| Asking for money
Posted: 7/31/2007 11:59:49 AM | | I think you said it very well... Maybe you could should just copy this thread, and modify it into an email, and send him an explanation. I don't think you are unreasonable. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 7/31/2007 12:03:19 PM | Sounds like you need to ask him if his wife could cook for the three of you at least once a week. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 7/31/2007 12:12:41 PM | On the real - and that is how I like to address things
If he thinks coming round your house everyday, eating the food YOU make and take time in doing so bearing in mind you also have 2 others to look after, is acceptable then he is dead wrong.
How about this guy offer to bring some ingredients round to YOUR house to make YOU something special and maybe alternate this from time to time but on a regular occurence. I think that way you could possibly find a happier balance as money talk is a pain in itself and there will be an element of romance other than feeling like a meal ticket.
(Of course it depends on what others have said and how you really feel about this guy its way too easy for me to say kick him to the kurb as you may like him despite his downfalls) | |
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pbmac3
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| Asking for money
Posted: 7/31/2007 12:22:47 PM | Seriously???????
I don't even go to my Mother's house to eat dinner without calling first and asking what I can bring!!
My family has a motto that whoever does the cooking does not do the dishes.....guess you should add that the cook does not buy the groceries either!
The big picture here is that this situation has nothing to do with money!! The guy is an inconsiderate jerk who will take advantage of you for as long as you let him!!! This scenario is about the weekly groceries, but next week's topic will be something else! | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 7/31/2007 2:09:25 PM | Um why are you buying him sandwich meat? Does he not have his own fridge and all that? I would have told him a loooong time ago that I'm not a food bank and if he wants to eat here he better be taking me out or making me dinner just as often at his place. Food is expensive, I don't see why anyone would allow someone to do what this guy did.
LMAO!!! EXACTLY.... why are you feeding him everyday anyway??
Ultimately we teach people how to treat us, so you have set the groundwork on this relationship, which is eerily similar to your last relationship. Who is at fault here?
This says it all. Value yourself! You have met a "taker", you have known them in the past - they are familiar to you, maybe even comfortable for you. But they leave you feeling used. CAUSE YOU ARE.
Harsh!... BUT OH SO TRUE... This is a pattern for you...dealing with ppl that cannot bring equality to the plate...OR can..but you dont make them respect you enough to do it.. U do teach ppl how to treat U.
The big picture is ITS NOT HIM. ( I mean its him in the fact that he's a jerk enough to allow you to feed him everyday..and probably take away from your two small children)
The TRUE problem is why you think it was ok to put up with that as long as you did... DO...HAVE DONE IN THE PAST?? | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 7/31/2007 2:19:42 PM | | Personally I think it is rude of him to expect you to cook for him all the time and buy his lunch materials without offering you some funds. Let him pack his own lunch and offer to make him dinner, but just not as much. Seems to me he is taking you for granted and/or being a leech. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:29:05 AM | To the OP
Are you ok?
Which of these do not belong in this list of people you should be feeding?
A. Your kids
B. Your parents
C. A grown a$$ man
It should have never gotten this far. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:34:04 AM | Install a dummy doorbell outside your door.
Let him ring it.... while you never know he was there.
change your number while your at it.
In other words, lose him. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:39:09 AM | WOW this guy is a total loser. If you have to ask him to chip in with groceries omg.
A guy should be willing to help out with no questions asked. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:43:36 AM | I agree with msg 19 irrelevent Lass...next time you go to his house for dinner bring the whole family ...do this a few times and he may see the light  | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:06:47 AM | | Asking him for cash is tacky. I'd ask him to bring food over once or twice a week - pizza, KFC, something he cooks himself, whatever, enough for everybody. If he says no, don't invite him for dinner. If he shows up, cook only enough for your immediate family. If he doesn't get the hint, he's a loser and you need to dump him. Hopefully, he does get the picture and contributes. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:17:17 AM | My approach would be to let him eat at home unless he takes you to a restaurant.
I don't mind reciprocating by ordering out Chinese or pizza after a guy has taken me out a few times, but other than that, I'm not going to be "chief cook and bottlewasher" for anyone.
Don't you have enough to do taking care of parents and kids?? Why add another mouth to feed?? You have no obligation to provide ANYTHING for this guy. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:18:45 AM |  Jesus... you need another boyfriend. If my SO asked for money, I would be sooooooo embarassed.
If I start spending that much time at my SO's house, I'll pay for half of everything, and she sure as hell won't have to ask for it. I wouldn't dare put her in that position. I don't care how "rich" she is. Hot water, electricity, gas, oil, food, cable, internet, whatever. The only thing I won't pay half for is a night out (dinner, drinks, dancing, movie, etc). That's mine. Sure, if I'm broke she can pay, but that very rarely happens.
It was driven into my head as a kid by my dad, and I drove it into my boy's heads. You can stay home, but you'll still have the same expenses.
Sucks to be a guy eh? 
(Not really. I call it made in the shade.) | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:36:55 AM | So make him buy and bring his own food !
Easy fixed.
What yo uahve to think about is if yo ucant agree on money then will you ever agree on anything?
Sounds like a waster to me, forget him and move on. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/13/2007 1:06:19 PM | Tell him not to come over until 7:30 tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. OR, you can tell him that you will be ready to go to dinner at 6:30, after you feed your crew.
He is NOT your husband or child and you are not responsible to feed him. I cook for my bf as well, about once a week, and he makes more money than I do. If he comes over more often, he goes to the store with me, or takes myself and my daughter (and maybe her friend too if she has one over) to dinner. I never have to say anything. Whenever I go his house, he shops for food or gives me grocery $ , and I cook and clean up. We are both happy.
Being a door mat sucks, whether it is financially, emotionally or physcially. My gut says you have all three scenarios. The downside is that YOU have to get up and stand up for yourself, bc he is sure not going to do it. He is a sponger. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/13/2007 1:27:03 PM | From the opinion of someone on the outside, looking in...He kind of sounds pretty petty...But, that's my view...and it really doesn't matter... | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/13/2007 1:54:11 PM | There are three aspects to consider here, I will be brief because I am tired.
1. Past....Are you going out with a clone of your ex. If you are you will encounter the same frustrations.
2. Present....It is "YOUR JOB" to buy his groceries, my god this is the scariest part of your post. Does he give you a hand with your children, parents housework, what does he consider his "JOB" is! Does he "pay for his groceries in another way? (I don't mean sex or cuddles, that is a given). As far as money is concerned stop feeding him, you can have your time together after the family are fed. Maybe one meal at your house and one at his. If he wants more he can contribute by bringing something round. Just a thought does he still buy you flowers, has he ever bought you flowers?
3> Future...Are you looking for a long term relationship with this guy. If you are I would say that "YOUR JOB" will expand to include looking after his every needs, and probably expected to turn a blind eye to anything that he feels is his right to do.
I am not slagging all men off here, just responding to an individual based on the description you have given us.
My suggestion GET OUT and if possible see a counselor to look at why you are in this position.  | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:16:15 PM | | "If you really loved me,you'd offer to pay for most things.Go date your money honey" | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 8/13/2007 5:30:49 PM | | OP...I just came out of a similar relationship....where I took on all the expense of feeding him...his suppers, lunches for work...etc..and he put absolutely NOTHING money wise into the relationship...I kicked him to the curb and never looked back...Can you say...MOOCH??? Lose the loser and carry on with your life!!! | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 9/18/2007 1:28:06 PM | | If you let this go on you deserve it. Tell him to put some money into the pot for the food/etc or to eat before he comes over. Better yet, when you eat at his place, bring your own food you bought ,and prepare it at his place. When he eats at your place, have him bring food he bought, and fix it at your place. As for restaurants, each pay for your own, or you treat him once as long as he treats you the next time. If he fails to pay when it is his turn, go back to each paying for your own, or stop seeing the bum. | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 9/18/2007 2:13:09 PM | | Why are you letting him do this to you? You need to kick this loser to the curb. A decent man wouldn't do this to a single mom.. especially one that's also taking care of the parents. He's totally selfish. | |
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j5rush
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Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 47 | |
| Asking for money
Posted: 9/18/2007 2:42:06 PM |
But things are never going to be 50/50 in every aspect of any relationship. Maybe he gives more in other ways?
I would be interested in his side of the story. Does he work on your car, do maintenance around your house? Does he take you and the children out to eat in restaurants? What does he do for you? If the answer is "nothing", why are you with him?
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| Asking for money
Posted: 9/18/2007 2:58:19 PM | Given what you have shared,
it sounds like
either he is stupid
or just a user.
Address this asap,
so that you won't
end up
like you did before.
I sense lot of resentment here.
Just say Good Bye
Maybe
would be
better | |
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| Asking for money
Posted: 9/18/2007 3:00:27 PM |
I don't even go to my Mother's house to eat dinner without calling first and asking what I can bring!!
Yes, that is how I am, too. But there are a lot of guys out there who are looking for a free meal, regardless of how much they make. I am always torn with this. My inner-Martha Stewart loves to entertain and I think eating at home is a good way to talk and get to know someone better because it is more casual. But, I've also seen my grocery bill skyrocket as a result of it and it did start to bother me. Like the OP, when I said something about it, I ended up being the one to feel stupid and petty and regretted it. The bottom line is that you should be with someone who wants to reciprocate. Now that it is out there that you can't afford to keep feeding him, if he doesn't give you the money or offer to go out more, then you need to cut him loose. The right guy for you will see how much you are doing for others and will want to pitch in and help. | |
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