| |
| |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 12:15:10 PM | Would I be considered shallow if I chose to not date someone because he's a smack fiend? But what if he's attractive and smart and kind and loving and on and on? Is it a character flaw of MINE that I'm unable to look beyond one (important) facet of his life? I doubt it.
Some men prefer blondes, and some prefer brunettes - no one prefers red-heads, let's not kid ourselves - whether or not to date a single mother is absolutely a decision that only you can make.
I think you post excessively in the Single Moms' forum because they ARE your preference. In the real world, mothers probably *prefer* to not subject their children to such a douche; here in the forums, your posts probably inspire a whirlwind of responses from single moms all over the globe.
As the ladies before me have said, move past your need for validation and move on.
 | |
|
| |
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:03:15 PM | first Disneymom: I asked a question why are men stereotyped and looking for an answer.
I would not eliminate a women for friendship or dating based only on the fact that she is a single mother I wold give her an honest chance but at the first sign of being a gold digger I would run.
As I said in my first post it amazes me how single mother's can refuse to date single father's but bash men who are not parents who will not date them..on these forums those men are called shallow but single parents wonder why no one will date them. Seems like a double standard and why is there that standard? | |
|
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:11:28 PM | Dating is like anything in life, you choose what you like; it's all about preference. Dating a single parent can be more difficult for some people and they don't want the added responsibility. Then there's moms like me who are open to dating dads and welcome the opportunity because I love children and I feel dating a man with children is easier because he understands children and will be able to understand my children better than a man who doesn't have kids.
It's all about choices. Make choices that make you happy. | |
|
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:21:40 PM | John,
we know this. you give the same answer in all of your threads as of late. i think you need to quit wondering. when you think too much, you over analyze. youve tried making spin offs of all your single mom threads. the results are the same. as my answer is the same. | |
|
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:22:42 PM | Bella I agree with you..great points and great post. I just find it odd that some people defect the question.
I have a friend who is a single mom..she is a nice person but she has told me that as soon as she finds out a man has a child she will refuse to date him or be friends with him as she is afraid of being held in loco parentis and does not want to deal with the drama of being involved with another woman's child and says most single father's are looking for mother's for their children. Do you see where I am going with this?
If that is a guy he is called shallow ect...but why is he shallow? | |
|
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:55:59 PM | John,
Simply put, it is not shallow to not want to date single moms.
However, I find it hilarious that some men use the reason that a woman will use their children to get money. There are far more women who use their p*ssy to get money than their children (IMO). There are a lot of gold diggers without children. And not only that, but many single mothers know who the father of their child is (I sure do) and are receiving child support from them (I do) and their father spends a lot of time with them (my son's does) and they don't want another man to try to be their child's father (like me). So I am not sure why all single mothers are being painted with such a broad brush? If you are that paranoid, then maybe dating should be off limits? Because women with no children could always become pregnant with YOUR child and then there would be no question of you paying some money, right?
I always thought it had more to do with the fact that a single parent has less time to devote to a relationship. And also that they might not like kids and don't want to spend any time with them. Wow, you learn something new every day! | |
|
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:58:10 PM | John,
Just what in the hell does "being held in loco parentis " mean?
What does it matter WHY he is called shallow? Do you think you're going to change people's perspective on this issue, one way or the other? I think you've found several women who agree that they *wouldn't* consider a man shallow who chooses to not date single mothers. My professional opinion is that you're loco, and you've got singleparentitis.
Disney,
Okayokay, red-heads are all right. I guess it's just the red eyelashes and eyebrows that I'm not particularly fond of.
| |
|
| |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 3:09:42 PM | TJ75 well if you really like a women and you feel in your heart that she is the one for you. U will just give her up because that is not your child.Some of us mothers didnt ask to be in the situation that we are in but I can say that I am happy that I have kids. Some of us women are taking care of our kids because we are out here making our own money to do that. We are not asking for you to give up your money to take care of ours. We were doing it before you came along and damn sure can do it when you leave
If things really work with me and someone and they have a child I do not look at it as taking care of someone that is not mine. | |
|
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 3:20:12 PM | | I don't think it is shallow at all for a man not to want o date a woman if she has children. I am a single woman with two children. One 20 and one 14. I am not looking for a replacement father for my children. I do not want to date any men with minor choildren. I don't want to be a mother replacement for other children, also I don't want any baby mama drama. | |
|
| |
| |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 6:43:54 PM | i think ruling out someone just cause they r a single mom isnt fair. i am one and my ex pays support and i know hes the father of both kids. i would never expect anyone else to support them nor would he! Frankly i think any woman who would expect you to support her kid in the 1st place needs help if its not urs! you could miss out on a really great person by ruling all single moms out. u are dating me 1st of all not my kids. sure you prob should like kids etc but that comes later once u get to know me. things didnt work out with my husband and i so why should someone like me b ruled out soley for havin kids? I guess it is ultimately your choice as it is mine to NOT date guys that think single moms arent equally as great if not nicer than some without kids. There are lots of great guys that love women with kids even when they arent theres...so i guess missin out on dating a closed minded guy like u wont hurt me at all  | |
|
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 6:52:09 PM | johne102 wrote:
I do not believe all single mother's are gold diggers but I just want to be cautious if I do date a single mother as the financial risks are a lot more than dating a woman without children.
Where is the study that shows that single mothers are more of a financial risk than a woman who doesn't have children?
I'd like to see it.
I'm a single mom. I'm also a home owner. I'm also self-employed, with the joy and affordability of working from my own home. I don't feel that this makes me the exception, rather the rule since so many people out there now a days are working from home.
I don't expect any man that I get involved with, to take over the responsibility of financially providing for MY children. My children are just that... mine. They are "mine" to take care of. They are "mine" to discipline. They are "mine" and not the man that I choose to date.
My children will also not ever call someone else daddy. They have a daddy. They understand that he just doesn't live at home anymore and isn't with mama.
Again, why single moms are ALL lumped together in one group, is beyond me. I'm fiercely independent and plan on staying that way. I worked hard to get the things that I have and I refuse to let any man come into my home, set up shop and then ruin all that I've worked hard to get. It's not ever gonna happen. For me, if a man wants to be with me long term, he needs to understand my independence and not attempt to change that. He also shouldn't get jealous because of it. If he's true, he'll respect my independence and he'll respect me as well.
I know of a few women who are now widowed or divorced and they have no clue as to how to do the simplest of tasks regarding independence. Perfect example: Balancing a checkbook. They have totally depended on their spouse for so long to take care of the family finances that they don't know how to survive on their own. I'm so glad that I'm not in that situation. I will always be able to take care of myself and my children. | |
|
TJ75
|
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 8:50:11 PM | Angel 73....no hunny, I"m not talking to you. Sorry for the mix up.....
I was talking to the lady that said in the U.S. and Canada, no guy is paying for a child that he didn't create....and that is CRAP!!! It is happening in several states right now!
Now mse252.....I am sure you are a sweetheart and a very compassionate person. The kind of woman that I could have deep feelings for. However because if we date and I create a bond with your child, there is the chance that I could end up paying child support for your child. I don't want to risk that. Without getting into income levels, I will tell you that according to Washington State Child Support Table, I would have to pay you more than $1200/mo. I don't want to bet that percentage of my income on the chance that you will be the one that I marry(low chance of that) and even if we do the divorce rate is well over 50%......Not a very smart life choice for me....So to answer your question, yes I would let that go. Do you understand why???
It's not the moms I disagree with.....Ladies it's the laws that I oppose!!!! If there was no risk of paying, I wouldn't have such an issue with it. The lifestyle stuff is still an issue, but at least I wouldn't have to pay that much money for that long if we don't work out. | |
|
| |
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 10:24:17 PM | To those who do not know what loco parentis is: In Canada when you stand in place of a parent you must pay support as if you were a parent... thatsimple version. So in this case if a single person with out kids (or even someone with kids) marrys or lives in common law with someone who has kids they can be hald in loco parentis if the relationship does not workout so you are forced to pay suport for a child that is not yours..that is how it is in most of Canada and apparently many parts of the USA.
I just do not see why anyone should be held legally and financially responsible for a child they did not create...that is why I say dating a single parent can be a financial liability. I know there are many great single mother's out there but thre are somer that are just looking for spmeone to support them and in some cases can find more than obe man that she can collect support from. This can also be reveresed and a man can hold a woman in loco parentis for his bio kids if she is step mom.
Like I said before I know many single parents who will not date other single parents because of this but they call single people who will not date single parents shallow...I do not understand the double standard or the logic. | |
|
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 12:29:59 AM | | why don't you go to them and ask them why they are shallow but it's ok for them to date single men? cuz really there isn't an answer here that will answer this since we're all independant and self reliant to not need a man to take care of us much less our children. If you don't agree with the law, then move to the states. Or sign a prenup with the single mom that you don't hold yourself accountable. | |
|
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:56:46 AM | Things I've learned from this thread;
1) John has a mad on for single mothers (surprise), and has gotten a whole bunch of people out of the woodwork.
2) Some of the very same people who are giving a snide remark to John about his ad nauseum postings are the same people who will post 10 different times about what their ex did (or did not do) this week.......repitition is the same whether from the mouth of Capt. "I Want A Single Mom to Love Me" or from Mrs. "My ex hasn't paid me a dime and sells his methadone".......yadda yadda yadda.
3) Apparently this has been changed to a Single Mom's forum without my knowledge. Thanks Genevil :wink: | |
|
| |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:56:07 AM | | Thank you to all of those who have given feedback...I want to have a child of my own, but only after I have met the right lady. I woud be willing to date and marry a single mother if she was the right lady but really I have learned to be cautious as there seems to be a few people who expect something for nothing and/or have double standards....SO I AM CAREFUL!!! | |
|
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 11:10:24 AM | | Frankly if you can't date a single mom you most likely are not the type man I want around me anyway.You obviously are not willing to accept her for her and that means package deal which means if a single lady you date does get pregnant you likely will holler it's not mine and be very irresponcible and if you do you will not be good to the child most likely.They need a Vesectomy and date those too old to be a parent.In my opion u are selfish and hate children.They are shallow and selfish!I found all that and then some qualities like undependable and users and many were abusive.If the man does not have children or want any I do not want him.I do not care that man will be immature and selfoish it never failed before.Beware ladies ask about children and pets and custody .Ask about the what if what would they do.If abortion is mentioned run woman run!Birth control does fail sometimes. | |
|
Home
login 
