| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:34:33 PM | Our county posts public records regarding criminal, civil and marriage/divorce records. If you know the county the person lives in and that county does something similar you can at least see if they are married and if they are divorced.
I don't think there is anything wrong with verifying that someone IS single if they have told you they are and in meeting/dating them you have cause to question this. Personally I have had this experience and it was only after falling for the guy that I later received a call from the wife!!! I had NO IDEA he was married.
I'm not stupid at all; he's a pro at lying. Unfortunately there are those people out there.
Guy with a weapon in the car: Always take enough money with you to afford a taxi ride home if necessary. Go to a public place to meet and if needed, enlist someone to help you if you feel in danger. Better safe than sorry.
Someone on psych medications. There are a lot of misconceptions about mental illness. Not everyone who takes psychiatric medications is dangerous. A great majority are just the neighbor next door, best friend, co-worker you know kind of people. There are anti-seizure medications that are used to control mood disorders, migraine and other pain. There are antidepressants that can also be used to control not only depression, but also certain types of pain. There are numerous people in the world with disorders that function well in society. Everyone has his or her quirks. Many people are cautious about sharing their background with others due to prejudgment and assumptions. I would bet, without a doubt there is other people in your life who are on medications for depression or on some form of a medication considered a psychiatric medication but they don't feel comfortable sharing that information with you. Can you blame them? EDUCATE YOURSELF!!! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:37:42 PM | OP:
I don't think you would ever be "crossing the line" to do any kind of a background check in order to protect your safety. I think many women are smart enough to know that this will not provide you with all the answers. Intuition is important, and that's why it's best not to rush into revealing private information about yourself. If you feel the man has potential to be a future partner, there are many things you should be aware of...not just criminal charges. As a woman, I have no objectins to a man making the same kind of check on my past.
As for this particular Forum, there would be no need for me to do any kind of background check on several of the men who have posted here. They have already proven to me that there is no way I would even consider them to be any part of my life.
Isn't freedom of speech wonderful?.
Better to have made "informed" decisions than relying totally on "gut" or "emotional"
reactions. It might be interesting to learn what these men would suggest be done by their sister? their daughter? or even their "mother". It's wonderful to be trusting, but one cannot be too careful. Better safe than sorry.
And those are my thoughts.
Knittin Kitten | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:41:43 PM | I always do a background check, but then I work at a place where I can easily run one if I have a ss number, driver's license or even there car tag license. Most check out just fine, but two didn't and I am glad I knew that those two had protection orders out on them by several other women. DO IT...you won't be sorry. Don't give out your phone number until after you have dated a good month, don't give them your address either... I believe that for the first four or five dates that it should be in a public place with each bringing their own car. When you leave to go home, don't go straight home either. Go for a couple of hours to a small enough place that you know if his car is around watching you...library or something for example.
Yeah, this may sound paranoid, but as I said, I work in a place where background checks are done all the time....and you would be surprised what I have found. Google their email address a bit, and see what sites they are on. That tells a lot also if you don't want to pay for a background check. But Girl...it is well worth the money. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:45:57 PM | I don't think you should be dating if you're going to background checks on your date. Love is supposed to be about trust and acceptace. If you date someone that you feel isn't right for you than you continue dating until you find someone that shares complimentary values, morals and beliefs.
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fshnpl
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Joined: 7/27/2007
Msg: 57 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:56:00 PM | I wouldn't put my stock in a background check but use your instincts .
The law is black and white life has alot of grey.
I know people who on paper look bad but aren't.
Getting caught pissing in public is a sexual offence.Maybe rape was a girl friend who wanted him in trouble,these things happen.I'm not saying that you should ignore the facts but your feelings are most important.I've been known to carry a gun before too but turned out ok I didn't need it. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:00:08 PM | | You contradict yoruself. You say love is supposed to be about TRUST. there is NO TRUST when you cant even look into someones past to see who they are like as if that is some big deal. WOW. If you have to HIDE that much you are NOT CREATING any trust. Trust is CREATED in a relationship NOT BLINDLY GIVEN. Blind trust is NOT the healthy kind of trust, you have this totally confused. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:27:23 PM | Why would you EVER date a man that carries a weapon in his car?? Are you talking about a gun or knife?
I mean if someone has a tire iron laying in the back seat of his car because he lives in a really bad neighborhood or his life has been threatened, ok. But he should never, ever bring it on a date with a woman if she's riding in the same car with him. Also, don't get in a man's car unless you know him well enough and have gone on several public dates and you've told people about him, his car, his address, etc. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:38:55 PM | It's an idea I have thought about doing, due to some of the strange experiences I've had with dating. But is it ethical?
1) date who was on 3 different pysch medications.
2)date with weapon in car (nothing happened we just went to dinner and back)
3)date admitting to being fired a LOT. (once for alleged company theft)
A back ground check requires the following information.
SS#, DOB and full name. That sort of check would not reveal anything about how many times a person was fired from a job, or if that person carried a gun in their car or what type if any meds.
It's not a crime to carry a gun in a persons car nor is it crime to get fired or use meds.
I carry two guns in my car, gosh does that bother you? If so why? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:47:05 PM | Many people do this with every person they consider dating as a matter of course because they are paranoid they will meet an axe murderer so to some it is personal preference while others are horrified that someone would feel the need.
I don't think I would ever do it all of the time and I don't think if my gut was giving me a big hint that I would do it, I would likely choose not to see the person.
If I was really feeling ambivalent because I really liked the person and my misgivings seemed small, I might depending on what I thought I would find.
Mepalmer, in Texas you are just as likely to find a gun in your date's purse as his/her glove compartment. People that carry a concealed weapon may not even think about it being there. A friend who was an attorney was going into the courthouse one day and her boyfriend asked if she had her gun. He could carry it into the courthouse without any questions, she would have had some serious problems if she had not given it to him. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:11:08 PM | I never eat cereal on the first date. I will how ever carry a gun in my car on any occassion.
Does my carrying gun excite you or turn you off? Carrying a gun exictes me, but not to the point of orgasm.
I believe that some women find guns to be sexy. | |
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wafta
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Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 67 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:15:35 PM | I think this all boils down to women wanting to find their "perfect" man immediately and using the quickest ways possible to weed through the bunch.
Before these searches became available, we all had to take our time getting to know someone and build up trust, why can't we just go back to that?
For those of you who've forgotten, here's some tips :
You find someone on here, mutual interest.
Exchange a couple of emails, find some common ground.
If any red flags appear at this stage, move on.
Move to MSN/Phone/whatever suits you both, get to know each other more.
If any red flags appear at this stage, move on.
When, and only when, you feel a strong enough connection, arrange to meet.
If any red flags appear on meeting, move on.
Continue to talk/email/meet to form a stronger bond, all people are different, so no set time limit is necessary.
If, during this time, any red flags appear, move on.
Continue like this until you know enough about each other to establish trust, could take weeks/months, depending on the people involved.
If, during this time, any red flags appear, move on.
Once this relationship has been established, bring the children into the equation. If you trust them enough, then the time is right.
Spend "some" time together with the children, but "most" on your own, developing the relationship even further, whilst slowly introducing the kids/family life.
If any red flags appear now, either with you or with your children, move on.
By this point, if no red flags have appeared, then the chances are you're onto something good - hold onto it, enjoy it, have fun and be happy.
DON'T, under any circumstances, start a relationship by being devious, dishonest and sneaky. You are, after all, probably the very same people who put on your profiles that you're looking for "honesty" and "trust" !!
Don't EVER expect to be given something you cannot give yourself.
Take your time and, who knows, we may all find happiness one day | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:22:21 PM | champ55C, I can put a lot of holes in your theory
DO NOT listen to these moron people who say it is over the line for you to do a background check on a guy. The only person who holds privacy sacred above public accountability are the types who have something to hide or think it is okay in doing so. bullshit, I have nothing to hide, If anyone did a search on me they would find I own 3 properties, Little mortgages( tax purposes) good credit, no criminal record, not even a parking ticket, YET I WOULD BE INSULTED if some one I wanted to date did a background check on me. you dont speak for all men do you? maybe people in your circle are like that.
DO IT and don't worry about it. If he has any problem with it, then it tells you he IS NOT an open honest forthright person, is VERY IMMATURE in that he is such a child he can not comprehend the real dangers women face out there bullshit again, men and women face dangers out there, its part of LIFE, and some people need to learn the skill how to street proof themselves.
would be willing to open up his life and heart to you, if he can't he is a loser, plain and simple, toss him to the scum curb where he belongs. again with the bullshit, people should open up to people after 2 dates or so? WTF
I'm not dating you you moron. My fist is about 5x the size of the end of a hammer and I would not hesitate to use it on your face. My favorite of your quotes, yep , you sound like one of the good guys
This is soooooo sad that people have to resort to back ground checks on people, Yes there are scum bags, con artists and criminals out there, but really folks, how many people fall under that category, maybe some of you shouldn't date if you're that paranoid. | |
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Jooly
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Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 69 | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:26:39 PM | hey boward why not pick on somebody who can fight back
so here what I did I cked out you profile and let me tell you something IF I were Gay I would run like hell and delete you and block mesasage after reading your essay
7 cities in 4 YRs and your looking for a fat goth { 18 or younger} for a good time on the 15 th in VEGAS WTF is wrong get some meds and a therapist or you are going down Hard . you essay say you have no sence of humor so I dont think you are kidding when You wrote in YOUR ESSAY the flaker the better the sex ?????
W T F ???????????????? | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 71 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:29:21 PM | If a person is going to do background searches on people they date, I think they should put that in their profiles. I also think they should give prospective dates all the info they need to do background searches on them. That way it's a very level playing field with no deception involved.
The main problem i have with this is DECEPTION. You invades someone privacy by running this check behind their backs. If you find something you don't like , you just stop talking to the them and move on to the next victim. If you don't find anything negative you keep dating him/her without ever mentioning having done such a check.
Is that anyway to start a relationship ? keeping secrets from the person you're seeing?.
Bring it out in the open so all the cards are on the table otherwise it's just another BS game being played by very dishonest people. | |
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Jooly
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Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 72 | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:36:45 PM | Champ... ref message #39....I wish to commend you for the best post I've read so far.
Males (and you notice I did not use the word MEN) who object to women doing all they can to be safe in any dating situation, in my regard have little respect for women or concern for their safety. The red flags I see in their protest....They have something to hide, maybe skirt honesty by omission and certainly fear exposure in some degree.
"DO NOT listen to these moron people who say it is over the line for you to do a background check on a guy. The only person who holds privacy sacred above public accountability are the types who have something to hide or think it is okay in doing so"
Very well stated and a reflection of a Mature Man who does have a great deal of respect for females. I commend your parents for instilling good morals, values and intregrety. | |
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GEOSC
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 74 | |
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GEOSC
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 75 | |
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