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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/3/2007 12:22:51 PM | Racer, if there are obvious red flags, I'm with you on the don't even bother. But if you read the message posted in message no. 5, that poster had no idea there was anything wrong with the guy, yet when she ran his name through a database of sex offenders, his name popped up & she found out his was convicted of a sex offense against a child.
The woman in the article I posted didn't suspect anything until after the guy had stolen from her. Then she found out he'd been arrested for raping a 12 year old. She has a teenaged daughter & they found out he'd spied on her in the nude (article didn't specifiy how that was discovered). Now, there are limits as various people have pointed out. A clean background check doesn't=safe. A bad background check can be the result of a common name or someone's revenge. I think this whole issue is a lot more gray than most folks on either side are willing to admit.
But I do think safety's important and I'm sure that mom is kicking herself for letting that creep into her home without so much as a background check. Considering the guy had previously raped 2 other people and went on to kill someone, they're lucky the situation wasn't worse. If I were a parent, that duty to protect my kid(s) would trump all. Not that I'd throw caution to the wind if a background check came back clean. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/3/2007 1:00:45 PM | eastsideeddie.." That is my only point, one which you continue to argue about, that a backgorund check is only a VERY small part of a personality profile.
And you apparently can't, don't or won't get it, so I am done with you."
I think your the one that doesn't get it......the topic of the thread is about doing back ground checks on suspicious dates.......that's pretty plain and simple......
and BTW, warrants will also show up, sometimes news stories naming a person of interest, civil court proceedings can also give you insight into a persons character as well as their unsettled living habits......say a guy moves from state to state every year or so...I'd sure be wondering why he is so unsettled and what took him on his journeys. Also divorce records are open records and the contents might be reveling if there are assertions of abuse or drinking.
IRS court proceedings are also open records in the civil courts.......would you chose to be with a gal who say owes the IRS thousands and thousands of dollars and if you were to marry her....they can attach everything you own. Also bankruptcies are listed.....which could give you a clue to ask about their spending habits and if they have ever been in tight financial problems....if they don't divulge the bankruptcy...omission is the same as lying.......
I know a friend that was considering dating a lady and possibly becoming a business partner with her in a venture........he googled her and found out she had had a sever drug addition problem......yes her home town newspaper had done an article on her and mentioned that past problem......it was a flag to him, since she had never mentioned it....and he decided to not continue in the pursuit.
I was considering traveling to meet someone, googled their email address and found where they had sent cards from a card site to several women during the same time he was talking and sending cards to me....It gave me the women's yahoo email addresses as well and the contents of the cards with him telling them the same things he was telling me.....When I checked out their email addressee, profile names...they were on the adult side, with one having nude pictures on her profile and the other into s/M....Now would I want to get intimately involved with a guy, apparently screwing several women, who apparently were screwing several men......we could all just have one big cluster **** couldn't we.........................STD"s anyone?
Oh an another "really nice guy" in fact he worked for Home Land Security and was retired military.....I googled his email address and found him on an adult homosexual/bi-sexual site, looking for the bi experience, with naked pictures of his****........woooooo hoooooo...now I sure want to consider him for long term...eh? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/3/2007 2:24:27 PM | My newest question has had to be "Will I find you on the Megan's Law website?"
I went on a date with a guy from another site and during the first date he let it slip that he had served some time and had a dishonerable discharge from the Army. I didn't want to judge and didn't ask or probe.
Later, I started to really click with him and had to ask, "I am starting to really like you but I gotta ask, what did you do?" His reply completely threw me... "Oral Copulation with a Minor".
In my head I was thinking well, 17 year olds really do look a lot older these days and they will lie to get what they want. So I nonchalantly asked "So how old was she?" He gave me the answer that I will never forget "she was 11".
I couldn't get him out of my car fast enough! OMG! That was so wrong...
My three basic questions are:
1. will I find you on that site?
2. Domestic Violence in the past?
3. I am a Christian, is this a problem? (you wouldn't believe the answers I have gotten!)
Stimpygurl | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/3/2007 2:58:29 PM | | Nothing is absolute in this world including humans. Even if you do a background check, there's no guarantee that he's a good man. If you have suspicions that are flashing warning signs then it might be in your best interest to walk away. It's better to find someone you can trust then living a life of having to check up on someone. There are good men out there that have a normal relationship in his best interest and knows what it takes to try and make it good. You just have to find one. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/3/2007 4:30:19 PM |
And you apparently can't, don't or won't get it, so I am done with you." I think your the one that doesn't get it......the topic of the thread is about doing back ground checks on suspicious dates.......that's pretty plain and simple......] Thankyou Whisper, I was beginning to think Eddie LIKED making women bang their heads against a brick wall! Maybe if someone else told him... (or he read the original post) he get it! Easy Eddie:  | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:15:36 PM | Okay. Here is the original stuff.
February, he moves in with another woman he meets on a dating site, then steals her car & empties her bank account earlier this month. Meets up with another woman on a dating site & she's found dead in a hotel room
And I replied
None of this outside of the rape arrest would have been on any background check. Being an unethical snake who steals from women is not on a background check if he isn't arrested for it.
Now, from there, how did you get to IRS, county records, credit checks....
What I said that was his being an unethical snake who uses women for money is not going to be on his background check. I have run background checks on people who wanted to be business partners. I know what is on those checks. A man who is a slick con man and convinces a woman to give him money until she it tapped out is a schmuck, but is it an illegal act by him that he conned her? Immoral, unethical.... not illegal. Thus it is not going to be on any background check.
That was my only point, until the OP under a new name said
"Well if there was a rape arrest I wouldn't go out with him".
And all I had said was that of all the heinous acts mentioned in the post to which I was responding, ONLY the arrest was going to show up, so a background check is not THE final and best tool for checking someone out. You all took that WAY far away from what I said. People doing slimy things to other people don't show up on a background check. Running a name through Google is NOT a background check. And the thought that anybdy would trust things found on backstabbing sites where the jilted women go to get revenge when they get dumped.... oh man what a world..... | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 433 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/4/2007 4:43:06 AM |
Running a name through Google is NOT a background check. That's what I find REALLY amusing...how many are trusting Google as the bible of background checks. Hell, anybody can start a site with simple knowledge, so how can anyone trust that what they might find through Google or other search engines is the truth?
And the thought that anybdy would trust things found on backstabbing sites where the jilted women go to get revenge when they get dumped But these women are getting what they wanted...DRAMA. Pure and simple. We thrive on it. We WANT it. If things are going well, there are plenty of women who will try and seek out something to be upset about (of course, I'm not saying men aren't capable of this, too), but why don't you see threads or even just one or two posts from men talking about doing these checks? Women can be and have been plenty dangerous, too. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/4/2007 9:16:24 PM | Not everything that might be found offensive has to be illegal. I googled a guy I was thinking of meeting and found him listed on a bi-sexual site, soliciting bi contacts and his naked hummmm pictures.
I had no reason to suspect this side of him from our getting acquainted talks. Did I want to continue talking to him or meeting him after finding that? Not only NO, but HELL NO.....the same with finding someone listed on a sex predator site. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/7/2007 10:01:55 PM | Hi,
You can't always go by the ID/real names used in here to be "unique", as they can be duplicated anywhere outside of this site... thus using a search engine to find out about them.
Even my Yahoo ID (different from this) that I have had for 9 years has been duplicated out there on other dating sites. I was appauled and after a collect, long-distance call to the head office, I pleaded with them to get this imposter off their site, the admin refused. My unique name was suddenly being used by someone else!
that's pathetic,
Even this ID I'm using is NOT as unique as I thought it was, though it took a long time to come up with something that I thought was unique that described me and my interests in one or two words! Somewhere out there are nasty women using it and I may have to change this ID so no one confuses me with someone else elsewhere! But if I change my PoF ID to something that I have thought long and hard about who's to stop some other female of questionable repute to take my ID and use it for her own personal endevours ?
I hope you understand what I'm talking about here. ID duplication, real names that are fake and so forth.
Maybe googling or doing a Yahoo search on someone can turn up other people with the same name... not a sure thing!! Someone innocent could be accused of wrong doing. Or the person you're planning on meeting is using a fake (real) name to begin with! There is no real solution in this instance.
Just do what you think is right, and be honest.
"I googled a guy I was thinking of meeting and found him listed on a bi-sexual site, soliciting bi contacts"
With honour and respect,
A~*
Cheers,
A~* | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/7/2007 10:22:39 PM | | Yah there sweetiegirlz I am gonna make it short and sweet here for yah,,, you need to take a good background check of yourself ,,, and don't cross the line ,, coke or crack honey cause it will break yo' mudders back and it ain't gonna do you "know good" to be dangling your jingles and jiggles for a bar tender ain't paid his stripping fees get the hood out for good baby,,, .. you already know way down inside ,,,,woman,,, oh yah that is zeppy in my head ,, come on gal dump him like the leftovers on your palate inventory,,, and look out your oogies and go "next".... yup | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 438 | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:09:01 AM | Background checks are not criminal background checks. Here in Texas the only accurate criminal records are kept in Austin,Texas by the Texas Department of Public safety. And they're not available on Google or other independant sites.
Some have checked county records thinking they're getting criminal backgrounds but they're not.
Records showing someone arrested doesn't necessarly mean that person has been convicted of any crime. Lot of people find where someone was arrested but never check further to find if the charges have been dropped or what the disposition of the case was.
To check for divorces here in Texas you have to have the date the divorced was filed or you'll be searching for days trying to find information on a person.
I find it quiet interesting reading people believe they can do credit checks on people. You cannot check people's credit. Credit is protected and medical records are protected.
If someone wants to do a criminal check on me I have no problem them doing it, but at least be up front and lets agree to do one on each other. You chek me out and I'll check you out...
Going behind someones back is dishonest and I'd never trust someone that did me that way. If people are so sneaky and narrow minded to go behind a person's back it's a good indicator they'll do other things behind one's back....It just isn't right!
If you feel insecure about someone ,hell,dump them and do not have any contact with them...
The first thing people using dating sites should realize, dating sites are open to everyone 18 and over. If one thinks dating sites are the ultimate for finding the perfect person my first thought is ,I wonder which wagon ya fell off of....
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 440 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/9/2007 7:58:47 AM | OOOOHHHH, I get it! You think you're witty!
Sorry, but your other post was NOT creative in any way. Do some people actually call that "genius"? Wow.
So, being a bad writer makes you an "individual"...? Or is that another word for "dense"?
I'm not too concerned with you reading my thread history...I spell, type, AND put my points across well...you should try that sometime.
If you would like me to edit your spelling and grammar contextually Best joke I've ever seen on here...you're kidding, right?
Meow. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:44:07 AM | | You eldubu should try on wit sometimes ,, hey do yah knit ,, if I was dyslexic that would be ruid but like a good cannuck said once ,,,or maybe twice ,, fuddleduddle ... now that we have established that you hate me because I am not ewe ,,, can we be friends or enimas,,,, hehee | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 442 | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:02:02 PM | | Yeah. I think so. I mean if we were to do that for everything today it would not be a very exciting place. Everyone would know your past in some way. It's a date not a job interview. We take chances all the time and everyday in this world. We all make mistakes as well. I don't need someone trying to find a flaw in my past to decide the type of person I am. At that I been already judged and would have no chance anyways. Unless Im suspicious or have a bad feeling I may do that. But use common sense. And hey just because it is a dating site never guarantees u won't meet screwed up people. We all wish we knew what everyone was like or what they did. It just doesn't work that way. Be safe. I would be insulted if someone did that to me. No different then going to a bar and picking up. No time for a background check there eh! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:14:29 PM | I agree with you, kettlewhistle. Be careful in the beginning (public place, etc) when you decide to go out with a fish; then, when your intuition alerts you, " you feel something is just not right" for whatever reason, trust your gut feeling and move on. There is nothing wrong with saying "Thanks, but no thanks."
Cyndi857 | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/21/2007 9:02:43 PM | | I would say yes, it is crossing the line simply because I would be offended by it. But, that's "old school" thinking, and, it is a sad commentary on modern society. However, if it makes you feel more comfortable, go for it. But, be prepared that some legitimate, responsible, caring, good people might find it offensive... | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:11:14 PM | most often you don't need to do a $$$ back ground check...
I did it for the first time on a guy just because I had a weird feeling - so I just googled his username he used her on POF - I also knew his name - so I tried that too. Some stuff came up that I knew I did not want to go out with him. I had been on POF and other dating sites on and off for the past many years and that was the very 1st time I had ever done that..
So listen to your gut or your intuition - cause when I do, I come out of it for the better! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:26:56 PM | I do some form of background check on virtualy every man I consider dating. I've had too much scarry shit happen not to.
It's not a matter of ethics when you are accessing public information. But at the same time, the kind of sites you are talking about are only going to give you certain types of information. They aren't going to tell you someone is on "3 different pysch medications". But there are other ways you can uncover indications of the sort of things you have run into, without paying for a background check. I found a man's prison record (numerous fellonys, including fellony use of a weapon and false imprisonment) and did not use one of those background check sites. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:45:33 PM | I would have thought it was obvious
It it was a 'suspicious date' then you already didnt trust the guy
So what kind of anything do you think can be built on the absence of trust?
Take a short cut
Bail out now because it will come to it later anyway
cheers | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:50:23 AM | | If your suspicious then you don't trust him, if you don't trust him you never will so why not just breakup now. If you do check him out and he is clean, will you tell them what you did. If you do he may be OK with it but he may get angry and break up with you. If you don't then you may be the one who might considered untrustworthy. so why not just save the time and possibility of money. | |
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