| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:56:23 PM |
At least someone is being honest about what dating is all about for guys - the only purpose to be with a women is to try to have sex with you once and then disappear
Give me a f*cking break.. HE may be honest about what HE wants, do NOT assume that I want the same thing(s) from a woman. If you feel that is the mentality of all males as you said, you will never find that long term you are supposedly looking for.
Back to topic... do what you feel is right OP regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels is right, they aren't you. I personally have no problem with a woman doing that, I don't have anything to hide and it's her dime, not mine. People in general will NOT tell you all of the skeletons they have in their closet, especially the ones with socially unacceptable histories. Child molesters don't wear signs (good idea though), rapists don't set themselves apart from the crowd, and abusers don't proclaim their rights to beat a woman in public. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:55:25 PM | I supp0se you can hand your date a questioniare.
1. Do you carry a weapon in your car?
2. Have you ever lied?
3. Have ever been convicted of a minor traffic violation?
4. Do you have any scars or tattoos?
5. Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
6. Have you ever plotted to overthrow the federal government?
7. Have you ever commited a thought crime? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:00:49 PM | And for 6 out of 7 of those questions, we are NOT talking about being Dangerous, duncan! Only that OMG there's a weapon in the car? Maybe I might need to find out if there's something like kidnapping in this guy's past? Maybe it'll save me grief later. It's not a horrible thing you know to want to know exactly who you are dating.
Then again, we are on here to see who we think would make a good date, mate or LTR.
The more informed we are the better. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:06:19 PM | I find it very peculiar that in the interest of dating safety, which many females (notice I used the term female, not women) supposedly champion in here. I have yet to have a single female in here willing to open themselves up to any kind of background check, or suggest that this should go both ways. Does anyone in here find that odd? Hypocritical maybe? I would have thought that since they are screaming so loudly about this trying to hammer home this point that they would be MORE than willing to partake in an exercise that they believe to be so important to the well being of all those involved in dating. But they do not. They ask humans of the opposite sex to be accountable, yet feel that accountability is below them.
I am more and more convinced, as evidenced by their very own hypocritical behavior and myopic viewpoints, that this has very little to do with safety, and everything to do with their own ego. They will somehow be able to wield this control over another man, somehow pump up their own ego for a brief moment, become self gratified that they were in control. What happens when they find out that this person has nothing to hide, is what he claims to be. I am willing to bet that many will scream that the system is screwed up, somethings wrong, how can this be, he's a man, he MUST be hiding something. The system ONCE again has failed me.
Females, PLEASE, for the love of humanity, just one of you, tell me that this works both ways. PLEASE, prove me wrong and I will shut up. None of you have! I have met scary, dubious women in here. But because their female, they could not possibly be harmful? There is a female in here that suggested you run a credit check. Great, show me YOUR credit. Shoe me YOU can handle your money. Why does this not work BOTH ways. I can be accountable, you show me yours and I will show you mine! Is this NOT a fair deal? PLEASE, SOMEONE GIVE ME A WELL THOUGHT OUT ARGUMENT AS TO WHY THIS ONLY WORKS ONE WAY!
Remember, for every finger you point, there are 2 more point back at you. I have nothing to hide. Why are all of you such a well guarded secret? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:15:06 PM | | hacks, just because no one has said.....Hey check me out, I could care less, having some maturity and intelligence, most of us would garner from our responses...that if we feel its ok to check out someone for safety dating reasons, we wouldn't have a double standard or object to being checked out also. I never ask of another, something I would not be willing to do myself......Does that make common sense to you? Does to me. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:49:24 PM | did i read sumone say "just ask?'' lol  yea...if they got sumthin to hide..there really gonna tell u the truth....
and red flags can go off like crazy...thats right...and usually if they do its a reason to run...but wasnt it ted bundy who everyone said was "a nice guy who didnt bother a soul?"....or maybe it was one of them other serial killers out there..who can keep track....they all say the same thing bout most of em...lol nice guys
heck yea do a check on em....thats just protectin urself....i run ur plates b4 i approach ur vechile on a traffic stop to see who im gonna be goin up against....y shouldnt ppl be able to do it on a date? but make no mistake on this one....not everyone has gotten caught at what they have done or r currently doin...so dont let that be ur only judge of character....
keep safe all while in the datin game | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:53:58 PM | LMFAO, thanks OREGON WRITER for that response, could have not said it better.
ALWAYS DO BACKGROUND CHECK ON SOMEONE YOU ARE THINKING OF DATEING. SOME ARE EVEN FREE. IF YOU KNOW WHAT COUNTY AND STATE THEY GREW UP IN. MOST COURTS ARE NOW POSTING RECORDS ONLINE, FOR PUBLIC ACCESS.
****FOR OKLAHOMA RESIDENTS, GO TO OKLAHOMA STATE SURPREME COURT NETWORK**** MOST COUNTY COURT RECORDS ARE LINKED ON THIS SITE***** THIS IS FOR STATE RECORDS ONLY.
****FOR TEXAS GO TO THE DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY WEBSITE, YOU CAN DO A BACKGROUND CHECK FOR TEXAS FOR A VERY SMALL FEE**** | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:04:02 PM | If you have great suspicion, dump the person. Your instinct is telling you something. Listen to it.
A background check is important. Do it before you get too emotionally involved.
Also, do a google search on the person. You may be surprised at what you will find. Do keep in mind that the information you get may be a different person with the same name.
I did a Google search on a (now former) girlfriend. She had already told me that she suffered from False Memory Syndrome. What Google told me was that not only did she suffer from FMS, but that she was the second most important False Memory Syndrome case in the U.S.
I would have been shocked expected that she had already told me. I WAS shocked at the details the Internet told me. None of this was a deal-breaker. We were together for about 3 years.
It is a weird feeling to find your girlfriend's name all over the Internet. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:18:43 PM | In the state of washington you can do a criminal background check, search divorce records etc by county. I would go to your local county website and see if the court system will allow you to search for court cases by name. Our system is called Linx I think.
Heck no it isn't crossing the line but then you have to ask yourself why are you attracted to someone who is giving you the willies? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:25:37 PM | Maybe you're dating the wrong kind of women if that is your experience. I have no problem having a back ground check, STD check, etc.... We live in a very weird world and quite frankly I think it is possibly a necessary evil. Turn about is fair play.
When women start raping, murdering, kidnapping men and children to the same degree that men do than your argument will hold more validity. You are not taking into account the sheer statistics of who is committing violent crimes and who they are being committed against. When the playing field is even in this regard there would be no reason for women to object. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:28:59 PM | Maybe you're dating the wrong kind of women if that is your experience. I have no problem having a back ground check, STD check, etc.... We live in a very weird world and quite frankly I think it is possibly a necessary evil. Turn about is fair play.
When women start raping, murdering, kidnapping men and children to the same degree that men do than your argument will hold more validity. You are not taking into account the sheer statistics of who is committing violent crimes and who they are being committed against. When the playing field is even in this regard there would be no reason for women to object. | |
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Deni30
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Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 89 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:44:43 PM | | A few months ago, I went on a date a with a guy (who I met at a party) who seemed too good to be true. I was also slightly suspicious of a few things he said. I seem to attract guys who feel the need to make up things about themselves to make them appear richer and more interesting or whatever than they really are. Some things he said panned out- but I had this nagging feeling. I tried a few google tricks I know and whoa! I found out (and I don't have the patience to explain the convoluted way I found out sorry) that he sleeps with hookers and has several false identities. I was at the very least fortunate to meet the “real” one? However, I was beyond confused why an attractive (extremely), successful and smart guy would have to resort to hookers and lies? Wow- unexpected for sure and way more than I bargained for. Lessoned learned. Funny thing is he was angry that I "invaded" his privacy by looking into his background. Even referred to it as "stalker-like" behavior- which is ludicrous! I compulsively google whenever I meet someone new now (personally I wouldn't go further than that)- it's the internet age! This is what we do! :) And I certainly expect the same, feel free! ;) | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:49:09 PM | Yes you are crossing the line. Would you want someone doing it to you? I wouldn't date you if you ran that check on me.
If you are that nervous about all of that behavior a better solution would be to stop dating them. It's that simple. Relationships have to do with trust. If you can't trust them, then stop dating them. You are supposed to trust yourself to figure these things out. However, if all of those behaviors keep showing up, maybe you should stop dating and ask a friend to be honest with you about what YOU are doing wrong.
I am not into guns but know friends who actually need to carry them. All are in real estate and have long term marriages. Two are landlords of low income housing and the other is a foreclosure specialist. I would not want either job. One of the two spends a significant amount of time involved in a children's sailing program at a local yacht club. All are good guys.
If someone had a guy that "showed up" and didn't say anything about why he had it, I would ask them. If their explanation was plausible then keep dating. If you really don't like guns, just like some people don't like smokers, don't date them.
However, if you are dating someone a long time and things are not adding up, take a step back and ask why. Background digging might be in order, and I am not even talking (yet) about that kind of check. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:02:53 AM | Deni...... kinda like a couple I googled. One was retired military, worked for National Security at a large airport......meaning he had to have a high security clearance, back ground check and should be above reproach....found him on an adult site....naked hummm pictures and all.....puke.....oh and his profile mentioned he was bi-sexual, into cyber and phone sex....the things we think are private. hahaha
Another one was also retired military, counter intelligence, told me I was the only one he was seeing and corresponding with, googled him and found several cards he had sent from card sites to women, during that time, mentioning their up coming meetings. Even had their email addys listed, so I looked up their yahoo profiles.....yep on the adult side. One had naked pictures posted and the other was into s/M kinky sex.
What they choose to show you........is not always what your getting.....I swam.. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:08:17 AM | rts555~~All you really have to do is read these posts from the people who HAVE uncovered stuff on their "dates" potential "LTR's" etc. and it's no small crap either. Are you saying ALL these women attract the wrong guys?(or men, whatever) You are in a sense blaming the victim or (almost victim)
Just a little background since this thread is so long:
the three dudes I mentioned were exceptions
the majority of guys are upstanding gentlemen
and No dammit I don't subconciously attract the wrong men.(except maybe in the forums)
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:38:25 AM | "And for 6 out of 7 of those questions, we are NOT talking about being Dangerous, duncan! Only that OMG there's a weapon in the car? Maybe I might need to find out if there's something like kidnapping in this guy's past? Maybe it'll save me grief later. It's not a horrible thing you know to want to know exactly who you are dating.
Then again, we are on here to see who we think would make a good date, mate or LTR.
The more informed we are the better."
My point is a background check won't save you from an unknown. A gun will. If a guy has minor criminal record would you dump him? By doing a background check you have only violated the privacy rights of the innocent and were unable to uncover the guilty and so what did you accomplish?
Having a gun in the car does not make a guy a serial killer how stupid. Getting fired from a job means what? It means nothing.
Asking questions and using common sense is the only way. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:43:09 AM |
Hacksalot:
I find it very peculiar that in the interest of dating safety, which many females (notice I used the term female, not women) supposedly champion in here. I have yet to have a single female in here willing to open themselves up to any kind of background check, or suggest that this should go both ways.
Are you not reading everything or what? Does all that hacking have you skipping entire paragraphs?
And there are some crazy criminal women out there too, from what I hear, so go ahead guys, it's your right too!
And that's just one of them, I've seen it said SEVERAL times!
C'mon! Pay attention!
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 4:49:42 AM | hacksalot03 noticed you backed off with your tail between your legs!
What is good for the goose is good for the gander and although I have never run a back round check on anyone if I was concerned I would not hesitate. If a gentlemen who was interested in me ran a back round check It would not bother me in the least as I have nothing to hide. It would also show me that he was have serious feelings about the possibility of a relationship and just wanted to make sure everything was on the up an up before he invested feelings in a new relationship. Sounds like an all win win to me! And since you like throwing out personal insults I would like to inform you I have no problem getting dates that is why my profile on pof is so low profile.
Champ cheers to you! Very well put! Gentlemen like you are hard to find these days. Sure wish other guys would learn something from your good example.  | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 5:34:46 AM | Every county in the USA has public records, learn how to use them... they are free or near free. Many countys also have the info online ( totally free). The background check is the first of many checks on someone. You also have to use your instincts too... as well as make sure your contact with thris person is not going to leave you with STD's or being robbed/ beat up/ raped/ drugged/ used to get to your kids or family members kids/ freeloaders... and the list goes on.
You then have to determine mental and emotional status for your safety which your not going to get from any public records. If your not familair with abnormal psychology... read up on it. If you ever meet someone and consider marriage. you should also do a credit check on each other... most states you get it free once a year. Last thing you want to do is get a bad legal suprise.
About 10 years ago I met a women in my work who was using the personals and doing everything wrong. She married and divorced guys off the web 3 times and ended up not only getting duped out of her property, ruined credit, an STD... numerous civil cases involving these men... she had to go back to work after being retired early.
Must have sucked to be her but I did learn what not to do. She was very gullible and immature when it came to men. She was almost 50 at the time too... which really opened my eyes as to how stupid people can be at any age. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:40:41 AM | If I am suspicious enough to feel the need to have someone checked out, then that is not a very good foundation for a relationship.
If the man passes, should I inform him that he passed?
On the other hand, for a first date, I prefer to meet at a public place. I drive myself, and I let more than one friend or family know where I am going. Still, a background check seems a bit extreme. If something seems out of synch then why would one be going on the date in the first place, background check or not? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:43:15 AM | "hacksalot03 noticed you backed off with your tail between your legs!"
No Hhere, just stating some facts. I still doubt that this has much to do with safety and more to do with ego gratification. But if this is done with the consent of both parties as to what information is to be divuldged, such as criminal records, fine. There are things in my divorce records that are none of your damn business, but you seem to feel that they are, proving my point in the previous post.
"And since you like throwing out personal insults I would like to inform you I have no problem getting dates that is why my profile on pof is so low profile. "
If you had read it correctly, it was not a personal insult, and if you took it that way, thats YOUR problem! Feel free to take accountability for that! Oh, that's right, it's someone elses fault.
Hhere, please, feel free to continue posting, you only reinforce my points in the previous post. Appreciate it! | |
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