| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:34:12 PM | NO!
She thought you were.
And your "friends" certainly are | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:42:01 PM | Good lord Mollie, I can see logic isn't your strongest point, I already address this
Welcome to this planet, unlike your world
1) I would never be in that position, if im planning a date with a woman and she's bringing the kids, it wouldn't go any further.
2) even if I showed up and there were 6 kids, 4 under the age of 6 which you need 4 booster seats and she brings out 2, what next I should buy the other 2? or shall i risk getting into a car accident injuring or causing death, just because the kids are crying?
I would of bought the kids a mchappy meal and called it a day, the kids crying are not my problem, its the mothers problem.
| |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:51:32 PM | Well it seems like you used the car as an excuse to get out of an undesirable situation. You felt you barely knew the woman. You did not think it was proper to meet her children as soon as possible. The sight of her children overwhelmed you. It seemed like you looked at your car and thought OMG! my car doesn't have room for all the kids TOO BAD. I guess we will just have to cancel the trip.
But to your credit you get a medal for saving a few lives that day.
 | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:58:12 PM | Mollie, he offered an alternative so as not to disappoint the kids and the mother said NO and kicked him to the curb. He was unwilling to endanger the children, whose own mother clearly wasn't thinking of them[ not to mention failing to tell him there was damn near half a damn football team to shoehorn into his little car.]
He said he would take the "couple" of kids she had.
She failed to tell him his car would not facilitate her crowd.
She buffaloed him into this date.
She was lucky he even showed up at ALL. | |
|
Tramp
|
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 155 | |
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:12:46 PM | Yea, I am one of those who said two trips.
Willow, Who is on First?..... (They play baseball in your area, do they?)
He knew they were going to the park or what ever, why did he not stop it as soon as it began? I mean the lady calls home from his car, and he just sits there?
Let's call him tight lipps.
Sell this sory somewhere else. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:13:08 PM | i say what kind of mother takes her young children out with a man she hardly knows.
No you wernt unfair she should have sorted it through with you not just used you as her taxi for her kids :) | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:15:07 PM | Ok I couldn't read through all the posts because it was five pages but I did read about 20 of them and I read 20 responses saying no of course you weren't a jerk. every post said the sxact same thing.
Am I the only one who doesn't believe this story? Because I sure don't. I do believe there is SOME truth to it but obviously parts of it are made up. There is no way it happened the way OP said it did. Feel free to bash me for saying this, I can take it, because i feel sure of this, and wish there was a vote thing to have this one taken off. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:15:50 PM | | I am a single mom and I ALWAYS make sure my son is in his car seat. If I had 6 kids I would have to have ebough smarts to know that all the kids couldb't fit in that car , anddd , I would ask 1st if the guy was ok with it , and last but most inportant. I don't bring my son around guys till I date them for awhile or get to know him better. She sounds like she was rushing into this. Now , mind you , if you know how many kids she had you could have said , I don't have enough room before she made plains , but I take it you didnt' know. You learn as you go through life. If there is ever a bext time , tell someone right away , cut them off if you have too , but don't even let someone go over your head like she did by asuming the kids could go , and yeah , for someone who doesnt' have kids. Sometimes you can't get a baby sitter right away so your best bet is to say to a woman with kids is , would you be able to get a baby sitter for tmrw so we can go do something again.... if she says no , then make plans for another day . If they ask why you don't want the kids/child there too , expline your not ready to met the child till you get to know the woman better. I understand that , so if they can't then better start putting there kids 1st. Letting a child involved that soon is just not right to me. Sorry if I have type O's. Good luck with fishing | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:21:21 PM | Hank,
you seem like a nice man, do I think you were a jerk?, by all means no. I do think that the woman you met has some very serious issues. I think your problem was that she was sending up red flags and you didn't see them. I'm sure that you weren't the first and unfortunately not the last to disappoint her children, but please just chalk it up to a bad experience and know next time when you meet someone that you will be better prepared. Remember to ask more ?'s.
Also, I would be very leary about someone who wants to include their children in on a "date/get together" in the very beginning. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:05:23 PM | OP, the only thing you did wrong was not preventing it as soon as she got of the phone with her daughter. "I mean this in the politest way possible, but I wasn't inviting your kids. Just you." Second dates aren't for kids. They're still for friends and group activities for the safety factor. Really seems weird for a first "date" she wanted you to drive her out of the city and nowhere particular. Nowhere is like the best place to dump a body isn't it?
To be downright honest, so what if they cried. It's not your responsibility to make them happy. They're not your kids. It IS your responsibility to consider another's, even strangers', safety. Which is what you did properly.
Having 6 kids, single, and out at a bar 2 weekend nights in a row... sounds like a whore to me. You're better off without that drama and baggage. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:22:59 PM | | no you were not a jerk. but you were truly lucky to get out with just the gas money you spent six kids in this day and age is irresponsible and stupid. that whack job should not subject anybody to her kids until she knows them well.then any guy who wants 6 kids should have his head examined. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:25:37 PM | I think you should have put the brakes on when she first mentioned bringing the kids. The discussion should have taken place right then and there BEFORE she mentions it to her kids.
However, finding yourself in that position of needing eight belts but only having six when you picked her up, your response was correct in that the lack of seats/belts could have caused no end of legal and financial pain if something would have happened . . . accident- or police-wise. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:29:09 PM | | First of all she should have told you how many kids she had to see if your vehicle would be large enough for all of you. I agree with some of the others if you had not showed up for the date then you would be classified as a jerk............. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:32:20 PM |
"A nice guy is aware of the possibility that he might act like a jerk from time to time." A real jerk can't fathom the possibility that he is anything but a nice guy. Just the fact that you can publicly ask if you'd been a jerk, almost unequivocally proves that you're not.
AMEN! | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:38:58 PM |
Am I the only one who doesn't believe this story? Because I sure don't. I do believe there is SOME truth to it but obviously parts of it are made up. There is no way it happened the way OP said it did.
A few others have doubted the story also (either part or all of it), so I should respond to that:
What's not to believe? I've had dates stranger than this one (much stranger). I like to write and have a pretty good imagination. If I was going to post a bogus story, I'd of come up with something far stranger than this. I don't have to make things up, I've had enough odd experiences (mostly booze fueled - I hit the bottle pretty hard a number of years back) that it isn't necessary. This date seems pretty uneventful compared to those days. | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:42:28 PM | | the woman just picked up the wrong guy she should of found a bus driver with that many kids or atleast someone who drove on of those big dodge vans...not a jerk just a nice guy sitting on the wrong bar stool | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:52:20 PM | | Not at all.She should have asked you if you wanted to meet them, told you how many there were, asked you if it was ok, and not assumed that you were willing to get and pay for a ticket. She should have thought about their safety, and thanked you that you did. She should not have just assumed that you would take them. She was the jerk. Be glad she is gone!! Who needs that?? She had alot of nerve, and so does your friends. | |
|
| she was taking advantage
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:54:56 PM | Not only were you not a jerk, you were too lenient. Seems to me she was using you to chauffeur her brood of kids to a picnic. I had a similar situation in August 2003 with a Sikh in Canada, an old friend of my relatives there. His son was coming to Florida. Without even having the decency to ask whether it's okay by me, he emailed that he had suggested to his son that "he should put up with you."
I was outraged! This guy has never met me, doesn't know me from Adam. I emailed back that I am as different from those who follow the old Indian ways as black Americans are different from Zulu warriors or Masai tribes. That my ideas about family and personal relations, my lifestyle, are essentially western and I have no desire to know him just because he's an old friend of my Canadian kin. "Let your son go to a motel."
It's not the fact that he wanted his son to stay at my place that outraged me. It's the presumptuous WAY he went about it, lacking even the decency to ask! At least in his case it might have been a cultural misunderstanding. Maybe it didn't strike him that the younger generation raised in the West are brown westerners who reject the Hindu joint family collectivist system. But this woman can't make that excuse. She seems a plain advantage-taker. | |
|
thebes
|
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 169 | |
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:56:30 PM | were you a jerk? no, i don`t think so, if i did everything that my friends or acquaintences wanted me to do in the past, i`d be in jail right now, your instincts were telling you no, and they were probably right! she was out of line expecting that much, that soon, at least you offered an alternative. did anyone ever ask you what you wanted to do? seeing the dillemma, the woman if she cared about you should`ve understood and just planned better ahead on how to transport that many kids. turn it around, what if you decided to bring a couple kids, would that have been ok too, if they were all squashed together in your back seat?
you mentioned the possibility of fines, who wants to go through all that? breaking the law is breaking the law, no matter what! | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:57:34 PM | I don't think you were a jerk at all! I am a mother and I wouldn't let any guy meet my kid after the first 20 dates much less the first. Forget about selfish, she's just stupid. Never trust anybody with your children ...Rule #1!!!
From your point of view, I'm a mother but I would NEVER want to meet somebody elses's children on a 2nd date. Too uncomfortable. Make no mistake, You would've been playing daddy role because they are kids and instincts will natually make you look out for them when you shouldn't as they are not your kids. But it's funny how the onus is on you to oblige to this woman. Kudos for you. Double kudos for considering their safety and a possible fine which would affect your insurance!! Hey man, you first because nobody else is looking out for you except maybe your mother.
Some people amaze me how with their willing to forget about the well being, both physically and mentally, of their children. My kid's first, always!!
Keep fishing buddy! | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:58:20 PM | Thank you lucky stars, Hank!
Your date is obviously a manipulative, thick-faced, inept woman. If you continue seeing her, it will be one hellish experience you will have. She is out there to hunt for a man who will be at her and her kid's beck and call. Unless you're a sucker for that kind of treatment, do not attempt to make any contact with her again. | |
|
tdh46
|
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 172 | |
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 9:11:07 PM | It's so easy to look at this as all the mothers fault, The mother misled the Op about how many kids she had(Allegedly). See this is the part of the Ops story that does not ring true to me. What would the motive be for the mother to lie about the number of kids. The Op most certainly would have known she was lying once he showed up to pick up the kids. I don't think the lady ever told the Op she only had two kids. I think the Op embellished that part of the story to help paint himself in a better light.
Honestly i don't know exactly what happened between the Op and the lady in question, all we are getting is the Ops version and if nothing else we know it's the truth as seen through the Ops eyes. No doubt the lady in question might see things in a different light. In between these two versions of truth is 6 kids that was promised a trip to the lake. That should have been paramount in the OPs mind. The kids are surrounded by nothing but bad influences, then is it not doubly important that the Ops show those kids that not everyone is like that. Should he not have gone the extra mile to shows those kids that there are people in this world that will keep promises that they make.
The Op driving off and breaking the promise made to those kids only add another disapointment to a long list of disapointments in their lives. The Op took the easy way out and in so doing only further instilled into 6 kids left crying on the sidewalk that it is indeed "A hard knock life". | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 9:22:48 PM | you made the right decision eventually...thinking of the danger for the children and it was nice of you to offer an alternative plan and she should have taken you up on that offer | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 9:29:23 PM | tdh46 the OP did NOT promise that woman's SIX(6) kids a trip to the lake....the mother took that upon herself...granted he mayhaps should have said something when she called home from his car ...but facts are SHE should not have expected him to haul her kids around  | |
|
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/29/2007 9:39:19 PM | | i don't think u were a jerk at all was she goin to pay the fines for u and if she has six kids i would have ran away from there she is lookin for a daddy for them i never let my kids see me with anyone expect there step-dad and i have penty of dates i also agree with u on the meetin the kids thing she should have gotten to know u first how does she know u r not some kind of weirdo | |
|
Home
login 
