| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/18/2007 11:14:31 PM | dncrchick on 9/17/2007 6 09 AM
Subject: Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Message: WOW. uhm. A) yes it does sound shallow because for one.. what if that single mom is the one girl who is going to make your life complete.. what if that child turns into the child you always dreamt of having... what if you turn down a girl because she has a kid.. and you end up miserable for the rest of your life because you had to settle for someone less than perfect for you. SO basically you can take a risk with a girl with a child and uhm.. i think ppl who file for child support from the non-sperm donors are rediculous (i didn't even file for the SD because hes such an a$$) ... end up happy (possibly) OR you can turn her down and save the money, but end up losing happiness.
I know where your coming from.. some girls are pricks... ok LOTS of girls are.. but don't stereotype all single moms as that. IDK about canada.. but in washington.. i've never heard of that law.
just saying.
And yes there is no B)
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You make my ass laugh ABOUT the shit about single mom making your life complete - This is bullshit at its finest degree -- Hell, you start from scratch to start a family not take over someone mess and assume it is going to be perfect. No such thing.. In all the years i live in this planet called Earth, there is no way - no motherf*cking way that you can find perfect mom and kid --- the kid is not even yours - just be grateful that he/she will remember you lest think you as a loser.
You make a decent point about sacrificing happiness to settle for a childless woman but the cost benefit proves that the costs of dating a single mom is higher statistically than finding a childless woman
There are plenty of dating sites (perfect match up) and they might cost $10000 but it might be worth if you look into paying 18 years of child support. $10000 now is less than $80000 that you potentially have to pay in the next 18 years - and you cannot concentrate on your own kid because you have to support someone else kid.
Going to a single mom do not give you much future to create your own offspring -- you have to support two kids now - one yours and one not yours. That is why lions eliminate cubs from another pride or another male. But it is extreme and the analogy is there - if i can afford to get a single girl, that is the best option for me....The costs often ALWAYS exceed the benefits to marry a single mother if you are still young and you have a good career. OTHERWISE, single mom is still a plausible option | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/19/2007 8:20:34 AM | Who cares what any one thinks, It's none of your buisiness what other people think of you. So if you are shallow, who cares? If you are ugly fat or a redhead, who cares. What matters is the people you surround yourself with. By the way redheads are hot.
So if I choose not to date a woman because she has a kid, some people will think that is shallow, I don't care. None of my buisiness. I will not date mothers with children, I did, got married, got divorced, paid support. Even if she did not go after me for support the judge would have ordered child support to be paid. She did, but really ,once you go to court it will get ordered asked for or not. Now I have custody of our child and she refuses and doesn't have to pay support. Thats a double standard. Not someone calling you shallow. So quit worrying about it, take care of your own buisiness.
Ps. women don't like whiners, so you are potentially losing out on some quality women because of your need to seek approval for something that is none of your buisiness.
Just my opinion. Cheers | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/19/2007 11:54:27 AM | | I can't even begin to understand why a man, or a woman would turn away someone that they were interested in because they have a child. I have a 9 year old son, and I can honestly say that no one has ever "not dated" me because of my son. As a matter of fact, the last guy I dated told me to bring my son along with us to have lunch....because he wanted to meet him. My son, my date, and myself had a great time. I won't call a man or a woman "shallow" for not wanting to date a male/female with a child, but I must say, they may be missing out on a great person. Stop being so pig headed and take a chance....if you don't like it, or don't have fun, no one said you ever had to go on a second date! | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:50:31 PM | Can i get back to proving my point... RIGHT THERE. is why guys who dont date single women are shallow.
And i FULLY disagree with everything you just said.. but then again. I'm not shallow. And sorry if your that much of a greedy kid to think money is worth more than a fullfilling relationship.. then WOW good luck. I hope your gold-digger life style is working for you. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/21/2007 12:08:51 AM | First off, youre insane if you think I'm going to read all of these posts. So, with that said, I'm just going to respond to the original question.
It's not shallow if single men do not want to date single mothers. It's called having a preference. As a single mother myself, I understand completely why a single man would NOT want to take on a ready-made family. Relationships are difficult enough without factoring in children that are not your own, which brings me to my own preferences. As a single mother, I'm not usually inclined to date single fathers. Ha!
I'm just being honest here. I recently read a profile of a man who is single with FOUR children. I saw that and thought, "Oh Hell no!". | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/21/2007 10:46:18 AM | Oh I dont think its shallow. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a man that has no interest in children. I think it speaks volumes of his character and his lack of ability to be in a mature, mutually responsible loving relationship.
I love men that run when they find out i have kids. It saves me a world of pain down the road when it is discovered that he's unable to care for guppies in a fish tank much less kids. ROFL.  | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/21/2007 11:46:16 AM | | Johne, supposed you do meet the woman of your dreams but she can not have children. Do you know for certain that you yourself can have children? What happens then? Don't say you will adopt because you've already said you would not pay to support another man's child. This would include raising another's child. As you have already stated several times over, this is not an option for you. Does this mean you would never have children? What if your partner wanted to adopt? What then? Would you lower your standards for her then? Would you compromise yourself? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/21/2007 1:37:46 PM | i am a single mom and i would never call a man shallow for not wanting to date a woman with a kid... i dont have a lot of time to have a good time... i cant spend a weekend in some cute cabin or go for a seven day drive in the moutains... some times it will be weeks before i can even get one night to myself what single man wants to deal with that.... my son is the most important thing in my life what man wants to compete with that... its a completely different lifestyle being a parent and alot of men are to much of a free spirit to handle that... i would rather a man be upfront and say i dont like kids or i dont wanna date you cause your kid... than to date me for months and months avoiding meeting my child and just leading me on which has happened to me.
on the other hand women who say that are probably insecure in their own parenthood and maybe see their child as a burden themselves so to hear their own thoughts from anothers mouth upsets them. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/21/2007 2:28:58 PM | i wouldnt think of it as bieng shallow, I call it ignorance if the woman doesnt take the time to tell a guy it is her not her kids that he can meet, I am a single mom and I didnt introduce my children to the guys I dated. THey know their father and and the man of a serious relationship I happened to be in til recently.
Rachel: angel: | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/21/2007 3:20:32 PM | | I am a single mother and i agree i have let very few men meet my child. If it seems to be workin between us then he might get lucky to meet her in passing. I even will meet the guy somewhere that way my daughter doesnt see me being picked up by a guy. So why is it a big deal that we are single mothers at least we tell you in the first place. Unlike guys who dont tell us that they are incurable ***holes lol jk | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 9/21/2007 9:18:40 PM | Canoegirl: To answer your questions I consider a couple adopting a child together differant then walking into a ready made family. If the woman of my dreams does not want or can not have kids I can accept that. God intended marriage before children anyway, see first I want to get married and then have children. I know many single parents were married when they had kids but many are not married at all today.
I have not been tested to find out if I can or can not have kids. I would like to have children after I meet my Ms Right. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 11/4/2007 11:28:00 PM | its all preferences if u don't want to date a person w/kids its the same as not wanting to date someone who smokes, drinks, doesn't work consistently, is not career minded, no affectionate or sexual or conversational.
u have the right to date who ever u want, if they fit they do; if not then don't date them, better to be straight w/them and not waste ur or their time | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 521 | |
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 11/5/2007 5:46:55 AM | woweeeeeeeeeeeeee what a thread!!!!!
i see lots of people saying its SHALLOW to not want to date single parents.
that is absurd.
Being SHALLOW means youre concerned with meaningless, trivial things (hot body, cool car etc)
KIDS are NOT meaningless and trivial. and the time, care and attention they need is not meaningless and trivial. Kids and their needs are of utmost IMPORTANCE...and the Parent needs to tend to all that. I don't want to date single dads (the vast majority of them) because I respect the kids, their time and needs.
I've come to taht conclusion because I am a deep thinker, with deep consideration and compassion for all people invovled. Im not some selfish and SHALLOW person playing the dating game with no consideration for who/what kids I may step on and drag thru the dating game drama. THOSE are the shallow people. oh and of course the sperm/egg donors who dont even raise their own kids those people are shallow. you can call me a crazy goofball (for lots of reasons heheheh!!! :-)) but if you call me SHALLOW you're talkin out yer ass and dont have a clue what you're yakkin about.
BTW::::::: ref the title of this thread......."why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's" WHAT???? a single mother's WAHT??? finish the sentence. ...not wanting to date a single mother's uncle? a single mother's boss? a single mother's babysitter? WHAT are you asking here???????? | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 11/5/2007 7:39:53 AM | I am basically asking for feedback as I have a few friend's single mom's and they have all sorts of criteria for men to meet so they will date them..but if the guy has criteria and she does not meet it the assume it is because they are a single mom. If you read these forums single mom's ask why no one will date them, when men respond with reasons they get bashed and callled shallow.
I have gone on dates with woman who were single and had kids..they brought the kids on the first date...not cool. Or they expect you to bond with the kids right away. That requires time. When you have bad experiences dating single mom's you tend to rule them out in the future..plus here in Canada we have a legal system that has the courts force ex step parents to pay child support for ex step children. That can be a factor as well. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 11/5/2007 10:25:00 AM | I am basically asking for feedback as I have a few friend's single mom's and they have all sorts of criteria for men to meet so they will date them..but if the guy has criteria and she does not meet it the assume it is because they are a single mom. If you read these forums single mom's ask why no one will date them, when men respond with reasons they get bashed and callled shallow.
I have gone on dates with woman who were single and had kids..they brought the kids on the first date...not cool. Or they expect you to bond with the kids right away. That requires time. When you have bad experiences dating single mom's you tend to rule them out in the future..plus here in Canada we have a legal system that has the courts force ex step parents to pay child support for ex step children. That can be a factor as well.
great post
i have alot of friends who seem to think their criteria is reasonable and acceptable; but someone else's is shallow or whatnot, this also pertains to my single mom friends who want guys who look this way, make this much, an do these things. An alot of these guys aren't liking them cus of their finance situation or maybe their belief system or maybe their habits. They always put it off on their kids and what i tell them is a)its prob not just cus of ur kids but the situation as a whole; an secondly even if its cus your kids, you had them regardless of the situation or circumstances. An their are consequences to everything good or bad; an one of the things u must face is a certain segment not wanting to deal w/u, same as guys who don't believe in good or not traditional males have to deal w/not being accepted by a segment of women.
people have a choice and people who choose not to date u aren't shallow, they just don't think u fit w/them and their lives..nothing wrong w/that | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:50:50 AM | I go bavck to a point Parkerkimm made...if a sinfgle mom says her children makes her life complete..why is she looking for a man? Why do many on these forums call others shallow when they do not fit into what that person is looking for?
If someone has a choice and chooess not to date single mom's why get bashed for it? If you want honesty then expect honesty..if you want political correctness talk to a politician about the issue. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:58:09 AM | | ladies ...john is telling you how it is ..,,like it or not you must agree in some way ..and it does piss you all off.it pisses us all off even more ..in most circumstances its a ridiculous law .. if you don't like the set up regarding forcing parents to support children that aren't there children ??then just ,,email your MP and say so ..,,take one second and do it .. | |
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