Thoughts about child support
Posted: 7/24/2007 12:08:27 PM | Well I don't know much about this as I have no children, and no X.
But what I would say is that in response to would I date a man who was paying child support, who might more often than not be straped for cash. Yes I would date him over a guy who had children from a previous relationship who paid no child support.
The system is not always fair...but I strongly believe if you do the deed you take responsibility for the end results.
I was under the impression that how much a man pays in child support was based on a percentage of the salary. So if that is the case it should be doable.
I certianly know about a case that made me very anrgy....my best friends mother was recieving/sueing for"child support" for her youngest brother...yet he chose to live with his father....so why should she get support if she has no child living with her??????? Just because the father had the money? WTF....thats just wrong. | |
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