|
|
|
|
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:20:10 PM |
I'd say "Why stop at 30?" I think I'll lose 230 in about 5 seconds - there is the door, Mister
LOL! That was my second reaction, even to the same numbers! :->
The only reason i'd hesitate to advise her to blow the bum off, is the message says they care about each other. That's valuable enough to be worth tying to save.
cheers - Grant | |
|
| |
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:44:48 PM | I would not marry someone who did not love me for who I AM--regardless of how much I did, or did not, weigh. Nor would I marry someone that I DID NOT LOVE REGARDLESS of how much they did, or did not, weigh.
If someone's "love" is that malleable, and based on something as ridiculously inconsequential as DRESS SIZE--then I do not believe it is anything REMOTELY like TRUE love!
I think that the man has serious problems--and honestly? I think that she has serious problems if she agrees to marry this A$$hole under ANY circumstance.
I would tell him where to shove his ring, and look for REAL love--based on a true connection of the heart, mind, and Soul--and REAL commitment (the kind that lasts through babies, and dirty diapers, and rebellious teenagers, and sleepless nights, and bills, and unemployment, and all of the other difficulties of family life, and sickness, and old age, and infirmity, and cancer, and Alzheimers--REAL LIFE stuff!)
If he TRULY loved her? He wouldn't give a damn if she weighed 300 pounds, and went bald, and had a colostomy bag--nor she him. | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:06:44 PM | **Since when is emotional abuse telling the one you love that you don't want their health to be at risk. **
Hmm ... I believe it starts when the guy admits to having a preference for skinny women, and he says, "lose 30 lbs and I will give you an engagement ring!". Could that possibly be it? Even if it was addressed to the fact that her health was at risk which we have no evidence of from the OP, it is still not acceptable.
He said it, and he placed a condition on his decision to give her a ring and, therefore, on his love for her. I think the probability that he may have damaged her self esteem because he placed a condition on his display of love for her was real and most definitely was a form of emotional abuse.
I see things for what they are and whatever his intent or reasoning is is still referred to as emotionally damaging and abusive and extremely conditional.  | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:32:19 PM | | I think its interesting that her weight and the hassle of getting an annulment could be be the mayjor hesitancies for bit getting married. it sounds like there are probably other deeper reasons for not wanting to get married possibly legitmate, or possibly irraional fears after such a long marraige preceding this one. or maybe hes just a**** | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:29:07 AM | It's hard to accept criticism, but I would rather know the truth about my weight which bothering him and do something about it. He just want her to look good , at least he told her what he prefers instead of just leaving her for someone else who is not overweight. He must love her that much to have the courage to tell her that she is overweight and do something about it. He doesnt have to bribe her with a ring, he could just leave her for someone else, think about it. | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:02:18 AM | I did think about it and ...
You'd think that people, especially ones in their golden years, do what they say, say what they mean, and most of all aren't with people they don't want to be with. A request like that translates into: "I'm a shmuck, who feels he can't do any better, so I'll just stick around, take what I can get, and then to top it all off, try and change it using a bobble, as leverage."
Her weight didn't stop him from shagging her for two-and-a-half years ... NOW he gets scale-shy? He doesn't love her. And she doesn't seem to love herself, which may be the reason she is even with this guy. Courage? It doesn't take much courage to make someone feel like crap. He's a tosser.
.. some people's grandparents I tell ya ... sheesh.
p.s. leaving her for someone else would show he truly did love her. Leave the woman in peace!! | |
|
| |
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:15:06 PM | If he has a preference for skinny women he could plainly say that....he's not saying that though he's saying I don't want you to be a health risk to yourself. If she loves him she'll look at it for what it is....after all he is a man they are usually pretty straightforward....he's saying I love you and want you to be around for a while and if it takes me saying lose 30 lbs then so be it.
Emotional abuse would be if he said "You are fat....I won't marry you!" If the tables were turned and I was dating someone over weight I'd tell them the same thing lose 30 lbs and I'll marry you no problem. But that's just me I already had one husband die because he refused to take care of his body I won't do it again! | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:30:15 AM | ^^***If she loves him she'll look at it for what it is....after all he is a man they are usually pretty straightforward...Emotional abuse would be if he said "You are fat....I won't marry you!" ***
Emotional abuse doesn't choose it's wording; sorry. The OP also alludes to the fact that his preference is for skinny women but , at the end of the day, even that is irrelevant. Any behavior directed towards her that is designed to control and subjugate her through the use of guilt or manipulation, in this case, fits into the realm of an abusive behavior. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. For someone to rationalize this situation as acceptable due to the wording that he supposedly chose/didn't use isn't at all understanding of the fact that this type of behavior can be well hidden by the person who wants control and he is clearly placing an ureasonable demand on the other. He placed a strict condition on his love for her. You can sugarcoat it all you want but it is what it is.
| |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:38:23 AM |
Emotional abuse doesn't choose it's wording; sorry. The OP also alludes to the fact that his preference is for skinny women but , at the end of the day, even that is irrelevant. Any behavior directed towards her that is designed to control and subjugate her through the use of guilt or manipulation, in this case, fits into the realm of an abusive behavior. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. For someone to rationalize this situation as acceptable due to the wording that he supposedly chose/didn't use isn't at all understanding of the fact that this type of behavior can be well hidden by the person who wants control and he is clearly placing an ureasonable demand on the other. He placed a strict condition on his love for her. You can sugarcoat it all you want but it is what it is.
So does the manipulative behavior also extend to HER as well... Since she is making demands that he go to church...
Apparently, they are both making demands on each other... But the only one being slagged for it, is the man. Whats up with that??
She is just as controlling, if she is pitching that he needs to go to church, and get married in a church.. | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/10/2008 12:26:41 PM | ya know .. I just re-read the original post again and have to wonder, why do good people complicate their lives over things that should not matter. If all that the OP wrote about them stands true, then what should matter to them is that they are together, content, healthy, and living a nice life ..
but no .. they have to go screw things up by wanting MORE .. more of things they seem to be doing just fine without: the marriage, DYING for the ring, weight-loss ..
you'd think they'd have realised the blessings they have, rather than the three things they don't .. | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/10/2008 12:27:20 PM | Smuggler1 asked: ^^ So does the manipulative behavior also extend to HER as well... Since she is making demands that he go to church...
Here is what the OP wrote: **She is a Catholic, and would like to be married in the church, which requires him to have his marriage annulled, as her's has been.. He is scared and uncertain to how all that works, and basically won't do it.**
There really is no indication that he is being manipulated via demands; only that she made it clear that she would like to be married in a church, right? If there was an ultimatum there, as there is in the subject line question, I would have said absolutely. "I won't marry you unless you promise me you will marry me in a church ceremony". You state that she is making 'demands' and is just as controlling, but I can't comment on what I don't see in the OP because it isn't clear to what extent her behaviour is being manipulative, sorry. That would be presumptuous on my part.
| |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/10/2008 12:41:35 PM | OMG , what happened to loving someone for who who they are ! im sorry but you should only change yourself if YOU feel the need , never for someone else . I appreciate that it must be hard to start again after such a long marriage ( my marriage ended after 12 years , my ex had an affair ) and i found it really hard to start again at the age of 32 ! When i went out on my first date i was really nervous and my friend text me and said " be yourself and he will love you , why wouldnt he ? " think my message is people should love you for the person you are inside , it sounds like your friend really loves this guy and would do anything for him , but she deserves the same in return and it doesnt sound to me like he is willing to do that . I hope she isnt settling for second best , because she deseves to be with someone who loves her for who and what she is an believes .
On my profile i have "i want a guy who will turn to his friends when i walk into a room and say "thats her , isnt she amazing " because in HIS EYES i am .... !
maybe she needs to want that too ......
i wish your friend all the very best in whatever she decides to do , but with a friend like you she will always be ok .... x | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:04:33 PM | | I was in similar situation - if I had a lot of money, the guy I was dating would have married me long ago. Obviously, I didn't and he is history. But is your friend losing weight for right [health] reason? For someone else or really for herself? If she loses the weight in the wrong way and gets sick, it is really worth a band of metal and sparkly stone. Is the guy doing something in "equal exchange"? | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:43:01 AM | This thread has turned into a self righteous bytch for all women.
If anyone read through the whole thing, or at least through the first 3-6 pages... everyone would know what happened. But instead, its a bunch of knee jerk reactions to a title.
As for all the women who expound upon how "he should love her for who she is" and the rest of that crap... I would ask why you are not dating a fat, bald, toothless plumber. Its whats on the inside that counts... right??
As for being presumptious, All the women who have posted on the "thread title" vs the actual context of the whole story... you have got to be kidding... right???
Because from my stand point, it seems there are so many who are disregarding the actual conflict, (which has been resolved) and are oh so ready to "circle the wagons" to defend the female subject. So flippin typical.... Ignore the story, because the woman couldnt possibly be wrong....
 | |
|
| |
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:26:40 AM | ^^^ I generally don't repeat myself after I answer and verify to the best of my ability re the info I have been given to read, but sometimes you just have to make yourself clear. The question was answered directly, as asked, without false allegations on my part.
Again ... There really is no indication that he is being manipulated via demands; only that she made it clear that she would like to be married in a church, right? If there was an ultimatum there, as there is in the subject line question, I would have said absolutely. "I won't marry you unless you promise me you will marry me in a church ceremony". You state that she is making 'demands' and is just as controlling, but I can't comment on what I don't see in the OP because it isn't clear to what extent her behaviour is being manipulative, sorry.
^^^ Apparently, however, you stated that this thread has turned into a self righteous bytch for all women.
I don't think that statement was made with much thought behind it at all, to be honest. To attack the other gender in that manner is simply based on an immature and uneducated mindset that insists all women offer a personal opinion based on self righteousness.
IMHO> only. | |
|
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:10:41 PM |
I don't think that statement was made with much thought behind it at all, to be honest. To attack the other gender in that manner is simply based on an immature and uneducated mindset that insists all women offer a personal opinion based on self righteousness.
ROFL....
You're apparently one of the biggest "contributors" to this fiasco... IF... you had bothered to READ the entirety of the thread, you would know the story.
AS for my Opinion based, as you put it, "on an immature and uneducated mindset" you have got to be kidding, thats the best you can come up with?
Please...
Besides myself, there are very few men who have said anything on this, that have NOT seemingly been trying to "support and defend" said female subject.
READ THE POSTS.... Even a TWIT can deduce the mindset of the women who have valliantly posted and railed against the Evil Man... (TWIT = Trophy Wife In Training)
So what your trying to do, in essence, is to shame me into submission... Fat Chance there Sister. I'll call Bullsh!t when I see it. And you seem very keen on spreading it... liberally...
Im not in any way attacking the "other gender" as you would have the rest of the world believe... but anyone with half a brain can read the posts for themselves. EVERY ONE, with the exception of mine, and 2 or 3 others, have condemned this man for stating what he wanted... And in reality, no one knows for sure, as the thread was STARTED BY A THIRD PARTY OUSIDE the relationship of the couple!
EVERY WOMAN on this thread has condemned him as "controlling, manipulative, abusive" and the list can go on and on...
But you continue with your elaborate Dr. Phillis routine... Its great humor, and I would suggest to every man that reads this thread... STAY WELL AWAY FROM THE WOMEN WHO HAVE POSTED HERE! You're guilty of everything no matter what...
 | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:01:22 AM | The only problems are my religion and my weight.
Girlfriend, these are huge problems! The "only" problems? It sounds like her religion is very important to her and just based on that she should either move on or be happy with the type of relationship she has with this guy. She will not have another 30+ years of marriage with him just based on these things. He does not want the same. If he wanted marriage really, would 30# make a difference? No, it wouldn't. He is not a bad person for asking her do what he thinks will make him happy. Stop beating up the guy for that. She just needs to figure out how important her values are and whether she wants to give them up to be with him. People, trust your instincts. If it stinks, it's a skunk. Don't wait for him to spray you! | |
|
| |
|
| Page 36 of 38
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38 |
|
Home
login 
Im with you all the way on this one Mate !
