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Posted: 8/7/2007 12:09:08 AM | hes too young and nieve to make logical decisions. hell when i was 20 i cud have had a child bout thankfully it wastaken care of. i was young and dum and didnt know where my head was. i cheated on her and stopped talking to her beacause i was yung and scared. trust me, he will feel much worse then u in the end. i sure did. i recieved bad karma of mono and depression. i wish the best 4 u. u r better then tht. sumone else is just around the corner | |
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Posted: 8/7/2007 12:46:26 AM | Whollly Crip KeeRap!
you STILL dont GET that he WAS cheating On YOU?
-FU(KING 2 people at Same time/neither knows about other-OR...One doesnt know about other=C H E A T I N G
it just doesnT get any CleareR than That darlin
the Only reason i 'harp' on it-is=it is concerning that you May continue to have relations with that fool, if you donT Get It
Be D O N E with him, get on with YOU,YOUr babieS ~Life~
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Posted: 8/9/2007 6:38:00 PM | | He didnt want me to have an abortion, he wanted to me to keep it and i did for my own reasons, but i dont understand how guys can just walk away from seomthing so precious and wonderful | |
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Posted: 8/10/2007 12:36:34 AM | This is harsh, but if you truly are having such a difficult time understanding and cannot simply make a decent judgement call, then perhaps the baby is better off without either of you, and would seriously consider calling an adoption agency, social services, and professional counseling, if I were you, to at least give the child a chance at a good life with a good family that can make good decisions. Please wake up! And grow up quickly as the baby will truly need you! You can do it!
Understand him? He's an insane, immature, brat! Do not count on him for anything except for pain and mental anguish, and certainly not for child support, though you can press the issue if you wish, it would be best to cut all ties with him as soon as possible. He may be the biological father, but he will never be the dad.
Seek legal counsel if you plan on keeping your baby. Do not believe that courts will automatically side with the natural mother. Not that they will get your baby either, but, anything is possible in this day and age.
Best wishes and luck to your child and yourself. | |
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Posted: 8/10/2007 8:48:00 AM | | If you "both didn't know about each other," he was cheating on both of you! | |
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Posted: 8/19/2007 6:10:54 PM | are you still checking this thread ChelseaBaby?
do let us know how you, baby are doing?
DO ~Hope~ ALL is
WELL
i cant speak for anyone other than my SELF-but, i bet that most who have seemed
'harsh'?
well, like me-they probably have been through heartache (really, who hasnT?)
JUST want the BEST for you, your baby
Please dont put up with AnyOne treating you Badly
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Posted: 8/20/2007 1:52:25 AM | ChelseaBaby
We've talked bout this dude before. Just from talking to you from before, I know you'll make the right choices. Your gonna be just fine. Don't get mixed up in the different opinions comin' at ya. Your great, your baby will be great and that's all that matters. Keep your head up lil soldier! | |
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Posted: 8/20/2007 2:24:04 AM | | it's so obvious what you should do....lose him, he's a lying,cheating,****ing douchebag...nothing more... you "love" him yet he treats you like total shit? What you need to think about is your baby,and what kind of early life your child will have before you ultimately just break up anyways...find someone new,after your child is born | |
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Posted: 8/20/2007 2:32:52 AM | Yes, I agree with the consensus. Get away from him and PUT YOUR THE BABY UP FOR ADOPTION. This way it will have a fighting chance to be raised in a STABLE two parent household.
You're only 19. You are not mature enough to get married yet alone raise a baby by yourself.
I feel for you. If you keep it, yes you will love it, and also regret ever having gotten pregnant at your age. If you let it go, you will feel the loss keenly at first. Down the road, as you mature and gain more life experience, you will come to know that your decision was the right one. . You are young enough to start fresh and look back as having done the most LOVING thing.
Good luck whatever you decide. | |
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Posted: 8/27/2007 7:37:39 PM | I would like to thank you all for your posts, agaisnt some of your advice, i will keep my baby. The father has gone away now. I have been happier then ever, i have 4 weeks left of my pregnancy and it has been going great and smoothly, i wish you all the best of luck, because i know i am very lucky. I have bought everything for the baby on my own, without help and i will continue to do so. Some of you may think i am not mature enough or equipped to talk care of a baby, but i will prove you all wrong, my baby means the world to me. The only thing i need now, is support from my family and friends in which i am getting.
I will you keep you all posted. | |
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Posted: 8/27/2007 8:29:27 PM | | Hi, Chelsea and Young One...I hope all is well! I just wanted to run something past you, in case you haven't happened upon this, yet, yourself. There are so many men who are ripe for marriage and a ready-made family in the 30+ age bracket, it isn't even funny! It's weird...it's almost like old bags who were waiting for the perfect situation to have babies (as if!) and their biological clock ticks on...Back when I used to go to church, there was this guy from a real decent family. We observed that he happened upon a babe who was single, with child, and he asked her to marry him. She did, and now there's more of them, too (babies), and they still go to church (the grapevine), and they're still going strong ( the hint here is "church"). They (the "churchgoers", not to be confused with "the hypocrites" who show up every week...you know who they are, don't you?) have this tendency to start out, and stay on with, the best of intentions and efforts. And the result is a real family with a real decent husband and father for you and the kids. Believe me, I hope you're well-to-do and able to more than make it as a single mom with "support" from others; there just are many decent men who would love to be accepted by you to be your partner in this life. (The other key word here is "decent"...i.e., not an immature and non-working and non-supportive person with a stiff dinger...there's no shortage of them!) Also, if you think you're horny now, you ain't seen nothing yet, so it's best to snag a good one for keeps and your "needs", then and now, will be fulfilled. Also, remember that confusion is normal in your delicate condition, but your head will clear up and your emotions and logic will fuse once again soon. Of that, you can be sure! I'm glad you're feeling happy! By God, you should! It's a good thing what's happening, and your baby is very much supposed to be here...with you! I wish you all the best, and very good health, too! Love, Titus | |
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Posted: 8/27/2007 10:38:17 PM | My heart goes out to you and baby.
You have a tough road, and one that may well prove lonely for a while, but I am glad you have kept your baby. Motherhood really is meant to be a younger woman's event, it is only our current society that thinks 30 is right, biology has really different ideas.
I hope you get some professional counselling, work on your self esteem and when you are up in the early hours when others are asleep, read good things for your heart and soul.
What I also hope, is that you get very serious about an education, consider a degree right now, you will be able to provide for you baby so much better; and attract a quality man... Hugs and blessings to you both! | |
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Posted: 8/28/2007 4:22:39 AM | | Honey move on all the feelings you have will pass.You deserve better than that and you have a new life coming into this world,and he will do this to your baby too do you want your baby to go through what you are going through? | |
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Posted: 8/28/2007 6:22:45 AM |
Some of you may think i am not mature enough or equipped to talk care of a baby, but i will prove you all wrong, my baby means the world to me.
No reason in the world that you shouldn't keep your baby, regardless of what anyone thinks about your choice. From your posts it looks like you are pulling it together so to speak and going in a good direction for you and the baby. Support is important in the choice you have made and good that you have that. What a lot of people don't realize is that even adoption extracts a price from the birth mother and in later years the child, especially in a closed adoption. You've made a good choice - one that you won't regret nor will your child.
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Posted: 8/28/2007 8:53:03 AM | Despite the way things happened, and the hard time you had admitting that he was not what you really needed, and the pain that I am sure you went through, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You are doing what needs to be done for the baby and yourself- and preparing for the time when the baby is born. That is a big step- when you could be sitting back and wallowing in the drama of it all. Good for you in carrying on. Blessings to you and the baby- I think you will do fine, despite the young age. It is responsibility and not age that determines a person's spirit- and you sound like you are well on the road to developing a good place for the both of you. Head up, and just remember, your love to the baby is where you need to place your priority right now, as well as taking care of the child's mama- take care of yourself- and always place yourself and the baby as the top priority. | |
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Posted: 8/28/2007 1:08:10 PM | | I believe I have fallen head over heels in love with Jiepie!! Her answer to Chelsa was concise, precise and deadon. A person is only defined by another if they have no sense of their own enormous selfworth. Chelsa please dont define you life by that of a loser and jerk. Knockoff the dust from your feet and depart with you and your baby as fast as you can. Remember that you have enormous value, your potential and that of your child is unlimited, and the world is yet your oyster. Dump that sucker, learn from the past, and beat a hotfoot to the future. You go Girl!!! And Jiepie, marry me please...lol My goodness what a women....kisses and hugs. | |
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Posted: 8/28/2007 1:29:33 PM | | op I am so sorry.move on you do not need to be with a man that cheats and lies. | |
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Posted: 8/28/2007 1:36:04 PM | | Hey Jiepie...please forgive me ...with my dotty eyesight I mistook ya for a girl but I did love your sense, common sense.....to Chelsa...rock on and good luck brother. | |
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Posted: 8/30/2007 10:29:37 AM | | Well i have been doing great, and out of the blue this guy i was talkin about earlier decides to call me and says we need to talk, so i let him meet up with me and we talk, he is still with his gf, wish them the best of luck. But he came saying Oh baby i love you and i miss you, sadly all i could do was laugh for some reason. He was saying whole bunch of negative and horrible things about his gf, she then later starte talkin to me, and she found out everything he said to me. Then i get a call at midnight with him yelling at me, calling me nothing but a lying **** and im going to be a horrible mother, and once again that he will try to take me for full custody, all i did was laugh and hang up. The fact that he would have the awdassidy( i dont know how to spell that word) to sit there and tell me all of this and then denie it right to me, shows to me that he is a liar, irresponsible, well because he was blaming me for all the mistakes in his life, which i believe that if someone has to go through life blaming others for their mistakes they are very irresponsible, our lives are the way they are because we chose them to be that way, we have to live with the decisions we make. I had told him that i dont want him contacting me anymore, and if he does in any way, or my family, i will charge him with harassment, which i found out i can do. Havent heard from him, like usual i will hear from him bout once a month, maybe once every two months, which is fine with me. Baby will be coming earlier then expected, i am already 2 cm dialated but i am not in labour, i am on bed rest for a while now, my doctor wants me to at least hold this out for a week or two, its hard when your used to being active and doing things for yourself, now i have to depend on people, which sucks, lol... Have a nice day everyone | |
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Posted: 8/31/2007 1:19:41 AM | He hasnt cheated on me, he was faithful to me. He was cheating on his girlfriend he has now with me, we both didnt know about eachother.
im either way you look at it he was cheating with you.... Evidently people here want you to leave him... and since youve just changed a statement here around, perhaps maybe you should stay with him....
guess if you cant learn through your brain, perhaps need to learn through pain.
We all can blow smoke up your butt about how bad and this and taht... but either way you look at it, proboly wont listen to us... so go for it, stay with him.
and when it all falls apart then come back... and tell us what happened... cause I guarantee youll be thanking us. but since your too younge to think you should be taking advice from people who have been in your shoes.
Further more, I think if we heard his side and many other guys or women we hear about on these forums, maybe your answers be different... Usually we all hear... hes this.. shes that... bla bla bla... I like to hear the other persons side of this.
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Posted: 8/31/2007 1:13:13 PM | | Hi ... You sound like a really sweet person and I feel for your situation. I just wanted to let you know that there are places where this does not happen - and I mean this in the most sincere way. Where I am from and in the group I hang around with, I don't know someone who knows someone in a similar situation. I know its hard but I would suggest disasociating yourself with your current crowd. I'm not a churchgoer but maybe the girl who posted before is right - you should meet someone in a churchgroup, or at a university. I think that the fact that you show this much concern makes you precious - you are very pretty and caring. So what I'm saying is find someone who has set themselves up for success in their life - with morals, values and an education - so that they are able to focus on you and take care of you. This will now flow down to your child. I get that you are young, about my age and settling down isn't exactly the most fun, but feeling safe and secure far outweighs that feeling - and its your new reality. So embrace it. It can be rewarding if you make it that way and I wish you all the best. | |
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Posted: 8/31/2007 3:39:39 PM | if this how your relationship is now and the baby isnt even there... if you care for your child you will stay as far away from this man as you can... or your child will be a problem child and your life will be a hell... he will torment you and the child...
let the child grow up and his dad mature and youll be better off | |
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Posted: 8/31/2007 10:31:01 PM | Chelsea, I went through the same thing you are going through now almost 22 years ago. My daughter will be 22 in one week. Having her by myself, yes, it was hard, but it was also the most wonderful experience of my life. My friends were there for me more than my family, in the beginning. My mom eventually came around, and Allison was her baby. She was the first grandchild in our family, and I was 28 when I had her. So, it doesn't really matter what age you are, raising a child on your own is difficult, but also very rewarding.
I know a lot of people out there are going to disagree with me on this issue, but, have you thought about what you are going to put on the birth certificate. I knew who her sperm donor is, we dated for about 2 years, ended the relationship before I knew I was pregnant. He's never been in her life, except for 2 evenings, one when she was 5 and another when she was 12, now you know why I call him the sperm donor. Anyway, to get back to the issue of the birth certificate, I had been told that it would have to say unknown for the father, unless I got a written, notarized statement that he was the father. WRONG! I had the area for father left blank. I did this because I did not want him to have any legal rights to my daughter should something happen to me. Had a will made up before I had her, naming my parents as her guardian. I also put in that once all bills were paid, the remaining money, insurance, sale of property, car, etc., would be put into a trust for her with my mom as the executrix.
Being as he had next to no contact with her, why would I want his name on the birth certificate. He as much as told me that was the way it would be, plus when his ex wanted her new husband to adopt the children from the marriage, he didn't go to court, leaving the way free for the adoption. Why would he be any different with my child? You stated that he has anger issues, do you want you child with a man that can fly off the handle at the slightest provocation?
One thing, I never said anything bad about him in front of her, and would not allow anyone else to either. The child is part of both of you. The child will eventually begin to wonder if they are like that if people speak badly about the father in front of him/her. The child will learn on their own what he is like and make the decision not to have him in their life.
I do want to applaud you, you sound as though you have grown up quite a bit from your first post. Your baby is going to be lucky to have you as a mother. One other thing, when he calls you every month or so, it's time to start hanging up on him and not having anything to do with him at all. You will have a much better life without him, and so will your baby.
Good luck to you and your baby. Being as I have been through pretty much the same situation, you can always contact me at my POF address. The main difference is he was an alcoholic, with a mother that took care of all his problems. Except he never bothered to tell his family about her. Where our situations are the same, is raising the child on our own.
I'll pray for you and your baby, that all goes well with the both of you and continues to be the best for you. | |
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Posted: 8/31/2007 10:46:02 PM | Sweet Jesus or as my Newfoundland friends say Lard tundering jesus , what is this a episode of the trailer park boys? good lord.
What is wrong with you kid? granted this guy isn't your boyfriend, you guys are basically f*ck buddies, you got pregnant, he has a or had a girlfriend old enough to be his mother, screwed around on her with you? bad mouths you, and has threatened to take your child away and was never around when you needed him? and you love him, how touching
Are you a head case? do you hear yourself? you're pregnant , your hormones no doubt are out of whack, but emotionally i don't think your ready, and dating should be the last thing on your mind
Relegate this hump to the past tense and worry about your child, this guy isn't a friend, not a true friend, and doesn't want to raise his child with you, If he wanted to be with you HE WOULD BE WITH YOU instead of this other boo boo
There is a old saying never make someone a priority that makes you a option , you're his option not his priority, I would love to feed you hope and rainbows, but chances are you are with trailer trash. | |
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Posted: 8/31/2007 11:59:55 PM | | Don't let emotions rule your head! You will lose out more in the long run, I promise you! | |
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