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 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 26
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think my friend sees me as an attached type of woman over an alone type of woman.

His attitude towards men and women are his own. He thinks the only way a woman keeps a man around is if she's sleeping with him. And the only way a woman "gets" a man is to sleep with him. Funny because we are friends for years and never have slept together.. silly right. I believe his attitude is a form of entrapment and I could never be that way.

Basically my friend wants to see me happy.... I'd like a man too, only if he does make me feel happier in my life not just because he is there.. did that for 16 years of marriage and sometimes never felt so alone as I did back then.

Lately I haven't met anyone even close to what I'm looking for and starting to feel like a born again virgin ..(going it alone) is going to be my fate... for a while. That is why I posed the question. To allow us to discuss this life condition.
 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 27
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/30/2007 6:32:24 AM

His attitude towards men and women are his own. He thinks the only way a woman keeps a man around is if she's sleeping with him. And the only way a woman "gets" a man is to sleep with him. Funny because we are friends for years and never have slept together.. silly right. I believe his attitude is a form of entrapment and I could never be that way.

Basically my friend wants to see me happy.... I'd like a man too, only if he does make me feel happier in my life not just because he is there.. did that for 16 years of marriage and sometimes never felt so alone as I did back then.

Lately I haven't met anyone even close to what I'm looking for and starting to feel like a born again virgin ..(going it alone) is going to be my fate... for a while. That is why I posed the question. To allow us to discuss this life condition


I think it is GREAT that one knows who they are, what they want & is honest about it. We all have our preferences & to express it as eloquently as the one I quoted is a GIFT!

It's about choices & freedom, not about games, deceit & imposition!
 sweetnsmarttoo
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 28
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/30/2007 5:51:31 PM
No, casual sex is too often a recipe for heartache for one or both.<-------------Exactly
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 29
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/30/2007 6:21:50 PM
Girlflower
I read the first post and my initial reaction was to say for you to ask your neighbor just who died and elected him Dr Ruth?( Remember her?)
Then I read your latest post and it reminded me that men, for the most part, are simple creatures(and I mean that as a compliment!) Wouldn't it be GREAT if I could just go out and tear off a piece when I was feeling frisky?? Guys can do that. So can some women. More power to 'em. Doesn't work for me. Doesn't sound like it works for a lot of other people here, either.
You mentioned that your friend/neighor wants to see you happy. Bless his heart, would he KNOW what happy looked like if he saw it??
Cindy O
 Nick Thinker
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 30
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 8:30:19 AM
Neighbours are sage!
Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours!
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 31
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:15:19 AM
ladyc4... he seems happy... has a few ladies who drop in on occasion.....lol!!! He's not lonely.... heh heh...

He is opinionated.. but harmless!!!! One of those sweet easy going types... you'd probably love him... I just don't go for him... guess I'm a scooter snob... I prefer a motorcycle.. rotf!

The double standard has never died off in my book... I guess there is a girl out there looking for just a roll in the hay... a one night stand.. I just cannot understand how she looks in her mirror and feels good about herself for being that way.. it's just not for me.
Men.. well we all know they are just little hoochies in their hearts no matter how much they say all the right things..... bless their hoochie little souls....
 Artz
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 32
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:30:25 AM
Are you a happy born again Virgin or a damn it I need to get laid again and soon virgin.

Now how do you feel about Motorcycles Surfboards? Just asking.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 33
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:33:11 AM
Has anyone heard just what the "timeline" is to achieve Born Again status?????? Ha!

I havn't, so I can't say if I qualify. But I do get this.

I don not totally aggree with the iron clad attitudes that I see so prevelant in the mature women. Both in their profiles and then here on the forum comments.

Its not that I don't think they should have their values, boundaries, preferences, criterias, morals and all that. Of course they should. (shouldn't we all??) Its just that I see a kind of over the top, stern white knuckle approach to this. (sticking to their rules). As for me, I am not all that different... and prone to all the same kinds of self-imposed traps and stockades and dead-end canyons. I do it too. However, I still try and leave that small escape route open. While it is good to adhere to our values.... I think we should never rule out completely the option of true sponteniety. (that is a lot different than compulsion or impulse) And, oh, by the way..... you women havn't fooled me. This ability to experience pleasure in (so-called) spontaneous sexual encounters is not just a "man thing". ha ha.
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 34
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:44:16 AM
Well if you've seen any my other threads in forums... I am actively seeking a boyfriend (for want of a better word) ... and baby when I find him... as I tell my friends... my straight hair is gonna be very curly...rotf!!!.... and the sex will be spontaneous and the man is gonna be very happy I waited to find him.....! I just have to keep looking... and trusting my instincts as who is right for me and who is wrong for me.. afterall I'm 58 I should know what curls my hair by now... right!

Pinebreeze.. I bet if you met her tonight.. you'd never even think twice it was the first date or the first five minutes because you'd know it was right!!!! We women who wait for the right man... have the same rights too.... We just don't fling it around for every tom.. you know who and harry!!! We've learned through maturity.. how to keep our jeans on till the good one comes into our lives!!!

 asheel_heel
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 35
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 2:11:46 PM
Being a "Born again virgin" has meaning only in the context of an adherence to the christian principle that sex outside marriage is sinful. Thus the Born Again qualifier.

Otherwise, you're simply saying you won't have sex until you meet a man that shares a mutual desire for it.-That you won't have sex until you have it.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 36
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 2:34:52 PM
Its just that I see a kind of over the top, stern white knuckle approach to this. (sticking to their rules).

Well my position is that if they are MY rules, I can sure as hell break them if it suits me to do so. But generally speaking, I have sex early on in an involvement ONLY if it doesn't matter that much to me if that's all he was after and he disappears. I don't do re runs, if a guy pulls a bump and dump on me that's it, no hard feelings guy but don't come sniffin' around in a few months tellin' me you want a second chance, or you "made a mistake". ( yeah you did. Pardon me if I refuse to participate in a repeat of your original mistake. Either you weren't all that damn good or you were good but a repeat would be like going back for a 2nd test drive on a car I'm really impressed with but know I can't buy-pointless!)
Cindy O
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 37
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 3:02:28 PM
Hail lady4c... all hail Cindy OOOOOO!!! You got that right!!!!
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 38
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 7/31/2007 6:12:03 PM
One definition of virgin is a woman who is "one unto herself" That means she is whole, confident in her own skin and loves herself. Virginity has nothing to do with deflowering.
As a woman who is comfortable and confident in my own skin I have no interest in having sex with just anyone. UGG!. The idea it is gross and a cheap way to treat myself. There is no honoring, grace or love in this form of sexuality in my opinion. I do not discount others if they want to but it is not for me.
If I have a deep caring for someone and there is mutual respect then I would consider sharing my body with him. This takes time , curiosity and interest. So I will maintain the status quo until I have all the above mentioned components in a relationship with a man.
 heARTeacher
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 39
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:28:15 AM
I have to agree with flowerforce, "no interest in having sex with just anyone." Guys are just as susceptible to getting hung up because of physical intimacy as gals are. Why cause needless pain for either party unless you're sure it can work? If it's just about sex, there's a whole lot of opportunities for that without the challenge of reading profiles.
I think one of the difficulties in a long lay off from sex or lovemaking is that you know what you're missing. The longer it goes on, the greater the longing and fear. White knuckle rules for sex are simply fear rearing it's ugly head. The little voice that cries "Please don't hurt me." That's the virginal quality that comes through. It's less about time and more about attitude.
I hear about the 20 somethings having "friends with benefits" or "f*** buddies". They go into it knowing they're not committed to each other and just satisfy urges. I wonder how many of them find it more complicated than they thought it would be and just how many can walk away with no qualms. This becomes nearly impossible if you've experienced true depth in a relationship.
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 40
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:00:07 AM
One definition of virgin is a woman who is "one unto herself" That means she is whole, confident in her own skin and loves herself. Virginity has nothing to do with deflowering.

Thank you flowerforce!!! Very profound!!

A while back I heard the BTN expression.. Better than Nothing.... yuck!!! How crass to treat a man (also a person like that)...

Leaving yourself open to meeting a true kindred spirit.. makes it easy to open yourself up to that person... Sad if you're involved with someone a BTN when that person arrives on the scene!!! Better to have the "little fear" it's been a while since your last lover than being involved with the one your just biding your time with..when the real thing walks in the door!!!

I wonder how these kids are going to view themselves in the future when they do want to settle down and they are carrying all that excess baggage into thier relationship.. will the girls be the born again virgins mentioned here? Or will they feel less of themselves?

My generation... began with the thought of virginity until marriage... it didn't always happen that way .. and many suffered a feeling they had damaged their relationship with their spouse by being so free before they had met..... and those relationships suffered from her guilt and shame..... maybe today the guilt and shame are less but women still loose self esteem when they become so available... Like a public latrine.... or a porcupine date.. (if everything that was stuck in them suddenly stuck out they'd look like a porcupine...) I wander... ...me thinks too much....lol!

Girlflower
 Lilred2937
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 41
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:44:40 PM
Men who just want to "test drive" a woman really have a vey low opinion of women and of themselves. If sex is all they want then something is definitely wrong with them. I value myself and my morals. And I respect others.
 Nick Thinker
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 42
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:56:22 PM
"test drive" is indeed a lousy word/term/notion.
but sexual compatibiliy and sex in general is part of a relationship, unless one is talking of platonic/friendship rel! Friendship IS a "relationship" too, "clean" of the "dirty" sex thing. But no romance in friendship (unless in a TV serial)!!!
 eyesthatsee
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 43
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/5/2007 3:07:55 PM
Girl flower: I don't know if its the same for men........but at some point I would imagine just getting some would be tiring..............just getting some......or going with the flow.......is not in my book........I would think if anything.......just getting some......would leave you emptier...........so whoever is just getting some.........just wait and see......you still have to go home to an empty bed.............LOL.........and an empty heart...............

I'll stay as a virgin............thank you very much......lol...........
 eyesthatsee
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 44
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/5/2007 3:12:52 PM
ankkka: I think what op is referring to as born again virgins........is not minding the lack of sex..............better not to have sex.........then to be miserable having alot of sex with the wrong person........for the wrong reasons.
 afred549
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 45
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Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/12/2007 2:56:28 AM

just have to keep looking... and trusting my instincts as who is right for me and who is wrong for me.. afterall I'm 58 I should know what curls my hair by now... right!

Sounds like you know what your doing...I think we all know when the time is right....here's a funny


CONNECTING WITH THE VILLAGER

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in The Villages, in Florida ..

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they
enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for
coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she
accepted.

They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic
restaurant in town. Despite his age, they ended up at his place for an
after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age
being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll
in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared,
each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....

Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler."

Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 46
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/12/2007 4:52:48 AM
no friends with benefits for me..been asked a few times..always reply..no thanks..
no future in that kind of relationship and it's just not worththe effort with someone I wouldn't consider relationship material..
dusty
 Nick Thinker
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 47
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/12/2007 6:27:48 AM
A woman or man who is "picky" about who she/he has sex with is a "virgin"?
That is stretching the definition of the term, as if it was made of rubber.
Maybe a virgin then is someone who has protected sex!
Does masturbation make virginity?
Oh come on folks!
I may be 45, but I have not lost my undestanding of terms/words.
And I am old enough to remember that virgins were ALSO ones who abstained from vaginal peneration but not much else!!!
 HSJS
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 48
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/13/2007 1:17:18 PM
If sex is the only goal.. how many of you would prefer just to remain with the status quo????? Than to use or be used by someone....?


I don't see sex for the sake of satisfying lustful cravings as using or being used. If both parties are sexually turned on, and enjoy the sex, then whom (or is it "who"?) is being used?

Is the "quid pro quo" a one sided affair? Of course having feelings and emotional attachements (love) to someone brings the whole sex thing into sharp clear focus as love making. Which is a far more desirable thing, that just sex. But we can go a very long time in the dating desert, and not have our thirst slaked, if we hold out for that special someone, to arrive to quench the desires of our loins.
 Nick Thinker
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 49
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/13/2007 1:22:57 PM
Born Again Virgins, Born Again Singles, Born Again ... Playboys! Why not, "Born Again Playboy" (BAP). The wheel of remembering the good ole days spins both ways!
Drift caught?
 floridascot
Joined: 8/2/2007
Msg: 50
Born Again Virgins??? Over 45's Men and Women!
Posted: 8/14/2007 7:41:59 AM
born again virgin not going to happen you cannot be born gain reallity in theory anything is possible ...so that is all good once you leave the womb thats it,i guess when you have not been laid in a long time it might feel like its the first time.so if that work for you good !!!i certainly would not want to be borb again anything ....saying that means that you have regret for your past actions ,redemption cannot be bought once the deed is done it is done you cannot undo the past just realise and embrace your faults and progress into a better new improved you
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