| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/16/2007 6:29:37 PM | You were not a jerk. She was an idiot. First of all, a "couple" of kids is not 6! Second of all, what kind of mother would load 6 kids into a car in which they couldn't all be restrained? Third, I can't believe she expected YOU do to that. FOURTH, she invited her kids when they hadn't been invited in the first place.
You did the right thing. If something had happened to one or more of those kids while you were driving...I don't even need to finish that thought. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/16/2007 6:32:15 PM | | No kidding, Oh_Susannah, she should have never brought her kids into it in the first place, and they wouldn't have gotten their feelings hurt...she's the one who put him in an impossible situation. SHE made the promises to the kids, HE didn't. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/16/2007 6:46:08 PM | | Are you freakin kidding me, 8 people in the car. You were not in the wrong one bit fella. You didnt want to endanger little children, if she was any kind of mom at all, she would have thought about how many people would fit in the car right away, how stupid. Pretty rude of her to kick you to the curb, some parents are so damn ignorant, they never think about the kids first. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/16/2007 10:00:13 PM | | Total jerk. You should have gone and rented a bus. Once you had the mother lulled in enough you could have start producing Nike's in your basement for almost nothing and reaped the rewards... | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/16/2007 10:34:11 PM | I am a huge car seat safety advocate. I will call the highway patrol and will report vehicles in which I can see a baby sitting on the parent's lap or once I saw a 3 year old standing up in the back seat facing me at a stoplight. So I back you up for saying not enough room.
She is stupid for assuming everyone has a car big enough to seat 6 children and holy cow she is crazy for bringing her kids on a date! I make it a rule of thumb to not introduce my son to any man I haven't been in a serious relationship for several months with first.
No, you weren't being a jerk. you made the right call. You should have canceled as soon as she called her kids on the first date, telling her you wouldn't feel comfortable meeting her kids yet. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/17/2007 9:04:42 AM | okkkkkkkk, was that meant to be funny theonly1? or did I miss something here | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/17/2007 10:08:05 AM | | I just took away your Canadian Card... | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 8/17/2007 11:58:57 AM | | You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing! It's women like that that give other single mothers a bad rep. | |
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jmb3
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Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 209 | |
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:57:00 PM | You were not a jerk by a long shot.You were very kind to offer to Bar B Que for the whole gang.Your friends were wrong,I would like to know what they would have done in the same situation.You sound like a very decent guy to me. Joan | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/22/2008 10:12:33 PM | No i don't think you were a jerk infact you were sensable what would have happened if you did let all the kids in the car and you had an accident you would have had to live with that. So your friends are jerks to say you are one.
Take care and good luck | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/22/2008 10:20:35 PM | | No, you were not wrong at all. Always think of yourself...FIRST and foremost. As nice and sexy as this nice lady is/was; who would bail you out if the unspeakable were to occur? YOU and only you...so, that's their tough sh1t if they did not like it. Love, Titus | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:54:46 AM | No I dont think you were a jerk.........thats an awful lot of kids to be meeting on a second date- your car wasnt big enough- and when in a panic the most rational things (not thinking about the danger first) dont always come to us first!!
Personally I think she was taking the piss!! and she should have asked if it was ok with you before phoning the babysitter!
If anything she was being the jerk for taking advantage of the fact you have a car and that you were too nice not to say no to her (and offered to cook there and then).
And surely if she was a sensible and responsible mother- she would have realised that you dont have any car seats (and she didnt have a car so why would she either?) and also that your car would not sit that number of children leagally or safely! | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:59:11 AM | | I think you lost control of this from the beginning... | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:39:23 AM | OP, There was a weeks time between you hearing "We are all going to the Lake", and when you showed up. Did you talk to her in the within that time frame?
While I cannot say she was using you for sure, she may have really liked you. I can say that she is flaky by setting up a meeting so soon with all of her children. She put you on the spot there. And you were right by refusing to load up the car with all those people.
I see a need for clear communication..... did you expect to see the whole family waiting when you pulled up, by what you heard the week prior?
What does a man say to a woman when he feels it is too early to meet the kids? And she is pushing them onto him?
You did the right thing..... and you are not a jerk.
live and learn
~Tina~ | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:34:19 PM | | No you weren't a jerk, if you got stopped by the police you would be fined, it is not safe to overcrowd in a car. You were thinking in their best interest. The woman is the one is the jerk not telling you how many of the kids are coming with her. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:32:48 PM | My thoughts are for those poor kids, what a silly and cruel woman to put her kids through that....it was a classic honey trap, (what we call it here). Whereby a desperado such as yourself, was hooked on that wee fishy line....however, I dont think you were a total jerk (jes a man) lol...and at least you have some morals. Even though as you said the costs of the fines were piling up in your head!!!! lol....I wouldnt be so keen to jump into the honey trap, maybe you've learnt a valuable lesson...goodluck.. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 4:19:45 PM | "I am sure she can find some kindly child molester with a minivan"
To Mominatrix
What the hell kind of comment is that? | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:05:03 PM | | No you were NOT a jerk. She failed to tell you she had SIX children when she told you she had kids. She was the jerk. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:22:18 PM | not a jerk for not wanting to break the law.. and not a jerk for offering to do a cookout for them right there= both very good things imo
to have played it differently you could have shuttled them in two parties to the lake... or have offered to take some that day and some another... but if i understand you right, this was only like a second date or something and much too early to be rearranging your schedule around a woman and her children when it's inconveniencing you, unless you really liked her ....
i can understand the childrens' disappointment, if their mom hadn't been out of the city for a year, then they probably hadn't either, so it was a big deal for them... however, it's their mom and the lack of communication between you two in discussing how many kids and how you'd work it out, who is to blame for that.... not you personally | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:56:24 PM | Let's see......
Single mom of 6 kids, hangs out at the bar two weekends in a row alone. Can pay to drink and a babysitter, but doesn't have a car?
Automatically wants to include her kids without really discussing it with you fully.
States she has a few kids but 6 walk out.
Sounds to me she probably does this a lot and plays men to her advantage.
The fault is hers for assuming they were invited, misleading you on the number of kids puts her kids in the middle of things, and being an irresponsible parent about the car seats.
She should get the mom of the year award!
I wouldn't of blamed you if you pulled up and saw 6 kids and kept driving.  | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:41:46 PM | | If you haven't had anyone affirm you in this situation yet, you need better friends. It is the height of presumption for a woman to do what that broad did to you, and you are extremely fortunate that you weren't taken for a hell of a ride before discovering that she's not honest or considerate. You were manipulated, and don't ever let anyone tell you different! | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:45:34 PM | | So, you're human. It's kind of refreshing for someone to be so honest. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:43:18 PM | WOW. 9 pages. No time to read it all. I decided to flip a coin.....
Drumroll....
Jerk. 
WHY: Bottom line. Children matter. I would not have ruined the children's day and took the bullet. At the end of the day, I would have been direct with her and said what had happened was beyond belief. Once again, keep the kiddies happy but scorn the lady in private. Take both cars and have her risk the tickets.
Seriously, how did you get involved in a date with 6 children without knowing? ALSO, who in their right mind would bring their children to a date with someone they barely knew? This is sending off BIG flags. | |
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| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/24/2008 11:35:26 PM | | I agree with LaAcesa.....no you aren't a jerk. And normally I wouldn't say this, but this situation is different...why shouldn't ya be selfish? This woman was nothing to you but a possible prospect. Apparently she had not mentioned having 6 kids prior to this...and then had the gall to say "my kids will love that" when you never mentioned her bringing her kids along in the first place! That was inviting others along without thought as to what you might want to do...nor did she mention she wouln't have room to put them all. You offered an alternative choice, which was very kind of you, so I don't see why the woman got upset. She was partly to blame, if not completely. | |
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Mulva
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Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 225 | |
| Was I a jerk?
Posted: 1/25/2008 12:59:04 AM | She should not have invited her kids without asking you first, although I don't know who I'm talking to since the OP deleted his profile
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