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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:44:41 AM | "About 10 years ago I met a women in my work who was using the personals and doing everything wrong. She married and divorced guys off the web 3 times and ended up not only getting duped out of her property, ruined credit, an STD... numerous civil cases involving these men... she had to go back to work after being retired early."
And I seriously doubt that if she had done the background checks, it would have helped her at all. Like you said, she was gullible and stupid! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:46:58 AM | | I dont think it's crossing the line per say. BUT!!!! If you feel it neccessary to do this than I wouldnt even date them at all. Go with your womens intuition on someone If it feels wrong, just dont see the guy again, and I wouldnt waste my money on a jerk anyway. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:42:08 AM | msg 104... I do think it would have made a difference !
back then the internet was new and people did not have access to the things they do now... or with such ease.
She was a very nice lady but I would call her sheltered from certain aspects of life, like men. She had been married over 25 years to one man, lived far in the country and raised, trained horses.
She had no clue as to what it was like to be a single person dating and dated as if she was in the country.
The first man she married after her divorce... had a long history of all kinds of illegal issues, scam companies and domestic violence. If she would have some insight into any of that... she would not have married him in the first 2 weeks she met him
( crazy she did that but she did).
I googled him a few months ago and he is listed online from the early 1980's on county public records... with scams, lawsuits, marriages, evictions, debt, IRS problems, etc.
All info found on free public records in the county he is in.
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:50:40 AM | I absolutely think it's a great idea. I would not be insulted at all if someone ran a check on me. It works best if you go ahead and pay the 20 bucks because it's a nation wide check as well as international if it is serious.
People move around a lot so the 20 bucks is well spent. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:59:42 AM | I highly recommend doing county record searches and sex offender searches ,especially if you have children ,and this person will evenually be a part of your childs life . I recommend single fathers to do this ,as well ,because there is female registered sexual offenders ,as well . In my small community ,we actually have one registered female sexual offender .
I know a lady who met a guy from a singles sites ,and he ended up being a registered sexual offender . You hear so much lately about men ,who are out stalking the single sites ,looking to hook up with single mothers,to get access to her children . I will not take a chance with my childrens safety ,no matter how normal a man seems to appear to me .
Anyone who wants to run a check on me ,is free to . Heck ,I have even done a check on myself ,and found my speeding ticket and seat belt ticket . I would not be offended, if anyone wanted to do a check on me .
Geez I just made myself even more undateable by saying this on the forum .  | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:10:56 AM | Now I agree about the sex offender search. I do that on ALL men. But that's free! 
And I dont think anyone has the right to see someones credit history if it's not for bill collecting purposes!!! I could care less honestly!!! My ex Husband ruined my credit BADLY. That is NO WAY a reflection on MY money habits!!! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:11:52 AM | HHere, were ALL laughing at you!
As for the check CJ, there is information that many are wanting that are just none of their business, pure and simple. It's none of their business my worth, how I spend my money, my net assets, retirement. Other than my divorce date, there is no info in there that they are entitled to, PERIOD! Other than a criminal check, there is no info in there that would provide for their safety. Why should they be given access to it? At least not for the purposes of dating. IT'S NONE OF THEIR GOD DAMN BUSINESS! There obviously are other reasons for their wanting this information. This all goes back to my point in a previous post, which some in here, with their 3rd grade educations and greatly diminished mental capaticities, cannot begin to comprehend. If they have such a pathetic little existance that they have to make everyone elses business their own, then they are not worth dating. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:40:51 AM | I agree with "hacksalot03", If you have doubts, run...I respect privacy, financial, personal, etc...I dont agree a persons life should be open to the public, to wonder through...I dont have any problem with criminal checks (within reason of coarse)...
Look we are all grownups, here, the fact that some kook can google my name and find out all my credit history etc...is a bit disturbing...Internet theft, shit I dont trust anyone who
immediately says, "I Googled You"...Get the #### out ...See Ya....
I have nothing to hide but where I live, job, credit history, blah, blah(is my right to privacy)
...Ive been stalked before by a woman, that appeared very nice...Showed up at my work place , at my home ...uninvited ....It didnt end there...DID I HAVE A POOR JUDGE OF CHARACTER...DAMN RIGHT...NEVER AGAIN...
Im very clear about a persons privacy, most of all mine...WHEN IN DOUBT (RUN) | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:21:24 AM |
As for the check CJ, there is information that many are wanting that are just none of their business, pure and simple. It's none of their business my worth, how I spend my money, my net assets, retirement.
I was not refering to finances. I was refering to criminal acts. However anything public knowledge is their right. They have every right to know. It should be hard for freaks to keep their criminal lives private. Mainly because it's not suppose to be private. I get checks done on me all the time due to my work. Alternative Fuel investors and companies want to know that their propriatary knowledge is safe with me when I design a facility or a R&D plant.
If you are truely irrespnsible fiscally there will be fraud charges on the check. I think anyone dealing with this individual know what areas the person can be trusted.
I'm absolutely certain that if more checks were done there would be less pain and love termoil. Women and men mentally and spiritually wrecked by users.
Here is the point......if he/she is criminal by nature or past conduct they will also be inherantly abusive to others even if it is covert. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:27:17 AM | Someone finally hit the nail on the head, POOR JUDGE OF CHARACTER ....amen
Its a skill most people have to learn, yes there con artist out there, but doing a background check on someone because it makes you feel safe is asinine.
I Know Cops and Fireman, heck even a Doctor who can pass any check, good credit, good net worth, good jobs, obviously no criminal records or financial problems and these guys are the biggest dogs out there, so tell me what a background check do you if you meet any of these guys?
I read some of the ladies who say doing a background check because they have young children, well my question is if you have young children why are you dating? isnt taking care of your young children paramount? | |
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Deni30
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Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 115 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:41:07 AM | To Google someone is just another way to confirm someone’s identity and verify they are who they say they are. Much like requesting photos! I’m not a mind reader and most people seem to lie unfortunately. Google isn’t going to give me your credit history or even tell me your address. It might tell me what websites you frequent (ie: chat room forums where you rate local hookers), if you are a registered sex offender and your place of employment if you have a high profile job. Maybe it might reveal if you were recently in the news lol.
There are measures you can take to protect your privacy if there are things you rather not let anyone find out. Take them if you’re that paranoid or have reason to be?
I do think a real/full background check (by a potential date) is an invasion of privacy and a bit creepy- I wonder however, do you refuse background checks and references at your employment as well? lol, Is this really that serious? BTW employers do Google employees nowadays FYI :) | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 116 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:45:05 AM | 99 percent of the woman that do these check are doing it without the guys knowledge. These are also the same women that have "Looking for honesty" plastered all over their profiles. I guess they want honesty from others but feel no need to give it in return.
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:59:47 AM | | why do that? just dont date that person... and if you think they are married, explain that to them and watch their responses, if you still want to check, then sure, but i wouldnt bother wasting my time or energy with someone i couldnt trust - let alone my money. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:04:04 AM | Deni30 Look, your right to your opinion...Number one, I have a very high profile job, so yes, of coarse I have no problem with employers ,checking me out...My reference is to the kooks who dont have anything better to do than check every reference , to find about about a person...You have every right to your opinion, I DO NOT THINK MY FINANCIAL, PERSONAL, ADDRESS ETC...SHOULD BE EXPOSED TO THE PUBLIC...Have you ever heard of INTERNET THEFT...Yes there a ways to protect yourself, with online theft...Google someone, you can reference their name, county, employer, if you have a high profile position...Maybe I need to be more literal, as to definitions...My privacy has nothing to do with hookers or chat room crap...I find it a bit disturbing you even had to mention this s##t to me...CONFIRM SOMEONES IDENTITY...GIVE ME A BREAK...FOR WHAT? I UNDERSTAND A PERSON BEING CAREFUL..
AGAIN GOOGLE CAN TAKE YOU TO A PERSONS JOB ADDRESS, AWARDS, UNION INFO, LAND USE DECISIONS, ETC..GIVE ME A BREAK
You mentioned chat rooms and hookers..WHERES YOUR HEAD AT? WE OBVIOUSLY DONT THINK ALIKE (THANK GOD FOR THAT) | |
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Deni30
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Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 120 | |
| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:12:10 AM | The reason I mentioned that has to do with an earlier post where I said I googled someone and found out that disturbing info. Why in the world would that offend you?
And- as I said- I AGREE your financial info. address and info. like that SHOULD be private.
Also- the world is free to google me lol!
PS
I too am glad we don't thing alike- I have no idea why you are so hostile about this and directing negativity towards me. You seem very defensive on a personal level and I was not even directing any of my information towards you! I respect everyone's opinion and am keeping an open mind. By the way, I did not ask the first man I googled for permission, however- after his reaction I now ask after if someone minds if I google them. If they mind then well I guess I won't, haven't had anyone mind yet. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:25:36 AM | | I totally respect your opinion (Deni30)...I have nothing to hide, however; to the kooks, snooping around lookin for dirt, get the f### out...Again criminal checks are ok, but JUS INVASION OF PRIVACY IS NOT...AND I REALIZE EVERYTHING IS A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD....like I said poor judge of character got me to this point (ILL ADMIT IT) THERE A JUS AS MANY WOMAN WHO ARE CRACKED AS MEN...ME AND MY BIG MOUTH...I DONT WANT SOMEONE TO JUDGE MY CHARACTER TO WEALTH, HOMES, AWARDS, DIVORCE..ETC..JUDGE ME AS A PERSON ...GET IT! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:34:45 PM | hacks..."This all goes back to my point in a previous post, which some in here, with their 3rd grade educations and greatly diminished mental capacities, cannot begin to comprehend." (I corrected your spelling error.....Thank me grin)
Do you even read what you write? I think you will find that the more intelligent people will want to know as much as possible about someone they consider a potential LTR or marriage with. Better to weigh ALL THE FACTS before investing too much from the heart.
Personal financial information, such as your credit reports are not available to the public, unless you sign consent......... educate yourself.......please... And the reason public record are public...is just that....to protect others from possible harm. And yes, your sordid divorce records ARE VERY MUCH PUBLIC....
The ones that make a habit of dishonesty and deceit, the smoother, better refined they are and harder to detect. They hone their skills, that's what makes them more successful at deceiving and defrauding people.
We would all like to think....what you see is what you get.....but that's not our world today. Predators of all types have found the Internet a flourishing hunting ground.
Most of us are honest and would love to believe and take people at face value and their word. In this day and age....that's just not possible and one is a fool to rely on just gut feelings and intuition. The tools are out there.....USE THEM.
Better to be informed than sorry. | |
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hacksalot03, 
You have a great day as well.
