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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 12/16/2008 2:45:17 AM | whisper 67520....You put it verry well)....So Sad but so true....The closer we get , the further apart we become.........................BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We should all be reminded of the lyrics to a song by the buffalo springfield .......(Paranoia strikes deep.. Into your life it will creep.. It starts when your always afraid.. Step out of line the men come and take you away....)
Sincerely... Johnny | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:48:23 AM |
It seems like everyone would want to be warned about people like that. I'm not talking about trashing your dates because of trivial things, but a history of say, domestic violence, etc. might be relevant to all.
Relevance depends on what each person considers relevant. I'm not going to give out personal information to anyone I haven't met in person and know well enough to suit me. If someone wants to do background check I hope she's comfortable with me doing the same - except that I'll be much more thorough. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:52:28 AM |
you get a real home phone to call them on....it's not rocket science.
That's absurd. I have a throwaway phone specifically to avoid giving anyone any personal information until I know her well enough to know she isn't a kook. Everyone should have an untraceble phone number to use when meeting people online. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:27:29 PM | If you are so suspicious of a date that you feel inclined to do a background check, then I would have to say that isn't the person for you. We need to trust our instincts.
What would a backround check accomplish? You were correct, or you do not trust the other. Lose, lose situation. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 4/20/2009 4:32:19 AM | First of all I would worry more about who you are choosing then worrying about them.
No I wouldn't date anyone on those drugs because they always use their disorder as an excuse when they screw up.
If a date had a weapon in a car, I'd end it immediately.
If a date was always being fired, theres a reason.
Why the heck do you need to do a background check? I'd just look at their actions. I really think you are being ridiculous; what if the background checks come back clean even if they have these things in their lives?
It takes time to get to know someone. Take your time and eventually the truth will come out. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 4/20/2009 5:01:03 PM |
It takes time to get to know someone. Take your time and eventually the truth will come out
Lets be honest here. In today's world there are way too many people who are not who they present themselves to be and the Internet makes a wonderful trolling pond looking for ones next victim.
Isn't there some guy in Massachucest who is being looked for, for rape and murder, serial troll-er of the Internet dating sites? The picture I saw on the news, presented a guy who looked normal, good looking and presents an air of confidence. I bet he had a great line.........also.
No matter how long one talks to someone they met on the Internet, in that first face to face meeting, they are still strangers. It takes one on one, face to face, spending time with someone and meeting their friends and family to really get to know the real person.
If one background check saves someone from being harmed..........it's worth doing 100's of them on 100's of folks. I vote for using ALL the resources available on the Internet and elsewhere, to verify someone is who they present themselves to be?
But then, I've seen way to many people hurt from NOT being too careful, in my many years.
If one has nothing to hide, one hides nothing and would want the other person to use good sense, tools available and caution. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 4/20/2009 5:58:22 PM | I ALWAYS go on the sexual predator web site and look up a guy who I may go out with... I also have to tell you ...meet these guys somewhere... don't get yourself in a car with them without having met them first... keep in mind that you only know the name they tell you..... if your gut tells you to be a little afraid perhaps you should listen to it...
I always say a little fear is healthy...good luck | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 7/30/2009 1:32:29 AM | Absolutely NOT! The internet has attracted cons, pervs, child predators, etc... who do you know who you're really going out with? If I were in your shoes with the guys who carry guns, take too many meds, or steal - you need to kick those guys to the curb. Don't even bother with them. Save your money and wait until you meet someone you really like; lots of manipulators out there as well. THEN spend the money, you'll still need to know.  | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:09:01 PM | A bit late on this question. Just had an experience on this site with a man who sounded too good to be true. I did a background search because until I get to know them and their lives, I don't meet them. Well, it turned out that there was no truth in anything that he said. There was no one with that name where he said he lived, he stated he was an attorney, and there was no one in the california bar with his name. I don't know about anything else, because I couldn't find anything to to with him.
I wrote him back telling he was a liar and a cheat, among other things.
I could have met him, because he sounded so good, but I'm glad that i found out.
ONE CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL THESE DAYS! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:55:09 PM | | Those are HUGE big red flags saying you need to leave that date ASAP!!!!! If you are worried about you dates (which i would be if i was in your shoes) then you shouldn't even be going on dates with people like them.That's how girls/women gets killed especially if you know your date had a weapon in his car while you were in there....OMG. I would love to hear all about that date.I would have dialed 911 to come pick me up ASAP | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/12/2009 7:54:00 PM | First of all, you can find out a lot about somebody with public records. Most “background checks” are just a collection of public record sources that a website or private investigator gather for you.
You are usually not entitle to driver records, medical records or background or other legally confidential information. So again, most information you can collect on someone is either a “public record” or in the public domain.
That means it is not unethical to look at. No different than researching anything. Of course what you find you should keep to yourself and be prepared for the backlash that anyone would feel being “examined” secretly.
Since you are meeting “online” why not check ‘em out “online?”
You can use pipl.com or search.com and bop.com. There are plenty of government websites that give free civil, domestic and other case info. Check out public database for warrants, restraining orders, “Megan’s List” sex offenders.
With http://www.intelius.com/ you can usually fund out someone’s age and names of relatives including a wife. If the lie about age, what else are they lying about.
Go ahead and snoop. It’s what public records are for. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:06:16 PM | Background checks on suspicious dates? Good lord what the hell is next, why dont you ask for a DNA sample and a psych report too, while you're there make sure you clearance from Homeland security, FBI, CIA and Interpol and for good measure contact Canadian Intelligence.....
Im thinking if you have to go through the checks, dating should be the last thing on your mind. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:36:38 PM | Times used to be that when you met someone you were potentially kinda sweet on, the two of you had mutual friends and acquaintances you could quiz for information. Here, not so much. So what is left?
Right. Background checks. But on the other hand, as someone upthread posted:
The best background check would be to stop dating guys based on their pic alone, and do your homework... and talk and talk and talk and see what they're about first before you go snooping through their things... I've had my fair share of people going through my drawers when I've left them in the apartment, or going through my phone when I go to the bathroom.... while curiosity may be getting the best of you, honestly, that is also one of the best ways to lose a decent man.
There's a lot of truth to that, too. Bummer it doesn't quite fit with the speed of today's society, though. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:47:47 PM | Well I have told my story on here but the thread was deleted. I met someone online that told me they were a successful artist. The also said they were a day trader, singer, and writer. She told me that she dated sports stars, had been offered movie deals and so on. She made herself sound like she was very successful and established and connected. We spent a lot of time exchanging chats and she wanted me to fly out and meet her.
Well because some of the information seemed to good to be true and she started having things happened like her phone getting “broken” or saying she was “moving.”
I eventually learned “miss perfect” had recently been evicted (3rd time in 5 years), filed bankruptcy recently, had sued her last employer, could not open a bank account, did not own any real estate (claimed she was looking at houses), had filed several restraining orders against former boyfriends who she had moved in with, had passed bad checks, ad a car reposed while I was chatting with her online, and more. Much of the info was supplied by google public websites. Also discovered a mutual friend through the search and learned more concerning personal details.
Bottom line is I was no longer interested in this person. Sure they were skeletons in her closet and may make no difference to some people, but I don’t see why any man would be interested in the a train wreck of a women in her mid-40’s with so many money and personal issues.
I was glad I learned that stuff before wasting my time taking her out on dates. You can move on a lot faster, safer and with less drama if you know some of those public records first. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:57:32 PM | Well seriously these senarios sound pretty intimidating period except for the gun a lot of people carry a weapon in case they get car jacked.
I feel kind of ambiguous about this whole deal actually I think it wreaks of distrust and it is an invasion of privacy.
However I will tell you that I will admit to doing this once in my life when I was a lot younger and I worked part time closing a bar down to help me pay for school and there was someone who hung out there that wanted me to date them I did have someone I knew in law enforcement run a make on him and here come to find out he had never been convicted but had been a suspect in several burglaries.
Since I was alone when I closed the bar most of the time I thought this was an extremely lucky break to find out this info. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:13:26 PM | I'd first say check your method of getting to know the person. Are you asking enough in depth questions? Are you rushing a meeting? Are you ignoring what your gut is telling you? And when you arrange dates are you setting them up where you would be safe and free to end things if things weren't going well.
I keep this advice given by Maya Angelou in mind: When a person tells you who they are believe them!! Sometimes people tell us who they are but we just ignore it because we are attracted. Also, we women often think we can change a man if they just get with us, the "right woman." People only change when they want to.
The other thing is that you can't carry your bad dating experiences into the next date. It's not fair.
I say that if you feel that you are just not able to judge character well enough go ahead and do the search. But just remember every creep is not going to show up so you still need to use your own good judgement.
Peety | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/14/2009 12:20:56 AM | Like some of the people have said. All these things are red flags. Probably the psych person is the one you would have the best luck with. But anyways...
Yes, it is completely appropriate to do background checks on people as long as they don't ever figure out what you did. In your cases, it was necessary! Personally I have never run a background check on anyone. | |
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