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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:59:45 AM | | it's not crossing the line. i dated a guy a couple of times and just had a strange feeling about him i couldn't shake. i did a public free backgroung criminal search and found out he had spent the better part of the past 20 years in prison. the charges ranged in variety from assault to robbery, ofcourse he told an awful lot of lies about his name and living situation. he was very nice and a real gentlemen. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:25:48 AM | Just want to log in and thank all of you for your advice and well ~critiques~ (except for Broward, I should do a background check on you just for being brain dead).
I am brand new to the forums but I always value people's opinions no matter what.
The three dates, i mentioned, I should say are exceptions. The majority of men on here ARE honest and sweet and gentlemen. I don't want anyone to think I am male bashing/hater.
I do however think there IS a definite need for doing background checks on someone otherwise there wouldn't be sites for registered sex offenders, etc.
NO, I don't snoop thru drawers and sh*t
NO, I don't date these type people in some subconcious way because I'm predisposed to finding guys with red flags! These people were exceptions.
NO, I don't find you can compare a VD /DNA/pshych evalution to a criminal background check. that is like comparing apples to oranges. We're talking about dangeroous people here.
again, thanks for allllll the great input, see you next forum....    | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:54:16 AM | "NO, I don't find you can compare a VD /DNA/pshych evalution to a criminal background check. that is like comparing apples to oranges. We're talking about dangeroous people here."
If your wanting to do the Criminal Background Check, are you not assuming that all men are guilty until proven innocent?????? That no men can be trusted? So, according to your logic, even the nice, honest, sweet men need to be checked!
Hence my need for your IQ and "pshych" evaluation. Yes indeed, we are BOTH talking about dangerous people here. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 12:11:55 PM | I love it when a good question is brought up and it also brings to light more of the creeps at the same time.
Are you guys going to say that if your daughter met someone on a dating site you would not worry? And if she said she was considering doing a back round check before they planned to meet that you would not feel a bit relieved? If you did not urge her to go through with it then you would be a lousy father as well as a creep that the woman reading this already know! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 12:44:05 PM | Then you would also not have a problem with the boy asking the girl to submit to a psychiatric evaluation to determine her mental well being? Or a drug test to determine if she is on any type of mind altering or illegal drugs? I would not want my well raised son around that type of activity. I would also run a background check on her father to find out if he was once a priest. You know how they are. I would also find out if they belong to the NRA. They might have guns in the house and one could accidently discharge killing my child. I would also find out if she is Middle Eastern. They might belong to the Islamic Jihad. Oh, I would also want to check their house for any bomb making material. I would also want to know if they enjoy fishing. Fishermen tend to go on boats, and if my son went, the boat could capsize, and my precious son could drown, since I never taught him how to swim. I would also check to determine if she has 20/20 eyesight, since people with bad eyesight need to drive with glasses and if they don't they might crash her car ejecting my precious son and killing him. Oh, I would also find out if the car she was driving had dual airbags and a supplemental driver AND passenger restraints in case they get hit from the side and my son looses an arm blah blah blah...........
God, enough with your paranoia!!!!!! IT'S OLD! No wonder you can't get dates. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 12:57:31 PM | | I totally agree with checking up on your dates. I work in the legal field and you have no idea what you are getting into just by telling someone your full name. I believe in personal instinct but I met a great guy on an online site a year and a half ago, he was sweet, charming, took me to dinner, the main catch was he was not from here, he was from 3 hours south and I one day just thought things seemed odd. We were merely casual dating when he was in town but he just seemed out of place, I did a little checking up on him and find out he is married with 2 children. I know that isnt' a bad thing to some people but I want to know if the man I am with has a family because I am not a homewrecker. That is a mild case but you have to be careful allowing someone who is practically a stranger into your home, if you get to the point where you share more then your name and a coffee, I would be investing a little bit of time into research. The simplest thing is to get details out of them and be prepared to question them about details. An interesting trick a friend of mine told me was when a person tells you where they live or where they work, if you are familiar with the area and ask them details about the location. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 12:58:25 PM | | DO NOT listen to these moron people who say it is over the line for you to do a background check on a guy. The only person who holds privacy sacred above public accountability are the types who have something to hide or think it is okay in doing so. You deserve honesty, someone forthright, and to be with someone who you do not feel your safety is at risk. For all these fools to ignore the FACT that many if not most men out there are just out to use women and there are many serious dating risks to women is ridiculous and childish at best. Omissions are betrayals. You have EVERY RIGHT, thats what I said RIGHT to do a background check on this person as it is PUBLIC information for you to know. DO IT and don't worry about it. If he has any problem with it, then it tells you he IS NOT an open honest forthright person, is VERY IMMATURE in that he is such a child he can not comprehend the real dangers women face out there. If he is worth one grain of salt he will understand and WANT you to feel safe in EVERY way, and would be willing to open up his life and heart to you, if he can't he is a loser, plain and simple, toss him to the scum curb where he belongs. If everyone were subject to background checks and public accountability, they could not get away with the crap they do, that is the whole purpose for them and the fastest way to spot a liar, chat, or scam artist or user is to find out they stand against public accountability or against you protecting yourself with a background check. For you to feel guilty about is is being personally weak, do not listen to these fools. DO IT. you will probably hit on something there and you can cut and run and confirm your instincts, to not do it is ridiculous. I am glad to see how clear the field is of good guys out there, but saddened to see how women would even question such a standard. Hold men to standards, they will not hold themselves, you KNOW this. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 1:04:14 PM | Love the way people jump to conclusions:
1) Im bipolar, yes I do take 3 kinds of meds. NO im not psychotic. Yes I am a great friend, lover and father.
2) I carry a gun in my car. What would you carry when you go to downtown Miami at early hrs in the AM to work on servers. A wet noodle?
3) I have done contract work all my life and am very good at it. When my contract is over I am gone, could this be considered firing absolutely.
Now that rant is out of the way. The real reason you should get a background check is to protect you and your loved ones. Not because you think they might be a psycho stalker or whatever. If you are going to do a background check do it for the right reasons.......... your own safety. I think every woman that dates someone should do it, it doesnt cost that much, and you will at least find out what legal issues they are in. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 1:05:27 PM | So champ, since this is all public information, feel free to give us all access to all yours. I'm holding you to YOUR standard!
And, since there are dangerous women out there also, come on ladies, feel free to give us guys access to all YOUR public info.
I look forward to all you have to divludge about yourselves. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:13:17 PM | Absolutely run a credit check on the guy. And do a background search on him if you smell a dv, an abuser or a fraud. Divorce records are public info. A girl who married and quickly divorced a broke fraud, he was a wanna be male wh-re, a dv gigilo abuser, discovered during a background search the guy ran the exact same love romance marriage con, attempted robbery con, on, his first wife aka target who threw the bum in jail and divorced him. It was all there in his 1st divorce records at the county courthouse, her atty used the bums priors to have the mooch restrained by the judge and thrown out. The guy was abusing her 11 year old handicapped son!!!!! A credit report will show you all the child support judgements, credit card debts, delinquencies, defaults, liens etc. from people the bust out guy ripped off.
wwwdotlovefrauddotcom has tons of stories about no money, debt ridden, broke , bust outs trolling and looking around for targets on the internet. One married marine was engaged to 75 women he met online, this psycho g.i. joe was busted and put on all the news wires, tv news, etc. as he was an online predator, con man and fraud, his superiors banned him from computer use and sent him to the brigs and a military shrink, a few of the women filed fraud cases against this psycho g.i. joe online con man. A woman MD J. Leedom, hosts the lovefraud blog at link above. True lovefraud blogs are updated every month and cover all the scams these broke bustout looser dv abuser ,robber, debt ridden con men use online.
Naievity is not a life skill.
Read wwwdotlovefrauddotcom and you will be able to spot love romance marriage cons and predators online as they all use variations of the same cons, cons robbers and dv abusers all use the same words and lines. A credit check and background check will show you exactly how broke and busted out these debt ridden con men and frauds really are. Excellent reading at the lovefrauddotcom true lovefraud blogs.
Good Luck | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:45:00 PM | I don't know that I would waste my money doing a background check, but I would seriously reconsider the possibility of having a second date. And being fired a lot. including an alleged breach of trust? You would date this person again? <<<shakes head>>>
But you should do whatever your instincts tell you to do. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:48:16 PM | These online fact checkers often get thier information wrong. They might claim they have access to the same database as the police, but they don't. If a private individual wants to get the true criminal background history of someone, they have to pay a visit to the courthouse - most often in the county were the crime was committed. Also, you have to search the records of both district court and superior court. If the person has federal charges, that's another search. Each search cost money. You pay by the report page. Often, a single charge might generate three pages (or more, sometimes many many more) - even if there wasn't a conviction. After all that, you still might get inaccurate information.
Or perhaps information on an innocent guy, falsely accused. It does happen. Happened to a friend of mine.
He and his girlfriend walks out of a bar. She playfully gives him a shove. As the police round the corner, he playfully shoves her back. The police stop and arrest him as mandated by law. She explains they were just joking around. It doesn't matter.
Later, she goes down to the courthouse to speak to the DA to explain what happen. The DA say she must act on what was written in the police report. The DA then suggest, perhaps the girl speak to a couple of Very Nice Ladies.
Well, the Very Nice Ladies, or rather, Women's Victim Advocates descend on the girl. They gang up on her, explaining that, perhaps the guy might of only shoved her in fun, but it might also proved he harbors a deep hatred for women, so must be stopped. They don't let up on the girl. In time, they wear her down, convince her of the evilness of all men. Sure enough, they talk her into testifying against her boyfriend.
He gets convicted, loses his job, and so on.
Where was I . . .
Anyway, do a background check if it makes you feel better. That's my advice. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:55:16 PM | Holy sweet Jezusssssssss, there are a lot of bitter people on here, doing back ground checks on people? Good Lord whats next, you want your potential date to leave a DNA sample? what was that Kinks song, Paranoia , the destroyer
Im beginning to think some of you folks have bad or poor judgment skills when it comes to people, learning the difference between red flags and actual criminal behavior would be a good start, if one has to resort to background checks for dating, maybe some of you shouldn't date, if you think you're going to find the perfect person after you do the background check and he or she passes, and you think you're going to live happily ever after ..... I hear Cinderella has her waterfront property in the North Pole up for sale
Queennotprincess ever thought those sites that have those men on there were posted by women who were vindictive twisted individuals, of course there will be players out there, are you telling me that some of your spidey senses cannot detect that?
Some of you people scare me | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:57:08 PM | I'm thinking of starting a company called "datefax",sort of like carfax but my company would screen potential mates for disease,IQ and prior criminal history.
When you meet you simple have the person fill out a brief questionaire and submit a blood sample(needle included) then mail it to us.My company will do a background check,check the CDC,cross-reference the FBI DNA database and run an IQ test.
All for a low fee and your paranoia will be put to rest.
"Datefax:why bother to get to know someone when we are there to do it for you" | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:17:09 PM | "Also, you'd have to develop mathematical algorithms to determine the probability that a person might commit a crime sometime in the future""
No need because I'll have an office full of middle-aged divorcees that will look at the persons profile and make snap judgements about their personality. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:18:41 PM | I am with Girlflower on this one. The point most are missing is background checks will only expose what that person was convicted of. Of course this is the purpose of a background check but what about all the murderers and child molesters that have not been convicted? Just because you hookup with someone with a clean slate does not guarantee your safety or happiness. Maybe the guys a cop but how many crooked cops are out there? or maybe he's a priest but how many...... you get the point. The cold hard fact is if you are that paranoid or are unwilling to take chances than stay single. How daft would that be?
I say use your God given woman's intuition and keep your cash in your pocket. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:26:34 PM | There are a lot of bitter people on here, and I never read through any of those posts anyone saying that ALL "men" are like that and that ALL "men" should have background checks on them, so what is with all this defensiveness about that, not only here, but I've seen it in other posts as well. It's NOT a man bashing post, it's about protecting yourself!
And there are some crazy criminal women out there too, from what I hear, so go ahead guys, it's your right too!
Unfortunately, bad people do mess things up for everyone else, not just in this way, I've seen it happen where I work where someone does something, so privileges are taken away from everyone, not just the offenders. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.
The point of the whole matter is that it's a dangerous world we live in and we do have every right to know who we are getting involved with, just as employers these days have every right to know who they are hiring. You can't always tell who these bad people are either, sometimes they are very good at blending in and acting normal. The point is do whatever you have to do to be safe and to protect yourself!
P.S. Men, women.....all of you........check out a site called ActionAgainstViolence. I think you'd be surprised | |
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