| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:28:57 PM | HELL NO!!
Dude I would have questioned her in the car and found out how many kids she had (which in and of itself is not bad but obviously she has no class by her known actions, bar.. strange guys.. etc.) and dropped her ass off like the garbage. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:54:32 PM | If this is NOT a made up story...
This is another fine example of why "birth control in the water" should be implemented. Sounds like this woman has zero sense of responsibility.
You, OP were not acting like a JERK, but a person exercising good judgment. Unfortunately, the feelings of some innocent children were hurt.
However; if they died in a car accident, they wouldn't live to need the years of therapy they'll probably need with a mom like that.
Coco | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:11:00 PM | | i dont think ur a jerk....first of all she said two kids(lie) then she doesnt think of the kids safety? hmmm that would make me think...obvisiously she wasnt concerned bout her childrens safety but was more concerned on her needs only. selfish on her part. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:18:53 PM | Why didn't you call her up in the week preceeding the trip, and explain that you'd love to see her again, but you feel it's too soon to be meeting her kids? Maybe you could have then asked her how many kids she had and their ages.
Also, if she has 6 kids, she should own at least a minivan that seats 7.
i dont think ur a jerk....first of all she said two kids(lie) then she doesnt think of the kids safety?
On the other hand, maybe they weren't all her kids. Maybe she invited the neighbor's kids along. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:21:51 PM | You absolutely did the right thing!!!!
Could it possibly be... you need some new friends??
:) Lynda | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:00:11 PM | | Hey dude i have one word for you Bi-Polar keep away from those kind of crazy women they will suck you dry and emotionally screw you. You are not a jerk and give your friends her address and send them to take her to the lake before they judge you to be a jerk. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:26:05 PM | Your friends seem like the jerk, tell them to drive over and take the lady and her kids out
the lady in question is a loser, what does that say for her, forcing her kids on you on your second date, I tell you something you had patience, IF that was me, I would of been like a hillbillies front teeth...... GONE, that was unfair of the woman to put you in position let alone the safety of her children, another single mom with a litter of children hanging out in a bar to meet men while she has young children at home? good Lord.
TIP for you, ditch the friends, ditch the bi*tch, and count your blessings. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:29:45 PM | Softone, that is the best advice yet!
Let OP's friends date her!
Ha-ha-ha!! 
On a side note here, it's not just guys that Parents have to watch out for! There are just as many freaky ladies out there too that could mess up a guys kids. I sure wish it wasn't so socially accepted to Always just say men are like that.
There, I feel better now, thank you!
Still, Softone you have the best advice! That would make a funny video for utube or that funny video show where you win $10K. Maybe even a reality show where friends that suck and or interfere have to date the bad ones that they think are okay, or like in this case.
For those that think this doesn't happen, it does and it is not fun nor pretty, for the guys and for the kids. It has happened to me and I cut it short at the start.
Eddie
Eddie | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:40:21 PM | You're not selfish. Obeying the law is not selfish - and it's for the safety of the kids. The fact that it saves you money is inadvertent. You were not a jerk - the woman was a bit foolhardy. She's desperate for someone to help out with her kids and of course she'll make you feel lousy for disappointing her (and the kids) - that's the game. Ignore it. You did no wrong - all of your intentions were kind and generous.
Story does sound made up though - 6 kids is very improbable - especially if she was out twice in one week. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:43:44 PM | | My sister has 4 and does all nighters leaving the kids with her oldest. She takes off for the whole weekend to so it's entirely possible. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:59:16 PM | The OP is nothing like a jerk.
Whether you were into the trip or not, your reasons were totally valid and the fact that you offered an alternative was above and beyond.
I question your "friends" friendship. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 11:14:49 PM | | Boy was she way out of line thier you said that she told you she had a couple of kids not six and any mother that would call you a jerk for looking after her kids when she wont is so low in my book. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 11:52:34 PM | What she did sucked, every bit of it but let's talk about you...
In your own words:
My FIRST thought is: Shit. How do I get out of this? But I know that would be cruel.
My SECOND though is: The fine for a passenger not wearing a seat belt in Maine is $120. For not having a child in a child seat, the fine is $400 per child.
My THIRD though is: Not only that, it is simply dangerous. I can’t have eight people in my car, especially if six of them are children under thirteen. What if I have an accident?
Your first impulse is: I don't want this! and then in "thoughts" 2 and 3 you begin to
rationalize and come up with reasons how this can not work.
I don't think you're evil (enough) though and you don't qualify for jerk status because
you're not hiding your self-serving motivation here. I can only find you guilty of
having done the right thing out of a self-serving motivation...
... but you know the real question I find interesting? What is your motivation for
admitting this guilt? I can only imagine but deep down inside you know :-)
Best Regards from The Bear | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 12:00:47 AM | "When man to woman gives the sway
To what is right, he'll oft say nay"
~English proverb~
BRAVO For doing what's RIGHT. For not putting your desires before the safety of that selfish woman's children.
You did the right thing.
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 1:26:47 AM | "What in the name of God is a woman with six kids doing sitting in a bar all night long... with no transportation"
lolz.......I'll bet some dads do that too!
Ick anyways. Right choice to say no. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 1:46:44 AM | Did the OP tell the give the exact same details to his friends as provided in the first post?
I think that typical friends would have seen it like the majority of us here, instead of questioning his motives. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 2:03:35 AM | I do not think you were a jerk. I feel it was pretty selfish of her actually ? You just needed to get to know her more better before meeting the kids and it is her who should be thinking about the childrens safety in the car as she is their mother and should of known better.
Yes you could have been left with a fine and she would have moved on to somebody else by then! | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 4:51:29 AM | Whats a women with 6 kids (all under 13 and 2 very youth ones) doing at a bar every weekend?
Bad mother. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 5:07:25 AM |  Hmmmmm..strange woman..wouldn't surprise me if she has 2 more living with the father...i'm not really sure if you are a jerk..but at least,the woman is.. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 5:11:05 AM |
Your first impulse is: I don't want this! and then in "thoughts" 2 and 3 you begin to
rationalize and come up with reasons how this can not work.
I don't think you're evil (enough) though and you don't qualify for jerk status because
you're not hiding your self-serving motivation here. I can only find you guilty of
having done the right thing out of a self-serving motivation...
Well, not really. Your mind does weird things when in a panic.
Maybe OP thought the fine was a good enough reason to call it off, but then thought of the more dire consequences, and that ripped it. Either way, the OP had every right to not go further than his first impulse: "Get me out of here!!!"
The only problem I see here is the OP feeling guilty. Apparently that woman did a number on him. She used the kids to manipulate him, and then when they obviously got hurt from her actions, she reflected it onto him. That sucks.
OP, don't let your pals manipulate you, too. You did the right thing, and it does not matter what thought process you had to come to this decision. Your friends have way too much time on their hands. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 5:19:26 AM |
Did the OP tell the give the exact same details to his friends as provided in the first post?
I think that typical friends would have seen it like the majority of us here, instead of questioning his motives.
That is how the question came about. I related the story to them exactly as I have here. I suspect if I hadn't mentioned to them my first two inclinations about taking the kids (didn't want to take six kids to lake / possibility of fines) and only mentioned that I was concerned for the safety of the children then it's likely they would of thought as everyone here has - except perhaps the one friend who thought I should of disregarded all my doubts and taken them to the lake.
... but you know the real question I find interesting? What is your motivation for
admitting this guilt?
That's the whole point of the post. If I hadn't revealed my thought process, then whether or not I'd been a jerk about it would likely not of been called into question.
When telling the story to my friends, I was simply giving lots of detail, as I tend to do. I was surprised when they felt I was being a jerk about it because my first reasons for not wanting to take the kids to the lake were self-serving. I was surprised they saw it that way. We are all still friends, of course. They simply think I was a jerk about this one thing - otherwise they think I'm a pretty good guy.
Apparently that woman did a number on him.
Not at all. I wasn't emotionally effected by it - but I did feel bad for the kids. Mainly, I was surprised my buddies thought I was a jerk about how I acted, so thinking about it, I wondered if perhaps I had been.
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 72 | |
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 5:32:32 AM | "You did the right thing, and it does not matter what the though process you had to come to this decision." I beg to differ.
When the mom first mentioned taking her kids to the lake, if the Op was not ok with that he should have said something. It's a natural process to ask a person how many kids they have once they mention having kids. Why did the Op not ask the lady this simple question before showing up to pick her up for a day at the lake?.
When the Op first drove up his first thought were"How do i get out of this" anything after that was just looking for a way out as far as i am concerned.
If i was put into the same situation i would have been looking for a way to make it work, while making sure the kids are kept safe. So even if i had to call for a cab and have half of us go in the cab and the other half go in my car, we would have found our way to the lake that day.
If the op had communicated his feeling to the woman in question, the situation would have been totally avoided. Lack of communication on the Op part cause the kids to be dissappointed and for that in my opinion he was a total jerk.
The mom being a really really bad parent to me really has nothing to do with this. I am just addressing the Op role in this one senario. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 5:39:07 AM | When a woman mentions children,the next sentence out of my mouth is how many...and how old...its just a natural flow to the conversation...before I date I know what I'm getting into...
No you were not a jerk...but you should have known better ...like TDH said there was a definite lack of communication, someone your age and being into dating should have known by now that kids does not mean only two...I think there might be a little more to this than you are willing to admit...JMO | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 6:58:19 AM |
I think there might be a little more to this than you are willing to admit...JMO
I think I've added all the details. I can't think of anything I've left out. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:05:36 AM | | you werent a jerk at all, or selfish....what kind of women thinks a guy wants to meet her six children right away? maybe a women that is looking for a seventh brat... | |
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