| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 2:58:19 AM | | word...messages this short cannot be posted. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:34:00 AM | | You meet the "lady" in a bar twice,,,you invite her out...your first outing...you request a second meeting and SHE brings her kids into it...and then all the rest..YOU are probably a really good guy. Jerk, not a chance..you cut your lossses by all the drama you escaped. Maybe the seat belt law is your friend. I would have felt very much the same as you. Tell your friends...they missed this one... | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:45:01 AM | No your not a jerk. The woman is a user. She probably uses everyone she meets and blames all of her problems on other people. If she has 6 kids, no job and no car what is she doing wasting money drinking in some night club. Also how is it that she talked all night long and never mentioned that she has 6 kids during that evening you both talked for so long.
Just think of it this way:
YOU HAD A LUCKY ESCAPE!!!! Not just from that one trip but indeed from any relationship with the woman! | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:53:55 AM | | She sounds like a nutcase, and with six kids, couldn't she do the math on the seatbelt thing. She had been in your car on a couple occasions. I say count yourself lucky you escaped. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 12:50:44 PM |
During the drive, she mentions she has a couple kids.
A couple means two...not SIX!
Dropping her off, I suggest that perhaps next week she'd like to go up to the lake for a picnic.
I certainly didn't get the impression that you were inviting anyone other than her...
Basically...no, I don't think you were a jerk...she was, though! Your suggestion of a picnic in the yard was inspired and a nice compromise. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:00:29 PM | Hanks New Profile,
you were 1000X ABSOLUTELY NOT a JERK in any sense of the word. As for 'selfish' motives, that doesn't matter. The main thing is that nobody was ultimately put in danger.
To me you sound responsible, patient and considerate. You'd be someone I would want to know any day.
I'm sorry she was so unreasonable and PRESUMPTUOUS about this. What a nerve!
As for those who said you ought to have pleased the kids despite the hazard, that's idiotic, and you might well have jeopardized many lives, including those in the vehicle.
That woman was a nutcase for even insisting, never mind pouncing like that on your good natured invitation (which didn't factor in extra passengers).
Don't second-guess your common sense. You did right, and pooh-pooh on the critics. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:01:19 PM | | You were not a jerk at all. I wouldn't have shown up at all made some excuse. Unless you could borrow the family van or mini bus! LOL I guess people have high expectations when meeting someone for the "second" time. | |
|
Alip24
|
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 233 | |
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:12:20 PM | I don't think you were a jerk. I think it's a complex situation and you made the right choice. In my eyes it seems like she was moving WAYYYY too fast for someone who should know better. If this is one of your first official outings her kids really shouldn't have been invited. Who puts their children's lives in the hands of a relative stranger?
I think you did the right thing. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/28/2008 7:11:35 PM | | No your not a jerk I would have drove on too. she was not honest with you you din't know she was Ms Walton 6 kids omg hell no She sounds kind of unstable for even suggesting her Gang go on a picnic you just met her, you are not a jerk, you sound smart. I work in the field of social work and people lie all the time so I don't have a problem telling them no when I think they are trying to pull one over on me.............. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:54:00 PM | I don't think you were a jerk at all. I think she was presumptuous and if anyone was the jerk it would have been her. What mother would allow their children to ride in a car without a seat belt anyway? Good riddance to her. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:03:37 PM |  hey Come on I don't think you acted as a jerk on my view point you acted as a rationale person. If I were that woman I must used my common sense for have a trip with a half dozen of children, next time she should have to rent a bus. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:51:32 PM | I would have to ask, when did you find out she had 6 kids, since your thought process should have been counting how many seat belts you had vs. number of kids at that point. If it was the weekend before, then you knew you weren't going to take them before you ever arrived at the house, and if the number of kids wasn't known until you pulled up............at the very least, some very poor communication skills on both your and the woman's part, but if you knew for a week and just didn't go ahead and rent a bigger vehicle (school bus would have been appropriate )
Did her profile on the bathroom wall in the bar say she was a few extra kids? | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:58:42 PM | I think that you were right to run! LOL
Sounds as if she was looking for an instant dad for her kids .. .why didn't she tell you that she had 6 kids ... is this a joke??? LOL
CC. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:01:56 PM |
The woman sounds like she's a few fries short of a happy meal.
 LOL! I'm going to use that one sometime.
I think this lady knew exactly what she was doing. I think it was kind of selfish for her not to take the barbecue for her kids. I mean who doesn't love a good ole barbecue?
 | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:07:10 PM | Hank - your friends sound like nice people - very principled, sensitive and thoughtful not to mention observant. They sound a bit naive as do you.
There's a line in the movie Jerry McQuire where the fooball player that's a real family man says to Jerry (who's not) "You didn't steal the pootie from a single mom did you" or something like that. That's what you are doing when you go after a mom and you know you are not into kids. Ok, you can tolerate saying hi and bye when you take their mom out but really you know THAT'S ALL YOU CAN HANDLE so get real and leave the momma's alone.
Stealing the pootie from single moms is just plain WRONG AND YOU KNOW IT. Sorry to yell in caps but I don't know how to do the bold thing and anyway - it gets the point across. Hope someone else reads it too and takes note.
STEALING THE POOTIE FROM A SINGLE MOM IS WRONG.
But the mother is totally out of line. That should be in caps too. For getting you into that situation, for getting her kids into the situation, for attempting to take them without car seats and seat belts. Emotionally, physically and psychologically the woman is off. Way off. It's a pity. You can imagine the situations she's going to get herself and her kids in can't you. Dear oh dear.
I admire you for risking the wringer.
In fact I kind of like you. You're probably a good guy really. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:10:39 PM | | You are not a jerk. She didn't ask if you were interested in meeting her entire family and did not let you know that she had 6 kids. Boy, I am sorry about that. She sounds like the type to trap people which is probably how she ended up with 6 kids. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:19:24 PM | | I do not think you were "a jerk" at all -- not at all not at all not at all. That scenario was TROUBLE. Who cares what order you thought of why it was wrong. Common sense should dictate. Safety should dictate. Suppose you were in an accident? I bet the lady in question would turn around and sue you. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:21:02 PM | You could have split them up into two groups if you really wanted to. Ok so the ones left at home the first time would have been disappointed but the next weekend when you took them they would have forgotten all about it.
Too much trouble eh?
Don't get involved with parents when you are in the habit of only thinking about yourself. The two don't go together. People should wise up about that and quit trying to guilt trip people into being something they are not. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:35:56 AM |
And any woman who would pack up her kids to go on a day trip with a guy she hardly knows, is either stupid, or insane. In fact, any woman who introduces her kids to a guy that soon, is bonkers.
It's unbelieveable any man or woman would remotely entertain the idea of introducing their children to strangers. She sounds crazy beyond belief. How ever does she manage to retain custody of those children?
No, you weren't a jerk. Your friends are way out of line. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:43:27 AM | Oh my goodness, what an absurd situation! No, you were not a jerk - not at all. SHE was crazy to assume that you inviting her to the lake included her 6 *gasp* children so early into knowing eachother! It definitely sounds like she's got a touch of 'the crazies' if you ask me!
I say you were smart to get the hell out of there! Run! Run like the wind! hehe
| |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:51:29 AM | | She was the jerk. She was rude, thoughtless and presumptuous. Worst of all, she dragged her poor kids into her dating life, around a man she had only just met. Actually, I think you were an absolute gent about it. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:51:41 AM | In no way a jerk, nor selfish. Expecting someone to break the law is selfish. Endangering the lives of your children so you can enjoy the lake is selfish.
I'd say kudos to you for not backing out imediately and attempting to go through with the outing. Shame on her for involving her kids into the situation so early. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:01:35 AM | I don't think you're a jerk. She shouldn't have included her kids that quickly, and she was wrong for doing that.
However, it does seem the OP (who is apparently now gone) was surprised when SIX kids came out, as if he didn't know she had six kids. I think he should have done his homework. Other than that, I think he did the right thing. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:12:53 AM | Thinking - "why didn't she tell you to hire a people carrier (dont know whats its called in America), explaining before hand she has six kids, surely she knew she had six kids??
She could have made it easier all round on you, her and the kids.
Nope you are not a jerk
1. You did not know there were eight of you on the date
2. You did not break the law to keep kids happy (would she have paid the fines?)
3. You did offer to relocate the date and were refused
4. You kept the childrens' safety in mind, what if you had crashed, well two of the kids would have been without belts, then you would have been a jerk.
Nah hunni you did the right thing - and I hope to god you remain within the law and as sensible as you are. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:27:52 AM | NO, I do not think that you were a jerk! You were wise, making a judgment call for the safety of the children and your best interest. You offered an alternative. She was hasty in talking with the children, and she should have told you up front about how many kids she had. Consider this...... she should have been the one concerned about the limited number of seat belts. I question her wisdom for not, and then I ask myself what is the mother of 6 children
( several of them young children) doing in a bar two weekends in a row. Not that I don't think Mothers should get out and have Momma time.....because I do.
Don't sweat it, you did the safest thing! | |
|
Home
login 
