| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:00:12 AM | | Background checks are an excellent idea. Probing questions and pre qualifying someone you before you date first and having a good profile that lists your ideals doesn't hurt either. To be fair, some people did things in their younger days that have little to do with who they are now, people can reform and overcome their mistakes or shortcomings. If you have doubts about someone maybe they are all wrong from the start? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:06:46 AM | A lady I dated for awhile had at first said she wouldn't mind running a back ground check on me. I gave her my drivers licence number to help her. If you're going to run that sort of check, tell the person. Then there's nothing wrong with doing it.
In my case the lady never did do one. I kept asking her to do it, I was curious what would show up on something like that, lol. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:49:37 AM |
Background checks are an excellent idea. Probing questions and pre qualifying someone you before you date first and having a good profile that lists your ideals doesn't hurt either. To be fair, some people did things in their younger days that have little to do with who they are now, people can reform and overcome their mistakes or shortcomings. If you have doubts about someone maybe they are all wrong from the start?
Background checks are no problem to me and shouldn't be to anyone if the people are honest. However, background checks on the internet are about as worthless as tits on a bore hog. People Search has a disclaimer saying the information may or may not be accurate.
And,having people move from one state to another creates problems doing background checks. Each state keeps their own records so if someone screws up in one state and moves to another the background check will show up only in the state the crime or whatever was comitted. Marriages,divorces,etc,etc,etc only show up in the state they occur in.
As far as checking me out,I invite anyone to do so, but remember,I get to reciporcate.
Don't go behind my back,lets sit down like adults and talk about both doing it,otherwise I'll drop the person and never trust someone going behind my back. It's as bad or worse as backstabbing a person...."JUST BE HONEST"!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's obvious some on dating sites have " HUGE" problems being honest though....
I met one from POF a few weeks ago only to find she's married but her profile says she's single.....So, no need to background a liar ,now is there?
Distrust is the ultimate ugly thing that destroys everything and everyone ,so, be upfront about background checks.
Talk to each other about doing one before you do it.... | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:04:15 PM |
anytime a guy gives me his phone number i google his a$$ lol
also check the state sex offenders list on a regular basis ....oh and i only talk seriously with guys from my town which living in a small town can do my own "background" checks
You probably just shot yourself in the big toe. Most guys won't give you their phone number now."HE"HE" ....Owners name to cell phones is not easy to get...Google cracks on this one.........
But,for you or anyone to sneak behind the back of a person, it's wrong.Why not be totally upfront and tell the person you want a background check.
Hell, women lie as much as men... One lied to me and is still on POF lying about her martial status...She's married and apparently she likes lying to every guy she meets..
Soooooooo,women are as bad as men, but most men walk away without backstabbing the person if they're suspicious of her... | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:34:11 AM | | I learned my lesson and alway do a google search on guys. There is a guy on POF who is married. A few of us have tried to get him booted off but he keeps changing his screen name. He comes across as a sweet, caring guy. But if you google him you will see alot of complaints against him. He has 5 Domestic Violence cases against him in the last 3 years. So my advise to you is google anyone if you can. Also check dontdatehimgirl. Check ripoffreport.com. Check your local court system. Alot of states you can type in a persons name and it will show you what kind of cases someone has against them. I am in Washington and if you go to the Washington Court site and type in this particular guy's name you will see 20 cases against him since 2001 (when he legally changed his name). In this day in age you can't be too careful. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:33:06 AM | Deep-Sky,
Thank you for reminding us that even this site can be full of child molesters. Mind sharing the guy's screenname? I wouldn't want to get involved with him...and if he is already on a National Registry, it wouldn't hurt to put it here...unless he knows where you live! (That'd be bad...) | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 460 | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:20:33 AM | A girl can't be too careful these days. If the guy seems normal then yes it is unethical to do background checks (and just a little paranoid)...
But if your gut is telling you differently then by all means check away. After all if he has nothing to hide then he has nothing to lose by you checking.
I got this uneasy feeling about a guy that I met once and did some checking. I found that he had several different idenities (through SS#, don't ask how I got it) different ages and different addresses.... a friend at work (a cop) was worried about white slave trade where this guy was concerned. He said that this is more common than anyone would think and so easy to get away with, with internet dating and overly trusting women.
So when in doubt...check and don't be afraid to run screaming if you ever feel threatened.....It could make a big difference in your life...or the end of it. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 2:08:42 PM |
But,for you or anyone to sneak behind the back of a person, it's wrong.Why not be totally upfront and tell the person you want a background check
now where did i say i didnt tell him i was doing it?!?!?!....i almost always tell and generally cut and paste what i find out back to them! you have to realize i live in a area where most peoples cells dont pick up good signal at their homes so most guys still use a house and cell phone ...its a good way to find out if their living with mommy and daddy or the "MRS"
and i dont see googleing someone or even paying for a background check is a bad thing we are talking online dating just trying to protect myself an my chilrens lives | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 2:14:36 PM | i was talking to a guy on a different dating site ....an he happened to be the same age as my sister so i asked her if she knew him she had this horrified look on her face an told me to check kentucky state police sex offenders site which i did and sure enough he was on there ...
your talking about a lot of women who live alone some with children ,.....any man offended background or google check has something to hide | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:21:45 PM |
learned my lesson and alway do a google search on guys. There is a guy on POF who is married. A few of us have tried to get him booted off but he keeps changing his screen name
And you think women aren't doing the same thing on POF? Guess again,I met one,or maybe two or dayum was it 5 that's married but they put single in the profiles. Good
Luck trying to get married people booted...I can only hope you are successful....
now where did i say i didnt tell him i was doing it?!?!?!....i almost always tell and generally cut and paste what i find out back to them! you have to realize i live in a area where most peoples cells dont pick up good signal at their homes so most guys still use a house and cell phone ...its a good way to find out if their living with mommy and daddy or the "MRS"
The implication you left is why I concluded you do not tell the man or talk to him before doing it.
Johnne102: Your absolutely right,because People Finder and Google both have disclaimers saying the info might not be correct...
It's mind boggling to think all who use dating sites think it's the perfect thing for meeting perfect people......If those that are scared use dating sites,why must you use them?
How many do background checks on people you meet in bars and clubs or in a mall? Same people go to bars that use dating sites......Same people you meet in clubs use dating sites,etc,etc, etc,
I bet some that are complaining meet up with guys in bars and some go home with same but use dating sites to throw punches at men...Men are as innocent as women,but both men and women should know what to expect before using dating sites..
There are dating sites that screen their members before allowing them to join...Some here should join them if your scared....But again,you do a background check on me and I'll do one on you...No biggie,however,it's ridiculous to think background checks will keep stalkers from stalking and molesters from molesting or whatever some want to do to others. Hell,once the person knows your name and possibly your home address that person won't stop regardless how many background checks you do if he or she should have bad intentions...
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:23:54 PM |
I was wondering if someone can get a free background check by just getting a license plate number? I mean, wouldn't this be the most fool froof way of finding someone's true identity?
Not necessarily ,people steal license plates all the time and use them on their vehichle. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:49:10 PM |
How many do background checks on people you meet in bars and clubs or in a mall? Same people go to bars that use dating sites......Same people you meet in clubs use dating sites,etc,etc, etc,
not this person i dont go to bars ...and i dont get dates at the mall or grocery stores either ...i dont think i have ever took a man home with me from any of those places!!
the most i ever drink is a daquiri at applebees with my meal ..and i expect the same in a man
No biggie,however,it's ridiculous to think background checks will keep stalkers from stalking and molesters from molesting or whatever some want to do to others.
the whole point is to get info on them before i let them know much about myself ....i never give my whole name and never allow them to know where i live until we have dated for awhile my phone number is unpublished and unlisted i usually dont give out where i work if they wanna see me they give me the info i demand ....dont like it dont see me...that simple if you cant play by my rules then go play with yourself i have small children at home ....
back in the spring a lady and her 2 was brutally murdered the woman was strangled/stabbed the oldest daughter raped and the youngest knocked in the head then they were burned to death by a man she had met at a bar ....after she refused to see him anymore ive always got that in my mind most men around here understand that | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:14:37 PM | IMO...
Point blank, if you are suspiscious of a guy, that feeling most likely won't go away. Go with your gut, it's usually right. I learned to trust my intution more and it really pays off. It filters out a lot of unnecessary drama.
I don't think it's unethical to do a background check if you are suspiscious, but if you have an inkling of something that seems off, don't waste the time or money on him or the background check. (Besides, the cheap and fun way is to just Google his ass!) | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:29:08 PM | For the life of me, I can't understand why ANY MAN WOULD NOT want a women, who might agree to meet with him, not to feel totally comfortable, safe and at ease.
An honest, upfront genuine gentleman would not even wait to be asked, he would offer to send what ever information that would be needed to put the woman at ease and feeling safe and assured, that he was in fact, just who he presented himself to be.
A decent guy, would have concerns for a woman's safety and expect her to protect herself and not do something stupid.....like meeting a cyber stranger, whom she really knows nothing about.
Any guy worth his salt, if his intentions were honorable, would offer up front, to send necessary proof of his identity before even asking a woman to consider meeting him. He would provide her with a copy of some sort of identification, a description of his auto and his tag number. Also his address, home phone number, his place of employment and the name and number of a close relative and advise her to give this information to a family member or close friend and make arrangements to check in with that friend during the evening.
Men need to think of what advise they would give their Mothers, Sisters or daughters under the same circumstances. To me, it just shows respect for women in general and concern for the women they are showing interest in.
Would a woman really want a man who didn't have this capacity or concern? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:37:38 PM |
A "VD" Test.........this would be a good indicator of how many guys she has been sleeping with, since you can't trust women to keep their virginity.
Wow, I had no idea this kind of technology was available.
Seems like a lot of guys on these forums get cranky when women try to keep their pants on past the first couple of hours and now this guy wants women to keep their virginity. ...damned if ya do....damned if ya don't... | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:39:50 PM | You betcha... run the background check. You never know when you might run into the male version of me.
A gun totin' ex sniper who has had their fair share of lying p r i c ks who say they are average to athletic and can't see the ground when standing, looking down or even tilted forward and looking down... claim they like the outdoors, when it's the channel that carries all the bass tourneys on it...is their idea of 'outdoor' activities. Makes one want to scream and ...well..
take the gun and shoot it into a dirt pile close by...just to scare the livin' heebie jeebies out of em.
Do the background check... because there are people like me out there.
(Oh...on a serious sidenote. People think shooting a gun up into the air as a warning shot is safe... it's NOT.) | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 10/17/2007 3:24:04 AM | I don't think it's crossing the line at all.
I've found out some very interesting info on a few men just by using public information at the local county office (which is free btw).
One guy had 3 domestic violence charges on him, with each of his 3 ex's, several dui's and not allowed to drive anymore...3 CPO's from each of his 3 ex wives, filed bankruptcy and was living in a house that was owned by his mother.
People who do bad things most generally will lie about them...like domestic violence.
The number one person who is going to keep you safe is YOU.
Another bit of advice, if someone has been arrested and convicted of domestic violence, don't let them explain it away...ie, she pushed me first so that's why I had to hit her with the hammer. | |
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