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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/15/2007 6:47:56 AM | Good for you NoRegrets best wishes on the path.
Still I guess I need to try again to get this through to some folk agian. It doesn't matter how many times you might repeat your answer, it doesn't matter how many people pipe up to agree with you, wanting to believe something doesn't make it true.
Judging the value of a person based on one criteria be it color, size, height, weight, shoe size, number of teeth, hair folicals etc -IS- by its very definition shallow. There isn't anything I'm sorry to say that is going to change that truth or that defiinition. That is different then not being attracted to someone and herein is the problem of these boards and the people who post to them most often. There is a difference between not finding individuals attractive, and saying you will never find someone with a particular trait attractive.
The issue of weight is one of the last great prejudices of modern society, and as such as usual its more about what people think they know then what they know. "weight is controlable except for a few rare medical conditions" That's been one of the big major beliefs for a long time. Let me be VERY clear on it. The definition of control is very up in the air. Yes anyone can lose weight by virtue of reducing intake and increasing output, however there are some limits even on that. There are genetic markers to what a body wants to be at and trying to move away from that is a major effort. The body will alter its metabolism to keep itself where it thinks *regardless of what you think* it should be at. It will invoke all manner of tricks to go where it wants to go. Its very easy for those who are of the "lucky few" who are blessed with the body type and genetic markers that allow for easy wt control to judge others, but it doesn't make them right. The science of how biology and genetics controls weight is still young but its repeatedly been shooting the commonly believed "ohh its just about eating" down.
Further what is healthy as far as wt is concerned is also changing.. what was believed to be true has been now studied and shown to be false. So much of the stigma that has been attributed to health is WRONG. But everyone here seems to know better :).
So here is the summation.
People if you are not happy with yourself work to change it you can do it, dont be discouraged despite that it will be hard.
If you are happy with yourself and your healthy then don't let the ignorant effect you as hard as that might be, they are not worth the effort.
If you are happy with yourself and your not healthy...please reconsider the effort is worth it to restore your health, it can be done, and you will feel better.
If you are running around these boards claiming your not shallow, telling people what you think you know about weight, telling people your not attracted to heavy people, making judgements about people's life style based on weight,etc.. You are shallow, you protest too much... grow up :)
You all bleed red...you all get hurt by the same things, you all die the same way, its time to grow up and let go your prejudice. Learn to accept or reject the individual not the grouping. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 52 | |
| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/15/2007 7:55:54 AM | If you are running around these boards claiming your not shallow, telling people what you think you know about weight, telling people your not attracted to heavy people, making judgements about people's life style based on weight,etc.. You are shallow, you protest too much... grow up :)
A person is NOT necessary shallow because he/she isn't physical attracted to fat people. Everyone ( including fat people ) are attracted to certain things whether it's height, weight, race, hairstyle etc. If someone stated that he/she wouldn't date fat people because he/she thinks all fat people are lazy or was rude to a person just because he/she is fat, then that is a different story. Shallow to me is a person who only cares about looks such as a woman who would date a great looking man over an okay looking man who would be more compatible with her. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/15/2007 8:07:11 AM |
Shallow to me is a person who only cares about looks such as a woman who would date a great looking man over an okay looking man who would be more compatible with her.
And so the light slowly dawns.... you have proven my point most exquisitly. If the difference between a good looking man in your example, and a okay looking man is "height, weight, race, hairstyle, etc" and is more compatible with her then the good looking man. You have your Shallowness :).
Its that simple EC22.. It is the individual that must be judged and viewed not surface criteria. If you reject someone who you are attracted to just because they have red hair, or are a different skin color, you're shallow. The whole point about attraction that everyone seems to keep missing is that it is not as focused as people like to imagine it is. No matter what your "preference" I can assure you, you have found someone "attractive" who is outside of your normal preferences. Ergo if you only act on your preferences... you are shallow. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 54 | |
| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/15/2007 8:46:15 AM | And so the light slowly dawns.... you have proven my point most exquisitly. If the difference between a good looking man in your example, and a okay looking man is "height, weight, race, hairstyle, etc" and is more compatible with her then the good looking man. You have your Shallowness :).
Fair enough. Speaking for myself, If I had to choose between a slender / fit woman who was attractive and a somewhat overweight woman who was okay looking and was more compatible with me, I would choose the somewhat overweight woman. If I had to choose between a slender / fit woman who was attractive and an obese woman who was unattractive to me, but was more compatible with me, I would choose neither woman. I would be friends with obese woman, but not date her. The slim / slender woman in my example might be good for a brief fling, but not a serious relationship.
No matter what your "preference" I can assure you, you have found someone "attractive" who is outside of your normal preferences.
I would agree with this. For example, I'm usually more attracted to women with long hair, but there are some women with short hair that I would find attractive. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/17/2007 8:53:42 AM | OP: I doubt that women are avoiding you merely because you are fat. Yes, some women are not going to be attracted to you (probably more than if you were thin), but others will be. And no, it doesn't make you a bad person, but it likely makes you an unhealthy one.
The point isn't whether other people treat their girlfriends badly. There are fat men who treat their girlfriends badly too. There are men thin and fat who treat their girlfriends well, and vice versa. That is hardly dependent on body weight.
I think you're having trouble with women because you are down on yourself. The fact that you're even asking the question, "Am I a bad person?" shows this. My guess is that this has a lot to do with your problems with women. The "nice guy doormat" thing usually turns women off, not to say that women don't want a man to be nice to them, but they don't want one who says: "I'm a nice guy, I promise. I'll never lie to you like those other bad men, I'll call you twice a day, I'm so nice."
You can't prove that you're a good person by saying so. That's something that's proved over time. Further, if you act like the "nice guy doormat" (and I don't know whether you act this way or not) you're more likely to turn women off than attract them.
Now personally, my thoughts more or less parallel Uglybetty's post 24, which seems to have sparked a debate on healthy fat people, what's obese, and people chiming in who say I'm fat and I do great with women [men].
I'll add that at one time I was also hugely fat and did great with men, most likely because I've been in great shape almost my entire life and had that a "skinny person's" mindset. In fact, I was always surprised when a fat person looked back at me in the mirror. For me, getting fat was the result of getting sick, and not knowing how to avoid weight gain during that time. As I lost the 90 pounds over 10 years ago, I learned a lot about nutrition, physical therapy, and how to eat right, exercise and maintain weight loss when you are sick, injured and stressed.
Now onto more important things.
What is obesity?
There's a lot of debate here about obesity. It's true (and truer for men) that you can have a higher BMI and not be obese. There are body builders who have BMIs well above 30 who are 4 percent body fat. A very cursory look at the posters in this thread says to me that none of those people are here.
If, for example, you are 6' tall and 230 pounds, the likelihood is that you are obese (BMI 31.2), and there is probably no sport that you could participate in (outside of body building) to develop sufficient lean body mass to put you into the normal weight category.
So in addition to body weight there are two other factors that contribute to the determination of obesity: 1) waist cirumference and 2) body fat percentage. Personally, I think body fat percentage is the best indicator of health, especially when it comes to you risk of developing an obesity related condition.
For men the ranges of body fat are: Essential 2-4 percent, Athlete, 6-13 percent, Fit 14-17 percent, Acceptable 18-25 percent, Obese 25 percent and up. For women: Essential: 10-12 percent, Athlete 13- 20 percent, Fit 21-24 percent, Acceptable 25-31 percent, Obese 32 percent and up. There may be some differences of opinion on these exact numbers, but within a percentage point -- two at the most -- they are accurate.
Can you be obese and healthy?
So now we have all these folks here saying, "I'm fat, but my cholesterol is normal, my blood pressure is normal, my fasting glucose is the same as any athletes! I'm completely healthy." I'm not suggesting at all that they're lying, however, there are two considerations.
The first is the body fat level of the poster in question, and the second is the age. If your BMI is high, but your body fat is in the athlete or fit category you have nothing to worry about. At all other levels, even the "acceptable" range, you raise your risk of developing some kind of obesity related disease as you age. Everyone's genetics is different so what you wind up getting later in life could be heart disease, cancer, diabetes, hypertension, etc. or a combination of several diseases.
So the answer to the question is when you're young you can probably be high BMI and high body fat and remain healthy. The older you get the likelihood gets higher that you will NOT remain healthy. I know everyone has an "Aunt Minnie" who was 400 pounds and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro on her 85th birthday. She is such a rare exception to the rule, that I wouldn't bet those odds if I were fat.
Are people who don't want to date fat folks shallow?
Hell no. Everyone has their personal preferences. You don't have to be fat for someone not to want to date you. Personally I'm a short, curvy blonde, and while I'm very fit, if you're a man who's into tall, dark-haired Brazillian women I'm not going to be attractive to you. I can live with that. It's no big deal. It's not only fat people who get rejected.
The whole idea that people will just date a gorgeous woman or handsome man and forget about the rest of the package is pretty silly. You'd have to be some dumb human to pick a person ONLY based on their looks. In general, the way we humans mate is that we first find a person attractive, and then start getting to know them romantically. Then as based on their positives and negatives we decide whether or not they want to continue. Not many people are willing to date a jerk just because he or she looks good.
Now let's say that you are one of those people who really doesn't care about the exterior that much, that still doesn't mean you'd necessarily like to date a fat person. If you are fit, and figure skate, lift weights, hike and do pilates on a daily basis, you're going to want to be with someone fit enough to do them with you (I chose these because these are the things I do, and the reason I wouldn't date someone who was very fat).
Several years back a man I used to date 20 years ago came to see me, and in the interim he'd gained at least 100 pounds. His fat didn't bother me, but when we went walking he had to sit down every few minutes, and I was worried he was going to have a heart attack. It was also somewhat annoying to be with him, because all he ever wanted to do was eat -- so we had to stop what we were doing mulitple times a day while he ate these huge mountains of food. Now that's fine for a visit, but I wouldn't want to have that be my daily life.
Which brings me to the next point
Some people say"I'm fat, but I don't eat any more than anyone else, I was just born that way".
This is what I call the "my genes made me do it" excuse. It is true that some people tend to gain weight easier than others do, but if you look back 50 years there were many, many fewer obese people. The reason that obesity has been rising is because people eat more and exercise less. Our genetics has not changed that much in 50 years.
There are only about 100 people in the entire world who can blame ALL of their weight problems on genetics. Those folks have single gene mutations and become hugely obese at a very young age (less than 2 years old). Most of them have mutations to the leptin gene or the leptin receptor. Fortunately, individuals with leptin gene mutations become normal weight after being given leptin injections (people with leptin receptor mutations are insensitive to leptin, so giving it to them does no good).
The rest of fat people have a certain susceptibility to gaining weight, but if they diet and exercise enough they can stay at normal body weight. It is just hard, and even harder after you have gained a lot of weight and lost it because becoming obese actually makes some changes to your genes. Nonetheless many people do it (including me).
Now fat people can't eat as much for their body weight as skinny people do, because it takes more calories to maintain muscle mass than it does fat mass. Even an out-of-shape skinny person has a lower body fat percentage than someone who is obese. Nonetheless, a weight stable obese person will still eat more than the out-of-shape skinny person, but not more than a body builder with the same BMI. The reason the fit person with a BMI of 31 needs more food than the fat person with the same BMI is his muscle mass. This is why when resting metabolic rate (RMR) is calculated body fat and lean muscle mass percentages are very important.
I hope I haven't put everyone to sleep. 
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/17/2007 9:14:06 AM | I wish people would get over the weight thing. I really do. If you are happy with your body then fine if you aren't do something about it. If you are hung up on your weight everyone else will be. I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. Unless he did.
Now he would have to at least make an attempt to keep up with me.
Be willing if he couldn't keep up to get into better shape. Which can be alot of fun. Do I want everything to rock hard Nope I also want a little softness in my man.
Hopes this helps you | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:33:49 PM | Dude its really unfortunate. But people are ussually shallow, the media has us believing that the perfect woman is 34-24-36 and men to look like greek gods.
Theres one thing going for you man. There is an entire league of women out there that loves a fluffy man. They are harder to find and ussually already have a fluffy man.
Find a single one and voila.
Or you can work hard and get the greek thing happening.
I'm fluffy and proud of it.
Working on that greek thing though as the fat is in the "way" of my goals.
I removed 15% of my calorie intake and trained for 6 weeks. End of june I was 290 I was down to 255 on august 16th and I'm now stabilised at 265 ( no training and no calorie decrease) I'll start again this week 240 here I come. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:03:11 PM | | So where are the women who like big men? I'm not having any luck finding them.But then again i'm a little prejudice since i'm more attracted to skinny women. Everyone has their preferences! | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 3:50:27 AM | If you reject someone who you are attracted to just because they have red hair, or are a different skin color, you're shallow.
Firenight.... I find this statement to be quite mind boggling. Attraction is simply that... You are either attracted to a certain type of person or you are not. I am not generally attracted to overweight men. Rolls of fat, huffing and puffing during activities i find "easy" and general lack of fitness are not attractive to me. But in saying that i lived with a slightly overweight man for 7 years and was crazy in love with an almost obese man for 2 years. But would i intentionally pick someone like that??? No.... For someone like me who is athletic, fit and extremely active, an overweight partner could become a problem. For a start sexually.. Overweight men have sexual restrictions.... i don't like being on top all the time... The amount of time he could hold himself up was limited..... His stamina didn't match mine, he would be tired and i'd want to continue etc etc. Then... daily life... I'd want to go for a run or ride my horse, climb a mountain, bush walk, or just walk the dog and he'd want to sit around & watch tv. Sure i could have done it all by myself, but how much better would it be if he could do it with me?????? Our lifestyles simply didnt match. Sure, you all want someone who is beautiful and looks great, but can you really be a positive addition to their lives? Believe it or not there are a lot of men out there who are also nice guys who are fit and active and even they have a hard time finding a compatible partner.
Finally... I hope you are not one of the overweight guys who think they have the right to have a gorgeous woman who accepts them as they are, but you are not attracted to overweight women yourself... Food for thought | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:07:20 AM |
So where are the women who like big men? I'm not having any luck finding them.But then again i'm a little prejudice since i'm more attracted to skinny women. Everyone has their preferences!
There you go! A lot of us fat chicks like big, beefy guys but most of them don't want us!
(Plus .. a Fox body and an Iroc? LOL) | |
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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 61 | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:28:56 AM | Some good news. Women count personality much higher than guys do. Apparently its all to do with seeming confident and in control of your life.
I'm a better than average looking guy who can hardly get a date. So I can tell you that being super fit and in great shape cuts no ice with ladies if you are putting out the wrong vibe.
From what I hear girls would rather date a confident, larger guy than a fit, quite good looking confused guy like me.
So if you can get your inner game together, you could become one of those guys I see all the time. The short, large or not especially handsome guy with the awesome babe. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:52:37 AM | | Still miss my big tubby fella sometimes, something rock solid about a big guy, especially one with a big, big smile ..... I'm only 8st - never knew how big he was - I wouldn't let him on my scales in case he broke them, but gentle giant he was... | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 6:06:47 AM | So where are the women who like big men? I'm not having any luck finding them.But then again i'm a little prejudice since i'm more attracted to skinny women. Everyone has their preferences!
Interesting...big men who don't have attraction to big women, and ask why the ones they are into aren't attracted to them. Total irony.
Finally... I hope you are not one of the overweight guys who think they have the right to have a gorgeous woman who accepts them as they are, but you are not attracted to overweight women yourself... Food for thought
Food for thought indeed.
From what I hear girls would rather date a confident, larger guy than a fit, quite good looking confused guy like me.
I think generally women are attracted to confident men, men who are happy with who they are and where they are in life. Those who aren't happy or confident throw off vibes of being unsure who they are and wanting acceptance. I suspect men are the same, they are drawn to women who know who they are and what they want, and are exactly where they want to be in life - as opposed to a woman asking questions about herself all the time.
Sidenote: I like confidence, not arrogance - and "quiet" doesn't mean low self esteem; quiet can mean that someone is comfortable enough not to have to speak constantly. In cases like mine where I talk to men more than the other way around, it's the quiet ones I actually like. The men who approach me tend to be more aggressive and arrogant, two characteristics that just turn me right off. Don't worry, you'll find the woman that matches your personality - or should I say she'll find you. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 66 | |
| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:47:35 AM | Women count personality much higher than guys do. Apparently its all to do with seeming confident and in control of your life.
Women care about looks just as much as men do. Many women wouldn't date a short man, a fat man, a bald man, or an unattractive man just because he had a great personality. However they might date an okay looking man with a great personality. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:00:17 AM |
Learn to accept or reject the individual not the grouping.
This is true when it comes to hiring a person for a job, but for dating many people are attracted or unattracted certain things whether it's race, hairstyle, body type etc. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:34:18 AM |
Firenight.... I find this statement to be quite mind boggling. Attraction is simply that... You are either attracted to a certain type of person or you are not. You find it boggling because you aren't thinking.. You don't have the real ability to distiguish type. You can only distinguish individuals. You may prefer people with blond hair for example but you still do not find all who have blond hair attractive. Equally you may prefer people with blond hair but you will not find all people who do not have it unattractive. The most ardent racist will still find someone of an opposite race attractive even if they hate the race if a number of other features still "click" The issue isn't that it's mind boggling its that you don't want to face the truth of it. Very different issues. Attraction is almost never simple the proccess is incredibly complicated and people who tell you otherwise are just trying to make excuses.
I am not generally attracted to overweight men. The key word again is generally there will be overweight men you are attracted to. You might not even be able to tell they are overweight easily depending on how they are dressed. Your further issue is specific additional problems that are more the issue then perse being overweight.
Rolls of fat, huffing and puffing during activities i find "easy" and general lack of fitness are not attractive to me. Rolls of fat is a specific kind of overweight, if you don't find that attractive thats a different issue then painting everyone who is overweight with the same brush. Fitness level is not always tied and in many cases is not tied to weight. There are many overweight people who are infact far more fit then normal or underweight people. It is not something one can tell just by looking. If you find someone who really can't keep up with you agian that is a very different issue. No one is advocating being with someone you aren't attracted to or compatible with. The ONLY point being made is that just viewing the weight and only the weight is foolish.
For a start sexually.. Overweight men have sexual restrictions.... i don't like being on top all the time... The amount of time he could hold himself up was limited..... His stamina didn't match mine, he would be tired and i'd want to continue etc etc. Then... daily life... I'd want to go for a run or ride my horse, climb a mountain, bush walk, or just walk the dog and he'd want to sit around & watch tv. Sure i could have done it all by myself, but how much better would it be if he could do it with me?????? Again These are specific issues that really don't have to do with Overweight men, they have to do with an Overweight MAN. You presume far too much and thats what makes it shallow and bigoted. I'm an overweight man, I ride, I climb numbers of stairs and ladders, I'm quite able to lift and hold myself and more, I hike, I camp, I'm frequently out an about. I'm not unique in that and so you might find someone who is not a burden but a compliment. You assume otherwise without knowing. Now I am not saying you should give someone who is repulsive to you a chance, nor am I saying someone who has nothing in common with you. What I am saying is if they are attractive to you aside from their girth it does more harm then good to reject them simply for that. The same way if it was just because they were a red head, or black, or asian.
Our lifestyles simply didnt match. Sure, you all want someone who is beautiful and looks great, but can you really be a positive addition to their lives? And This statement here proves the point. Because someone is Beautiful and Looks great they are somehow better? That their life is at maximum positiveness? And and Ugly or lesser looking person is the one who needs to contribute positively? Even more ludacris the presumtion in the question that they could not.
Finally... I hope you are not one of the overweight guys who think they have the right to have a gorgeous woman who accepts them as they are, but you are not attracted to overweight women yourself... Food for thought
And of course the final statement of the wounded pride. Let us play to the insult for the moment and say perhaps I am such an individual.. would it change a word of the truth of the matter? No It would merely make me as shallow as others here, but it would not change a thing. A child may cry wolf often but when the wolf is at the door, no amount of disbelief will change that the wolf is at the door. I however am, as is well known by any who have read my posts or been here for a length of time Including UglyBetty who quoted you merely to quip at me in defense of the shallowness she advocates, not one who judges anyone by their looks either positive or negative. To me sorry to be crude but you are all greasespots on the road till you prove otherwise. Beauty of the mind matters to me, beauty of form comes in many shapes and manners and only considered if you can make my mind consider you. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:37:24 AM | | (Fox body and an Iroc) Just so you know i'm not trying to make up for my (Shortcomings)LOL I truely love Mustangs and Irocs and more than anything racing in general!I realize that i'm not happy as an overweight man and i plan to change that starting now. I haven't always been big and everything about life is easier when i'm not. | |
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AlexSB
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Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 70 | |
| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:26:34 AM | Admin's should really create another forum for any topic with the keyword "fat" in it. 
This is such a cliche question, rhetorical too.
Why would an attractive, skinny girl, date a fat man who was nice, when she could probably find an equally nice guy who is fit??? | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:51:44 AM |
(Fox body and an Iroc) Just so you know i'm not trying to make up for my (Shortcomings)LOL I truely love Mustangs and Irocs and more than anything racing in general!
I added a first gen Firebird this week so had to pick on an Iroc lover
As for Mustangs, I don't like the Fox body at all, probably because mine is from the very early years. But if you like Mustangs, you can't be all that bad.
Back to the topic at hand (sorry for the hijack). I'm attracted to different types of men. if you have the personality, sense of humor, love of classic cars and an open mind, then it won't matter if you are rail thin or extremely large. | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:12:50 PM | I however am, as is well known by any who have read my posts or been here for a length of time Including UglyBetty who quoted you merely to quip at me in defense of the shallowness she advocates, not one who judges anyone by their looks either positive or negative.
Excuse me, but nothing I quoted in the past page had anything to do with you, rather I was agreeing with the person who posted it as a general thought. She may have originally been responding to you, but I never addressed you at all in that post. Oh and the name calling wasn't necessary. Thanks! | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:13:01 PM | im not a girl but just thought i could help..
i would have paid for this info 3 years ago, and once i read it i realised that there is a choice: wanting to be fat or not PERIOD! theres no fat gene out there, theres no excuse(except a few rare disabilities)
here is a link to a nutrition\workout site, i lost from feb to may around 30Lbs by only changing my diet and doing exercise.
http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?t=1222
if you dont want to then i understand, but dont lie to yourself you are fat because you want to, and because you cant be bothered to change.
and yes, some "shallow" people like me(if you want to call me that) think that fat are generally lazy and laid back, now this can be good or bad depending of the person..
Hope it helps anyway, i wrote this with your best intentions at heart, its never too late to change.
Ball8 | |
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| Is weight really such a big turn-off for women?
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:21:54 PM | | When I'm debating dating a man, I check out his activity level. I like to hike, climb and try various other things outdoors that you have to be at least moderately fit to do. If weight prevents someone from being able to participate, I'm not interested. I'd turn away skinny boys who didn't fit my requirements too. | |
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