| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:45:58 PM | Well, it sounds like you already started off on the wrong foot by having sex so early in the relationship. Not to get real religious on you, but God gave us the ability to have sex to show our love to one another.
An analogy to that is fire. Fire is a great thing it provides heat, hot water, keeps us warm, etc... but at the same time, it can also be abused. Smoking, forest fires, etc...
If we use sex in the way it was meant to be, there would be far less std's, unwanted child births, to name a few. Of course if your foundation for a relationship is sex, your search will go on and on. If you choose to continue with a guy, talk to him and show him what feels good and what you like. Maybe he is inexperienced. Good luck to you. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:52:03 PM | Sex is EXTREMELY important in a relationship. What better way to express your love, to nurture and care for your partner than to give and share with them the ultimate physical pleasure?
That being said, the first time with someone is always a bit awkward at best, even if you feel completely secure with yourself and that person. You're opening yourself up ( quite literally, for a woman) and being so vulnerable can be intimidating. It takes time to get to know what someone likes and dislikes sexually, to learn the secrets of their body and how to unlock their passion. EVERYONE is different, and what works for one person, may completely turn off the next.
I think it's very closed minded and sad to make a judgment on someone based solely on the first encounter. If everything else is going terrifically, why would you blow someone off because of one lackluster performance? That's why communication is so important in a relationship.
Now, if, after some time, and lots of communication and experimentation, things do not improve...I can completely understand ending a relationship because fireworks aren't going off between the sheets. A relationship that lacks passion is a very dull, sad and lonely place to be.
A previous poster mentioned the 2 out of 3 rule, and I agree with that theory. 2/3 does not a successful relationship make! | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:55:22 PM | Sex is important, but it shouldn't be the thing that rules your decision on someone. What happens if you fall desperatly in love with someone, they are your best friend, compainion, everything a mate should be, and one day they are in a horrific accident and can't perform for a long time or ever again? The majority of you are saying you would leave him or her??????? Cold, very very cold.
Flying seagull said it perfectly. Everyone likes something a little bit different when it comes to the bedroom, and I think after time, time and a whole lot of talking about what turns you on and what doesn't, you can please eachother. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:01:27 PM | i'm going to go out on a limb here and do something Most men
wouldn't admit to in a million years. 
i met a woman once that i though was Hotter the H*LL and Boy
i wanted to Make sure i made a good impression in that aspect,
But Guess what, We didn't match, at first, so i listened to What
she had to tell me and i got better. i actually thank her for showing me
a new Technique. Still wasn't what i hoped for but you know What,
NONE of us guys know ALL the secrets, even if we say we do.
But yea it's important to Match in that aspect, To me anyway.
NOW i can say,
i know all the secrets....
NOT!!! 
just my 2pence | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:04:49 PM |
Personally I think sex is a big part of a relationship because if the sex isn't good and not getting better
Just because peoples love styles don’t mesh the first few times around doesn’t mean they never will.
If you’re actually that good in the sack you should be able to adjust your approach accordingly and help your new interest discover passions they may not even know exsist. I find the best lovers to be the ones who were lucky enough to have someone care about them enough to have showed them way. It’s seems a bit selfish not to pass the gift along, especially if you enjoy everything else about them. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:06:16 PM | What happens if you fall desperatly in love with someone, they are your best friend, compainion, everything a mate should be, and one day they are in a horrific accident and can't perform for a long time or ever again? The majority of you are saying you would leave him or her??????? Cold, very very cold.
Of course not. That's a different scenario altogether. Sex during the "connecting" phase is very important to me. Not even so much the "sex," but the philosophy/beliefs/opinions about sex. If I discover a man is prudish, or has a double-standard, or has a generally low sex drive - he goes into the friends category.
It's the IDEA behind it. I only have sex with men who have similar "values" about sexuality, and who want me as much as I want them. If I fell for a guy, and two weeks later he had a debilitating accident - no problem. I was a sailor's wife for 25 years. I know how to take care of myself. Totally different thing from GETTING INTO a relationship with someone who's sexually incompatible. | |
|
j5rush
|
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:08:53 PM |
Well....Sex is important in a relationship thats for sure. But....we are two different people and we dont know exactly what the other person likes or dislikes. If we already are dating and we consider to try and build a relationship together....well...we are going to work on this aspect too. I might like something and the other person wont have a clue about that or he might like something else....So....lets take a deep breath and talk about ourself and try to teach each other. Will take a while but if you love the other person will be worthy. 
In my opinion, this is the most intelligent post I have read on this topic. I am sure flying seagull will find someone who will cherish her. Unlike some who might die old, bitter and lonely.
 | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:14:21 PM |
Actually, I figure if they can't turn me on kissing, I'm out before I get to the mess up the sheets part..... Further to that, I have even found that if a guy has no rythem on the dance floor, it's generally a sign he won't have it in the sack. But, that''s just my experience. So, long story short, I generally know he's going to turn my crank before we ever get to the nitty gritty....which by the way, yes, is important...
YEP YEP
I have found the same thing about the men I have been with...Though somebody who is bad at something can be taught to get better....You gotta think do you really want to be a teacher or lay back and enjoy each other ..... | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:19:42 PM | From my years of experience and talking to others... "It is Very Important" not just for the women, but also the men.
I hear more and more about men and women torn because their spouse and them don't have Sex enough.
In fact, a friend of mine the other day has said he and his hasn't been together in 8 years and he is torn. He is considering divorcing her. There are reasons why his sex live isn't the greatest, but the lack of it tears at him. Like so many of us men, we realize we can't have sex forever. Sooner or later we wear out. So sex is very important. If you don't like it now, it won't get better later.
Or maybe it can. Ever thought of what would make you happy sexually and then asking politely of your partner to do that for you? We can't read minds.
Even my dear old dad well into his 60's complains about lack of getting it at times. Its important to most people I am learning. | |
|
umuda
|
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:54:32 PM | Well, I think you should talk to the guy and tell him how you feel. Open up. Sometimes in the process of the guy trying to please the woman especially when they are in love. They may fumble but that does not mean he is not good at it.
http://www.yourchristianzone.com | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:12:15 PM | Sex is overated.
(No, I'm NOTjoking. That's not saying I don't love it; but in end, what happens between sex is what matters, not the other way around). | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:20:39 PM | | Start with kissing. If that's good, hopefully you can work the rest out. It's worth trying anyway. If kissing is not ALL THAT, turn and walk away. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:27:14 PM | I have to agree............"its in his kiss".....(shoop shoop)
Sex is very very important and taking time to learn what both partners like is a lot of fun and very worthwhile! | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:25:07 PM | Let's look at it scientifically... shall we? (oooh... sexy). We're put here to bonk. Bonk like bunnies on viagra. Viagra and Johnny Mathis records. The whole reason that any species is here on Earth, is either to:
A: procreate
B: get eaten
C: procreate... then get eaten
That said, I can't remember the last time a relative or friend of mine was ever eaten, so I must assume we is here to bonk. However, due to some glitch in "The Matrix" or whatever, we're silly enough to have this electrical/chemical reaction that produces emotions and all that messy crap that gets in the way of just good, good bonking. So we fall in love, we giggle at being called cute, etc etc etc. Even if you are of the mind that you will "no way never have kids forget it don't ever bring it up again..." Sorry, Jack... biologically you're supposed to. That's why we have all those pieces and stuff, right? So it's crazy talk to think that sex ain't important in a relationship. We're driven to it. That's why tab A fits into slot B for crying out loud. Anything else.. lack of desire, lack of interest... erm... poor lapping technique or whatever... that's just all our psychological BS getting in the way.
I know know... stand back ladies. This guy's a romantic...
But a candlelit dinner and a moonlit stroll sure is grand as well... ain't it? We all have the same glitch, after all. | |
|
| |
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:13:04 AM | It's vital. If all the other compontent were there ~ I'd definitely NOT leave without talking about and attempting to make it better. That's silly. Sex isn't automatically mind-blowing, you have to know one another and what works and doesn't work. I'd give him much more credit than just a trial run that didn't do much ~ if it isn't working for me, it's probably not working for him either ~ time to talk about it. JMO  | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 3:00:45 AM | | my thoughts and feelings here is sex is a must in a healthy relationship and great love making takes time and effort to learn each others likes .Both have to be willing to teach the other what is exciting and fun for them.It can be done but if things just do not fit or too much flavor for the other and after a little while you can't work out the little quirks and kinks things will fall apart.Surprise your [partner and try something new it makes things exciting and keeps them wanting you because they know everytime is unpredictable.just because you go exclusive or get married is no excuse not to have fun in your relationship.same way same time gets old. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 3:30:03 AM | @ what EZAK said !!!
Well, I have noticed sex is kinda like pizza, even when its not that great its still pretty good.
Actually I like a lot of the posts in here, like "if sex wasnt important we would all be just friends"
The first time between 2 people can often turn out bad, or at least not that great. A guy can be nervous and not last long, or either one could be totally out of rhythm or used to the way someone else did it. I have always noticed that the more you care for each other the better it is, so if you are in a new relationship give it time. If time goes by and there are problems, I can't see continuing.
Personally I have yet to complain or have a complaint. It surprises me that people are having issues in this department. If you care about someone you will find out what they like and take care of them.....This isnt rocket science, its sex !!! You don't have to be an athlete (trust me I am not one) to please each other !! | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 4:26:30 AM | If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem. I think this applies not only to other life experiences, but also sex. This is why I think sex too soon in a relationship can really screw things up!(no pun intended)
What’s the rush? Get to now each other. Find out what makes each other tick.
‘ Man he/she’s HOT! ‘ Is not a reason for a long-term relationship.
How do they feel about kids?
What are their long-term goals?
Do they like doing some of the same things you do?
Are you compatible spiritually?
Do you laugh at the same jokes?
Well you get the drift I’m sure.
Some may think these sorts of points are silly, or not important in the beginning. But to me sex is the last stage of the getting to know on another. Sure at one point in my life my hormones did the majority of the talking! 
It took a failed marriage to turn on all the lights upstairs.
Yes sex is important, no doubt in my mind. And when it comes time to share that most intimate part of a relationship, I’d hope that I have talked about my preferences and she hers. That we are on the same page of what turns us on, and where the boundaries are.
I once had a friend, who at the age of 45, was still a virgin. She had done some heavy petting in her time, but never went the full mile. She was terrified, but she had a wonderful man, who was patient, loving and understanding of her lack of experience. We had often talked about the art of making love before she met him. She was my dear friend and I wanted her to feel comfortable about the subject of sex. That is wasn’t taboo to talk openly about her fears, and lack of experience of something as intimate as sex. After she had begun seeing this man I told her to talk to him the same as we had talked. To ask him the same questions she asked me. After she had done that, the relationship between them blossomed into a wonderful loving one. They got married ten years ago, and are still as happy as when they first got together.
By the way, they met on the internet. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 4:36:15 AM | | Look, maybe he just didn't have his good stuff that night, using a baseball analogy. No way you should judge him on that one performance. Try again and then reassess..... | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 4:55:40 AM | It's important... Practice makes perfect.. and being so young and already "involved" the need to communicate your needs and working it out with your partner is where it is at.....
MAKING LOVE not SEX is the goal.. if you and your partner Make Love.. it can never be "Bad".... because you are communicating on another higher level.. the satisfaction of your partner is then the goal.. not just what it means for YOU!!!
Talk it over... make it fun.. do not judge... read a few books... The Joy of Sex.. More Joy of Sex.. etc... no matter what the "problem" was 'then' it can be overcome when you love your partner...
If you cannot communicate and work together here.. then it is better to move on .. life is too short..for just having SEX... and never getting to the Love Making level...
Once you make your partners happiness your goal.. you're going to find Wow this is fabulous..... Remember Charity begins at home.....lol!! | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 4:58:19 AM | | Are you having sex to find out if you're in love or are you making love because you're in love? What if you find your 'soul mate' in every aspect of life - you get along, love being with each other, have things you like to do together as well as apart as to keep your independence. The relationship is perfect - would you consider leaving them because the sex isn't good?????????????? TO ME - this is a shallow topic - sorry - because eventually somewhere down the road - sex isn't the most important aspect of a relationship - let's face it - todays society is pretty much self serving (covering my butt-there are some good men/women left out there) | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 5:03:06 AM |
You have sex and it wasn't good, what would you do? Would you just break up, would you talk to your partner about it, or just say nothing and hope it gets better?
I believe that bad sex is normally due to the fact that one of the partners is out to only please themselves and shows no respect or concern for the other person. When both parties communicate openly, honestly, make the effort to please each other and to determine what the other person wants then having sex is a great experience.
When one person goes all out to GIVE the best they can, and the other person is out to simply TAKE all the pleasure they can with no attempt to reciprocate, things are going to get worse, not better. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:28:01 AM | Just wanted to include that I'm not asking because I'm in that position, I'm just asking because I thought it was an interesting post and wanted all of your opinions.
In my last relationship which lasted 4 years, I had discussed with my bf that if the sex hadn't been good the first time that I probably wouldn't have gone out with him again, fortunately we had great sex for the 4 years, but he had always disaggreed with me that sex shouldn't be the dealbreaker. | |
|
| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:37:57 AM | Everyone isn't trainable. Some people don't want to be trained. They've done it a certain way their entire lives and have been told that it's GREAT by the O Fakers.
Give it a try though. If all else is good, you can hope it'll improve with direct communication. If it didn't, I'd end it. I think I'd even tell him why, in the hopes that somewhere down the line, he'd make an effort to become a better lover. | |
|
Home
login 
