| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:33:59 PM | I think a double standard, to put it simply, is demanding anything which you are not also able to give. It is a double standard for a person with children to say they don't want to date another person with children, and for some reason, those guilty are usually women. For some reason, many women get a little arrogant about their own children as if they are way more special than anyone else's children could ever be! Those children usually turn out to be real brats! But I digress...... It's arrogant and assumptous for single moms with children to refuse to date single dads who also have children, barring perhaps the baby/toddler thing which an earlier poster brought up (that is a huge responsibility that one must make a conscious decision to take on).
As far as childless singles who don't wish to date singles with children. Childless singles can still offer that very precious "first child" which singles who have already past that point cannot. Before I had my children, I absolutely would not have wanted to date any man who already had a child because sharing that first child with him was way too special to me. You give that up if he's already shared that with someone else. Even if that isn't, in itself a big deal, an instant family if a huge life adjustment that childless singles just may not be ready to make yet. That's totally fair and is not a "double standard"; it's simply being in different lifestages.
As far as the man with 5 children, that is pretty scary, but his circumstances need to be considered. It is a bit irresponsible, in this day and age, to have that many children, so if he's an average joe or if he started having children very young, I'd need to know what's he's learned and how he is living his life differently now, or I would assume he is probably still a bit irresponsible and it likely wouldn't be good to be involved with him. If there are 5 due to multiple births, I suppose you can't prevent that and I'd look at what he's doing to support them and how he takes care of them. If he is fairly wealthy, well, that buys you the right to have more children, I guess, because you can support them better than the average person. That makes it a different picture and that guy wouldn't be all that scary but I'd still maybe wonder why he needed to have so many! | |
|
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:39:32 PM | | I also think littlemissbadass is on the right track. I think it's very mature to realize that any adult who you bring into your children's life in a relationship which potentially may lead to marriage IS a parent figure. It's a really stupid excuse to refuse to date a single dad because he is looking for a "mother" or a single mom because she is looking for a "father" for the children. THEY BETTER BE looking for that because as soon as you marry them, that is what you become. I feel sorry for the poor children who have step-parents who mistake their role to be anything else. | |
|
| |
| |
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 8/9/2007 4:39:28 PM | Why do some limit their options to just blonde hair and blue eyes? I don't understand that either, but it's called personal preference. At some level I'm sure you have a preference that someone else may not understand.
I don't worry about understanding personal preferences. It really doesn't bother me why others have a given preference. Yet, there are threads on this site that attempt to explore preferences for the sake of understanding them or, worse, condemn personal preferences out of hand.
At the end of the day, if it weren't for personal preferences, we'd all be happy with arranged marriages and sites like this would have no reason to exist.  | |
|
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 8/23/2007 10:50:29 PM | Ok...so why is it that people are basing there views of finding Love around finances anyways????.
Are we really so lost in money that nothing else matters anymore?.
I want to find a man who has children or not that I love for him and just him, of course we all need to survive and provide...but jesus to set such standards on whom you will let in based on money or children period just doesnt sound right to me at all.
And as for the children as long as the parents are happy and positive they really could care less how much money they have...sometimes I think children have more common sense then adults do in todays society.
Moneys great when youve got someone to share it with, id rather have minimal amounts of money and a happy home, than alot of money and no one to share it with.
This is what I feel too many of us are like now days , maybe we should start a trend of more of this  .
Yeah I dunno I really dont get it... | |
|
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 8/24/2007 1:41:14 PM | ^^^^^^ Couldnt of said it better myself sweeter 
I just want to find a guy that i can love,accept his faults and grow old with. Whether or not he has kids or not. Doesnt make a difference. If he has no kids as long as he is accepting of the fact and respects my children and my lifestyle because of my children its all good to me.
We definitly need way way way way more  in this world  | |
|
| |
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 9/26/2007 10:25:38 AM | So if money is all that matters, why do people seek someone with money ewhen they do not have it themselves?
An update for you: The woman in her mid 30's with 2 kids says she is going to declare bankruptcy but still has her criteria set in place that a man must meet, if she meets a man that meets her criteria and does not want to date her she still says he is shallow.
My male friend with 5 kids is now dating a woman with 3 kids of her own. My single female friend in her mid 20's with one child is stil single, I8 am still single and both men and women who do not have kids are dating people now. The man is dating a woman with one child. | |
|
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 9/27/2007 3:53:43 PM | I can't even read all that. All I know is that crazy-a$$ law you all have in Canada about step-parents having to pay child support is what is causing this mentality of finding some man (not the kids dad) to support the kids. Here, the kids father is required to support the kids until they are no longer dependent minors...whether they do or not is another thread for another time, but you don't have women marrying random men and then getting child support from them!
I can tell you I wouldn't marry anyone with kids either, if I lived in Canada. That is about the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Oh yeah...and good luck to your friend with all her "criteria." She's gonna need it. | |
|
| |
| |
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 9/28/2007 2:10:15 AM | | whether it is a label or a personal preferance the point is some peoe (such as my 2 female friends who have kids that I discussed in this post) seem to want a man to bring everything to a relationship. I feel things should be 50/50 and not someone looking for a meal ticket. With one of my friend's criteria I think she will be single a long time but because she has blonde hair she disagrees with me. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 9/30/2007 10:46:06 PM | I happen to be one of those people that would prefer to not date someone with children, even though I have a child myself...
When you get into a relationship with someone with a child, you are expected to accept that child and treat them as your own. You aren't supposed to show any favoritism.
The problem is, I just can't do that. I've tried, believe me... when push comes to shove, I will always love my son more than anyone else's children. My son will always be placed higher on the priority list than someone else's child. If there is ever a choice, I will always side with my son over any other child. Thats just how it goes. I know this.
This is a hard thing for most parents to accept, and is always going to be a sticking point in any relationship I have. I would just rather skip that sticking point, and all the drama that goes into it, and date someone without kids. | |
|
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 10/1/2007 10:26:58 AM | Interactive John, you raise a good point. I just do not see why some single parents (and in the case of my friends I spoke of in the first post of this thread) call those that are single with no kids that will not date single parents shallow for not wanting to date them, yet they themelves will not date other single pasrents. I respect your post and one of the reasons is that you do not call anyone else shallow.
I am not saying it is wrong to have kids because it is not but it is like a single parent saying that they have had their fun but picked the wrong partner and now want to move on with their life but do not want to date without have extra responsibilities but do not want anyone else to have extra responsibilities and if they do they will not date them.
Some how some think that they are unique, that others should see past the fact that they have kids but they will not do the same for others. | |
|
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 10/1/2007 11:50:50 AM | Well i have dated guys with kids, and guys without.
I personally prefer guys without kids, then you know hes interested in you and not looking for a mother for his kids.
And also you dont constantly get your plans ruined ( having to arrange days off etc) only to be told its cancelled cause he has to see the kids etc. | |
|
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 10/1/2007 6:25:39 PM | | I won't date anybody with kids. It's a dealbreaker. I don't have kids, and I do not want to be a step-parent. Small kids really get on my nerves rather quickly and I don't want to deal with that, even if the person is great in every other way, the fact that he has kids would negate all of it. Besides, where there's kids, there's an ex who's always going to be in the picture. And usually the ex is a problem in one way or another. | |
|
| |
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 10/17/2007 1:01:49 PM | I was one of those people originally refusing to date anyone who doesn't have kids or even who had kids that were older. A POFer at the time said to me that maybe it was his decision if he would actually do it again as he was coaching 2 hockey teams even though his kids were older and no longer in it.
I also have a male friend who is 48 who has no kids and he also had the same opinion. That he is a big brother of one child and his ex didn't want kids so doesn't have any. He said there are plenty out there who wished they had children who would love to date someone like me and get a chance at being a step-Dad.
Still haven't gotten over my age bracket of over 45 though... | |
|
| |
| had an interesting conversation about dating those with and without children
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:09:53 PM | I'm 37 and a single mom of 3 kids. To be honest I'd prefer to date somebody with kids. Why? Because if a man is my age or older and doesn't have kids then it makes me wonder why. Does he not like kids, did he never want any of his own, can he even understand what parenting is like...or on the other hand does he want kids of his own and just hasn't had them yet (I'm pretty sure I'm done having kids)
I'm not saying I wouldn't date somebody without kids because if the connection was there I definately would but somebody not having them makes me question why.
As for money, I think that's shallow. I'd rather be with somebody I was in love with than be with somebody because I thought it was financially beneficial. | |
|
Home
login 
